1:05 am
Matt: Yes Blaine?

1:07 am
Blaine: Kurt
Blaine: and
Blaine: I
Blaine: had
Blaine: sex

1:10 am
Matt: WHOOP WHOOP
Matt: My baby’s all grown up
Matt: Kerry says congratulations

1:12 am
Blaine: Shit man. I’m not telling you things anymore.

1:13 am
Matt: WTF. I’m not supposed to tell her these delightful tidbits?

1:15 am
Blaine: Fine, but she and I are never going to become friends if I keep embarrassing myself in front of her.

1:16 am
Matt: She says “Aw. But we *are* friends!”

1:18 am
Blaine: This is embarrassing.
Blaine: I feel embarrassed.
Blaine: I think I’m going to have to pretend to be a ghost again.

1:21 am
Matt: You’re not going to do something dumb like come home tonight right?

1:22 am
Blaine: nope!

1:23 am
Matt: good cause Kerry’s sleeping over.
Matt: give us a heads up before you come home in the morning.
Matt: Or Kerry is suggesting “Double date brunch?”

1:26 am
Blaine: Tell her I’ll consider it, but she shouldn’t expect me to make eye contact.

1:27 am
Matt: She accepts these terms and conditions.
Matt: also that eventually she will force friendship upon you.
Matt: apparently my girlfriend is planning to rape you with friendship?
Matt: that’s weird man.

1:30 am
Blaine: LOLOLOLOL
Blaine: Girlfriend, huh?
Blaine: since when?

1:31 am
Kurt (to Matt): Could you kindly tell your friend Blaine to stop giggling in my kitchen and to come back to bed?

1:32 am
Kurt (to Rachel): Thanks for vacating the apartment tonight.

1:32 am
Matt (to Kurt): He told me you were sleeping.

1:33 am
Matt (to Blaine): Kurt just texted me to tell me to tell you to stop texting and get back into bed with him.

1:33 am
Kurt (to Matt): His giggling woke me up.

1:33 am
Kerry (to Blaine) : Don’t listen to anything Matt says. He didn’t have the balls to have the talk with me
Kerry (to Blaine): I would have been his girlfriend MONTHS ago.

1:34 am
Blaine (to Kerry): That’s lame.
Blaine (to Kerry): I’m sorry Matt’s so lame.

1:34 am
Blaine (to Matt): Kerry just texted ME to say that she would have been your girlfriend months ago, but you didn’t have the balls to have the talk!??!!?!?!?
Blaine (to Matt): That strikes me as bullshit.

1:35 am
Matt (to Blaine): I know. I’m ashamed.

1:36 am
Rachel (to Kurt): Anytime lovey, anytime. I take it things went well.
Rachel (to Kurt): Did you guys...
Rachel (to Kurt): play hide the salami?

1:38 am
Blaine (to Matt): You should be.
Blaine (to Matt): You’re no longer my hero.

1:40 am
Kurt (to Rachel): Things went very, very well.
Kurt (to Rachel): But, ugh, Rachel. You’re not allowed to go to Puck’s anymore.
Kurt (to Rachel): I think those guys are a bad influence on your use of euphemisms.

1:41 am
Matt (to Blaine): That’s ok. You’re still mine...
Matt (to Blaine): DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT YOU’RE MY HEROOOOOOO
Matt (to Blaine): YOU’RE EVERYTHING I WISHED I COULD BE

1:43 am
Rachel (to Kurt): I’m going to take that as a yes.

1:43 am
Blaine (to Matt): Stop it. You know the Wind Beneath My Wings makes me cry.
Blaine (to Matt): Kurt won’t stop giggling. I think he’s texting Rachel, but he won’t let me see.

1:44 am
Kurt (to Rachel): Fine. Yes. We played hide the salami.

1:48 am
Puck (to Blaine): FUCK YEAH. I heard.

1:49 am
Puck (to Kurt): About damn time.

1:50 am
Matt (to Blaine): BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
Matt (to Blaine): Rachel just texted Kerry to tell her that you and Kurt played Hide the Salami tonight.

~~~~~

Both boys put down their phones and roll towards each other.

“I think we might need to find a new group of friends,” Kurt says as his arms going around Blaine.

“I-I-I agree, they’re all far too invested in our ss-ss-sex life,” Blaine mumbles as he snuggles into Kurt with a smile.

~~~~~

Classes end the next week and exams start up. Time moves fast and suddenly it’s the night before everyone is going home for break. Kurt and Rachel are throwing a minor soiree (as they like to call it) for their tight little group of friends that has developed over the past few months.

Blaine’s been working on Kurt’s Christmas present for a while. First trying to come up with the the right gift and then figuring out a way to execute it. And now he’s scared that Kurt won’t like it. He worries that Kurt got him something more expensive or better and now Blaine feels like he’s going to make a fool of himself in front of Kurt. He really can’t believe sometimes that he can still work himself into this state of anxiety, even knowing Kurt loves him. But it’s the first non-family Christmas present he’s ever given, so that might be part of it, too.

He gets to Kurt’s a little early, so that no one has to watch him crash and burn if Kurt doesn’t like the gift. He buzzes the apartment and Kurt lets him up.

Blaine is downright squirmy when he enters. Kurt can see it written all over his face, something’s making him nervous.

“Hey, you’re early.”

Kurt leans in to kiss Blaine in greeting and notices Blaine can’t stop blinking.

“What’s up?” Kurt asks, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Oh. Uh, nnn-nah-nothing,” Blaine says.

“Why are you blinking like that?”

“That’s how I-I-I bbb-bbb-blink,” Blaine blushes, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. “Why are you mmm-mmm-making fun of mm-me?”

“Aw, Poophead,” Kurt coos.

Blaine gives Kurt a look of “Seriously, with that fucking nickname?”

And Kurt responds with a hand gesture of “Oh come on, give me a break. Roll with it.”

Making Blaine do an eye roll of “If you insist.”

“I’m not making fun of you, I can tell you’re nervous about something,” Kurt says after their foray into body language.

Blaine pauses and grimaces at Kurt, before looking at the ground.

“Oh, well. I am. I-I-I-I-I’m nervous about giving you, you, you your Christmas pppp-pres-present,” Blaine confides with a neck jerk. Then he shakes his head and takes a deep breath, “Sorry about the...” and gestures to his neck, “I-I-I’m just rrrr-really nah-nervous.”

Kurt pulls Blaine close and nips at his neck, “Bad neck. Be nice to Blaine.”

Blaine finally smiles and starts taking off his coat.

“I thought Matt and Kerry were coming.”

“They are, I-I-I-I wanted to see you first, www-www-without so many people around, so I told them to meet mmmm-me here. Where are Puck and Rachel?”

“Picking up food. I timed placing the order so that they could pick it up on their way back here after Christmas shopping.”

Blaine hums nervously in response. They’re still standing right by the door, so Kurt pulls Blaine into the kitchen, to the island where Kurt had been working on a vegetable platter prior to Blaine’s arrival.

“So you said something about present,” Kurt looks at Blaine expectantly.

Blaine pulls a small envelope out of his back pocket and gives it to Kurt with a shaky hand. Kurt opens it up and finds a note card inside. On one side of the note card it says “Winsome” with the alphabet underneath it and then on the other it says “Ineffable” along with the alphabet. There’s also a flash drive in the envelope.

Kurt looks at Blaine, whose eyes are trained on the ground.

“I-I-I-I mmm-made you fonts... of our handwriting.”

Kurt’s lip trembles slightly. “You made me Winsome and Ineffable fonts?”

Blaine nods; now he’s staring at his hands as he twists them together.

“So...’winsome’ is your handwriting...and ‘ineffable’ is...mine?” Kurt asks, still a bit dumbfounded by the whole idea. “In...font form? Like, for typing? For my computer?” He’s well aware that the last question was particularly redundant, but Blaine has really left him in awe here.

He nods again. “I hope you like them,” Blaine mumbles uncomfortably.

“Are you kidding?” Kurt asks, incredulously. “I love them!”

Blaine whips his head up and gives another tense blink. He’s surprised to find Kurt smiling, with the barest glint of happy tears in his eyes. “Rrrr-rrrr-really?”

“I’m … amazed by them. It’s such a thoughtful gift, like literally full of thought. Somehow you found a way to encapsulate our entire relationship, right from the beginning, into a gift. How did you do that? Sometimes I think you might not actually be real.”

Blaine blushes, “I-I-I www-www-wah-was www-worried that you mmm-might think they were weird or lame.”

Kurt pulls Blaine close to him, hugging him and whispers “I think it’s probably the best gift anyone has ever given me.”

Kurt pulls away from the hug to look at Blaine, who scrunches his face and smiles.

“I-I-I figured we we we we could use them in emails while you ww-were away or ss-something.” Blaine shrugs, still feeling bashful and finding it hard to believe that Kurt really likes his gift this much. He worked hard on the idea, but he really didn’t expect Kurt to react like this.

“It certainly puts to shame what I got you.”

“Oh, I-I-I dah-doubt that.”

Kurt wordlessly hands him a thin box. Blaine unwraps it and finds a classy dark wood picture frame. It has spots for four different pictures, all of him and Kurt, sitting close together on Kurt’s couch, obviously taken the same night. One where they’re both looking in opposite directions but making very similar faces and then one where Kurt’s looking at Blaine and Blaine is smiling at something on the coffee table. Another where Blaine is side-eyeing Kurt while Kurt is falling over laughing and one where they’re looking at each other, both tight-lipped but moments away from laughing.

“I-I-I’ve never sss-seen these,” he says to Kurt. “I dd-dah-don’t even re-re-re-remember anyone taking these.”

“Rachel had them on her phone. They’re from the night of our Sorta-versary. I thought they were … the perfect photographic representation of our relationship.”

Blaine smiles, “They rr-rr-really are. I particularly like the one wwwww-where I’m grinning like an asshole at the wood grain of your coffee table while you look at mmm-me like I’m a slightly bah-bah-bah-brain addled child.”

“What? No!” Kurt grabs for the frame. “I’m looking at you fondly! That’s a fond look!”

“You call it fondness, I-I-I-I call it exasperation.”

“Can we compromise? Call it a fond exasperation and leave it at that?”

“Yes. And uh, thank you, Kurt. I-I-I-I love them. I love you.” Blaine places the frame on the kitchen island and glances shyly at Kurt.

“I love you, too,” Kurt says, as he hooks his fingers in Blaine’s belt loops and pulls him closer.

Blaine leans his forehead on Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I, I, I, ssss-still get so nah-nervous about this stuff. I may-may-may-make it really buh-buh-big in my head, convincing myself that I’m … going to do sss-sss-sss-something wrong.”

“You’re so silly. You could have made me a macaroni necklace and I would have loved it.”

“Be-be-be-be-cause I’m your ss-ss-slightly bb-bb-bb-bb-rain addled child, instead of your fella?” Blaine, pulls back a bit to look at Kurt with a sarcastic smirk and an “I told ya so” head nod.

“No, because macaroni is going to be very fashionable next fall and I want to be ahead of the trend.”

“You nah-nah-never fail to make mmm-me feel beh-beh-beh-bet-bet-ter.”

“Back atcha,” Kurt says with an over exaggerated wink. Kurt looks over Blaine’s face, taking in the way his smile crinkles his eyes and his cheek twitches under Kurt’s scrutiny, before Blaine blushes and dips his head.

“I wish I could shrink ray you and put you in my pocket and take you with me to Paris.”

Blaine laughs and then a pensive look crosses his face. “I... I dah-don’t know how to ss-ss-say this. You mmmmm-might think it’s sort of offensive even.”

Kurt raises a curious eyebrow at Blaine.

“I love ssss-sp-spending time with you,” Blaine continues, slowly building steam. “However, I-I-I think I could easily be-be-be-be-come... too dd-dd-dependent on you and I don’t wwww-want that. I think this, you going to Paris, wwww-will bb-bbb-bbb-be a learning experience for mm-mm-me. I-I-I-I think knowing you’re out there, loving me, buh-buh-buh-but that I can’t bb-bb-be with you all the time will bb-bbb-be good. Sad and a little painful, buh-but good for mmm-me. Good for us, in the long rr-rr-run.”

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?”

Blaine nods. “I don’t want to sss-sound crazy. You make me feel dd-dd-different. Not like me, not like the old me, like a beh-beh-bet-better... Bah-bah-laine. And I, I, I, I feel like us be-be-be-being apart like this …” Blaine pauses and sighs and shakes his head. “I dunno what I’m ss-ss-saying. It’s stupid.”

“Actually, I think I get it. Because you make me feel different, too. And now I’m going to go out and be Blaine’s Kurt, without Blaine, for a little while and see what life is like. And realize that life is dumb and boring without you. Then I get to come back and be with you and it’ll be the best thing ever. And maybe after that I won’t ever have to miss you so much ever again.”

Blaine squeezes his eyes shut and leans in to whisper, “You did that thing again.” And kisses Kurt’s neck, “That thing where you read my mind.” Kurt’s mouth finds Blaine’s and they spend a minute kissing, smiling, happy to be together.

They hear Puck and Rachel talking loudly in the stairwell then and they know that this moment is over, but there will be plenty more to come. They just have to get through the next 5 months.

~~~~~

Selected texts from Christmas and the week before New Year’s

December 23
@10:47 pm
Kurt: I can’t help but notice there are several password protected folders on this flash drive.

10:52 pm
Blaine: oh those old things?
Blaine: Don’t you worry your pretty little head about them.
Blaine: everything will be revealed in good time.

10:54 pm
Kurt: What kind of game are you playing at Anderson???
Kurt: I want to know nowwwww.

10:56 pm
Blaine: Whining accomplishes nothing.
Blaine: I will reveal the passwords when I feel like it.
Blaine: It’s for when you’re away, so you better not lose that little guy.

10:58 pm
Kurt: I will protect him with my very life.
Kurt: I will hug him and pet him and name him Poophead.
Kurt: In your honor.

11:00 pm
Blaine: Well that’s just adorable.

-----------

December 24
@ 12:02 pm
Blaine: Dear Mom- I think going to the mall on Christmas Eve is the worst idea you’ve ever had. I’d rather stay here and awkwardly discuss the “surprisingly temperate weather” with your husband for the next several hours. Sincerely, Blaine.

3:08 pm
Kurt: I’ve brought something to my own attention.
Kurt: Yes. That sentence is awkward, but it’s exactly what I want to say.
Kurt: you were WRONG about Ray Romano to Kristen Bell

3:10 pm
Blaine: So, Chris Kattan wasn’t the key?

3:11 pm
Kurt: Nope.
Kurt: (Sidenote: can watch Buffy season 5 soon?)
Kurt: You could have done it much simpler, you forgot about Chris Elliott.

3:14 pm
Blaine: (YES. “We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker.”)
Blaine: Chris Elliott you say?

3:18 pm
Kurt: (“It’s not Bob Barker, scabby morons. The key is new to this world...”)
Kurt: So the best way would have been...
Kurt: Ray Romano was on his show with Chris Elliott
Kurt: Chris Elliott is on How I Met Your Mother with Jason Segel
Kurt: And Jason Segel was of course in Forgetting Sarah Marshall with K.Bell.
Kurt: Now I’ll stick my tongue out at you.

3:21 pm
Blaine: Well then, I suppose you win this round.
Blaine: I have no witty comeback.
Blaine: So I’m going to text you Buffy season 5 quotes instead.
Blaine: “Like any of that's enough to fight the Dark Master. Bator.”

4:18 pm
Kurt: “I think you're drawing a lot of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince! Bator.”

4:52 pm
Blaine: “Yes, I’m thinking of buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.”

9:08 pm
Kurt: “He called you a Toth.”

9:10 pm
Blaine: “It’s a British expression. It means, like, moron.”

-----------

December 25
@11:18 pm
Blaine: so then my grandpa told my aunt that he always thought she wasn’t really his daughter.
Blaine: And that he thought my grandma had an affair while he was in the air force during the Korean War.

11:22 pm
Kurt: NO. FUCKING. WAY.
Kurt: My family is so boring.

11:25 pm
Blaine: You have no idea.
Blaine: We used to be a very sedate bunch.
Blaine: turns out he was wrong though.
Blaine: My grandma would never do that.
Blaine: Also, my grandpa has dementia, so he probably saw this on a soap opera.

11:28 pm
Kurt: Oh. Well now that just seems sad.
Kurt: Why didn’t you mention the dementia in the first place?

11:31 pm
Blaine: Oh yeah. I probably should have lead with that.

-----------

December 26th
@ 9:46 pm
Kurt: Do you want to stay over on New Year’s Eve eve?
Kurt: This way we’ll have a chance to hang out
Kurt: And then on actual New Year’s Eve we’ll go to Rachel’s party

9:52 pm
Blaine: YES!

9:53 pm
Kurt: That was easy.

9:55 pm
Blaine: Don’t you realize that I just want to spend time with you dumbass?

9:57 pm
Kurt: I love that your pet name for me is dumbass.
Kurt: It’s really heartwarming.

9:59 pm
Blaine: I think it’s a lovely way to mention your ass (which is perfect) and how dumb (aka awesome) I think you are.
Blaine: awesome-ass doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Blaine: Also, your pet name for me has recently become Poophead, has it not?

10:01 pm
Kurt: um. yes?

10:02 pm
Blaine: I rest my case.

-----------

December 27th
@1:48 pm
Kurt: I keep forgetting to ask how the family bonding is going.

1:55 pm
Blaine: Let’s put it this way
Blaine: Yesterday my father asked if I would ever consider going ice fishing with him
Blaine: ICE FISHING Kurt.

1:57 pm
Kurt: I’m speechless.

1:58 pm
Blaine: I KNOW
Blaine: Apparently one of his work friends has an ice fishing hut?
Blaine: On some lake... somewhere?

2:00 pm
Kurt: So what did you say?

2:01 pm
Blaine: I said we should see if Coop wants to come.
Blaine: Because I can’t say I’m dying to spend time with my father
Blaine: But I dunno
Blaine: If he’s really trying, I don’t want to discourage him
Blaine: Which again is just. so. fucked. up.
Blaine: Because he spent YEARS, literally years Kurt, discouraging *me*

2:06 pm
Kurt: Are you going to talk to him about this?

2:15 pm
Blaine: I honestly don’t know.

----------

December 28th
@ 1:08 am
Blaine: are you awake?

1:10 am
Kurt: Yep! I’m watching something really dumb with Finn.
Kurt: is it possible that someone made a parody of Beverly Hills Chihuahua?
Kurt: Because if so that’s what we’re watching.

1:13 am
Blaine: Can you go check your email?

1:14 am
Kurt: And if not, then I have no idea what this is.
Kurt: Oh? Of course.

1:16 am
Blaine: Are you reading yet?

1:17 am
Kurt: I’m signing in.

1:18 am
Blaine: I’m going to call you now...
Blaine: Read the email for further clarification.

~~~~~

To: k.hummel@nyu.edu
From: b.anderson6@nyu.edu
Date: Sun, Dec 28th, 1:07 am
Subject: This isn’t going to seem real until I explain it all to you.

(I wrote this all out and then decided to call you. I’m on the phone with you right now, I’m assuming. So, hi. Sorry I’m not chatty. We could IM I guess, but I really needed to hear your voice. Things are weird and I know I can’t actually talk about all this on the phone, but I needed real time reactions and this is the best I could come up with. Also, I love you.)

Ok. Here goes.

After I talked to you this afternoon (yesterday afternoon technically?) I went downstairs and my dad was watching a football game. I decided to go watch with him. We did our usual grunts of greeting and about 20 minutes later, he mutes the tv. Here is the ensuing conversation, as I recall it:

(Disclaimer- All stuttering has been removed to make this easier to read. And by “all” stuttering, I mean both mine and HIS. That’s right, MY DAD STUTTERED. I have never heard my father stutter before, but it’s a lot like my stutter. Similar problem sounds, prolongations. He didn’t have any hard blocks and he didn’t stutter a ton, but it was... surreal.)

Papa Anderson: So, have you given any more thought to the ice fishing idea?
Me: Um, not really. Do you even know anything about ice fishing?
PA: Actually, I used to go with my friends in college.
Me: Oh, so you’re not just going to take me out to some lake in the middle of winter and leave me there to die? (I can’t help but be a smart ass lately.)
PA: (Chuckles) I think your mother would be mad at me if I did that. So, what do you think?
Me: When did you want to go?
PA: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you could fly home for a weekend in February? I know you have a lot of plans for the rest of winter break.
Me: Wow. That’s... shockingly considerate of you.
PA: Blaine, contrary to what you believe, I’m not trying to make your life harder.
Me: OK. (This was said in a very suspicious tone.) So, what are you trying to do?
PA: (chuckles) I guess I’m trying to bond with you. It might be too little, too late. But... I want to try at least.
Me: Ok. Can I think about it a little more?
PA: Sure.
Me: I talked to Cooper about it already. He said he might be into it. But only if there’s a lot of hot rum drinks involved.
PA: That sounds like something Cooper would say. I think we could make that a reality.
Me: Cool. (now watch as I become the ballsiest son of a bitch you’ve ever met.) Are we ever going to acknowledge the fact that you used to hit me for stuttering and maybe that’s why I might not be enthusiastic about spending quality time with you? (This was not an easy sentence for me, but I said it and I’m damn proud.)

I wish you could have seen my father in this moment. I’ve never seen him look so stunned and speechless.

I made the man I was terrified of my whole life completely lose his shit in the face of confrontation. Me. Blaine. I did that.

It was amazing to have to power like that. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it was a Top Ten Most Awesome Moment of Blaine Anderson’s Life Thus Far. (Other things on that list include meeting you, having sex with you, getting into NYU, every time I’ve ever made you smile, etc.)

Back to my story. Oh, this is also the point in the conversation where he started stuttering.

PA: Well then. Let’s not beat around the bush.
Me: (I nodded. And blinked a lot. I didn’t know what to say. I kind of used up all of my words on that sentence of confrontation.)
PA: Those are not proud times for me Blaine. They’re not. I should have never, ever done that. I have no defense. I really messed up. I’m doing my best now. But I can’t change what I did to you in the past. I’m a coward, Blaine. And I’m sorry. (this is sort of a summary of what he said. I can’t remember it exactly, but that’s the gist.)
Me: Did Mom know? That you hit me? (Oh look at that. Suddenly I’m saying more words. Another sentence of confrontation!?!?! Amazing.)
PA: No, she had no idea. Though I recently told her. (Long pause. Very long. Like minutes and millennia and eons passed during this pause. There was the birth and death of several generations during this pause. Or I could be hyperbolizing and it was like 90 seconds. What I’m trying to tell you, Kurt? Is that it felt LONG.) I’ve been seeing a therapist.
Me: Mom told me.
PA: Good.
Me: What did Mom say when you told her you hit me?
PA: She threatened to leave me. She stayed at her sister’s for the night. I asked her to come back and she did. You’re mother and I have a … complicated relationship. We’re working through a lot of issues. I love her and I think she still loves me. I hope.
Me: (I was uncomfortable so I changed the subject.) So, what’s up with your therapist?
PA: He’s been making me write a lot. I guess because spoken words aren’t my strong suit.
Me: (insert snort of disbelief) Yeah, I wouldn’t know anything about that.
PA: Listen. I know. There’s a lot of … baggage we have between us. We’re not going to resolve it all. Not quickly at least.

I just realized how weird our body language was during all this. Both of us were like, leaning as far as we could from each other, him on the couch, me in the chair next to it, our arms folded tightly across our chests, rarely making eye contact. But we both stayed. Neither of us ran away when this really impossibly hard to discuss topic came up.

Me: (I nodded. I was a little... emotional by this point because I’m kind of a tool like that. And I was feeling a pretty serious block coming on.)
PA: I want you to come with me sometime. To see my therapist. I know you’ve been going for years and it’s nothing new to you, but maybe it would be … beneficial if we went together.
Me: (jaw drop)
PA: Or if you’re not comfortable with that, maybe we could go see Paula together. You’re far away and you probably won’t live at home much anymore, but I just... I don’t want to lose you, Blaine. I know I’ve been stupid and pigheaded and I might not deserve it, but I want you to forgive me. Because it would break my heart to lose you.

So, I did the only thing I could think of, because I really honestly couldn’t speak. I stood up, moved over the couch and sat next to him. I put my feet up on the coffee table and we stayed like that, not talking, watching the football game, until my mom called us for dinner.

And then we played 500 Rummy with my mom for several hours.

And now I’m emailing you.

It’s not perfect. But it happened. I feel oddly manipulated by the whole experience, but I think that’s a result of how very little I trust him. On the one hand, how do I repair this relationship, if I don’t give in a little? But then on the other hand, I don’t think I’m interested in giving in a little just to get burned again.

But like I’ve never realllllly given in to him before. Not really. I’ve mostly tried to avoid him. There’s no easy answer to this. I guess, I have to … hope? try? not give a fuck but pretend I do? Where’s the silver lining in this for me? Is that dumb for me to want there to be a silver lining? Am I being an assclown? I’m rambling. I need to talk to you.

I’m going to send this and then text you so that you know immediately that I sent this because I need you to read it.

Oh, fuck it.

~~~~~

“Blaine?”

Throat clearing. “Hi.”

“So. Ha. Hi to you, too. Don’t worry about being chatty. What’s... Oh. I love you, too. This is... he stuttered? Weird. Hehe, Papa Anderson. That is considerate. Holy shit! Did you really say that to him? Wow. I’m impressed. And aw. Really? The top 10 list? OH MY GOD. You confronted him about that too? You’re like a confrontation machine... Hmm. Wow. This is... He said that? This is like magic. Wow. Seriously. You still there?”

Throat clearing. “Mm-hmm.”

“Alright. So, shit. Lots of questions. I can see why you might feel manipulated, for sure. But I do think you need to consider giving in a little. A tiny bit. Come home in February and do the ice fishing thing. Especially if Cooper is in. You don’t have to start buying him #1 Dad mugs or something, but maybe give him a chance. In fact, tell yourself that you’re giving him this one chance and if it doesn’t work then you can stop trying. And you’re looking for a silver lining because you deserve a silver lining. You’re not being an ass clown. I don’t know what else to say, I think I need to digest a bit, but I love you, ok?”

Throat clearing. Several loud gulps. “K. I-I-I-I-I-I-I love you.”

“And I’ll see you on Tuesday? We’ll have lots of time to talk it over while you’re here.”

Throat clearing. Quiet. “Yeah. Ok.”

“Or write me more emails and texts and everything. Whatever you need to do, but we’ll be able to talk when we see each other.”

Throat clearing. “Mm-hmm.”

“Bye Blaine.”

~~~~~

December 28th
@ 1:39 am
Blaine: Thanks Kurt.
Blaine: for like everything on earth.

1:41 am
Kurt: Same to you, Blainers. Same to you.

1:45 am
Blaine: I think I like Poophead more than Blainers now.

1:46 am
Kurt: Ok Poophead. :)