Hed been through so much heartache since meeting Blaine. Not that their friendship, relationship, whatever the hell it was, had been all bad. They had some really great times together. Then, when it looked like things were going to move forward, Blaine would pull back. He usually just took to ignoring Kurt for a while, until things blew over and they went back to being friends.

Kurt had gotten used to this pattern of possibility suddenly leading to heartache. It was hard at first, but eventually got easier. His girl friends would try to tell him he was being a fool, and deep down, he knew he was, but he couldnt ignore what his heart was saying. And it was telling him that regardless of how Blaine treated him, they were soul mates.

Yes, Blaine was an ass to him on more than one occasion, but the good times they shared, and the hope that Kurt had, mixed with the occasional cracks in Blaines walls he found, showed him that he and Blaine had something...could have something. Something real.

Unfortunately, after Blaines last drunken confession about wanting to marry him, then not returning his calls and avoiding him for over a month, he realized he needed to let Blaine go. In order to have a happy, carefree life, he needed to cut himself off from Blaine altogether. He wasnt strong enough to just stay friends. Hed tried that. Then Blaine would get drunk tell Kurt everything he wanted to hear and theyd be back to square one.

Flashback...

School had started again, and Kurt was excited. Hed had a great summer, spending most of it in Lima with his family, but hed also spent time visiting Mercedes in LA, which had been nothing short of amazing. He was coming back to school with a new outlook.

His internship had turned into an honest to goodness job, and Kurt couldnt have been happier. So, when his new colleagues invited him out for a night on the town, he jumped at the chance.

Every year, NYADA had a back to school party where they blocked off the street directly in front of the school, and let the students get to know each other. Much to Rachels disappointment, the back to school party fell on the same night Kurt was going out.

Kurt wasnt planning to attend the NYADA party despite Rachels insistence, but did promise her hed stop by after his night out with his new friends. So, after a wonderful dinner and a few drinks later, Kurt found himself engulfed in a sea of NYADA students, looking for his roommate and best friend.

Shed told him to meet her by the front steps, but there were so many people, he was having a hard time finding her. He decided to back up toward the side of the building and see if he could spot her from there. Unfortunately, he wasnt watching where he was going and accidentally stepped backward onto another persons foot, causing him to spill his beer.

He heard a loud "Dammit." and turned around to apologize, but was stopped cold at the person in front of him. His heart stopped beating and he held his breath, wondering for a moment if he could run away without being seen. The curly haired boy had his head down, trying to wipe off his shirt, that was now soaked with beer.

Kurt wanted to say he was sorry, but couldnt form words, and as much as he wanted to run, his legs felt like they were glued to the ground, leaving a silent, still boy, waiting.

He didnt have to wait long. The shorter boy jerked his head up, snapping at the unknown person in front of him, "Dude, watch where you are..." he stopped, a look of recognition dawning on his face. "Kurt." He whispered in awe, before suddenly pulling Kurt into a crushing hug.

Part of Kurt wanted to pull away, but another part of him wanted to return the hug with full force. Guess which part won. The two boys stood in the crowd of people, just reveling in the feel of each other again. It was Blaine who pulled back first, but he grabbed Kurts hands and pulled him into a quieter place beside the brick building, away from the noisy crowd, before pulling him back in for another hug.

Kurt let himself be hugged again, even though he knew he would hate himself later. Blaines warmth was so comforting, and after not seeing him for six months, it felt like coming home, so he allowed himself these few fleeting moments of weakness.

He pulled back suddenly when he felt what he thought was Blaines lips on his neck. He looked into his former crushes eyes, and saw how glassy they were, obviously from drinking. He knew his reflected the same, as hed indulged in a few cocktails that evening, as well.

When there eyes met, Blaine smiled and began speaking fairly clearly for someone who was so obviously drunk. "Oh my God, Kurt. Its so good to see you. God, Ive missed you so much. Why did you stop returning my texts? I really wanted to talk to you, and to see you." As he was speaking, Blaine had reached down and grabbed Kurts hands again, and even though he knew it was a mistake, he let him.

Kurt wanted to tell Blaine hed missed him too, but couldnt, so he just said, "Its good to see you again, too."

Blaine was having none of Kurts blasé attitude, and continued letting his thoughts spill out. "Kurt, I was so lonely this summer. I missed you everyday, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to see you. Seriously, you have no idea how much I missed you. I thought about you all the time. I really, really want to be with you all the time. and now that same sex marriage is legal in New York I think we should do it." Blaine brought their connected hands up to his mouth and started kissing Kurts left hand, right over his ring finger.

Kurt was speechless. Yes, drunk Blaine was an honest Blaine, but this...this was something completely out of the blue. They hadnt seen each other in over 6 months and Kurt was sure that Blaine had found someone in that time. Even though Blaine had texted him (yes, he ignored said texts for his own sanity), but he just assumed Blaine was dating and happy.

While Kurt contemplated this, Blaine continued with his drunken spiel. "Seriously, Kurt, I know we are both still in school, but I think we could make it. Lets do it. Lets get married. I want to be with you. I dont care what my friends say anymore. I know what I want, and its you. No kids yet, just marriage. Please, please say you want to marry me."

Kurt felt like he was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. He tried to look around and see if he was in the middle of some sort of practical joke, but he could not look away from Blaines beautiful eyes. Although they were clouded by alcohol, he could see the sincerity in them and it terrified him.

Luckily, Kurts brain, although hazy from his drinks earlier, was still sharp enough for him to step back and put some distance between him and Blaine. Unfortunately, he stepped back right into a wall, and before he could react, Blaine was pushing his body up against Kurts, with his hands on either side of his head.

Kurt tried to push Blaine off of him, with little effort, because come on, this is exactly what he had been dreaming of since hed met Blaine two years before. Sure, the marriage thing was a little out there, but the way Blaines body felt up against his made him tingle all over and reminded him of the previous New Years Eve.

He should have been mad at how easily hed let Blaine back in, but all he could think of in that moment was how much he wanted Blaine to kiss him. As if reading his thoughts, Blaine took one hand off the wall and cupped Kurts cheek, caressing it, before pulling his lips down to capture Kurts in a hard, passionate kiss.

Kurt didnt even hesitate, pulling Blaine in closer and opening his mouth, allowing Blaines tongue access. His knees felt weak when he felt Blaine run his tongue along the roof of his mouth before latching onto his tongue and sucking hard. Kurt moaned, which spurred Blaine on even more, pushing his hips into Kurts, allowing him to feel how much he was enjoying this amazing kiss.

Kurt brought one hand up to the back of Blaines head, tilting it to get better access and allowed his tongue to map out the inside of Blaines mouth, as well. The two boys stood, pressed together up against the building, exploring each others mouths until neither could breath, causing them to pull back, both groaning at the loss of contact. Blaine didnt stop there, though, continuing to rain kisses on Kurts cheek and down his neck, where he spent a few extra moments sucking on a place behind Kurts ear that seemed incredibly interesting, before returning his lips to Kurts once again.

They made out against the side of the building for what seemed like hours, before Kurts phone began belting out Defying Gravity. That seemed to pull him out of the haze Blaine had him in, and he pulled back. Blaine groaned, but let Kurt go, allowing him the room to grab his phone, but not completely backing away.

It was Rachel, and although he didnt answer it, the mood had been officially killed. Blaine tried to move in again, but Kurt succeeded in putting some much needed distance between them.

"Blaine, that was...well... yeah." Kurt was at a loss, but he knew he needed to get away from Blaine now, before he did something he regretted. And as much as their little make out session was wrong, he couldnt bring himself to regret that. He was still planning to stay away from Blaine, so this was his final goodbye, if you will. He deserved it after everything.

But Blaine was having none of it. "God Kurt, that was amazing. I have seriously been thinking about doing that since last New Years Eve. You have the softest lips. I think I could kiss them forever. Thats why I want to marry you. I just want to be able to kiss you forever."

"Blaine," Kurt said, with a small sigh. "We dont have to get married for you to kiss me. And it was your choice not to pursue anything between us after New Years. You ignored me, remember? It was a mistake, and it..." his voice cracked, repeating back Blaines hurtful words. "It didnt mean anything. You said that to me." Kurt side stepped Blaine and turned his back, not able to look at him anymore.

"Im so sorry, Kurt. I fucked things up so bad. Im such an idiot. I was lying to you. It did mean something. It meant everything, but my friends..." He paused, not knowing how to say what he wanted.

"So, Im supposed to believe that what happened meant that much to you?" Kurt turned around then, angry, putting his hands on his hips. "I find that hard to believe, because if it meant even half as much to you as it did to me, it wouldnt have been so easy for you to just walk away."

"Kurt, I..."

"Save it. And as for your friends," he said, using quotations around the word friends, "I hope they appreciate your friendship, because as of now, you just lost mine."

With that, he turned around and lost himself in the crowd. Blaine was stunned, and stood there staring after Kurt for a moment, before Kurts words actually hit him. "No, Kurt, wait." He yelled, but it was too late. Kurt was gone.

Blaine leaned back against the brick wall and let the tears fall. He honestly didnt care who saw, because he had just lost the most important person in his life. God, he was such a fuck up. He stayed there, leaning against the wall, eyes closed, body aching, letting the tears fall until his cell phone rang. He ignored the call, but pulled himself together enough to make it back to his apartment.

Had he finally hurt Kurt too much? Was Kurt really done with him and their friendship? It couldnt be possible, because he couldnt imagine his life without Kurt. Sure, he was drunk, but not so wasted that he didnt remember what hed said to Kurt, and although it did seem a little out of the blue, he really meant it. He wanted to marry Kurt.

Sure, they hadnt seen much of each other after the whole New Years Eve fiasco, but he still kept an eye on Kurt. But, when summer came, and he didnt have school or the band to keep him distracted, all he had to think about was Kurt. He filled his every thought, day and night. He replayed the kisses from New Years over and over in his mind.

He tried to call and text Kurt to no avail. He didnt blame him, really, but he knew he needed to find Kurt once he got back to school so they could talk. He planned to do it sober, which would be a first, but he knew it was important. Then he had to literally run into him tonight, of all nights.

Blaine was plagued all night with nightmares of the look on Kurts face, the pain that hed caused reflecting in his eyes. Blaine woke up crying more than once during the night.

He knew hed hurt Kurt before, many times. God, hed been such an asshole. After last night, he was sure hed lost him forever. It was probably for the best, anyway. Kurt deserved someone better, someone who didnt need alcohol to be honest about his feelings. Someone who could show him how special he was.

So Blaine decided, sober this time, that he would leave Kurt alone once and for all. It was for the best. But why did it feel like his insides were being ripped to shreds?