Seems Like Forever Ago
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Seems Like Forever Ago: The Philosophy of Love


E - Words: 1,966 - Last Updated: Jan 26, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 16/16 - Created: Oct 31, 2011 - Updated: Jan 26, 2012
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Kurt slowly woke from his deep slumber, feeling something warm and wet brush against his chest. It was soothing, and felt amazing, so Kurt prolonged the inevitable of opening his eyes to the sun streaking through the crack in his window.

He suddenly became painfully aware that there was a warm body beside him, breathing evenly, and was very close. Too close to comfort.

Kurt peeked through his eyelids to see Blaine laying on his side, head leaning against his palm. His other arm held a dark blue washcloth that he was rubbing in circles on Kurt's chest.

The sun graced Blaine's dark toned skin in the most amazing way possible. Kurt was sure he was an angel, and this was probably still just a dream. Dream or reality, Blaine was staring at Kurt while he slept, he realized that now.

"What are you doing," Kurt's voice cracked from disuse. He turned his face slightly so he wouldn't offend Blaine with his morning breath. On the other hand, Kurt wasn't sure why he cared so much.

His hazel eyes continued to shine gloriously as he answered, an indecipherable emotion dawning his features. "Just cleaning you off, you know... from last night." A faint blushed colored his cheeks.

"Oh, right," Kurt stammered. "Thanks."

There was a brief silence, however Blaine never looked away.

Kurt had to ask. "Why were you watching me while I was sleeping?"

Blaine looked sheepish. "You looked really peaceful, it was cute," he admitted.

Kurt's heart jumped, but he outwardly rolled his eyes. "You're such a sap."

He heaved himself out of the bed, stretching out and cracking some joints. Blaine watched quietly, twisting the washcloth in his hand.

"Care to join me in the shower, lover boy?" Kurt winked.

"I... no thanks," Blaine decided. "I have a killer head ache, so I'll just lay here if that's okay."

Kurt shrugged, "Sure." He took the washcloth from Blaine and tossed it in the hamper. "I'll grab you some aspirin and some water once I'm finished. I doubt Rachel is up yet."

Blaine nodded, turning to lay on his stomach and cover his head with a pillow as Kurt closed the bathroom door behind him.

After 25 minutes, Kurt exited the bathroom in only a towel wrapped neatly around his waist. He made his way into the living room, filled a glass of water and snatched ibuprofen from a cabinet, and set it on his night stand.

He heard his bed creak as Blaine took the items and swallowed them, and mumbled, "Thanks."

"No problem," he replied curtly as he sat down at his vanity, beginning his moisturizing morning routine.

Kurt felt Blaine's eyes on his back as he put product into his hair. Although the silence was comfortable and not entirely awkward, Kurt could tell that Blaine was buzzing with things to say. He waited.

"So," he said finally. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot," Kurt responded.

"Well," Blaine seemed hesitant. "I'm off work tonight, and if you are free too, ideally.. I would like to take you out."

Kurt immediately tensed. "Out? Out where?"

"You know, a nice restaurant or something," Blaine sighed. "A date."

"Why?" Kurt wondered.

"What do you mean why?" Blaine sounded annoyed. "Because I like you and want to get to know you more, I don't know."

Kurt ran his hands through his hair a few times before answering. "I don't do dates," he stated flatly.

"Well why the hell not?" Blaine demanded, but he didn't raise his voice. "Did you not enjoy last night?"

"I enjoyed it very much, actually," Kurt said evenly. "That's why we skip the date, and just go straight to the fucking... ideally."

Kurt glanced over his shoulder briefly to see Blaine digging his fingers into his temples, looking agitated. Before Blaine looked up, Kurt closed his eyes and started applying moisturizer to his face.

"I just, you know," Blaine paused. "I've never done anything sexual like that outside a committed relationship. I'm not comfortable having that kind of intimacy if there are no feelings there."

Kurt remained silent, soaking up Blaine's words. He was instantly aware that he had treaded in dangerous waters.

He concentrated on rubbing the lotion into his pores. Kurt could tell this Blaine guy was a genuinely nice guy. He was a bit naive and had a too hopeful view of the world, but Kurt had to admit that the man heartbreakingly handsome.

Normally, if Kurt's fuck buddy started developing feelings, Kurt would kick him out of his life, no strings attached. It was easy. Kurt never got hurt. And he was not going to let this doe-eyed man ruin that for him.

"Well I'm sorry to inform you, but that's just not how the real world works," Kurt sniped.

Kurt turned around to face Blaine, crossing his arms in legs as a defensive gesture.

Blaine stood up and started pacing, looking every now and then at Kurt accusingly.

"Well why can't it?" His voice brimming with rage. "I believe in love, and it can do beautiful things!"

Kurt scoffed. "Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a child."

Blaine stopped his pacing and looked disbelieving at Kurt.

"How does believing in love make me a child?" he inquired angrily.

Kurt stood up to get in Blaine's face, willing him to understand.

"Because love is just a fantasy that people tell you to believe in, but it's just a fallacy," Kurt said through gritted teeth. "It's like believing in Santa Claus, or God. People don't want you to know the harsh reality of the world, so they tell you all these fairy-tails to keep you happy as a child. But all of us need to grow up eventually."

Blaine opened his mouth, shocked. He stepped back from Kurt, body looking defeated but his shimmering eyes portrayed pure heartbreak.

"That's... That's the saddest thing I've ever heard," his voice took on a gravelly tone, like he was about to cry.

Kurt's heart squeezed painfully in his chest, but he didn't move or say anything else. Just looked back at Blaine to show this was something he knew to be true. He wasn't trying to be mean, he was just being realistic.

Blaine blinked rapidly, and a couple of loan tears escaped, sliding gracefully down his cheeks. It made Kurt's heart hurt, and Kurt didn't understand it. He had never felt anything like that before that he could remember in a long time at least. All he wanted to do was wrap Blaine in his arms and whisper in his ear that everything was okay, even if he knew things weren't. However, Kurt resisted the urge, standing with his fists balled up at his side.

Blaine wiped his cheek with the back of his hand before falling into a sitting position on Kurt's bed, head in his hands. Kurt hears a few sniffles, which threatened to break is steel wall of resolve. He resisted feeling with all his might.

Blaine finally looked up, his eyes darker than normal, but somehow that made them more tragically beautiful.

"What happened to you, Kurt?" he asked, his voice broken. "What made you like this?"

Kurt had to look away so Blaine wouldn't see the cracks in his walls. Those eyes would be the death of him. No matter what, if the dam of his emotions broke, he wouldn't be able to stop them.

Kurt sank into his chair and looked at the floor. "What does it matter? I am who I am and I'm never going to change."

The silence was deafening, his words ringing in the air after he said them. The quiet threatened to close in around Kurt, choking him. If Blaine wasn't going to say anything else he was going to run out of his apartment and scream in the streets. But-

"That's a lie," Blaine said, his voice sounding dead.

Blaine's tone scared Kurt so he quickly responded, trying to sound as resentful as possible. "You don't know anything about me."

Blaine stood up, grabbed Kurt's shoulder and forced him to turn around and face him.

"But I do," he insisted. "You're just a hardened version of yourself. But you don't have to close yourself off. We've all been through tough shit, but I never let it break me."

Kurt remained silent; something was clawing at his insides, nagging. Something didn't add up. Blaine continued.

"My dad, he hated the fact that I was gay. He never physically abused me or anything. It was worse; he refused to acknowledge me as a human being. He didn't care much about my personal life or my feelings. He just had me as a son. But I had friends and other family who still loved me. So yes, the way he acted has affected me. The fact that I attended a fantasy-like private school has affected me. I sometimes felt all alone. But I never gave up on life and love."

Blaine looked searchingly into Kurt's eyes, trying to see if he was eliciting any sort of change. If anything what he was saying made Kurt feel worse.

"You didn't deserve that," he finally said. "My dad supported me in everything I did. I never felt alone."

Kurt wanted to continue, but his throat closed up. His wall has sprung a leak.

"I don't understand," Blaine said, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "If you have friends and family that love you, why are you like this?"

"BECAUSE MY FATHER DIED OKAY?" Kurt exploded, Blaine flinched at the sudden outburst. "In my senior year he had another heart attack, and he left me allalone. Nobody understood me, and the only one willing to love me was a fucking guy that bullied me horribly in the past. How fucked up is that?"

Angry tears were streaming down Kurt's face now. He shoved Blaine's hand off his shoulder and stormed across the room, clenched his fist and punched a hole right through his bedroom door. "ARE YOU SATISFIED? MYSTERY SOLVED!" he screamed at Blaine, cradling his bleeding hand.

Blaine looked like he was in pain; his face was all scrunched up. "Oh my go-Kurt. I'm so sorry-"

"Don't! Just don't," he shot venomously.

"Why can't I say I'm sorry," he asked tentatively. "I had no idea."

Kurt wiped tears furiously from his face. "Yeah, well. Now you do."

Blaine started taking hesitant steps toward Kurt, his arms up in surrender. Once he could tell Kurt wasn't going to explode again or run away he gently cupped his cheek, wiping away tears with his thumb. He took a deep shuddering breath.

"Kurt, I have a confession to make."

Kurt pointedly avoided his gaze, even as close as Blaine was.

"I remember you."

Kurt glanced at Blaine, surprised. "What?"

He sighed. "The second I saw you in the bar, I knew exactly who you were."

Kurt's mouth tried to form "how?" but it never came out. Blaine seemed to understand, and nodded.

"The reason I care so much is because I remember you so well, like something fried impressionably on my brain," Blaine's eyes kept darting around Kurt's face. "You were watching me perform. You looked so happy. You looked so young and carefree. It made me wish to know you."

Kurt's dream from last night flooded his brain with sudden force. His eyes started to sting. All his 16 year-old emotions felt so fresh. He tried with all his strength to bite back sobs.

"But we never truly met." Blaine looked sad. "I just later admired your winning duet with Rachel in the crowd. To be honest, I've never seen so much heartbreaking beauty in my life. Your voice is one nobody can ever forget."

Blaine smiled slightly, but it didn't reach his eyes. He continued stroking Kurt's cheek. Kurt looked determinedly back. He absolutely couldn't believe it; he was at a complete loss of words.

Before he knew it, Blaine had closed the distance between them and placed a warm, sweet kiss on his lips.

"Please, Kurt. Let me take you out. I can give you all the love you deserve," his voice was barely above a whisper.

Kurt placed his hand on top of Blaine's, took it off his face, and curled their fingers together.

"Okay."

End Notes: This was a pivotal chapter for Kurt's character, I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! :D

Comments

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hehehe I will <3 Don't worry! Kurt will open himself up to love!! :D

Aw, come on, Kurt! Take the risk and allow the possibility to love in your life! I know it's scary, but it will be worth it, I promise. Tell him that for me 'kay? :o)