You may be a million miles away
Please believe me, umm ya
When you hear me say
I love you, I love you

Dearest by Buddy Holly

This is another song where it doesn’t quite make sense for us, since it’s about a woman who leaves because she’s fed up with her man and not about a fella going to Paris for study abroad. (Not that there are any songs that describe this exact scenario. I’m starting to regret that I didn’t write you a song again.) But I love it and I love making my voice go really deep on the “I love you” part.

And I can’t believe we’re finally on April! That means we can start saying we’ll see each other next month! YAY!

~~~~~

[Blaine waves.]

[Kurt eyes him suspiciously.]

Don’t wah-worry. I-I-I-I’m nah-not going to try to get out of of of talking this time.

[Kurt grins and holds up a sign that says “Plot twist! I don’t want to talk!”]

[Blaine again finds himself laughing so hard he almost falls out of his chair.]

Ah! Poop! Don’t hurt yourself!

Oh, mm-man. That wah-was hilarious.

So, hi.

Hi.

What’s up?

[Blaine shrugs, but he can’t stop smiling.] It’s rrrr-rrrr-really nice to ss-ss-see your face.

I’d say the same, but your beard is mostly obscuring it.

Oh, come on. Mmmm-my GBOMBS is reh-reh-resplendent and you know it. You admitted you liked it!

It’s a lot of hair Blaine.

I-I-I trimmed it for this occasion!

[Kurt raises an eyebrow.]

I’m going to to to have to kindly ask you to bbb-bbb-be mmmm-more respectful of the GBOMBS.

I’m pretty sure GBOMBS is a misnomer these days anyway.

[Blaine gives him his silent questioning look.]

You’re not exactly living a life of solitude.

[Blaine looks chastised.] I... [He blinks and huffs a little breath of frustration.] I’m s-s-s-sorry.

[Kurt feels bad.] No. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that. I don’t think that’s anything to be sorry about.

Then why dah-do I-I-I-I feel ss-so guilty?

I don’t know. Because you’re Blaine and you can’t help it.

[Blaine smiles.] I-I-I think I kind of mm-mm-may-maybe started to mmm-make another friend.

Oh really? You’re just making friends all over the place. Who is it this time?

Justin from open mmm-mic nah-night.

[Kurt’s face darkens for a split second.] Oh. Huh.

[Blaine’s looking at his hands and misses Kurt’s facial expression.] Yeah. I rrr-ran into him one n-n-n-night last wah-week. And like I talked. I-I-I could talk. [Blaine smiles shyly.]

[Kurt knows how important that is, how great it is that Blaine felt comfortable talking to someone. But he can’t deny the twinge of jealousy he’s feeling.] Good for you Blaine. What did you guys talk about?

I wah-was having a horrible d-d-day. And he came over to mmm-me, at the coffee pah-lace,, to apologize, cause he was w-w-w-worried he was weird at open mmm-mmm-mic night. I dunno. It was good.

Why were you having a bad day? [Kurt’s concern is only tempered by the hope that Blaine was having a bad day because he was missing Kurt and that’s what he talked to Justin about. And then Kurt internally kicks himself.]

Oh. Um. I mm-meant to email you about it. Guess I-I-I forgot.

[Kurt looks at Blaine expectantly.]

A m-m-m-mom of one of the kids at wah-work complained about mmmm-me.

What? Why!? [Kurt’s astonished.]

I-I-I had to tell her that her dd-daughter’s beh-been … bbb-bbb-bi-bi-ting the other kids. And she dd-didn’t like it and she insisted that she had to talk to Sarah.

What happened?

Um. Nothing rr-rr-really. I mm-mean, the m-m-m-mom lodged a formal complaint, but Sarah may-may-made it dih-dih-disappear.

Well, that’s good.

And she ss-said my ss-ss-spah-speech is beh-beh-etter than it used to bb-be and that I talk mm-more.

Well, that’s obvious.

[Blaine smiles and rolls his eyes.] I-I-I-I just like hearing it from people. I’m ss-so lame. [A blush creeps up his cheeks.]

Hey, Blaine.

Yeah, Kurt?

Your speech sounds very good and you talk a lot more than you used to.

[Blaine smiles and wrinkles his nose in a silent “thank you.”]

You’re also very cute.

So are you.

Are you going to be seeing this Justin person again?

Why do you ssss-sound like mmmy mah-mah-mom does wwwwhen she dah-doesn’t approve of ssssssomeone?

I didn’t mean to sound like that. I think I was pretending to sound lofty.

You ss-ss-sounded judgmental, just ss-so you know.

I’m sorry. Let me try again. Are you and your little friend Justin going to have playtime again soon?

[fake cough] Condescending. [Blaine can’t stop smiling though. He likes when Kurt teases him.]

Fine. Maybe, I’m a little, tiny bit jealous.

R-r-r-eally? You dah-dah-don’t have to be. We aren’t rrrr-rrrr-eally friends. No nah-num-num-umbers www-were exchanged, no plans were may-made. It was just... the r-r-r-right place at the rr-rr-ight time.

Interesting.

[Blaine shrugs.] I-I-I-I needed ss-ss-someone to talk to and he appeared.

You could have talked to me. [Kurt makes a pouting face.]

I-I-I know. I wah-was actually writing you an email be-be-be-fore he came up to mm-mm-me. I had it all written out, but I deleted it.

Why? You should have sent it.

I-I-I. I, I d-d-d-didn’t like wah-wah-what I-I-I was saying in it.

You can tell me anything Blaine. Always.

I, I know, Kurt. I-I-I know. The email was all ssss-self-pity and no suh-suh-sub-substance. I was going to think m-m-m-more and then s-s-s-send you a message. Buh-buh-ut then Justin came over and. [He pauses, taking a deep breath, searching for a way to explain this to Kurt.] It’s wah-weird bbbbb-because I nah-never understood nee-nee-needing to talk. As a concept. Buh-buh-ut nah-now I do. Sometimes talking is the mmm-most effective wwww-ay to … clear your head.

You could have called me, or emailed me and told me to meet you on Skype.

Kurt. I-I-I know. It wah-was just a timing thing. It wah-was like 1am in Paris. And Matt was in class, Kerry was at wwwwork and I-I-I-I wasn’t prepared to talk to the dy-dy-dy-dynamic duo of Rachel and Tina.

The dynamic duo?

They’ve be-be-be-come clones of my mmm-mom rrr-recently.

You love your mom. How is that a bad thing?

I dah-do love mmmmy mom. [Blaine smiles at the thought of how improved his relationship with his mom is these days.] Buh-buh-ut the two of them are like sss-sss-stereotypically momming me at every turn. Nagging me, giving mm-mm-mm-me advice. Rachel rrrr-rrrr-recently told me to ss-ss-stand up sss-straighter.

Oh wow.

Yeah, I-I-I think they nee-need a pet or ss-something.

Tell them to stop.

I-I-I would. Buh-buh-but I kinda like it, too.

AH HA! The truth comes out!

[Blaine smiles sheepishly.]

[Kurt smiles too.] So Justin came along and listened?

Yeah. I-I-I didn’t nnn-eed advice, I just nnn-needed... to talk.

Well then I’m glad he was there.

I ww-ww-wish it wah-was you. You know that, rr-right?

I know it, but it’s nice to hear.

And I’m telling you nah-now. And I’m sorry I-I-I-I forgot to email you. It just got lost in the shuffle. I-I-I-I keep my dah-days full sssso I don’t have to think about how mm-mm-much I-I-I-I miss you.

That’s working for you, huh?

It is. I’m buh-buh-buh-busy. I-I-I-I like to bbbbe bbb-bih-busy. Less time to www-wallow.

[Kurt nods.]

How about you? How are you?

I’m actually good. Definitely better. Ever since my dad left things have been better.

[Blaine smiles. He’s so relieved to hear Kurt say something positive.]

[Kurt hates himself for a second, because he can see that Blaine is genuinely happy that Kurt is feeling better.] It helps to know that I’ll see you next month.

I-I-I know! It’s like everyday I www-www-way-wake up and I’m so happy be-be-be-because it’s one dah-day closer to you coming home.

Really?

Of course! I-I-I wake up and I think “How mmmmany days?” And then I-I-I calculate it. Sometimes it sss-sss-seems like too mmm-many days, but lately it’s stah-stah-started to seem so muh-muh-much closer. I, I, I can’t wait til we’re under 50.

How many days?

[Blaine doesn’t hesitate.] Fifty-four!

You’re right, it’ll seem better when we’re under 50.

I-I-I’m glad you ww-ww-were free today.

I’m almost always free on Sunday evenings. You’re the busy one.

Only bbbb-because I’m trying to dih-dih-distract myself from mmm-missing you. [Blaine pouts.]

I know, I know.

How’s Julia?

Good. We’re having fun. We’ve been going out a lot more.

No buh-beautiful Parisians!

You just yelled, Blaine.

I know. [Blaine wrinkles his nose. Then he jumps up.]

What are you doing?

Look at these abs, Kurt!

[Kurt looks and his jaw drops.] Holy. Shit.

[Blaine punches his stomach.] Awesome, rr-rr-right? [Blaine pulls his shirt back down and sits.]

That’s hot. That’s … really hot. [Kurt’s blushing.]

[Blaine waggles his eyebrows suggestively.]

I’m pretty sure you’re never allowed to see my body again.

What! Terrible. I-I-I love your ssstomach.

Except that I’ve spent the past three months eating French pastries and you’ve spent the past three months doing sit-ups. Nonstop sit-ups.

[Blaine giggles.] Honestly, it hasn’t even beh-beh-been that mm-mm-many sit-ups.

Your abs tell a different story Blaine.

[Blaine shrugs.]

I wonder how many sit-ups I could do in 54 days.

Probably a lot.

I have to go do sit-ups now. [Kurt pretends to close his lap top.]

Noooooo! Come bah-bah-back!

Okay. You convinced me. How’s sign language?

So good. And I-I-I-I think it’s also kind of helping mm-mm-my spah-spah-spah-speech.

Really? Like, how?

I-I-I’m nah-not sure I can explain it. Buh-buh-but like I have to think about communication dd-dd-differently when I’m s-s-s-s-s-signing. And I’m nah-nah-not very good at it yet, buh-buh-but I’m learning. It’s like it uses a dih-dih-different part of my brah-brah-brain and bbbby activating it, it’s changing out how I-I-I-I talk.

That is... very complex. But I think I get what you mean.

Anyway you cut it, it wah-wah-was a good idea. Also, [Blaine makes a few quick hand gestures] that’s how you say “poophead” in sign language.

[Kurt laughs.] Are you going to keep taking it? Did you do your schedule for the fall?

Yes and yes. Did you?

Yeah. I don’t have much left to take, requirement-wise.

Let’s take a, a, a class together!

I like that idea.

We could take the sss-sss-second pah-part of Contemporary American Lit.

I actually signed up for that!

[Blaine’s eyes go wide.] Me too!

Well, then. That was easy.

Go us. So in sss-sss-sync.

Yay! [Kurt claps his hands and wiggles in his seat.]

I’m ss-ss-so excited nah-now!

I love how we’re acting like we’re not going to have all summer and somehow having a class together in the fall is going to make everything worthwhile.

We’re nah-nah-not used to having … time.

We’re not. Time seems kind of miraculous all of a sudden.

It dah-dah-does. We have all the time in the wah-wah-world.

Did you and Matt find an apartment yet?

Still wah-wah-working on it. We’re trying to find ss-ss-something in your nn-nn-neighborhood.

Everything is going to be so much fun!

I know, I-I-I-I-I was telling DiDi about how you’re going to be be be home rr-rr-right in time for mmmmmy bih-bih-birthday and I-I-I-I wah-was getting sss-so excited.

You know. It took me a long time to realize that the first time I emailed you last summer was the day before your birthday. Is that why you didn’t respond for a day and a half?

[Blaine shakes his head as he blushes and diverts his eyes.] No. I-I-I-I. [He does a triple blink, head nod, lip twitch for the first time that Kurt has seen in a long time.] I wah-wah-was sssso neh-neh-nervous to write bah-bah-back to you. I-I-I-I tried like, nah-no joke, 20 times. I-I-I dih-dih-didn’t know what to sssssay. I-I-I-I dih-didn’t even know how to talk to ss-strah-strangers in emails.

You did a good job. I would have never guessed you were so nervous about it.

I, I, I wah-was terrified.

But, why? It’s just an email.

Be-be-be-cause you wah-wah-were nnnnnice and you no-no-noticed mmm-me and I felt conspicuous. And … I-I-I think I-I-I wah-wah-wanted to be be be be your friend, like immediately and that was sss-sss-scary. For mmmme then. I-I-I dih-dih-didn’t wwwwant you to realize too soon that I wah-was weh-weh-weird. And I-I-I-I didn’t wah-want to ssssseem too nee-nee-needy. I thought neediness www-was like the worst thing I-I-I could be be be. It all sssssounds so duh-duh-dumb and insecure nah-nah-now.

Well, I liked it. I liked what you wrote in the class discussion and I liked what you wrote back to me. Jeez, even that was endearing, come to think of it.

[Blaine laughs. He feels endearing.] After I-I-I ssssssent it, I ended up mm-mm-maniacally checking mmm-my email for the neh-neh-next 12 hours. I-I-I wah-wah-woke up in the mmm-mmm-middle of the n-n-n-night and had to check mmmmy phone.

Ha! I remember that night actually. I had been out with Rachel and my cell phone died. When I got home I started charging it, but it was so late, I just passed out.

I-I-I-I know about your tendencies to pah-pah-pass out.

[Kurt grins.] Have you read those emails lately?

No. I-I-I think they’re probably fairly embarrassing.

No way! They’re adorable. We’re so funny. You’re so funny.

You wah-wah-were funny. I-I-I-I wah-wah-was awkward and dah-dah-dah-dorky.

Except that you were totally charming and clever.

[Blaine makes his “stop it with your lies” face.]

No seriously. Read them. I swear.

Have you rrrrrreread any of the im’s?

Um. Maybe. [Kurt’s trying not to look embarrassed.]

~~~~~

A moment of Kurt

Would it be weird if I started quoting our old im conversations right now?

“I’m that kid your mom warned you about. When she said ‘don’t make that face or it’ll stick.’ Well, I made that face Kurt and I’m stuck forever in a mask of an overly bright smile.”

“Where the hell are we going to get all these fonts?”

“Painfully, most of the time. I wasn’t exaggerating.”

“You take an 11 mile run and get hungry.”

Sometimes I think I loved him from the very beginning.

~~~~~

Me too. I-I-I rr-rr-rr-rr-read those a lot.

It’s interesting. To have so much of our early relationship available to read.

I-I-I-I know! Like our first day-day-day-date! We have a written account of our first dd-date. I-I-I mmm-mmm-mean, it was terrible and embarrassing at the time. Mortifying even. Buh-buh-but it’s kind of awesome that it exists.

It is. I also have a time capsule of Blaine during December of 2014.

You dah-dah-dah-do. [Blaine raises his eyebrows.] I’m sure that will neh-never come bah-bah-bah-back to haunt mmmmmmmme.

Tell Matt his ukelele work from last week is truly impressive. I actually meant to correspond with him directly, I was that impressed.

Ha. I will. Speaking of Matt, he should be be be be bah-bah-ack sssssoon and then ww-ww-we’re sssssssupposed to dah-dah-drive out to Kerry’s parents for dih-dih-dinner.

Where did Kerry grow up?

Stanford, Connecticut.

I feel like I know nothing about her.

I-I-I-I felt like that too. Buh-buh-ut nah-nah-now I-I-I-I know a lot about her and she’s kind of awesome.

Well, I knew she had to be awesome if she was with Matt.

Obviously.

I’m still not entirely sure I believe that you never had a crush on Matt.

[Blaine chuckles.] I-I-I-I think you have a crush on Matt.

I have a crush on how nice Matt is to you.

I-I-I have a crush on how Rachel keeps you in line.

That’s not as cute as what I just said.

I-I-I know, buh-buh-but it nah-needed to be be be be ssssssaid.

I love you. [Kurt smiles, a little sadly.]

I-I-I love you too. I’ll talk to you ssss-soon. [Blaine waves]

Bye Poophead.

Bye fella.