Chapter 3

The Fallout, Part 2

It was after Dave left the bathroom that everything really hit Kurt. He knew hed screwed up and had known through friends that Blaine was not handling the breakup well, but Kurt and his damn pride were too strong, not allowing him to reach out. As he stood there, staring at himself in the mirror, he had never felt so alone and so fucking stupid.

Blaine wanted to hurt him. Hed lied and pretended that Dave, of all people, was his boyfriend. He had to hand it to him. Blaine certainly knew the way to inflict maximum damage. Yes, it would have been hard enough thinking Blaine had moved on, but to be dating his former bully who had made his high school years a living hell, well that was something else entirely.

Kurt walked outside and moved away from the door over to the corner of the building. He wanted to be able to talk to Blaine without people coming in and out of the door to distract them. He leaned up against a railing and tried to figure out how to explain everything to Blaine without pushing him away.

After about 5 minutes, the door opened and Blaine strolled out looking back and forth until he spotted Kurt. His face showed no emotion upon seeing him and thats what struck Kurt first. Blaine used to smile so big when he saw Kurt that his eyes crinkled. Not that he expected that reaction after everything that had happened, but to see Blaines blank face scared him. And the way he was holding himself was concerning Kurt as well. He knew Blaine inside and out and he could tell by his body language that he was angry.

Kurt had only seen Blaine angry a handful of times, but never aimed at him. This time, though, he knew it was directed at him, and he also knew he deserved it. He straightened up as Blaine approached and opened his mouth to speak, but Blaine beat him to it.

"Look, I dont know why you felt like we needed to talk again, but here I am. Just say what you need to say and Ill be on my way."

Kurt was startled at Blaines abruptness but took a breath and just dove in.

"Blaine, I am so sorry. I screwed everything up and I just want to fix it. Please tell me how to fix it." Kurt said, his voice shaking.

Blaine just looked at him puzzled. "This went way beyond a simple screw up, and honestly I dont see how its possible to fix this. There is nothing to fix anyway. We are nothing anymore." Blaine spit the words out as if they were poison. It took everything in him not to take them back as soon as they were out of his mouth. The look on Kurts face was so heartbreaking that he almost apologized, almost.

"Dont say that. You know thats not true." Kurt said, tears leaking from his eyes, his hands burning to reach out and touch Blaine. "Well never be nothing."

"You just dont get it, do you? This is your doing. You made me feel like shit all those months ago, when you walked away from me. The fact that you didnt respond to any of my calls or texts...you are responsible for all this now. The fact that we are nothing is not my doing, its yours."

"I-I didnt mean...I didnt know." Kurt said through hurried breaths. He felt like he was on the verge of passing out. Hed known its been hard on Blaine, but to hear him say they were nothing just hollowed out his insides, leaving nothing but ashes.

"You didnt know? You hurt me, Kurt. You broke me." Blaine yelled.

"I-I know." Kurt said quietly. "I know and Im so, so sorry about that."

"NO!" Blaine screamed angrily. "You dont get to be sorry. You get to hurt. Just. Like. I. Did. And thats what you are going to do. You are going to hurt."

Kurt felt as though hed been stabbed in the chest and brought his hand up to cover his heart. "Oh God Blaine. I am so sorry." Kurt said brokenly as a sob escaped. "I didnt, I didnt know. I didnt mean for it to get this far. I just...I got scared."

"I dont care." Blaine said forcefully. "I dont want to hear it. I just want you to Leave. Me. Alone."

"I dont think I can do that." Kurt whispered.

"Oh, so now you cant do that? NOW you cant do it. You certainly did it just fine 6 months ago, in the restaurant, in front of all those people, when you told me that you didnt think you wanted to marry me anymore, and NOW you cant leave me alone? You ignored me for months, Kurt, months. You wouldnt answer my calls or my texts. You had Sam come get my stuff. You cut me out of your life. Hell, its like you tried to erased me from your memory. So you dont get to be sorry."

Blaine finally stopped to take a breath and Kurt was sobbing openly by this point holding his stomach, as if to hold himself together. Blaine just stood there, glaring at him. And though his exterior showed anger, his insides were all twisted up in confusion, because no matter how badly he wanted Kurt to hurt, he hated seeing him cry, and he knew he was the cause of it. But he also knew that he deserved it, after everything, he deserved the pain.

At least thats what he was telling himself.

Unfortunately, as much as he hated how fragile Kurt looked, he just couldnt curb his anger and couldnt stop lashing out.

"I needed you. I got kicked out of school. I couldnt eat. I couldnt sleep. You were my world, Kurt, you were everything and you just threw me away. Then, I find out that you were apparently fine and even dating again. It was as if the last 4 years meant nothing to you. Our engagement meant nothing. The fact that we planned to spend the rest of our lives together. You were the love of my life and you just got rid of me like I was a piece of dirt on the bottom of your shoe. After everything wed been through." Blaine stopped and tried to hold back a sob of his own. "After everything."

Blaine took a deep breath and tried to push down the pain again and let the anger stay on the surface. It was easier for him to deal with that way.

Kurt stood, still sobbing, looking at him through wet, sad eyes, and Blaine had to turn away for a moment to stop himself from walking over and just gathering Kurt up in his arms and holding on for dear life.

After Blaine finished speaking, it took Kurt a moment to get himself together. He was still sniffling, but he took a cautious step toward Blaine.

"I cant even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything." Kurt said, and Blaine jerked his head around and looked over his shoulder at him.

"I said," he gritted, "I dont want to hear it."

Kurt bristled. "Well too bad." He said, realizing he needed to be strong to stand up to this Blaine. "You are going to hear it. I am so sorry. I was lost. I dont have any other explanation. I just was a mess. I was out on my own at first, and we were together, then we broke up then got back together, and then you were here and everything was drama while you lived here. I just didnt know which end was up. And I was putting everything in you. All of my happiness rested with you, and I was confused and I made a huge mistake."

Blaine turned back to Kurt and laughed a dark laugh. "A mistake. You think? I think this went way beyond a mistake. I think this was an epic fuck up."

Kurt nodded. "Youre right, it was, and all the other choices I made after, after you left..."

"After I LEFT?" Blaine growled.

"After I made you leave." He corrected.

"You mean after you left me, without anyone." Blaines anger was still bubbling at the surface, but Kurt gave him a look to stop him from continuing.

"It took me a little while, after, to figure things out. You were gone, Rachel was gone, Mercedes went back to California, and Sam left. I had no one. I was all alone." Kurt said, starting to tear up again.

"And whos fault was that?" Blaine sneered.

"I know, I know. It was mine. It was all my fault." Kurt took a breath to get his thoughts together and looked down at the pavement. He kicked at a rock with his shoe, clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to divulge. "I-I found a therapist, and he, he made me take a good look at myself. I have a lot of issues."

Blaine laughed. "You can say that again."

"Blaine, baby..."

"Uh-hu. No. No. No. No way. You do not get to call me that anymore."

"But..." Kurt tried.

"No!" Blaine took a step toward Kurt, shoulders back, eyes blazing. "You lost that right 6 months ago when you broke me. And now," He paused and took a shaky breath. "Its really over. And I dont want to see you again."

Kurts eyes widened at Blaines words and he began to shake.

"Blaine, you-you cant mean that." His words trembled with the fear he felt.

"Oh I cant? And you could, 6 months ago, when I cried and begged you not to do this, and you just sat there and stared at me."

"I-I know baby, but Im a different person now." Kurt told him with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, well so am I." Blaine said snidely as he spun around on his heel and walked away.

Kurt just stood there and stared after him, finally realizing exactly how much he had hurt Blaine. Hed done that. Hed broken the love of his life. The only person he knew without a doubt that he was ever going to love.

Kurt had come back to Ohio to win him back, to woo him, to tell him how sorry he was, and how he still loved him. But Blaine wouldnt listen, couldnt listen, because he was still broken.

Fresh tears gathered and trailed down his face as he stood there, staring at where Blaine had been standing, and let everything come out.