May 19, 2013, 10:02 a.m.
Crash: Four Walls
E - Words: 6,009 - Last Updated: May 19, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 11/? - Created: Feb 07, 2013 - Updated: May 19, 2013 93 0 0 0 0
If you had asked Blaine, how he'd describe being with Kurt, he would have said that it wasright. Being in a relationship with Kurt came natural to him. It was easy, like he was just floating on a high of adoration and love and finally not having to hold back anything he wanted to give.
They didn't say it but it was obvious to everyone around them that they tried to make up for wasted time, now finally sharing everything that had been off limits. After Kurt's emotional confession, Blaine had told Kurt about his family. Everything from his unappreciating father to his semi famous and annoying brother to the attack he had suffered in high school, his transfer to Dalton, where he had met his first boyfriend, to his parents' refusal to support him emotionally or financially to pursue his dreams of becoming a singer, actor and composer.
Kurt had blurted out that he was sorry to ever have doubted that Blaine's life might have sucked, too which had been followed by wide eyes and a hand clutched over his mouth but Blaine had just laughed and cuddled closer to Kurt, enjoying that he was able to do that know and let himself feel perfect and good and loved by it.
It wasn't all they shared though. As time went on, their habit of only meeting up for partying, fucking and breakfast already transitioned to movie dates, coffee dates, walks in the park and, more and more often, staying in for movie nights, they also shared many of the nice things that had shaped their life and who they were.
Kurt told Blaine about his family, his father Burt, his step-mother Carole and his step-brother Finn who was studying to become a music and sports teacher in New York. He told Blaine stories about glee club and all his friends and where they had gone. Many of them had found their way to New York as well or where gladly living nearby. With others he had lost contact. Blaine grinned from ear to ear as Kurt thought out loud about calling some of them. He wasn't sure but he felt like Kurt was considering this now because of him. Because ofthem.
What really made Blaine squeal though was seeing the blog Kurt had run his junior and senior year. He had taken pictures of his outfits, the drafts he had sketched and clothes he had made – male, female and unisex clothes alike.
"It's beautiful!" Blaine had gushed while Kurt had talked him through some of his designs. "But wait... you haven't updated in like four years." Blaine had seen how Kurt's eyes had become guarded again for a moment. Then he had just shrugged and smiled.
"Yeah. It got me my job at but after Isabelle left I just didn't feel like working on it anymore."
Blaine had nodded understandingly. Kurt's boss and his misery with his work environment had been a steady thorn in their newfound happiness. Blaine knew Kurt deserved better. He needed better because he was better than this but he wouldn't push.
Blaine had pressed a kiss to Kurt's temple before focusing on the PC screen again.
"It's a shame but I understand. You are so talented and beautiful! I think I could stare at this for ours... I might incorporate it in lonely evenings when you don't have time for me."
"Blaine!" Kurt had squeaked, a faint blush rising in his cheeks and Blaine had just giggled, tugging Kurt's head beneath his chin.
Blaine really had gone back many times to check on Kurt's blog, though mostly just to admire the talent of the man he was allowed to call his boyfriend, but three weeks after their conversation there had been a new photo added to the port folio.
It had been a new one of Kurt in slightly heeled Doc Martens, a dark kilt with silver chains, a white, slim fitting dress shirt, a silk scarf tugged around his neck and a waistcoat that just accentuated his slim waist and broad shoulders. He was looking directly into the camera, his hair coifed to perfection and shining in the light. His eyes were sparkling.
It had taken Blaine a moment to regain his senses and get his blood flowing again. He had clicked the photo and the attached post to get a better view. As he had read the screen cap and comment his throat had tightened. It had read:
This is for a new, very special man in my life.
I know I haven't been around in forever and kudos to those few people who still stick around and send me messages asking for my well being. I can tell you that I am perfectly fine. I just didn't have it in me to continue this blog in a very long time.
My life has changed recently. There is a new person in my life that made me enjoy things I had loathed and ignored for years now.
For some weeks now I have been bursting with joy and creativity. If you are still here somewhere, you can expect many new designs and photos from me and who knows? Maybe I'll even have a handsome new model to present them on.
If you ever read this B. thank you. You are my sunshine.
Blaine hadn't noticed the tear running down his cheek until it had dropped on his keyboard.
This boost in joy, creativity and everything else that is simply improved and increased by happiness didn't go one way though. Blaine was sure that he had never been so engaged in his roles, never so vivid when dancing or boasting with confidence when singing.
The music he wrote also changed, an occurrence especially David and Wes were grateful for.
Had his songs and lyrics mostly been depressing and melancholy for months, now they were bright and hopeful, telling tales of love and forever.
Another thing was that his dream of playing this first song and many more to the mysterious stranger, did become true and not only that but it ended in Kurt crying in his arms and telling him how amazing, how talented, how special he was and how much he meant to Kurt.
They had made love right next to the piano, on the living-room rug and it had been the sweetest thing Blaine had ever experienced.
He should have known that it couldn't last forever.
Blaine was sitting on his bed, guitar in hand. He thoughtfully thrummed some accords, then jumped up to write something down on a paper on his desk, before he fell down again and grabbed a music theory book that was lying on the ground.
Ten Days. It was all that was in his head at the moment. He had ten days left, until he would have to present his senior project and by that determine if the last three years of his life had been worth anything. Ten days to finish writing music and lyrics, to practice the songs and figure out how best to present them. Ten days and he was the only one he could rely on.
By now he regretted deciding to work on his own rather than taking an offer from some of the other students to play lead in their musical. At the time it had felt like the right thing to do. Doing a play would have taken away so much time he could spend with Kurt instead. A solo project on the other hand gave him the possibility to handle his own schedule.
It also meant that he was working alone. All by himself. Days on end. Locked in his room or occupying the living-room, musing over lyrics and rearranging notes. He couldn't remember the last time he had gone out. Just to get coffee or orange juice from the grocery store. He didn't have time. He didn't have the energy...
Well, that he didn't have energy wasn't quite right. He didn't rest; he didn't sleep a lot, instead pondering over this work for hours, without taking a break for food or fresh air.
Blaine's gaze wandered to the clock. It was 5am. He hadn't notice that the sun was already rising, a faint shine through the closed curtains. He had lost any feeling of time. Working – sleeping. Working – sleeping. And repeat but he couldn't slow down, not even if he hadn't had to finish his work.
He changed the melody he was playing and began to sing quietly along, searching for the right mood the song should have, jumping up again and writing it down before the song left him.
It wasn't even that he hadn't got enough material for his project, on the contrary his brain was bursting with creativity preventing him from slowing down for just one second, in fear to miss just one good idea. It was more like nothing felt good enough.
It wasn't the first time he had been in this state. It had happened happened to him before important auditions, finals or just randomly. It was like being on high, only without the fog that stopped one from creating. His brain was working on high maintenance, his focus zooming in on himself and his work leaving everything that didn't belong to his creative process outside of these four walls.
A knock on the door interrupted his playing, an unusual silence filling the room, without the sounds of the guitar.
After a moment the door was opened and David poked his head in.
"Hey, man." David said. His voice was calm but his smile was tense. "I heard you playing and thought you had to be awake." Blaine just nodded absentmindedly, taking the song back up where he had been interrupted.
With a sigh David opened the door fully and stepped into the room.
"Whoa, Blaine. Did you kill something in here?" With two quick steps David had crossed the room and opened a window, taking a deep relieved breath as the fresh breeze cleared the room from the stale air.
"So, how are you doing with your senior project?"
"I'm fine. I have enough songs. But I know I can do better." Blaine's voice sounded far away and he didn't look up to answer.
"Good, good. That's good." David sat down on the bed, after pushing some books out of the way. "Blaine." He clasped his hands together and as his friend still didn't look up, snapped his fingers in front of his face.
"Do I have your attention now? Good. Blaine, I worry about you. You don't eat and sleep properly and yes I know this is important but you can't go on like this for another ten days."
"Thanks for your concern, David but I need to do this. I can't just stop now. I have spent three years on this degree. I won't slow down now. I have to be good."
Blaine's eyes were big, shadows prominent under his eyes. He gave his friend a small smile before going back to playing his guitar.
"I know, Blaine. But look at you – you're a mess! I don't think I've seen your hair that lose since someone threw you into a pool in high school and I am pretty sure you haven't changed your clothes in three days! You live off of coffee and the things Wes and I leave in the kitchen for you. Did you even call Kurt in all this time?"
"I talked to him couple days ago. I think he called... I'm think I called him back..."
David gaped at him. His friend had been obsessed with his first real relationship since high-school and Sebastian. He couldn't believe he would let it drift that easily and still he didn't seem to get through to his friend.
"Maybe you should check that..." Blaine nodded but didn't move to do so. As Blaine started to tune his guitar anew, David got up and went to the door, resigned.
"At least have breakfast with us and then sleep. You have been up for over 20 hours now."
"It's too early for breakfast." Blaine replied, trying out some accords to check the tuning.
"What are you talking about, dude? It's nine." At that Blaine looked up, surprise in his face.
"Is it? Time flies. I didn't notice. I better get back to work then. I want to finish this before I go to bed."
David sighed again. "Alright. I'll get you some breakfast. And leave the window open or you'll suffocate in here. Isolate yourself – fine but please let at least air in."
Blaine didn't answer as David left, just mumbled athank youas Wes brought him two bagels with cream cheese and fresh water ten minutes later.
When Blaine woke up he felt clearer and also really miserable.
He groaned and turned in bed, hugging his pillow close.
His friends were right. After one of those creative highs the downfall was hard. He had to relax. He had to go out, just take a break and breathe.
The problem was that knowing that he had to take a break wouldn't get him to take one. After sleeping all day, he was down to nine days to get everything done and now that he was out of his own little world he felt like seriously freaking out.
Slowly, Blaine rolled himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes. He still felt tired but a look at his mobile told him that it was already way past 5pm. He didn't have time to rest more.
He looked at his phone again as he got up to go through his lyrics and music again. He had four voicemails and even more missed calls. Blaine fell down on his chair and called his mailbox, putting it on speaker phone while he collected his papers.
"Friday, 8:03pm"the woman from his mailbox called out.
"Blaine! Where the fuck are you? We got tickets for this damn show months ago! If you don't call me back within five minutes I'll sell your ticket and go in with Nick alone! Call me when you're out of your hole again. Asshole."
Blaine felt a little guilty. This message was over a week old! He remembered buying tickets for it. He should have at least cancelled with Jeff. Well, it was too late now. He'd still of course call his friend. As soon as he was done with school. He deleted the message and the next one began playing.
"Saturday, 10:54am"
"Hey, Blaine. It's Kurt. Again, thanks for your text. You said you were busy and would call me... well, it's been two days now and I am getting a little anxious over here. So... call me. I'll be home all weekend so call me whenever you find the time. Lo... Lots to do! See you. Call me..... Bye."
Blaine had sat up straighter while listening to that message. It too was already a week old. He had texted Kurt but it had been over a week now? He was a terrible boyfriend! Kurt might have sat at home all weekend, waiting for a call that would never come.
He was about to call his boyfriend when he thought better of it, saving the voice mail and listening to the next.
"Monday, 5:20pm"
"Blaine. I sat at home all weekend waiting for your call. I ran into your roommate earlier. He said you were busy with school and that you'd call me. Yeah. Well, that's okay. But why don't you tell me that yourself? I mean, I know I'm not the best at this relationship stuff but as far as I know, that would be the appropriate thing to do. I'm ranting. Forget it. See you around and call me when you can."
This message sounded angrier but there was also hurt just below the surface and it made Blaine's heart ache with guilt. He swallowed hard as he saved the voice mail and waited for the next to play.
"Thursday, 9:15am"
"So. It's been exactly seven days now since you contacted me in any way possible. You are busy. Fine. But sorry if I don't believe that you couldn't at least take your phone in hand and assure me that you are still alive."Blaine heard a deep sigh coming from Kurt, his voice defeated when he spoke again. "You know if you don't want to see me that's fine but just tell me, okay?"
Blaine felt like they had put ice into this stomach. He felt cold all over and shivering. Kurt sounded so sad and he was the cause for that. That wasn't what he had wanted. He had chosen this whole idea to be able to spend time with Kurt and doing that he had fallen so much behind in his schedule that he had needed this time on his own.
Blaine shook his head to clear his thoughts and keep the panic away. He couldn't blame any of this on anyone but himself. Kurt hadn't asked him to spend so much time with him in the beginning and Kurt hadn't told him to choose this project so they could. It had been Blaine's choice and now he had to deal with the consequences of that.
How could he make this right?
Blaine looked at all his papers. The half finished songs and scratched out notes, the calendar on his desk showing how little time he had to finish the wholeconcert. He could already hear his brother patronizing him. "It's okay Squirt. We always knew I was the creative in the family. Broadway is dead anyway."His mother smiling at him with pity. "It was a long shot dear. Even with a degree there would have been no certainty for a big break or whatever you people call it."And his father, looking like he hadn't expected differently. "Well, son, I won't say that I hadn't told you so. Maybe you'll come to your senses now and do something worth your time and my money."
Blaine closed his eyes and tried to ban those thoughts from his mind. That couldn't be his priority right now. Kurt was the most important thing in his life and nothing, not even music had ever made him as happy as Kurt has. He couldn't just leave but he had to assure Kurt that what was happening was beyond both their control and plead with him to just wait for Blaine for another week.
David and Kurt were right. No matter how busy or distracted he was, he had to think of the people important in his life and making a call wasn't too much to ask.
He took the phone from where it was still lying on his desk and speed dialed Kurt's number. He bit his lip while waiting, counting the rings in his ear.
"Hello?" Kurt appeared at the other end after several rings.
"Kurt? Hi, it's me. Blaine." Blaine drew his bitten lip into his mouth. He didn't know what to tell Kurt.
"Oh, Blaine. Yeah, that does ring a bell. You're the guy who claims to be my boyfriend, right? Though I don't actually know how justified that is after ignoring me for over a week." Kurt's voice was sharp and angry but Blaine could hear the hurt in his voice.
"Kurt, I'm sorry. I am so very, very sorry. You have no idea. There is no excuse. I am just really, really busy at the moment and my senior project is due in a little over a week. I was just so buried in work that I didn't think straight. Forgive me? Please? I'll make it up to you. I will I swear. I will explain everything when I've handed my project in."
He bit his tongue, stopping himself from rambling further. It took a moment until Kurt answered.
"So basically what you're saying is that you were too busy to send me a text or call because of school and then turned to ignoring my calls and voice mails and now you're sorry and ask me to wait for another week until you tell me what the fuck is going on and make up for it?"
Blaine swallowed.
"Ten days but yes." He whispered. This didn't sound good. Kurt's voice was cold as eyes. Blaine could practically see Kurt right now, arm defensively over his chest, head slightly tilted, jar clenched and foot tapping. It was beautiful and intimidating.
"Come again." Kurt demanded.
"I said ten days. Nine until I have to hand it in and perform and that will most likely take all day so the day after that we can meet. So, if you do the math it's ten days."
"Don't get clever with me now, Blaine. I spent the last week being worried about you. And then feelings stupid for being worried and then angry at myself for being stupid. I will not do that for another ten days. I am coming over right now and we'll talk and we'll say what we have to say. I'm there in half an hour."
"But Kurt!" Blaine exclaimed, his voice getting slightly desperate. The only thing that answered him was the peeping of a dead line. Kurt had already hung up.
Blaine looked around and started to panic. David had said so but until now he hadn't realized how truly a mess his room and he himself were.
Every surface was covered with papers and books, dirty dishes and glasses were standing everywhere and his bed sheets hadn't been changed in a week.
He passed his mirror while trying to pick up as many dirty clothes as possible and his eyes went wide as he caught a glimpse of himself. His curls were standing in all directions only kept slightly into place because he couldn't remember showering the past three days. The shadows under his eyes were deep and his scruff was slowly but steadily turning into a beard.
He cursed loudly as he stumbled out of his room and into the bathroom, discarding the dirty clothes and quickly brushing his teeth. He was nearly out of the door when he thought better of it, undressing and putting everything he had on down to his boxers into the hamper.
Back in his room he tried to get as much dirty dishes in one go, nearly slipping barefooted as he tried to maneuver himself and his dishes into the kitchen. He had just dropped the dirty glasses and plates into the sink as he heard a low whistles behind his back.
"You're up. And nearly naked." Said David, after mustering the nearly naked form of his friend.
"Also, I think that broke." Wes added, just as wide eyed, responding to the dangerously loud sound the dishes had made when colliding with the solid sink.
The friends were seated on the living room couch both studying the papers, though they had stopped doing that in favor of staring at their best friend.
"Kurt's coming over." Was all Blaine managed to get out before hurrying back to his room, his friends on his heels.
"Kurt's coming over?" David inquired as soon as they were standing in Blaine's door.
"Yes, I called him and apologized for not calling and he was angry and said he'd come over." Blaine called over his shoulder, while trying to tidy up his papers without destroying his chaotic but working order.
"So, that's all it took? A call from your boyfriend and you're out of your haze and in a cleaning fit?" Wes asked, disbelievingly. Blaine hummed distractedly.
"Oh, man. If we'd known that we'd called that guy a week ago." David sighed, already turning to go.
"Yeah, well who knows. He sounded really angry. What if he'll break up with me over my own stupid stupidity."
"That was pleonastic." Wes declared and as Blaine just glared at him he added. "I'm sure you'll be fine."
"Why would I? You've been here. I was a terrible boyfriend and I'll continue to be one for at least another week because I have to fucking pass this fucking project so excuse me while I freak out here."
"He's really important to you, isn't he?" David asked, his tone softer than before.
"Of course he is. I'm in love with him, David and I let him slip away because I fell down in one of those weird creative holes. If I lose him because of that I will never forgive myself." Blaine's eyes were huge and desperate and not for the first time he reminded his best friends of a kicked puppy.
They shared a look before, focusing on their friend again that had turned to collect books and put them back on their shelves.
"You know we're not a big fan of your ... party doll but if he gets you out of bed, something we tried numerous times over the past few years... he's worth our blessing." Wes said.
"Don't call him that." Blaine mumbled, trying to get a sock on one handed.
"Blaine, will you slow down and look at us for a moment?" Blaine stopped and looked up.
"What we are saying is: We were unfair and prejudicial and we didn't give him a chance. We were worried about you before you went steady and it seems like we haven't..." Wes turned to David for help.
"Caught on to the new circumstances. But if he means so much to you we will be good friends to you."
"Meaning?" Blaine asked blankly, his eyes twitching to the clock. 18 minutes left.
"Meaning: Get the fuck into the shower! You stink, bro! We'll take care of your room!" Wes yelled and shooed Blaine out of his room as soon as the smaller man had stood up.
Blaine grinned relieved when he turned on the shower. He could hear his friends tidying up his room and doing the dishes. He had never been that thankful to have them.
"How do I look?" Blaine asked his friends 15 minutes later as he left the bathroom, still barefooted.
"Better?" Wes asked and David nodded. Blaine was freshly showered, his curls still standing in every direction but somewhat kept into place by the dampness the shower had left behind. He was wearing an undershirt and sweat-pants, his face freshly shaven.
The treatment hadn't been able to do anything against the sacks under his eyes though, or the hunted look in them.
"You look less homeless?" David suggested, over the rim of his newspaper.
"Maybe that's a bad thing?" Wes asked and as David just stared at him he continued: "Like, if he'd looked as bad as fifteen minutes ago Kurt might have pitied him... now he looks nearly too good to sell his story."
"Oh my god! He's going to break up with me." Blaine squeaked and David gave Wes a disapproving look.
"Calm down, Blaine! You still have us to testify how truly miserable and weird you were the past days now get your shit together. You're making me really nervous and the whole situation is already messed up enough. Really, I never understood why you even get this way."
Blaine leaned against the counter and looked at the clock. He anticipated the door ringing any minute.
"I don't know... maybe it's the pressure that sort of let's my focus on reality slip? Maybe it's just that I need to be as good as possible, so I stop concerning myself with anything that could get in the way of that... I really don't know. It works out so it's pretty much all I care." Blaine shrugged only to tense as the doorbell rang.
"Yeah, works perfectly. Obviously, or we wouldn't have to look out for you not starving or rescuing your relationship. Works out indeed." David snickered over Wes murmuring but Blaine was way too focused to stare at the now open door waiting for Kurt.
He was nervous. Talking to Kurt had pulled him out of his creative haze, like a man being saved from drowning, finally leaving the numbing water and breathing. But he was scared. He knew how much he felt for Kurt – even more than he had thought because no one had ever managed to get him out of this state of being if he hadn't wanted to – but he also knew if Kurt chose this to leave him, and he had every reason to, Blaine would fall into a hole of a whole different kind.
He swallowed hard as Kurt got into view. He looked stunning and as soon as Kurt stood before him Blaine didn't know how he could have gone more than a day without seeing him. He ached to hug the taller man, to pull him close and burry his nose in his neck and just breathe.
The look in Kurt's eyes stopped him though. As he had imagined earlier they were cold and hart, steel turning into the color of the troubled sea as they caught Blaine's eyes.
"Hello Wes, David." Kurt greeted the other two men in the room, as soon as he had passed Blaine, sparing him nothing more than a nod. "You're room?" Kurt asked, already walking towards it and Blaine hurried to close the door and follow.
As Blaine entered behind Kurt, Kurt was standing in the middle and looking around, confused.
"It looks different...?" Kurt asked, the ice has faded a little from his voice and Blaine felt a glimpse of hope.
"You should have seen it when I called. I... I tend to get really invested when I have to work on something important and then I sort of don't do anything except that..." Blaine mumbled, awkwardly stepping from one bare foot to the other.
"Not do anything like calling your boyfriend...?" Kurt asked, one perfectly shaped eyebrow risen and Blaine nodded.
Kurt turned away, expecting the neatly stacked notes and music sheets on Blaine's desk. Blaine debated waiting for Kurt to make a move for a moment before hesitantly stepping closer.
"Kurt, I am really, really sorry. I know I should have warned you about this ... I don't even know how to call it... but it happens from time to time. I am sorry for not calling and I really, really hope you can forgive me. It had nothing to do with us or what I feel for you..." Blaine stepped even closer, lying his hand on Kurt's shoulder but Kurt tensed under the touch.
"I was so fucking worried." Kurt's voice wasn't ice anymore. It was anything but. His voice was angry but shaking with something that Blaine could only name as relief. Slowly, Blaine let his hands slide down Kurt's back until he could grab his sides and turn Kurt to face him.
Kurt's cheeks were slightly red and his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Blaine had no idea if they were angry, happy or sad but Blaine had to hold him close, pulling him in and wrapping his arms around the taller man. Kurt froze for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders, burying his hands in Blaine's curls and tugging hard. Blaine didn't know if Kurt needed to hurt Blaine a little or just wanted to feel him but he didn't mind either way.
(btw from this point on and already earlier im drunk. And tired. Which in conclusion makes both effects worse so I have no idea what im doing nad I might hate everything im doing in the morning. I should go to bed its 3am)
The embrace only lasted seconds before Kurt pulled back holding Blaine at arm's length.
"We still need to talk." Kurt said, his voice softer now as he maneuvered Blaine to sit on the bed.
Blaine sat and waited for Kurt to talk. He was still nervous but not afraid of what would come anymore. He could deal with worry. Worry was good. It showed that Kurt cared. He'd take it over anger or resentment any day.
"This won't work like this, Blaine." Blaine tensed, mouth opening immediately to disagree with anything that implied that they didn't fit but Kurt beat him to it.
"No, Blaine. Listen. You can't act like you have the past week. I know I'm not the most reliable source when it comes to dos and don'ts in relationships but shutting me out, ignoring me and making me worry are definite don'ts in my book. Don't you agree?" Blaine nodded.
"It's not only that though..." Kurt kneeled down between Blaine's legs and looked him into his eyes. "It hurt me, Blaine. You hurt me. When you're busy that's okay. I can take care of myself but tell me why and for how long. All week I was torn between being angry with you for ignoring you, being miserable because this ominouswhat ifwas haunting me and feeling stupid because all I wanted was come over and tell you all that but was afraid to come over as needy..." Blaine's hand came up automatically, framing Kurt's face. (are they being ooc?) Kurt leaned into the touch and smiled.
"But before anything else I want to know what was going on. You look horrible and your room looks allwrong..." Blaine had to smile at that because of course Kurt would notice his room being less than perfectly tided up.
"Okay, it's not really that difficult to explain. Sometimes, mostly when I have an important dead line... like my senior project... I sort of disappear from everyday life. You can't talk to me or get me to do stuff because I am so into what I am doing, writing, composing that I forget the world outside of doing that. It was worse this time because I was on an important deadline and working alone. You should have seen me this morning... or like half an hour ago. I was a mess... I mean more of a mess than now." Blaine smiled, ducking his head.
"What do you mean by mess because to be frank you don't look too good now..."
"Like... I hadn't showered in couple of days, or shaved and often I forget to sleep or eat... or both..." Blaine said it lapidary but Kurt took in a sharp breath.
"Blaine, don't you know how unhealthy this is?" Kurt gave him one of his bitch glares and for once Blaine loved getting it.
"Yes, I know but I just can't control it." He shrugged and Kurt rolled his eyes.
"I feel like you're missing something here, Blaine." Kurt said, still glaring at him and as Blaine just looked at him quizzically he continued. "This," he motioned between the two of them: "Goes both ways. Blaine, you have given me so much. You listen to me and bear with me even when I'm bitchy and unreasonable. I want to be the same for you... and if that means dragging you to shower or put you into bed or reminding you to eat... even locking your guitar away, I will do it. I want to be there for you when no one else is. I mean... if that works for you..." Kurt looked unsure but determined and Blaine's heard swelled at that.
"I'd love that. To be honest, you're the only one ever haven to gotten me out of one of my hazes." He smiled at Kurt's face lit up.
"See!" Blaine chuckled at Kurt's smug enthusiasm.
"There is only one condition." Kurt's voice got serious again but his smile betrayed him.
"Go ahead." Blaine encouraged.
"I have every right to come over any time I deem appropriate to call you out when you ignore me and if you ever call me needy I have every right to slap you and cry and yell because I'm not I just really like you and miss you when you're not around and I just l... like being around you." Kurt grinned bashfully and Blaine had to grin back when he felt the cheeks under his hands get hotter when Kurt started blushing.
"I'm okay with all of it. And I'm sorry, Kurt. You're the most important person in my life and I love you. I should have never kept you away. I vow not to do it ever again."
"I guess I believe you. This time." Kurt turned his head to kiss Blaine's wrist before standing up.
"Okay and now. Get up and get your guitar." The tall man flopped down on the bed and scooted up all the way to the headboard as Blaine did as he was told. "Good and now sit down and show me what you have. Beside, awesome cuddles I also offer amazing expertise in taste and will tell you what I think will need more work. Besides I just really want to have you close."
Kurt blushed again and with a wide grin Blaine settled down between Kurt's legs and let Kurt hug him from behind, as he started to play.