Whats wrong with me? What the hell was I thinking? Who am I trying to impress? Im such an idiot. What have I done?

These are the many thoughts going through his head when he walked out of the coffee shop. He and Kurt had just had a fight, and he was pissed, until he walked outside and felt the cold air hit his face, smacking him back to reality. Had he just lost his best friend? Over a girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Sure, the kiss with Rachel was nice, and it had felt good, but what did he have to compare it to? Hed told Kurt that hed never had a boyfriend, but hed also never kissed anyone before either. So yea, it had felt nice. Did he see fireworks, no. Which is probably because she is a girl, you idiot, he heard Kurts voice in his head say.

He reached his car then and slammed the door hard from frustration. He turned the radio up as loud as possible, to drown out anymore unwelcome voices and drove home. By the time he arrived, his head was pounding because of the music, and definitely not because of the stray tears that had escaped on the way.

He gathered himself together enough to say a polite hello to his parents, before heading up to his room. He stopped in the kitchen to grab a snack, putting his bag down on the chair, and snagged a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Once in his room, he laid back on the bed and covered his eyes with his arm, willing himself not to cry.

He didnt understand what he was feeling. There was an aching in his chest, and he had no idea what it meant. Hed felt something similar on Valentines Day, after he and Kurt had talked. It was like a part of him was missing, but that didnt make any sense. What the hell? He groaned out loud, and jumped when his door swung open, revealing his dad holding his cell phone.

He sat up quickly. "Dad," he said, looking at the phone and back to his dad, who was smiling.

"Blaine, I found this on the floor by the bar. As I was picking it up, you received a text from Rachel. She says shell be ready tomorrow at 7:00. Have you been hiding a girlfriend from your father?" He asked, clearly pleased. His dad was less than accepting of the fact that his only son was gay, and used any excuse to convince him otherwise. Shit, this wasnt going to help his cause.

"Rachels just a friend, dad. We are going to see a movie tomorrow night, and thats all. Its not even a date, really." He replied, not sounding too convinced himself.

"Well, I think its great, Blaine. We should have her over for dinner. Ill talk to your mother." He handed the phone to Blaine and was out the door before the boy could blink.

Ugh, he was beyond frustrated. Hes just given his dad hope, and Kurts words came back to him full force, I know what its like to be in the closet, and here you are about to tip toe back in. When he agreed to go out with Rachel, it seemed like a good idea, but now, with his dads excitement and Kurts anger, he wasnt so sure.

But, being the gentleman he was, he couldnt back out now, so he decided to just go with it and see what happened. He got up off the bed and headed to the shower. No matter what happened during the day, he always ended this night with a shower. Hed started that tradition when he became a student at Dalton. Mr Polished, with all his hair gel and dapper ways, was all washed away at the end of the night when he showered.

Honestly, it was the only time he felt like himself. That was until he met Kurt. Sure, at Dalton hed been popular. Lead vocalist of the Warlbers, and friends with the council didnt hurt, but that was Blaine with his Dalton mask. He knew hed lost a bit of himself by transferring, but the alternative was not an option.

It wasnt until hed met Kurt that day on the stairs, that he felt the familiar ache to be just Blaine again. He felt an instant connection with the boy, and after hearing his story, Blaine knew he had to befriend him. What he began to realize, though, was Kurt was helping Blaine just as much as he was helping Kurt.

Being around Kurt allowed Blaine to finally be himself again. When the two of them hung out over coffee, chatting about the new issue of Vogue, or their favorite musical, it felt as though they had always been friends. It felt so natural to talk to him, touch him. Blaine is a very physical person, but hes always held himself back, because he didnt want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

But with Kurt, it just felt right. I mean, come on, how many people grab a strangers hand and lead them down an empty hallway? And then serenade said stranger through song? Blaine didnt even realize he was doing it, and now, looking back, he wondered how hed missed everything.

When Kurt had told him on Valentines Day that he thought he was going to ask Kurt out, that should have been an eye opener, but Blaine, being Blaine, didnt allow himself to dwell on it. Now, thinking back on the last 24 hours and his fight with Kurt, it was all he could think about.

Was it possible that he was bi? Did he really have feelings for Rachel, or was it just because he was drunk, like Kurt said? Seriously, could he not have a conversation with himself without thinking of Kurt? Apparently not. And what does that tell you, the voice in his head asked.

"Shut up!" He yelled, the sound startling him, as he didnt realized hed said it out loud. He finished up his shower, just throwing on a t-shirt and boxers, and slid into bed, trying to keep his mind off of Kurt.

And he was successful until he drifted off. In his dreams, Kurt came to him, as he often did. Just ghosting by, looking like an angel. Sometimes hed sing, but most often hed just gaze at him with those beautiful blue eyes, and dream Blaine would get lost in their depths.

He woke up the next morning twisted up in his sheets, a subtle reminder of his restless night. There were bags under his eyes, and they were red and bloodshot. Great, he thought. Just what I need.

Knowing he didnt want to run into Kurt looking like death warmed over, he consciously avoided all the areas he knew Kurt would be. It wasnt weird for a guy to have his best friends schedule memorized, right?

He actually made it through the day without a Kurt sighting, and headed back to his room to hide. God, when did his life turn into this? He had two hours before he was supposed to meet Rachel and he didnt plan to leave his room until then, so he sat down at his desk and began working on his English paper that wasnt due until Friday.

The date with Rachel went well. Hed had fun, reciting the words to the movie with her. She was very handsy, which bothered him a little, surprisingly enough. He certainly didnt mind when Kurt touched him, which was usually by accident, but that didnt mean anything, right? He also got the feeling that she wanted a goodnight kiss, but just the thought of that sent his stomach into a tailspin.

After his nightly shower, he laid in bed again, staring at the ceiling, thinking about anything but his best friend. Who was he kidding? Thats all he thought about. While he was at the movies and their was a particularly funny scene, he would think, oh, Kurt would love that. He was actually embarrassed to think about the sheer number of times he thought about Kurt during his so called date with Rachel.

Yep, he was an idiot. Not only had he led Rachel on, but hed possibly lost his best friend in the process. He needed to fix this, but he wasnt sure how. He rolled over in bed and looked at the clock, wishing he could fall asleep.

He must have, because the next thing he remembers is Wes banging on his door, yelling about missing breakfast and hed better not miss his first class. Shit. Blaine jumped up and dressed quickly, not even taking the time to gel his hair.

He was able to avoid Kurt for yet another day, and was fairly pleased with himself, even though it felt like there was a black hole in his chest that was getting bigger with each moment he didnt see Kurt. Oh my God, he was a fucking mess.

He decided that he needed some normalcy, so he headed to the coffee shop at his usual time. He was not, by any circumstance, hoping to see Kurt, though. As he approached the line he was met by a forceful Rachel, who attacked him with a kiss.

It was then that he really understood. He was gay, and he had been so stupid to think otherwise. He was never drinking again. And come to think of it, he was never kissing a girl again either. Ugh. After thanking Rachel for opening his eyes, he excused himself to the restroom. He was shaking when he got there and splashed cold water on his face to calm himself down.

Wow, he really was stupid. What did Kurt see in him? Oh God...it hit him then. He had a major epiphany right there in the bathroom of a coffee shop. He had been leading Kurt on for so long. And now it was all clear, and he knew he had to talk to Kurt again, and soon.

How could he have treated Kurt like that? From the very beginning, he knew his relationship with Kurt was different, but standing there, under the soft white light in the bathroom, he realized why. He had been falling for Kurt all along, but because of his lack of experience and total stupidity, he didnt realize it. Now it was all so clear. It was always Kurt. Oh my God, he really needed to talk to him.

He left the bathroom hoping Kurt would somehow be there, but knowing deep down he wouldnt be. As he was getting into his car to head back to campus, his cell rang. It was his father. He answered, because you never ignored a call from dad.

"Hello."

"Blaine, its your father."

Blaine laughed quietly, because he always felt like he had to tell Blaine who it was. Even with caller ID, he still announced himself.

"Hi dad. Whats up?"

"Well, you mother and I want you to invite your girlfriend over for dinner tonight. We dont want you to hide her away from us any longer."

Blaines hand froze in mid-air as he was putting the keys in the ignition. Shit. His dad totally got the wrong idea. Even though he told him last night that he and Rachel were friends. He had to hold back a sob. He thought his dad had finally accepted him for who he was. The last few years, hed stopped trying to do father-son bonding things with him, and hed also stopped asking about girls. Fuck, what had he done.

"Blaine, are you there?" His dad asked. Apparently hed been lost in his head longer than he thought.

"Uh yea, Im here, sorry." He stuttered. God, he hated sounding like that, especially with his dad.

"So, what do you say? Dinner, tonight? Your mom is making her famous pot roast."

"You mean the cook is making a pot roast?" He huffed, pissed at himself as much as his father.

"Blaine."

"Sorry. Listen, Im on my way home now. We need to have a talk. You, me and mom."

"What is this about, Blaine?" His father asked, clearly not wanting to wait.

"Ill be home in a few minutes, dad. Ill explain everything then." He sighed and hung up the phone. Instead of plugging in his ipod, he opted for silence, dreading his second talk with his parents about his sexuality. Hopefully the second time around they are a lot more understanding, but he seriously doubts it. Especially after he gave his dad hope that he was dating a girl.

When Blaine arrived home, he sat in the car for a few moments, gathering his courage, before walking through the front doors and into what he hoped wasnt World War III.