To consume?

over the course of any given day?

Kurt: How much chicken have you eaten today, Blaine?

Blaine: well
my parents are out of town
and I’ve been forced to fend for myself
and I ate
10 chicken McNuggets for lunch

Kurt: that’s not bad

Blaine: and an entire supermarket roasted chicken for dinner
accidentally

Kurt: how do you accidentally eat an entire rotisserie chicken?

Blaine: you take an 11 mile run
and get hungry

Kurt: i don’t even know what to say
speechless

Blaine: I really like chicken

Kurt: apparently
I’ll add that to my list of things I know about you
“really likes chicken”

Blaine: what else is on that list?

Kurt: I dunno
stuff :D

Blaine: you look just like me!
did your face get stuck too Kurt?

Kurt: insert eye rolling font

Blaine: aw kurt

Kurt: When does camp end?

Blaine: August 22nd

Kurt: And when will you be back in NY?

Blaine: Labor Day weekend
I fly out on the 30th
so many questions kurt!
so curious!

Kurt: Just being nosy

Blaine: i worry sometimes
about going back to school
that i might end up accidentally meeting

D.Marshall in real life

Kurt: I should be *more* worried
I’m actually an English major
you’re safe and sound in education classes
and music theory
pfft

Blaine: did you ever figure out what year she is?
Maybe she’ll be in your junior seminar!!

Kurt: bite your tongue

Blaine: it’s possible

Kurt: i can’t even imagine her discussing the Canterbury Tales

Blaine: I can
it will be an exercise of patience for everyone involved

Kurt: i have a feeling she looks like snooki

Blaine: Sorry.
I fell out of my chair laughing
Because I think D.Marshall probably *is* snooki
using a fake name
trolling the online classes of NYU

Kurt: any way you cut it
you know D.Marshall has a terrible fake tan

Blaine: terrible

Kurt: so your parents are away?
gonna have a hot party?
a rager? a kegger? something involving a shot luge?

~~~~

@ 9:18 pm
Matt: so what’s going on now?

Blaine: i don’t know
we’re just talking about chicken

Matt: chicken?
I’ve seen you eat an entire roast chicken in one sitting

Blaine: yeah

i did that today

Matt: Are you or are you not currently confessing your love of chicken to a complete stranger on the internet?

Blaine: I am

Matt: How’s he taking it?

how do you think he feels about your passion for chicken?

Blaine: he seems to be accepting of it

Matt: well that’s important
I’d hate to see chicken come between the two of you
like if he was vegan or something

Blaine: I worry that *I’m* going to come between us

Matt: further information needed

Blaine: just like
I’m so bad at this Matt
I mean, not at talking to him online
but like meeting people
and not knowing what to say
or do, or anything
He probably won’t like me
once he meets me

Matt: Blaaaaaiiiinnnnnneeee
Why do you do that? don’t do that

Blaine: I know
but, if I meet him and I don’t tell him
about my stutter, it will be *weird*
or I’ll be weird and he’ll be weird
and everything will be bad. and weird.
but I don’t know how to tell him
before I meet him

Matt: I repeat
Blaaaaiiiinnnnneee

Blaine: yes?

Matt: I mean, I know you need to talk about this
but don’t get so down on yourself
from what I can tell, he’s pretty into you
or he wouldn’t want to meet you, period.
and he definitely wouldn’t want to talk to you like every night for hours

Blaine: I know

Matt: good
do you really know?
or are you just pretending to know so I’ll shut up?

Blaine: i guess i mostly know
but it doesn’t really help all the time
sometimes it just feels like … nothing good can come from this

Matt: everything good could from this
just remember that
you’re a good person
you’re a nice guy
just because sometimes you have trouble talking
doesn’t actually change what you’re SAYING
and if Kurt listens to you
he’ll like you in real life as much as he likes you online
ok?

Blaine: ok

Matt: and if he doesn’t listen to you
he’s not actually worth your time

Blaine: you sound like my brother

Matt: your brother is obviously very, very smart

subject change

So you really think he might be the Face?

Blaine: i don’t know
sometimes I’m like totally sure about it
other times not so much
why can’t you remember Rachel the barista’s roommate’s name???

Matt: Because she talked a LOT
and I wasn’t actually friends with her
you could just ask him Blaine

Blaine: I know
but I enjoy the mystery
sort of
not really, that’s a lie
but what would I even say?

how do I broach that topic with any kind of nonchalance?
“did you bump into a guy wearing an ugly red hat in february? He didn’t speak, but he saluted you and then ran away? Cause if so that was me!”

Matt: yeah, i see your point
kind of lamesauce
i get it now

Blaine: I definitely don’t know enough about the Face to even make a decent guess

Matt: but, as previously discussed, the Face knows enough about you
that if that’s who you were talking to
he could put the pieces together

Blaine: I thought for sure when I sent him the candlelight version of the tuna salad song that he would immediately guess who I was
I feel like the Face would have guessed
but alas, Kurt didn’t say anything
so Kurt probably does not equal the Face

Matt: or maybe he just hated the tuna song and didn’t want to bring it up

Blaine: dude
he loved the tuna salad song
he told me

Matt: in the little corridor
outside the men’s room
at the coffee shop
and your eyes lingered
yada
yada
yada da dot dot da doooooooo

Blaine: hmph

~~~~~

@9:38 pm
Kurt: So how did it go with Cooper then?

Blaine: really, really well
he was like … amazing
it was relieving
For a long time, I didn’t even fully realize what a good brother Cooper is
but it was like my own insecurities that kept me from realizing it

Kurt: what do you mean?

Blaine: he’s almost 8 years older than me
and growing up I thought I just annoyed him
but the older I get, the more fun we have together
particularly since I left for college
we’ve just really been getting along

Kurt: that’s awesome Blaine
I mean, I just have Finn, but I think I get it
there’s something about... acceptance like that

Blaine: for sure

Kurt: did you ask him to come over when you talk to your parents?

Blaine: actually
he offered before I could even really ask
it was awesome
to feel like... supported

Kurt: this is really good

Blaine: it is.

I feel
well
not good about it
truth be told, i feel terrified
but I really do feel better knowing that Cooper is going to be there

Kurt: that’s good Blaine

Blaine: thank you for talking to me about this
i don’t really know what I would have done
without your help this summer

Kurt: well probably you would have failed lit class
or stalked and killed D.Marshall
likely both

Blaine: probably
that sounds like something I would do

Kurt: before we stray too far away from this
this … sincerity
I don’t know what *I* would have done without you this summer, either
you made the whole thing a lot more fun
I probably would have actually stalked and killed D.Marshall

Blaine: so mutual fun was had by all

Kurt: yep
you’re probably blushing right?

Blaine: yeah
sincerity makes me glow
sorry about that

Kurt: why would you ever be sorry about blushing?

Blaine: i have no idea
sometimes I make unnecessary apologies
which now I want to apologize for

Kurt: VICIOUS CYCLE OF APOLOGIES
end it now!

Blaine: ok
sorry
:P

~~~~~

@ 9:42 pm
Matt: so now what’s happening?
I’m bored
let me live vicariously through you

Blaine: I told him my parents are away, so he was asking if i talked them yet
well, first he asked if I was going to have a party

Matt: *did* you talk them yet?

Blaine: you would know if I talked to them
which is pretty much what i said to him
i figure I’ll take the coward’s way
and just like yell over my shoulder at them while getting on the plane for school
“OH MOM & DAD! PS I’M GAAAAAYYYYY!!!”

Matt: you don’t even know how to yell
I’ve barely heard you talk above a 5 on a scale of 10

Blaine: I talked to my parents at at least a 7 last month
and I got into a screaming match with my dad the other day

Matt: With your dad?

Blaine: Yeah

Matt: anything you’d like to vent about?

Blaine: It’s really really embarrassing
and really kind of awful

Matt: ok, you don’t have to talk about it

Blaine: no, I should
we went to get coffee
at a place where you have to give your name
and I didn’t notice
I wasn’t ready with a fake name
and i had like a panic attack
i couldn’t talk
and all the people around me thought I was having a seizure

Matt: oh man. terrible.

but you’re always ready! i’ve seen you be so smooth
telling baristas fake names with a smile on your face

Blaine: I know! I was getting really good at it back in NY
but here at home
i let my guard down or something
and poof
the worst happened

Matt: so your dad got mad at you for that?
that’s dickish, to say the very least

Blaine: well that’s where it started
but then he came out to the car
where i was hiding
and he said something stupid and mean
and I just freaked out

Matt: you freaked out?
you?

Blaine: i did
I lost it on him
i called him a hateful son of a bitch
and then I yelled at him about how he treats me
and about how he treats my mom

Matt: whoa

Blaine: he was really nasty to me
but at least I said what I wanted to say for so long
about how he could help me and doesn’t

Matt: I’m really impressed Blaine
it’s actually a little unbelievable
you yelled?

Blaine: YES
i can yell!
I yell at the kids at work all the time

Matt: fine blaine
I mean, I’m proud of you if you really did yell
but you don’t have to lie to me

Blaine: I’m not lying
I’m going to call and yell at you right now
why must you tease me so!

Matt: sure, sure
whatever you say little buddy

Blaine: stfu

Matt: shutting up

Blaine: in other news

I did come out to Cooper

when I saw him

@ 9:49 pm
Blaine: you may speak

Matt: thank you
what did he say?

Blaine: that he already kind of knew

Matt: ah yes
I’m not surprised by his reaction
you give off a vibe
you’re not like super gay
but there’s something there

Blaine: thanks, i guess?

he was cool with it
so that’s good
if my parents disown me, i still have coop

Matt: you still have me too :)
you could come live in Pittsburgh
and share a room with my little sister
she has the cutest, tiniest trundle bed
it would be perfect for you
my parents wouldn’t even notice you
amongst their numerous other children

Blaine: I’m not tiny
Matt: you’re petite
pequeno

Blaine: you’re an ass

Matt: no i’m not
you love me

Blaine: i love you, in spite of the fact you’re an ass

Matt: I accept that
so now what’s happening?

~~~~~

@ 10:05 pm
Blaine: so cooper said he’d come over
while I tell them
and at least I can always go live with him
if they disown me
disavow my existence
take me out of the will
throw me to the lions

Kurt: if they throw you to the lions, you’ll never make it to cooper’s

Blaine: truth


Kurt: when are you planning on doing this?

Blaine: they won’t be back until Monday.
so maybe Tuesday?
I’m scared
but i can’t keep putting it off
and i know as soon as I make sure cooper’s gonna be there
i’m gonna have to actually do it
like follow through with my plan
and not just write them a kindly worded letter once i get back to school
or have you write them a kindly worded letter when i get back to school
“Dear sir and/or madam- Your son Blaine is gay. Sincerely, Kurt Hummel”

Kurt: I have exquisite penmanship

Blaine: I don’t doubt it

Kurt: so what *is* going to happen when you get back to school?
can we meet?
i mean, unless you don’t want to
which would be a little weird, considering how much we talk
but, no pressure

Blaine: i want to
but kurt
can i get through this stuff with my parents first?
I almost don’t want to think about … good stuff
while i still need to get through this … bad stuff

Kurt: You really think it’s going to be that bad?

Blaine: let’s put it this way
things have been rocky with my dad this summer
and we had a crazy crazy fight before they left for their trip
about almost nothing
like literally, at the base of it, the fight was about a cup of coffee
an iced mocha to be exact
Kurt: seriously?

Blaine: that’s where it started, yeah
i need to wrap my head around what might happen here
and i really want to meet you
and i’m nervous as hell about it (in a good way)
but i’m even more nervous about coming out to my parents
and there’s only so much nervousness I have to go around

Kurt: I get it blaine
thanks for explaining it to me

Blaine: it’s the least I can do

Kurt: do you promise to tell me how it goes?
good, bad or lions?

Blaine: I promise.

~~~~~

@ 10:26 pm
Rachel: I can hear you sighing loudly

Kurt: for the love of God rachel
you could just come in here and talk to me

Rachel: I’m feeling lazy

Kurt: fine
I think we had a moment
Blaine and I

Rachel: ooh-la-la!
of cybersex?!?

Kurt: could you be more inappropriate?
we were just talking about meeting
well, i was
and he was semi-blowing me off again
but i think i get it

Rachel: You really like him huh?

Kurt: i do actually
I just can’t figure out … what he wants?

Rachel: maybe he just doesn’t know

Kurt: He’s always telling me he’s shy and nervous in real life
but it’s almost hard to believe
because he’s so... winsome online
i mean, he’s a total dork
but he’s funny and smart
and i’m so weirdly attracted to this guy I’ve never even met

Rachel: Maybe he’s fugly
(I had to go look up winsome. where the hell did you find that word?)

Kurt: It’s Blaine’s fault! My increasing vocabulary is his fault!
that’s just what he’s like!
and all those stupid fake curses
cheese on a cracker and shit like that

Rachel: well obviously he’s a terrible influence on you
walk away Kurt, don’t ever look back

Kurt: ya know, it’s weird

I don’t really think much about what he looks like

I mean, i’ve *wondered*

but not as much as you might assume
I guess because he’s so cute, personality wise
I can’t imagine him not at least being a cute person
even if he was sort of fugly
like his personality is so appealing to me
his physical attractiveness might not matter

Rachel: huh. That’s interesting
I’m impressed Kurt

Kurt: Because usually I’m a superficial bitch or something?

Rachel: no, I didn’t mean that at all
but you’re very earnest right now
not being sarcastic or flippant
this is why I love you
I mean, i love you when you’re a bitch too
that’s half the fun
but i love seeing this side of you too :)

Kurt: aw, you’re nice!
i love when you’re nice
and not being stupid, vain or obnoxiously competitive!

Rachel: yay for our good qualities!

Kurt: dance party later to celebrate being decent people!

Rachel: um, i’m dancing right now
you’re not dancing?

ANYWAY

Kurt: smh
he really kind of laid out why he’s not ready to meet
and I think I sort of get it
but I always feel like he’s... withholding something
there’s just no way to figure out what
if he’s hiding something, he’s doing a really good job

Rachel: can I see?
what you guys have been talking about?
maybe i can help

Kurt: I guess
I mean it’s all pretty personal for him
and if anything ever comes of us, you can never EVER tell him I let you read our im’s
but I really do need to talk to someone about it

Rachel: please kurt, pretty pretty please!!!

Kurt: I’m not cutting and pasting
you may come in and read over my shoulder.

Rachel: fine.
but i’m bringing my dance party with me.
Rachel signed off @ 10:34 pm