Kurt: um. hi back.

Blaine: (small embarrassed font) thank you for helping me on sunday (end small embarrassed font)

Kurt: Blaine, you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about
Please don’t be embarrassed

Blaine: ah yes. nothing at all.
not Blaine, he does it all perfectly and with such aplomb!

Kurt: Blaine you are so freaking endearing and you have no idea

Blaine: endearing hm? I think I like that
I can handle that

Kurt: good, cause you are

Blaine: I want to tell you something
and it’s kind of a big deal for me
but I was nervous to tell you before

not because I don’t trust you, but because I don’t trust myself not to fail
and I don’t trust my own follow through with these things
but I’m hoping if I tell you maybe you’ll believe that I trust you
especially if you know that this is a big deal

and the only other people who know are my mom and Matt

oh and Cooper, he knows

and I’d imagine my mom told my dad

Kurt: Blaine.
you’re rambling.

10:22 pm
Kurt: Blaine? There was something that you wanted to tell me?
like 8 minutes ago?

Blaine: sorry, I zoned out on exactly how to phrase it

Kurt: Just say it, remember?
the best and easiest way is just to say it

Blaine: I started going to speech therapy again last week
partly because I want to be able to talk to you
and other reasons too
but you’re part of it

Kurt: wow, I’m pretty flattered that you’d do that
how long has it been since you stopped going?

Blaine: about 5 or 6 years
the beginning of high school

I thought I was ok, that I could just make it by
I started cross country and that was everyday after school
I still saw Paula once a week
and I just wanted that to be enough
I guess it was enough then, I didn’t really want anything for myself
just wanted to make it through high school

Kurt: I hear that

Blaine: but now I do want stuff
I want to be a teacher and that means I have to talk a lot
I want to be less nervous
and to have more control
and to be able to talk to you
in real life, not just on the internet or texting

Kurt: remember that whole endearing thing from earlier?
you just quadrupled it.

Blaine: This is all just really big for me
really big and scary

Kurt: what “all”?

Blaine: you “all”
being around you.
um.

liking you

Kurt: oh that stuff

Blaine: wanting to impress you
and instead just making a fool out of myself all the time

Kurt: you really don’t make a fool of yourself all the time Blaine
what you think is foolish and what I think is foolish are obviously different things
you’ve done nothing that you should be ashamed of
and until you start kicking puppies for sport, i have a feeling I’ll keep feeling that way.

Blaine: if you insist

Kurt: I hope you don’t think this is condescending
but I’m kind... proud? of you right now?
I have a feeling that none of this was easy for you to say
but you said it
you told me

Blaine: I don’t think that’s condescending at all

Kurt: good, because I mean it in the best way possible
so do you want to talk about going to speech therapy?
or not?
I don’t want to be nosy, but I’m interested

Blaine: I don’t know
um. if you have questions, I could answer them
but I don’t really have to talk about it
it’s going ok. I mean I’ve only been there a couple times
but I like my SLP (speech language pathologist)
and I dunno
it’s ok
I think it’ll be ok

Kurt: What kind of stuff do you do there?

Blaine: so far, mostly talk about talking, which I hate
but we make goals, short term, long term
the point isn’t to cure my stutter, because that’s impossible
the point is to control it
I feel like it could happen though
I feel like I could get better at controlling it

Kurt: see, I think this is all really interesting
it’s interesting to see your emotions about something so... clinical

Blaine: I guess I can understand that
he gives me challenges

Kurt: like what?

Blaine: currently, my challenge is to call my mom sometime in the next two weeks.

Kurt: You don’t call your mom?

Blaine: I don’t talk on the phone
ever
I think I’ve talked on the phone like 20 times in my whole life
half of those times ended with the other person hanging up before I even spoke
thinking I was like a heavy breather or a prank caller
I was trying to call somebody about a group project once in high school

because they didn’t have a cell phone so I couldn’t text

and we really had to work something out
and their grandma answered
and she was like “Is this a sex pervert? Listen pervert, you better stop that breathing.”
I kind of didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

Kurt: probably laugh, I mean, she told you to stop breathing
she didn’t even say “heavy breathing”
she pretty much told you to die

How have you managed to only talk on the phone 20 times in your life though?

Blaine: well, give or take 20 times, I don’t know the exact number, but it’s low

the internet helps, for starters
have you heard of it? You can do almost anything there these days...

Kurt: smartass

Blaine: I’ve found a ton of restaurants that let you order takeout online
And my mom always made phone calls about appointments
which is kind of humiliating when you’re 18, but on the other hand such a relief
and you know, unlimited texting

Kurt: huh
fascinating
not that I talk on the phone a ton
but I talk to my dad and stepmom a couple times a week
probably more than any normal college student calls home
but i like them

Blaine: see, now I find *that* endearing :)

Kurt: well obviously

Blaine: so yeah
I guess that’s about it

Kurt: I’m glad you told me

Blaine: I’m glad I told you too
I feel a little less weighed down by it
How’s Teen Vogue?

Kurt: You know, I miss working there full time
only going in a couple mornings a week makes me feel like I’m missing out on a lot

Blaine: the gossip mill turns even when the great Kurt Hummel isn’t present?!?!

Kurt: I KNOW! I was aghast

Blaine: so does that mean you’re dropping out school to start a career as a full time editorial intern, just for the sake of gossip?

Kurt: you ask this as though I haven’t already considered it
the gossip is much better than the mediocrity present in my junior seminar
these people are BOBOS
I constantly ask myself how they got into NYU
I thought we had standards

Blaine: I’m still a little sad D.Marshall isn’t in it

Kurt: you and me both
I’m still a little desperate to find out what she looks like
I tried to stalk her on facebook, but I couldn’t pinpoint her
there are a surprising number of Deirdre Marshall’s in the world
there’s a specific Blaine Anderson missing on there too

Blaine: I know!
jeez what’s up with that guy?

Kurt: how does it feel to be the only person on earth that doesn’t have Facebook?
Blaine: It feels like REBELLION

Kurt: is there a reason? or you just don’t want one?

Blaine: eh. I guess it’s because I don’t really know a lot of people
and it just …
ok fine, I hate the idea of putting myself out there like that
it’s like too much... of an exhibition for me
that by no means is a judgment on anyone who has one
but it’s just not my scene

Kurt: “your scene” what are you a hipster?

Blaine: yes, i converted

Kurt: was there a trial by fire?
something involving plastic glasses frames and threadbare flannel?

Blaine: I had to get an ironic tattoo and grow creative facial hair
to pledge my loyalty

Kurt: tell me about this tattoo

Blaine: on my left ass cheek it says “right” in sanskrit

Kurt: oh
my
god
I can’t stop laughing
why can’t I stop laughing
I’m like wheezing

Blaine: do you need me to call for help?

Kurt: Rachel actually just came to check on me
I’m fine now

Blaine: was that really even that funny?

Kurt: I don’t know, yes
yes it was
oh man
wooo
tears in my eyes.

Blaine: you ok?

Kurt: yeah, seriously
I think you’re even funnier now
because you would never in a hundred million years say that in real life
so when you come up with something like that
and I picture you trying to say it

Blaine: I think I can see it
if I turn my head and squint

Kurt: you know I’m not making fun of you right?
it’s the juxtaposition of it

Blaine: I know
it’s nice to hear though
also, excellent word Kurt
Bravo!

Kurt: thank you.
I learned it from watching you.
how are your wounds?

Blaine: The spiritual ones you just gave me?
or the physical ones that I received from the world’s tiniest tree?

Kurt: Blaine
I didn’t mean to wound your spirit
I wasn’t making fun of you

Blaine: I know :D

I just felt like being a jerk

Kurt: Oh good
yes, that’s good
now you have wounded my spirit.

Blaine: as for the bodily harm that I inflicted upon myself...
FUCKING HURTS
The skin on my knees is so tight
And Matt keeps making fun of me for the cut on my cheek
He’s insisted on calling me “Rocky” all week

Kurt: Matt’s funny

Blaine: brb

11:56 pm
Blaine: back

Kurt: i was just thinking
it’s funny/weird that I haven’t actually met Matt yet
It’s weird, because I *know* him, but I haven’t actually met him

Blaine: That is weird
but it’s kind of the same with me and Rachel

Kurt: yeah, but you’ve talked to her to order coffee or whatever

Blaine: that would be a negative

Kurt: But she’s been there, when you’ve been there

Blaine: I don’t order coffee there
because they
I guess I never mentioned this to you
it’s so stupid
but, it’s not like I have an ounce of composure left anyway

Kurt: Blaine you’re sort of rambling again

Blaine: yes, I am
I don’t order from that place because they make you say your name
well, sometimes I order from there, if I have to
but then I give a fake name
and I could never do that when Rachel’s there
because she would know I was lying

Kurt: You give fake names when you order coffee?
like, regularly?

Blaine: Yes. I can usually say other people’s names
without stuttering
can’t really say my own though

Kurt: so do you have a particular name you use or do you vary it?

Blaine: I try to keep it simple, usually a name that starts with E or A
It’s very, very, very rare I ever stutter on e’s and a’s
Usually Alex or Ed

Kurt: Can we like... create personalities for them?

Blaine: I can already tell you that Alex is a journalism major
and as a kid he was an extra in Toys R Us commercials

Kurt: fascinating

Blaine: I know, he is also a notorious womanizer and the ladies really fall for it
he’s always winking at baristas

Kurt: NO! do you really wink at baristas!?!?

Blaine: blushing font
sometimes, yes.
It’s like I started to really pretend I was this guy
I mean, not all the time, I didn’t have a psychotic break or anything

but I just sort of … entertain myself with it
I don’t say much, because I don’t want to stutter, but it’s fun
it makes me laugh. It makes Matt piss himself every time I do it.
it was Matt’s idea actually, he’s sort of brilliant every once in a while.

Kurt: OMG. I want to watch sometime

Blaine: I don’t know if it would work in front of you

Kurt: maybe if I pretended I wasn’t watching???

Blaine: maybe, we could try it

Kurt: ha! This is awesome
I love that
what about Ed?

Blaine: unfortunately, Ed is just Blaine I think
he doesn’t say much, usually just his order and his name
Ed is for when I just want to get the hell out of dodge

Kurt: This is all sort of fascinating Blaine
you and your multiple personalities
one of which is a “notorious womanizer”

Blaine: LOL, I know
it’s weird

Kurt: it’s not weird. It’s quirky, it’s cute.
I like that you make the best of a shitty situation
and not just the best, but you make it hilarious
I don’t know many people who could do that
laugh at themselves, even when something makes them feel shitty

Blaine: I never considered it that way
I just... it’s more reflexive
just a bandaid for a bad situation
or at least that’s what Chad (my SLP) would say

(I, on the other hand, would say “it’s a sterilized dressing for a tough situation.” Fucking b-words, foiling me around every turn.)

Kurt: what’s he like?
(I don’t think I’ve mentioned enough how very endearing I find you this evening)

Blaine: Chad? He’s young, like way young. maybe only 25 or 26
he kind of reminds me of a blonder version of my brother
he’s funny
he’s kind of a hardass about stuff, but I need that
if I’m really going to do this right

Kurt: sounds like a good fit then

Blaine: oh and he stutters
but he’s got really good control over it
he used to stutter as bad as I do
but you hardly even notice it anymore

Kurt: that’s good, that’s amazing really

Blaine: it is!

Kurt: It’s interesting to me that you didn’t lead with the fact that he stutters
it doesn’t define him

Blaine: it doesn’t
i kinda want to be just like him someday

Kurt: blergh. endearing.

Blaine: if I’m just consistently endearing then you probably don’t have to comment on it each time

Kurt: endearing and humble
shaking my head
you’re just making it worse
you’re not going to be able to say anything right now
without me being like “aw, so cute!”

Blaine: that’s fucking bullshit man

Kurt: aw, so cute, look at how cute you are when you’re angry and sweary!

Blaine: I’m going to go kick some puppies

Kurt: aw, puppies are so cute! and you’re going to look so cute kicking them!

Blaine: You are ruining my street cred.

Kurt: you don’t have street cred

Blaine: how do you know?
maybe I like … live alone on the mean streets of Southie
and I do construction work
and I hang out with my friends
and get drunk
and into fights with smart dudes

Kurt: and Robin Williams is your shrink? and you’re a mathematics prodigy?

Blaine: damn you, you weren’t supposed to realize that it was the plot of Good Will Hunting

Kurt: seriously? That’s the best you could do?
it’s just so darn CUTE!

Blaine: since you think I’m so cute
I think I’ll take advantage of this moment
to say that you know the only reason I can’t be normal around you in real life is because I like you, right?

Kurt: yeah, I think I’m starting to understand
I could try to be less likeable?

Blaine: I don’t think that’s going to help at this point :)

Kurt: how long did it take you to be comfortable around Matt?

Blaine: well, it’s different
because I really didn’t know him at all when I met him and I kind of already know you
so that helps
but I also was never... um … attracted to him
and I’m attracted to you
so there’s that

Kurt: would it be entirely redundant to call you endearing again?

Blaine: it *should* be, but somehow it isn’t

Kurt: you’re also really kind and smart and talented and you have cute hair

Blaine: oh, pshaw
insert blushing font

Kurt: just accept the compliments Blaine

Blaine: thank you for the compliments Kurt

Kurt: good boy
insert me patting your head font

Blaine: I think you’re all those things too
minus the cute hair part, your hair is WAY more than cute
your hair is freaking awesome

Kurt: do we have a font for preening?
because I’m currently preening

Blaine: holy shit! How did it get to be 1:30 in the morning?

Kurt: I have no freaking clue
I hope you didn’t have anywhere you were supposed to be tonight

Blaine: no, but I’ve been half-assedly writing a paper this whole time
and reading it over just now, it TOTALLY SUCKS.
somehow I integrated like 98% of our conversation into it and didn’t notice

Kurt: we’re witty, I’m sure your professor will appreciate it

Blaine: perhaps...

Kurt: I’ll let you go fix that up

Blaine: yes. I should do that

Kurt: I’ll see you in the piano room tomorrow?

Blaine: that would be excellent
would you like Alex to pick you up a coffee?

Kurt: if Alex doesn’t mind, I’d love a nonfat mocha

Blaine: I think that can be arranged.

Kurt: see you tomorrow!

Blaine: Kurt, tomorrow when I’m shy, just remember that it’s not because I don’t want to be there. It’s just the way I am.

Kurt: I know you’re supposed to be going to finish your paper
but I have to admit that it totally intrigues that you can say stuff like that online
that you can separate yourself from it like that

Blaine: I totally can delineate

sometimes I feel like two completely different people
even in the moment, i’m thinking
“come on Blaine! you can do this! Stop being socially awkward!”

Kurt: really?
that’s like really really amazing

Blaine: I mean, it doesn’t actually do anything
but yeah, I can separate the halves

Kurt: fascinating
now go fix your paper

Blaine: Bye ;)
(the winky face was from Alex)