After chatting with Matt and emailing Kurt back in the middle of the night, he just couldn’t fall asleep. Instead he tossed and turned until the sun came up. He tiptoed out of the room and went for a jog. It’s not going to solve all of his problems, but running always clears his head.

He watches the city wake up, the gates coming up on stores and delis. He jogs past the coffee shop and sees a sign for open mic night. Friday is getting close and he still needs to pick a song for Kurt. He also needs to work up the nerve to ask Kurt to meet him. He plans to text Kurt sometime, but the whole idea is terrifying and has too many variables.

He really needs to make all this up to Kurt. He knows he’s being an asshole. He knows he was sort of leading Kurt on, but he knows that it wasn’t his intention. Blaine is so insecure about himself, that he never thought about how he might be making Kurt feel. And pretty much that’s what makes him an asshole, his inability to see outside of himself. He never knew he had such potential for asshole-ish-ness. Must have inherited it from his dad.

That’s not fair though. They might not see eye to eye and Blaine doubts he’ll be able to really trust his father any time soon, but his dad does appear to be trying. After that morning at breakfast, it seemed like he smiled more, which is never a bad thing. And he called Blaine himself the other day to ask how his flight was. It’s progress. It’s not perfect, but they’re moving towards something, an understanding, a mutually agreed upon neutral space.

Blaine likes to think that this change is in his father is really a harbinger of all the good things that could happen in his life. He’s so close to fixing this stuff with Kurt. He knows he can do it. If he can put stuff back together with his father, he can put stuff back together with Kurt.

Off and on during class that day, through bleary eyes, he works on his letter, adding things, subtracting things, changing things. He spends some time that evening rewriting it neatly, knowing he’s going to have the opportunity to give it to Kurt someday. It’s not finished just yet, but it’s getting closer. He’s not sure what else he needs to write, but there’s more that needs to be said.

He’s formulating a plan with Matt. Blaine thinks (hopes, wishes, prays) that it will work. And even just knowing that he’s going to try makes him sleep better the next night.

~~~~~

Blaine leaves for class a bit early the next day so he can take a detour to the English building. He knows playing the piano for a while will help and sometimes that’s where he does his best thinking. If nothing else, it always eases his nerves. He’s surprised to find that someone tuned piano over the summer. Blaine had sort of believed he was the only person who even knew it was there.

He touches the keys lovingly and settles into a comfortable place on the bench. Blaine inhales deeply and starts playing. He plays any and every song he can think of. He lets himself go with the music, not thinking at all, just appreciating the fact this is something he can do. All of Blaine’s walls fall down when he plays music and it’s no different right now. He relaxes into the whole experience. He starts in on a long, delicate version of the tuna salad song, the slowed down, piano version, (because there’s something about the melody that he just loves) and a minute later someone says his name behind him.

He was so deep into the music he didn’t even hear the door. He freezes for a moment and then stands up too fast, knocking over the bench, feeling clumsy and embarrassed. He feels even more embarrassed when he turns around and meets a pair of blue eyes.

Those pale blue eyes.

Blaine desperately wants to crawl in a hole.

Because the Face knows his name. He’s momentarily so confused he can’t process what the Face is saying. The Face just said “Blaine.” How did that happen?

He can’t. He can’t be saying these words. Blaine can hardly hear what The Face is saying over the rush in his own ears, but this is Kurt. This isn’t right. This can’t be happening.

Breathe.
One in, one out.
Blink.
Fists clench, unclench.
Jaws clench, unclench.
Breathe again.
Blink 5 times in a row really fast.
Pinch self, on off chance this is a fever dream.

Breathe.
Blink.

Blaine is in a full on panic. The Face really is Kurt. Kurt from online.

Kurt, who Blaine has fallen so in love with this summer.

Kurt, who has no idea about Blaine’s speech.

Kurt, who Blaine has been a total asshole to lately.

It’s too soon. He’s not ready. He wasn’t ready for it to happen right now. And he really can’t believe that Kurt would even want to speak to him. He feels like he’s being ambushed, but that’s not Kurt’s fault. This is his own fault. How is this happening?

It’s just too much. And the Face, KURT, is leaving. Kurt is turning away from him. He’s got to make a noise, at least a sound. He needs to say something.

He wants to say:

Please don’t go.

You could never bother me.

I like you.

I’m so stupid.

I’m so sorry.

I miss you so much.

I can’t believe you’re The Face.

It’s nice to meet you, Kurt.

Any one of those phrases might work. But not when they’re all trying to get out of his mouth at the same time. He’s grasping for something, anything.

He clears his throat. At least it’s a noise. At least Kurt will know he’s alive.

He tries again, and the noise is much louder this time. He finally breaks the block that formed, but the words are going to be choppy at best. He won’t be able to look anywhere near those eyes if he wants to get the words out, so he trains his gaze into the corner of the room.

“H-h-how ddddid you know?” Some words finally tumble out. That’s not exactly what he wanted to say, but it will do.

“I actually wasn’t sure until I just heard someone playing that song and then saw it was you. That’s the tuna salad song, right?”

Blaine laughs at this, or at least he tries to. It’s a terrible noise, mirthless, even though he’s happy to hear that Kurt recognized the song. He’s pleased to realize that Kurt followed his trail of music into this room. He’s relieved to know that Kurt doesn’t hate him so much that he would just ignore something that he associated with Blaine.

Blaine is also well aware that it’s his turn to speak. To explain. To say... something.

“I ddddddidn’t w-want you to know. To know that I ssstuttered. I w-w...” I wanted for once in my life to have someone who liked me for me. I loved having a person that knew me for more than how I sound. For the first time, the way I spoke had nothing to do with the impression I made. He’ll never be able to say all that. He has the letter though. He could give Kurt the letter. But Matt. Matt said Blaine should try to talk. So he continues.

“I knew... I-I-I knew that when I mmmmm-et you, I wouldn’t be able to tttalk. That all mmmmm-my words would get stuck. Blah-blah-ocked.” It’s getting worse instead of better. He’s blushing now, and he can feel some of his ticks start. He repeats the word “Blocked,” but he’s not sure why, except that he just wanted to get it out, without stuttering. He needed a small victory right now.

He can feel Kurt looking at him, taking him in, for all his flaws. Kurt, finally seeing him for the shy and inarticulate (and terrified) boy that he is, instead of the clever and joking (and winsome) man he was online. He can’t look up. He can’t.

Kurt can see Blaine.

Kurt can see Blaine.

When Blaine feels a warm hand on his shoulder, he involuntarily tenses and Kurt pulls away too soon. He liked that hand, it felt nice, but it’s just a friendly hand, maybe even a pitying hand. He knows what’s coming. Probably something along the lines of “Nice knowing you. See ya around, hopefully never.” Maybe with kinder words, because Kurt was at least his friend for a little while, but the sentiment will be the same. This is what Blaine’s been avoiding. It’s so clear to him now. He’s so stupid, he wanted to blow Kurt off before Kurt could blow him off. That’s all. He wanted some power for once.

He’s shoving his hands through his hair, he knows he probably looks crazy, but he needs to try to gain a little control. He needs to at least be able to walk out of this room with a shred of dignity intact. He inhales deeply and looks right at Kurt. (Small victories. Keep it up, Blaine.)

“Sorry,” Blaine mumbles, “I didn’t mean...” I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean to be me. I didn’t mean to be someone else entirely all summer. I didn’t mean to trick you into liking me. I didn’t mean for you to ever see me for who I really am. Not like this, caught unaware, with my guard down. With my mask tossed aside because I was here alone in my fortress of music.

Blaine isn’t even sure where he wanted that sentence to go. But it’s blocked now. So he just shakes his head and gestures towards his mouth, hoping Kurt might understand. And give him a little bit of patience. Please be patient, Kurt. Please don’t be snarky or sarcastic or flippant, not right now.

Blaine begs Kurt, with his eyes. He pleads with him, to say something, to put him out of his misery. Maybe then at least Blaine will be able to get on with his somewhat lonely little life. But at least he’ll know.

“I won’t think of them as blocks, Blaine. I’ll think of them as … interludes.”

Interludes.

The word is stuck in Blaine’s head like a song he only heard once but longs to hear again.

Interludes.

That sounds so much nicer than stuttering and blocks and the horrible feeling in his chest when his mouth refuses to work.

Kurt said “won’t.” He said he won’t think of them as blocks. That means will not. Future tense.
Kurt sees them in the future. Blaine knows he needs to get out of this room before he does something humiliating like hug this wonderful almost stranger who just filled up his heart with hope.

Ok, settle down cowboy. You need to get out of here. Thank him for being kind.

“No-no-no one has ever ss-sah-sah-said anything that nice to mmme. Be-be-be-be-fore.”

Well that was dorky, depressing and not even close to what you actually wanted to say. It might be sort of sadly true, but you don’t say stuff like that. Just get out of here before you make it worse.

He tells Kurt he has class and then Blaine walks out of the piano room. He knows that he shouldn’t leave things like this. But if he stays any longer, he’s going to say something even more dorky and depressing. He leans on the wall around the corner to catch his breath. He just needs a minute to collect himself. (The small loser voice is also telling him that he really does need to get to class, it is only the second day of school after all.) He knows that he should say something else though. Something about wanting to see Kurt again. He needs to give him the letter.

He pulls it out of his wallet. The letter that he’s been writing to Kurt for the past week, that he’s poured so much into and isn’t even finished yet. He finds a marker and scrawls a note across the front of it. He needs Kurt to know what’s going on. He needs to apologize. And at least Kurt might see now that Blaine isn’t such a bad guy.

Just misunderstood. Just unsure.

He runs back into the room where Kurt has taken a seat on the piano bench and hands him the letter. He really does plan on getting in touch with Kurt soon. He smiles weakly and leaves the room again, making it to class in the nick of time. Not that he hears one word the professor says. His head is swimming with thoughts of Kurt.

His whole mind is full of Kurt and the phrase “... I’ll think of them as interludes.”

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

Blaine’s whole demeanor changes after Kurt says the word interludes. He’s looking at Kurt curiously now, his face finally relaxed. His body language just a little more open. He’s still obviously nervous and so very shy. So very shy that Kurt just wants to hug him and tell him it’s all going to be ok. He knows what’s inside of Blaine and he likes him. (Hugging is for later. LATER KURT. Not yet.)

Blaine blinks at Kurt some more. Kurt’s beginning to think that Blaine says more with his eyes and blinking than anyone else on earth. He’s saying something now, but Kurt isn’t attune yet. Kurt wishes he was attune. He hopes Blaine will give him a chance to learn his language.

“No-no-no one has ever ss-sah-sah-said anything that nice to mmme. Be-be-be-be-fore.”

What? Kurt suddenly feels like crying.

No really. What? Kurt had a feeling that Blaine had a sort of an unhappy life, but really? Something is wrong with this world, if Kurt’s tiny little sentiment is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to Blaine Anderson. Why aren’t you allowed to hug people you just met in real life?? Why!?!

“I-I-I have class,” Blaine continues and this time Kurt can see something in Blaine’s eyes that says he doesn’t really want to walk away, but that he needs to. A little bit of desperation, the tiniest shred of hope, and something like sadness, but not quite.

“Ok.” Kurt is so stunned by the whole scene, that he just lets Blaine leave then with a wave of his hand.

Kurt stands in the empty room for a second. He’s not quite sure what to do with himself now. He’s supposed to meet Rachel for lunch soon, but his mind is whirling and he isn’t mentally prepared for Rachel and her … Rachel-osity. Kurt decides to come up with a plan, a course of action to see Blaine again. He rights the piano bench and sits down to think the whole situation over.

This was a seriously unexpected turn of events. He knew when he heard that song, that whoever was in this room was more than likely Blaine. Online Blaine, who had pretty much been blowing him off for the past couple of weeks. He was really surprised when it all came together in his mind that Blaine was the guy from last year. From the coffee shop, from the salute in the street, The Silent Stranger with the cute ass. He was surprised that he hadn’t put it together sooner.

Kurt wondered a few times over the summer if they might be one in the same. But that would have been weird. Like really weird and Kurt almost didn’t want to consider it. When Blaine/The Silent Stranger sent him that gorgeous snippet of song this summer, he knew it was familiar, but it never really clicked that such a pretty little song was the same as the hilariously funny tuna salad ballad that the boys sang at open mic.

But now that Kurt really has a moment to consider this, and think about the facts, he feels pretty stupid actually. Blaine often mentioned things that should have stood out, but didn’t really, because Kurt wrote them off as mere coincidence. A roommate named Matt? Lots of people have roommates named Matt. He likes to run? Well, New York is full of joggers. He plays piano and guitar? Again, not exactly screaming “hey, it’s that guy you sort of crushed on from afar!” Except that it is. Which is … something else.

Kurt is actually still really worried about Blaine. He seemed so upset by the whole scene that just occurred. Kurt’s empathy meter is topped out and he honestly has no idea how to proceed. He really wants to talk to Blaine again, but he wonders about what Blaine wants. He understands that Blaine is shy and insecure and nervous about stuttering, but Kurt ultimately worries that Blaine might think that Kurt isn’t a nice enough person to accept him for his perceived flaws.

When Kurt really thinks about what he said to Blaine this summer, Blaine has every right to believe that Kurt might not be the nicest guy. Or the most patient. Kurt was downright nasty at times, bitching about people at work and D.Marshall and Rachel and he’s pretty sure he said something awful about Finn that Blaine could totally misconstrue...

All of this floods through his mind in a matter of minutes and Kurt is quite shocked when the door re-opens and Blaine comes back in. In one hand he holds a red marker and in the other a folded up piece of paper. He closes the gap between them and wordlessly hands Kurt the paper.

Scribbled across the front fold, in red ink, it says “I haven’t finished this yet, but I want you to read it. I’m so sorry. I’ll get in touch soon. -Blaine” It’s heavy in Kurt’s hand, this is no short, one-page note.

Blaine smiles and leaves the room. Kurt wants to yell at his back, “What do you mean by soon, Blaine!?” Kurt decides on the spot that he’ll give Blaine 24 hours to get in touch and then he’s taking the matter in his own hands. (Kurt’s really impressed when he hears from Blaine in less than 5.)

Kurt weighs the folded pages in his hand for a moment, realizing it could contain everything he wants and needs to know. He checks his watch and shoots Rachel a text saying that he won’t be able to meet her for lunch.

There is nowhere else he could be possibly need to be at this moment, so he unfolds the letter.