-----------
6:14 pm
Blaine: Doing it tonight. telling them.

6:18 pm
Kurt: Good luck. come online after if you want/need to talk.

6:20 pm
Blaine: I’m scared. I don’t know if I can do it.

6:25 pm
Kurt: Just be honest. you can do it.

6:26 pm
Blaine: Thanks Kurt

6:28 pm
Kurt: Anytime
-----------

After his father retires to the living room and Blaine finishes helping his mom clean up, he asks her if he could talk them, together. She gives him a questioning look, but follows him into the other room. Cooper comes in behind them and gives Blaine’s shoulders a squeeze as he sits down on the piano bench.

Blaine stays standing, hoping it doesn’t look like he wants to run out of the room. Even if that is exactly what he wants to do.

His hands are clammy and stomach is churning. But it’s now or never. And Cooper’s here.

“I, I wanted to tt-tell you guys something, “ Blaine starts. He takes a deep breath and starts the very short speech that he’s been practicing with Paula.

“I’m sssscared to tell you, but I really nah-need to bah-bah-be honest. I don’t want you to be mmmad at mmmme, bbbbut I understand if you are. Cooper told me I could stay with him tonight if, if, if I need to. If you dah-don’t wwwant me here.” He isn’t sure why he added that last part, maybe he just needed to say it for himself, to remember that he doesn’t have to stay here if things go wrong. Or maybe he just needed his parents to know that Cooper had already picked a side.

Deep breath. In and out. He looks at his parents then, sitting on the couch. His father’s eyes actually looking at Blaine, focused on him, his mother’s face more than a bit confused. His heart is about to pound out his chest. He looks at Cooper, who gives him a nod.

Now or never.

“So, I’m gay,” he finally says, much, much louder than he intended to. (In the back of his mind, he looks forward to telling Matt that he yelled. But that’s for later.)

His father leans his elbows on his knees, his lips pursed, brows furrowed, eyes staring out the picture window to the settling twilight in the front yard. He holds that pose, for nearly a minute. The room is tense, as though everyone is waiting for his dad’s reaction. Blaine sees him take a deep breath and then stand. His eyes follow his father’s back, as it travels across the room and disappears up the stairs. Blaine’s not sure what to think of that. He turns his attention to his mother, who’s gazing down, with her fist pressed to her mouth.

She looks up at Blaine, removes her hand from her face, stands up and smiles. It’s a little forced, but Blaine isn’t sure if that’s because of his declaration or because of his father’s weird behavior. She closes the distance to Blaine and rests her hand on his cheek and stares into his eyes. “Thank you Blaine. For being honest. I know that wasn’t easy. I don’t really know what to say, except I love you very, very much, no matter what.”

Blaine starts to cry then. He’s just so relieved and at least, if nothing else, his mother still loves him. He’s not entirely sure his father even loved him before tonight, but he was honestly worried about losing his mother’s love. He can handle this. This can be ok. He has no idea what to think of his father’s reaction, but if his mom’s ok, then maybe everything will be ok.

“I think maybe you should go out with Cooper and I’ll go talk to your father,” she says next.

“Are you sha-sure? Are you sure I should l-l-l-leave? Is this going to bbbbe ok? What do you think...” He can’t stop asking questions, each one higher pitched and more tear-filled than the next, but the last one is stuck in throat. He wanted to say “what do you think he’s going to do to me?” but the question is almost as scary as what the answer might be.

“I think your father’s expectations of you, both of you, have always been extreme and I think he needs some time to cool off. I’m not afraid of him, Blaine. You know that right? He can be moody, but he’s never done anything to me that makes me fear him. He’s only a man.” And Blaine believes his mother. He has no cause to doubt her.

“Do you wwwwant to come with us?” He looks over to Cooper, for approval. And of course Cooper’s nodding. It’s then that he joins their little huddle in the middle of the living room, snaking an arm around each of them.

“Whatever you want to do, Mom,” Cooper agrees.

“I want to stay here and try to talk to your father and I want you boys to go to the movies. Or bowling. When was the last time you went bowling? I’ll call you as soon as I can and let you know what I think we should do.”

With that, she kisses each of her sons on the cheek and then traces her husband’s footsteps up the stairs. The brothers stand for a moment listening to whisper of footsteps above their heads.

When they hear the door to their parents bedroom creak open, Blaine and Cooper silently agree to slip out the door.

“I can’t believe she didn’t give us any money,” Cooper whispers as they exit.

“Sssseriously, I think this is the f-f-first time I’ve ever left this house without her ssslipping me at least a 10,” Blaine agrees. He’s shaking, his teeth are chattering a bit, but he’s mostly stopped crying. He’s just happy that Cooper said something normal to him. Something that has nothing to do with everything that just happened in the living room.

They drive around for a while, not really sure what to do with themselves. Blaine thinks Cooper realizes he needs some time to compose himself. Cooper stops at McDonalds and tells Blaine to wait in the car. He comes back out with a 20 piece chicken nugget, two sodas and a couple of wet paper towels for Blaine to wipe his face with.

“Th-thanks Coop. I don’t think I wwwwould have ever found the guts to do that if you wwweren’t there.” Blaine wipes his eyes, feeling better. Honestly feeling better, despite whatever fallout might still be in store.

Cooper nods, looking out the windshield, a far-away look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry Dad reacted like that Blaine. I wish, I wish I could have said something, stopped him, forced to him to be a father instead of a fucking douchebag. He’s never a father when we need him to be.”

Blaine’s surprised by how angry Cooper is. He’s surprised by how invested he is.

“I don’t know what he’s up to. I just wish Mom would call.”

“I know. Tha-thanks for the nuggets.”

“No prob, B. I know how chicken soothes you and you barely ate any dinner,” Cooper says, turning to smile at Blaine.

They stay like that, for a while, in the dark of the car, eating chicken nuggets. Finally Cooper’s cell phone rings. He basically says “Mom? Yeah? Huh. That’s... surprising. I’ll tell him. We will. Yes. Love you too. Bye.”

Blaine is almost as nervous to hear what just happened during that phone call as he was about coming out. He looks at Cooper, waiting for his fate.

“She says he wasn’t mad. When she went into their room, he was crying. She said that he wants to talk to you, but not tonight. She said we should go to the movies and that I should bring you home after. And that you shouldn’t be scared.”

Cooper exhales the breath he’s been holding all night.

Blaine exhales the breath he’s been holding his whole life.

~~~~~

Now what?

He knows he needs to text Kurt.

~No, he wants to call him.~

~He can’t call him.~

~He’s pretty much decided he should never even meet him.~

And this shit just got real.

He still has to deal with his dad.

~He could just call Kurt up.~

~And tell him everything.~

~Just everything.~

He has no idea what’s going to happen with his dad.

But after that, life feels like his to live.

He’s going to get to meet Kurt.

~He can never meet Kurt, though.~

He never even let himself get this far.

~Kurt won’t want someone like Blaine around.~

~Someone who can’t.~

~Someone who doesn’t.~

~Kurt needs someone who’s more than Blaine could ever be.~

He was so focused on the bad that could happen,

~He could write him a letter~

that he was completely blind to the good that could also be on the horizon.

~but he’ll never have the nerve to send it.~

-----------
8:32 pm
Blaine: No lions.

8:34 pm
Kurt: Are you ok? I was worried.

8:37 pm
Blaine: i’m ok
Blaine: it went ok, I’m out with cooper because my mom wanted to talk to my dad
Blaine: She took it amazingly well. my dad fled the scene. It was weird. I feel weird.
Blaine: we’re at the movies but I’ll try to tell you more later

8:40pm
Kurt: sure, keep me posted

~~~~~

The next morning, Blaine and his dad sit at the kitchen table.

Blaine tries to hide the tremors in his hands.

“I know you need to be getting to an appointment with Paula, so I’ll keep this brief. I’m sorry about my behavior last night. I wasn’t angry. I was upset. When I looked in your eyes, all I saw was earnestness and hope. And I realized that those are the things I always see in your eyes. I was at a crossroads last night. Initially, I had these thoughts of telling you to leave, to get out of our house, to never come back. But I don’t want to be estranged from you. I don’t want to push you away. This is my issue, not yours.”

Blaine just blinks. Rapidly. He can’t say a word. He’s staring at his father and for the first time in their relationship, it seems like it’s his father that can’t meet Blaine’s eyes, rather than the other way around.

“I am so very sorry about what happened in the car a few weeks ago. I should have never spoken to you like that. I am so... ashamed about everything I said to you. Over the years, I have wanted to apologize for so many things, but none more so than what I said to you in the car. I am inconsiderate, and selfish, and a son of a bitch and it was about time someone finally called me out on it. I just wish I had handled so many things differently. I wish I could have been there for you when you needed me.”

Blaine nods, because he knows he needs to react somehow, but this shocking turn of events is difficult to process.

“I have no idea if I can ever repair our very damaged relationship,” his father continues, “but I am willing to try, if you would be willing to let me. It might take me awhile to accept this. If you give me time, I will do my best. I’m not sure how I feel about your... sexuality. But that doesn’t mean,” here his father pauses, dropping his eyes to the table. It’s a long pause. When he looks up, his eyes are wet with tears, “it doesn’t mean I don’t love you Blaine. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want good things for you. It might not be perfect, but it’s all I have to offer.”

For the first time in his life, Blaine is speechless and it has nothing to do with his stutter.

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

It’s been over a week.

I haven’t heard from him.

At first, I wanted to give him space.

So I didn’t text, or email, or call.

I feel like it’s too late now.

Like he should have gotten in touch with me.

He said he’d get in touch with me.

He’s back in the city by now

Or what if he’s not back in the city?

What if something really bad happened?

And I’ll never know...

But I don’t want to bother him, if he’s dealing with something.

Why won’t he let me help?

I’m worried.

And I miss him.

So much.

~~~~~

Blaine only knows how to want good things. He doesn’t know how to have them.