Doctors Need Mending Too

Chapter 12

I sighed deeply after yanking the last of my luggage out of the cab's trunk, my sore muscles complaining at the effort. A smile formed on my lips at the recollection of just how I got the body aches- Blaine and I have been quite busy. The date did happen, a wonderful dinner at newly opened Korean smokeless grill, before I spent my last night in Ohio with him. Blaine had offered to give me a ride to the airport but I didn't want him rushing to work and so I insisted on taking a cab. After placing all of my bags on one of the vacant trolleys, I scooped into my pocket and dialed my dad's number. After several rings, I was once again directed into voicemail. He's missed my two last calls as well but I know that it's just like my dad to do so. Let's just say that Burt and technology don't get along too well. I mumbled a short message asking him to call me back once he hears my message and hung up. I walked towards the screen to check my boarding gate and lined up to check in. There was a young couple right in front of me with the guy's arm comfortably slung over his girlfriend's shoulder. I couldn't help the small knot that formed in my gut at the thought that it won't be another six months until I see Blaine again. I quickly shoved it off.

-Just six more months, six more months to my happily ever after.

-We've lasted seven years without each other haven't we? I think we'd survive six months.

After handing my ticket and surrendering the bags that I won't be hand carrying, I walked towards the several empty seats nearby and sat down. Once again fishing my phone out of my pocket, I saw several missed calls all of which were from Carole. Just as I was about to press call, a text message came in.

From Carole: Kurt, it's your dad. We're on our way to the hospital right now.

I almost dropped my phone and my vision blurred from the tears that had already started forming. I looked around a bit, not really sure as to what I'm looking for before the panic sunk in. As the first of my tears fell, I scrambled back towards the main gates and exited the airport. Without really thinking, I signaled on a cab and climbed in. Just after I asked him to take me to the hospital, Carole called again.

"Kurt? We're at the ER. Your dad's awake, he's having trouble breathing but he's fine."

"I-I'm on my way." I stammered. She said a couple of other things that did not register. I hung up and fell back on the seat.

It felt like forever before I got to the entrance of the Emergency Department and I quickly climbed out of the car after throwing the driver a couple of bills. Inside, a security guard stopped me to ask whom I was to see and after explaining that I received a call about my father and presenting an ID I was ushered inside. My dad was on a sitting position, with his bed folded at a ninety degree angle to support his back and a face mask placed over his mouth and nose. He was breathing heavily, with several wires attached to his chest and a pulse-oximeter placed on his index finger. He looks kind of blue, his forehead shining with sweat and several people surrounding him. The ER was buzzing and crowded but once I caught my dad's gaze, everything just fell silent. His eyes were in distress, almost pleading. He looked tired and scared and so I walked up to him and held his clammy hand on mine stroking gently in an effort to offer some comfort. I saw a young man in a white coat approaching, holding a clipboard which I assume was my dad's chart. Behind him was Blaine, also in his coat and a frown on his face.

"Sixty four year old male, came in due to substernal chest pain radiating to the left should and DOB. He's a known hypertensive, with a history of M.I. eight years ago, post-PTCA a week ago. EKG showed complete left bundle branch block. Spot O2 at 80s, crackles on all lung fields. Cardiac markers and basic labs extracted, aspirin and clopidogrel given and nitrate drip started."

I watched Blaine nod, the frown never leaving his face. He turned to my father and placed a stethoscope on his chest before speaking.

"Mr. Hummel, you are having a heart attack. We are going to do the best that we can. We will take care of you."

I watched my dad nod, his lids drooping and his head dropping forward.

"Burt?" Blaine inquired as he caught my dad's upper body just as it fell forward.

"Get me an intubation set in here!" Blaine ordered. Suddenly the whole ER was in motion. I heard a cart being wheeled towards us. An intern approached me with a clipboard and a paper with the word CONSENT printed on top.

"Your dad is desaturating and his mental status is deteriorating. We need to place and ET tube to help him breathe."

I nodded thoughtlessly as I watched the nurses pull the curtains down to cover my dad's cubicle and we were pushed back against the opposite side of the room. I took the clipboard and placed my signature on the line. My tears began falling before I even realized I was crying.

"Just take care of him. Do everything that you can." I said.

A good ten minutes passed before I saw Blaine appear from behind the curtain, his face slightly flushed and his hair plastered against his forehead in sweat.

"He's okay. A ventilator is needed to help him breath for now. But he's okay." Blaine said, pulling me against him in a tight hug. I started hearing my sobs again as I buried my face deeper against Blaine's chest and he rocked both of our bodies back and forth. Just as I got control of my crying, I heard the monitors attached to my dad bleeping madly. A nurse came out from behind the curtain and called on Blaine.

"Doctor Anderson? He's coding."

Blaine rushed towards my dad's bed and disappeared behind the curtain. I heard him yell something about paging a code and a few seconds later, a bell rung from the hospital speakers.

"Code Blue. Please proceed to the Emergency Room. Code Blue, please proceed to the Emergency Room."

Several interns came running towards us and went inside the cubicle. From where I was standing, I saw one of them jump up the bed and started pumping on my dad's chest. Bile rose to my throat and I felt sick. My vision was tunneling and when Carole grabbed on to me for support as she started crying, I nearly lost it.

"Dad! No, no! Please! Don't do this to me!" I tried going nearer but some of the nurses came to stop me.

"He's back. Sinus tachy. BP is at 60/40. Start him on pressors. Someone page CFOD (Cardiology Fellow on Duty) please. Reserve one unit at the CCU." Blaine was telling orders and nurses and interns were everywhere.

"Kurt." I was surprised to see Blaine standing right in front of me, a sad expression on his face.

"No. No, don't say it!" I said in a realization that Blaine was about to give me the "death talk." I raised both hands to cover my ears in an attempt to block the bad thoughts from coming.

"Kurt, you have to listen! We've managed to bring him back. But there's a very big chance he'd code again. I need you to decide whether you want us to try and revive him again."

I looked at Blaine and thought of whether he's gone crazy. Is he seriously asking me if I want my father dead or alive?

"I need my dad alive, Blaine. I can't lose him! He's the only one I've got left!" I exclaimed angrily.

"We'll do the best that we can." He said sadly.

Suddenly the bleeping started again and the now familiar page sounded through the speakers. The interns came rushing in and this time I saw clearly how my dad's body jerked madly as they did compressions on his chest. For a while, I just stared dumbly, not really knowing what to do. I saw his arm fall to his side lifelessly as his body continued to jolt against the heavy pressure against his chest. At that moment, I felt my chest grow heavy, imagining the way those compressions may be hurting him. Then it hit me.

"Stop! Please stop! Enough. It's enough!" I said as I rushed to push the curtain away to see my father. There was a tube coming out of his mouth and his chest was starting to bruise, an angry red color covering most of it, his lips were blue, his eyes closed and his arms lifelessly placed on his sides. He looked dead. He was dead.

He's gone.

Blaine mumbled something to his colleagues and they all walked away, with eyes downcast. Blaine was close behind them, squeezing my shoulder as he passed by me.

"I'll give you time to say goodbye."

I took my dad's hand in mine and cried silently. Carole approached me and took the empty seat to my right before placing a hand over mine.

"He's in a better place now, Kurt."

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak. I'm not even sure how I felt. All I could feel was the widening emptiness in my heart and the urge to vomit my guts out.

A nurse came in and said something about post-mortem care. Carole said a few words and I watched her help remove the tube from my dad's mouth and the IV's. She worked on removing his clothes and then pressed a clean cloth against his skin to clean him up before finally covering him up to the shoulders with a clean white sheet. She then mumbled her condolences before walking out.

I stared into my dad's face, memorizing every detail, afraid of forgetting him now that I will never be seeing him again. A fresh set of tears formed behind my eyes but despite that, I felt relief too.

My dad's face looked so peaceful.

Maybe Carole was right, he is in a better place where no illness can ever harm him again. Maybe he's seen mom. Maybe there really is happiness in eternity.

The guys from the funeral home arrived couple of hours later. It was half an hour past midnight and the Emergency Room was less hectic. Blaine sat by me through most of the waiting, leaving every now and then to answer a referral from some of his juniors. He didn't say much, but always had a hand on me, never letting go. I was thankful knowing I wasn't alone. Carole left to fill up some papers before leaving with dad to the parlor. They placed my dad inside a black body bag and just before they zipped him up, I came closer and gave him the final kiss on the head and the cheek that I'd ever give him.

"I love you, dad. See you soon."

After the vehicle disappeared down the road, I felt Blaine behind me, placing a hand on the small of my back.

"Come with me." He said motioning towards the elevator before walking. I followed.

We took the lift up to the sixth floor where the now familiar chapel was dark and empty. He then opened a door which led to a stairway up to the rooftop. Blaine and I took a seat on one of the benches scattered, the chilly air comforting on my burning eyes. I watched Blaine lean against the back rest and tilted his head upwards with his eyes closed. I did the same, stretching my legs in the process, inhaling the cold air.

"I still can't believe what has happened." I said, my voice dry and strained.

"I'll be right here. I'm not going to let you go through this alone, Kurt." Blaine answered, his brows furrowed together in concern.

"I know." I said, dropping my head to his lap and drawing my knees to my chest in a fetal position. Blaine stroked my hair and I relaxed into it, closing my eyes in an attempt to block thoughts of all that has happened.

A few minutes later, I opened my eyes to look up into the dark, starless sky. Blaine still had his had against my head but he has stopped stroking. His eyes were closed and his head tilted upwards. He opened them once he felt me shift.

"Do you think he's happy?" I asked

"I believe in the beauty of eternity." He answered quietly.

We remained silent for a few more minutes before Blaine's phone started ringing.

"I have to go." He said as I sat up.

"I'll be fine."

"Your house is too far. Come crash at my place, okay?" He said, a hint of frustration visible in his honey colored eyes. He dug into his pocket and produced a set of keys.

"Here. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Blaine."

"I love you. Hang in there, okay? It'll get better. I promise."