Blaine feels like a caged animal.

He paces back and forth in front of his bedroom window; the sound of rain pelting against the glass only serving to further his agitation. He’s starting to learn how to cope with Kurt being so far away. It’s still difficult, but they’ve worked out a schedule now and with each passing day they get closer to summer.

But that’s not the problem right now.

That’s not the problem because Kurt is currently in Ohio, 20 minutes from Blaine’s house, and Blaine can’t be with him.

On a normal year, Blaine loves Thanksgiving. An entire day dedicated to being thankful, to remember all the good things in life, he thinks it’s great. It’s also one of the only times that his family eats dinner together and Blaine usually loves that.

Usually.

Today, he’s less than thrilled about it.

Today, there’s nothing he wants to do less than be trapped inside, stuck away from Kurt. His family is insisting that he stay here for dinner and their customary after dessert games night. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind, in the logical part of his brain, he understands why his parents won’t let him spend Thanksgiving with Kurt. It’s always been a family day for them and that shouldn’t change now, but Blaine’s been choosing to ignore the logical part of his brain.

He’s angry and upset.

All he wants is to see his boyfriend, who he hasn’t even been in the same state as him for over two months. Why is that such a tall order?

It hurts to be away from you when I’m in New York, but it hurts to be away from you even more when I know you’re only 20 minutes away.

Blaine smiles when he sees Kurt’s text, glad to know Kurt feels the same way so he isn’t being completely ridiculous. They might not be able to see each other until Saturday (Kurt had already promised the entirety of Black Friday to Mercedes) but they could still text. They would still be able to crawl into bed at night and whisper to each other through the phone as they hide under their covers together. It’s by no means ideal, but it will get them through the next two days.

I know exactly how you feel.

November 24th, 2012
158 days to go

It feels like coming home when Kurt’s arms are finally wrapped around him. In a sense, Blaine thinks, he is coming home. He’d realized last year that his home isn’t a physical place anymore, his home is a person.

His home is Kurt.

“Shhh,” he hears Kurt murmur gently as Blaine presses his face into Kurt’s neck, “It’s alright.” Blaine is vaguely aware that his body is shaking, that Kurt is probably able to feel the hot tears soaking into his skin. He can’t control it though, he’s not even sure what emotion’s he’s feeling right now, but they’re just too overwhelming. The feel of Kurt’s body molded against his, the faint scent of Kurt’s cologne mingled with the ever-present scent of his shampoo, and the feeling of Kurt’s slender fingers running through his hair, it’s all too much for him to handle.

“I missed you,” his lips move against Kurt’s cool skin. He wants to bite back the words as soon as they roll off his tongue. They’re not enough. They don’t convey the sleepless nights where the empty feeling in his chest and the heavy weight in his stomach were too much to handle. The hours spent daydreaming in class about seeing Kurt again. Or the tears shed when he feels so utterly alone and just wants Kurt’s arms wrapped around him.

Just like they are right now. Suddenly Blaine doesn’t feel so alone anymore.

How are you supposed to explain all that to someone?

“God, if only you knew, Blaine.” Kurt’s voice sounds thick and unnatural, like he’s holding back tears.

“Knew what?” Blaine pulls back slightly, enough to be able to see Kurt’s face but still have their bodies pressed as closely together as possible right now. It’s his first time looking at Kurt in person since the beginning on September – he’d pulled Kurt into an embrace the second he had stepped out of the car earlier, not bothering with examinations – he looks older, hardened somehow.

“How much I missed you. I can’t-” Kurt’s words are cut off. He presses his forehead against Blaine’s squeezing his eyes shut. “There aren’t words for it.” He finally gets out.

Blaine raises a hand and skims his finger gently over the bags under Kurt’s eyes. “You’re tired,” he cocks his head to the side slightly, “why are you so tired?”

“I feel like I haven’t slept in a week.” Kurt admits, shivering slightly as a cool wind picks up. Blaine runs his hands up and down Kurt’s arms in a futile attempt to warm him. The wind doesn’t fade. It catches the few golden leaves left on Blaine’s front lawn and carries them across the road.

“Come on.” Blaine slips his hand into Kurt’s and tugs slightly, leading them both towards the house.

“We have brunch reservations.” Kurt stops walking and tries to pull Blaine back to the car.

“Well I for one would much rather cuddle with you under a blanket in front of the fireplace with tea. And maybe have a nap. That sounds much better than brunch to me.”

The smile that graces Kurt’s face is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

Later, when they’re sitting on the rug by the fireplace in Blaine’s living room, a blanket over their laps and Blaine’s arms around Kurt, Blaine asks Kurt why he hadn’t been sleeping.

“When I was in New York, it was stress from midterms and papers. Here, it’s because I’ve been so impossibly close to you, but I couldn’t see you until today.”

Once again, Blaine is terrified of how much they need each other. The prospect of spending over 150 days apart when they’ve struggled so much with this first stretch is so daunting that it leaves Blaine feeling like a scared child, cowering under the bedcovers from a monster in the closet.

“Christmas will be here soon. We’ll be able to spend so much more time together then.”

They trade secret whispers of all the things they’ll do together over Christmas until their eyelids grow heavy and the warmth of the fire lulls them to sleep.

When he walks back inside from saying another painful goodbye to Kurt the next morning, Blaine finds a note propped up against the clock on the mantle place.

I love you
I love you when we go out to fancy restaurants. I love you when we stay at home and fall asleep in front of the fire. I love you when we do something beyond or anywhere in between.
Never forget that.