SEX: He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.

Blaine steps into the large, elegantly designed kitchen of the Anderson household. The walls are white and so bright that, as the sunlight streams through the windows, they're almost blinding. Blaine blinks, giving his recently awoken eyes a moment to get used to the brightness.

Cooper is sitting at the small round table at the entrance of the kitchen already dressed for the day in a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and ash gray slacks, his face completely obscured by the newspaper he is reading. There's a half-full glass of orange juice and a plate of dry toast on the table. Blaine croaks out a small "good morning" in his brother's general direction and does not wait to see if he gets a response before groggily walking to the fridge.

"You're up early," Cooper notes from behind the newspaper. Blaine opens the fridge and takes a second to let the cool air wash over him before sticking his head in.

"I didn't really sleep," Blaine says, his eyes scanning over the contents of the fridge. His mother doesn't believe in microwavable dinners or leftovers, so everything in there has to be prepared. There are a few fruits and vegetables, but Blaine doesn't feel like munching on a celery stick for breakfast. He sighs as the closes the fridge door.

"And why didn't you sleep?" Cooper asks. Blaine turns to him and adjusts the waistband of his silk pajama pants. He lets out a huge yawn without covering his mouth and he can practically hear his mother grimacing all the way from her room. He walks over to where his brother is sitting and slumps into the seat across from him.

"I was up all night talking to-" He stops. He's not sure if this is a conversation he wants to have with his brother.

"Nothing. I just had a hard time sleeping."

Cooper flips the top left corner of newspaper down and gazes at his brother. "Oh?" he says, cocking an eyebrow. Blaine looks everywhere but at Cooper. Cooper sets down his newspaper and Blaine can feel his eyes on him.

"Blaine," Cooper says softly. "Tell me."

Blaine sighs and rests his elbows on the table, propping his head up on his hands. He stares at the four pieces of toast in front of Cooper. "Remember when I told you..." Blaine trails off. He quickly whips his head around to make sure his parents aren't coming and says in a whispered tone: "I told you I'm gay?" Cooper nods slowly. "Well, I met a guy at school."

"And is he-" Cooper's eyes dart to the entrance of the kitchen. "Uh, is he gay too?"

Blaine nods excitedly, causing the table to squeak as his elbows slide slightly forward. "And he's wonderful," Blaine says. Cooper chuckles.

"Well, good for you, bro," Cooper says, smoothing out his newspaper and bending his head forward to read it. There is a silence and then Blaine exhales.

"Cooper?" Cooper raises his head.

"What is it, B?"

Blaine bites his lips, trying to figure out exactly how to word this. "How do you know you're in love?" he asks

The sides of Cooper's eyes crinkle as an amused smile appears on his face. "Has this lucky boy captured the heart of my little brother?"

Blaine groans. "Coop, I'm serious. How do you know?"

Cooper takes a piece of toast and nudges the plate in Blaine's direction. Blaine ignores it. Cooper stares at his brother as he brings the bread to his lips. He takes a bite and chews at it slowly. He's stalling. He knows he's stalling. Blaine knows he's stalling.

"I guess you just know," Cooper says after swallowing. "You feel it in your gut."

"Have you ever been in love?" The sides of Cooper's mouth twitch downward. This is why he was stalling.

"I thought I was," he mutters.

Blaine doesn't hear the regret and heartbreak in Cooper's voice and he continues. "So how do you know if it's really love?" Blaine asks. Cooper looks into his big hazel eyes. They're hopeful, begging for an answer that he just doesn't have. Cooper gets up from the table and shrugs.

"You just feel it, Blaine," he says. "You just know." He leaves the kitchen, leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.

--

Blaine unlocks the front door and quickly glances around for any signs of life before ushering his friend James in. James is tall, nearly a foot taller than Blaine himself, and has to slightly bend his head as he enters the Andersons' house.

"Your house is always empty when I come over," James comments. "You must have, like, the best parents ever."

Blaine closes the door behind him when James steps in. "Yeah, the best," he deadpans.

James lets his eyes take in the high ceilings, fancy woodwork, and expensive-looking art hanging on the walls. The Andersons' house is a bit intimidating, especially its vast size. It could make even the largest giant feel miniscule, James notes. He looks down and sees Blaine gazing up at him. James smiles and Blaine beams back.

"So, what are we going to do?" James asks.

Blaine looks nervous for a second before answering, "I thought we could... I don't know, go up to my room?"

"Your room?" Panic flashes in Blaine's eyes.

"If that's okay," he says, almost shouts, hurriedly. James fights the urge to laugh at how cute and innocent Blaine is. "I just don't want my brother to bother us if he comes home."

"I didn't know you had a brother," James says.

"Well, he's hardly here. He's back from college, but he's usually with his friends," Blaine explains. "He's a lot older than me, so he doesn't spend a lot of time at home."

"How much older?"

"Nine years. He's 23," Blaine says. James nods and looks around.

"Okay, let's go to your room," he says. Blaine's heart starts to race and his throat feels dry. He's doing this. He's going to be alone with a boy, a sixteen year old boy, in his room.

Blaine takes a breath. "James?"

"Yeah?" James says, still looking around the house.

"Doyouloveme?" Blaine mumbles, gazing at his feet. James furrows his eyebrows.

"What was that?"

"Do you lo-" Blaine pauses, his heart hammering in his chest. "Do you like me?"

"Yeah, of course," James answers, looking back at Blaine. "You're awesome. Would I be here if I didn't?"

"You're right. I'm just- I'm just over-thinking things," Blaine says relaxing a bit. He looks up at James. "So upstairs?"

James nods. "Upstairs."

--

Blaine tries to give James his most confident smiles as he slides into bed next to him. James wraps an arm around Blaine and uses his other hand to unbutton Blaine's shirt. Blain tenses slightly as James' fingertips brush over his bare chest.

"Are you nervous?" James asks.

Blaine forces out a laugh. "Of course not."

James lifts an eyebrow. "Blaine, you're shaking," he states. Blaine looks down at his hands to see that they are, in fact, trembling.

"Maybe a little nervous," Blaine says weakly. James laughs.

"Relax," he says. "You'll like it." His hands move quickly until all the buttons are undone. He reaches Blaine's jeans and Blaine flinches as James touches his belt buckle. James retracts his hand and looks at Blaine, exasperated.

"Sorry," Blaine says automatically, a small blush creeping up his neck.

James sighs. "Blaine, do you like me?" he asks. He leans forward and presses a few kisses along Blaine's jaw.

"Yes, I like you a lot," Blaine says and James almost chuckles at how eager he sounds. James nips and licks up Blaine's neck until he reaches Blaine's earlobe.

"Do you trust me?" James whispers in Blaine's ear. He slides his hand between Blaine's legs and palms his growing erection through his jeans. Blaine hisses and this time James does chuckle.

"W-what?" Blaine asks. James uses one hand to expertly unbuckle Blaine's belt, undo the bottom, and pull his zipper down. He rests his hand on Blaine's hip and gently rubs circles along the waistband with his fingers.

"Do you trust me?" James repeats. Blaine hesitates. He's too turned on and nervous to think properly. It doesn't feel right, but at the same time it doesn't feel wrong.

Blaine swallows thickly. "Yes," he says. "I trust you."

--

The next day, when Cooper comes home, he finds Blaine curled up on the couch just staring at the space in front of him. Cooper grins, walks over, and bends over the back of the couch to ruffle Blaine's hair. He recoils when he sees Blaine flinch.

"Blaine?" he says softly. Blaine raises his head and relaxes when he sees Cooper's face.

"Oh hey, Cooper," he says in a sleepy voice. Cooper knits his eyebrows. It's obvious that Blaine was not just asleep.

"Are you okay?" Cooper asks. Blaine stretches and winces. He rolls over on his back and looks up at his brother.

"I'm fine," he says, forcing a smile. "I just woke up."

Cooper frowns. "Blaine, why are you lying to me?"

"I'm fine," Blaine repeats. He stretches again and this time Cooper can see purplish bruises along his hip as his shirt rides up and exposes a sliver of his skin.

"You're hurt," Cooper says bluntly. "Are you getting bullied? Do I have to call Mom and Da-"

"I'm not a baby, you know?" Blaine explodes. "I might be your little brother, but I'm not a little kid anymore."

"I never said you were!" Cooper protests. Blaine turns from him and moves off the couch.

"Just leave me alone, Cooper," he says. He walks toward to stairs when Cooper grabs his arm.

"You know I'm always here for you, right? If anything is going on, you can tell me," Cooper tells him.

"Yes, I know, Cooper," Blaine says, his tone tired. Cooper lets go of him and watches as Blaine disappears up the stairs, limping slightly as he goes.

--

"Honey, are you- Blaine, stop!"

Blaine snaps back from his thoughts. He looks around the room and remembers where he is: on the couch on the Hummel-Hudson's living room.

Blaine looks to his left and sees Kurt looking back at him, concern etched on his face. Blaine removes his arms from around Kurt's waist.

"Are you crying?" Kurt asks. Blaine blinks a few times and realizes that yes, he is crying. He brings a hand up to his face to wipe away his tears.

"It's nothing," Blaine tells Kurt. He feels Kurt shift next to him and the next thing he feels is Kurt's arms around his shoulder.

"It's not ‘nothing.' Look at me," Kurt whispers softly in his ear.

"Kurt, I'm fine," Blaine says harshly. Kurt blinks and drops his arms to his side.

"Wow, maybe we shouldn't-"

"No!" Blaine says, lifting his head. He exhales. "I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you. I just have a lot on my mind."

Kurt cocks an eyebrow. "And you're trying to make it better with sex?"

Blaine opens and closes his mouth, unsure of what to say. Kurt leans forward until he's so close that Blaine can feel his warm breath on his face.

"Blaine, talk to me. That's what we do, right? We talk."

Blaine lets out a stuttered breath. "Remember the first time we had sex and I told you I wasn't a virgin?"

Kurt's face becomes stony and slowly, he says: "Yes."

"Last night I saw the guy I lost my virginity to."

Kurt leans away from Blaine and wraps his arms around his middle. "Saw him how?"

"Just on the street," Blaine says hastily. "I bumped into him."

"Then what happened?"

Blaine pauses. He closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them, they're brimming with tears. He says, in a broken voice: "He didn't recognize me."

--

Blaine walks quickly down the street. He's supposed to help his mother with the grocery shopping, but he got caught up doing something with Kurt afterschool. A small smile plays on his lips as he remembers exactly what they were doing that took up his time. But he definitely can't tell his mom that, so he has to get home as fast as possible.

His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out. It's a call from his mother and he's about to answer it when he collides with someone.

Blaine attempts to grab on to something to keep from falling, but he only succeeds in grabbing onto the guy he bumped into as they both fall to the ground.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry," Blaine says, feeling his face burn up. He scrambles to his feet and wipes the dirt from his clothes. The guy laughs and Blaine stiffens. He knows that laugh.

"It's okay," the guy says. Blaine's jaw drops and he turns to him, eyes wide. His heart leaps in his chest as his eyes fall on the one person he never expected to see in a million years.

"It's you," Blaine says breathlessly.

The guy gives him a confused smile. "What?"

"I can't believe you- I can't believe you're here. In Lima," Blaine says excitedly. He smiles broadly as his heart thunders.

"Yeah, um, I am," the guy says, glancing around.

"I just thought I would never see you-"

"I'm so sorry, but do I know you?"

Blaine's smile falters as his heart drops. He swallows heavily. "Uh, sorry. I think I might be confusing you with someone else."

"Hey, it happens. I have one of those faces." The guy sticks his hand out to Blaine. "I'm James."

"I-I'm Blaine," Blaine stammers. His stomach churns as he shakes James' hand. He briefly flashes back to the night those hands were all over his body and he bites back a sob.

"Well, Blaine, nice to meet you," James says amicably. "Maybe I'll see you around. Bye!" James walks past him and Blaine watches as he goes.

"Bye," he says in a low voice. "Goodbye."

--

"Oh, honey," Kurt says softly, wrapping his arms around Blaine once more. Blaine rests his head on Kurt's shoulder and just lets the tears flow.

"I thought it would've..." He doesn't finish. Kurt strokes the back of his head.

"What is it?" he asks.

"I thought I loved him," Blaine says. "I thought if we...I thought if we had sex it would make him love me."

"Why would you think that?" Kurt asks.

Blaine shrugs. "I was desperate," he says. He buries his head in Kurt's neck. "All it did was make me feel empty. For a while I just felt wrong."

There is a pause and then Kurt asks: "For how long?" Blaine moves his head until he's looking Kurt straight in the eyes.

"Until I met you."

PANIC: He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't love me.

Blaine loves Sunday night dinners with his family. It makes him feel like he's part of a real family that actually spends time with each other. The last few Sunday night dinners had been canceled. Three weeks ago his mother had a charity function that she "absolutely could not cancel". The week after, his father had missed his flight back to Ohio and was stuck in New York City. And last week was the fight between Cooper and his dad. Mrs. Anderson had begged her husband to not kick Cooper out and begged Cooper to come back just for tonight. Well, not begged as much as passive aggressively mentioned that she thought her husband was being unreasonable and guilted Cooper into returning for her, saying that she wouldn't want have to live the rest of her life estranged from her oldest son. That's what his mother is best at: being passive aggressive and making people feel guilty.

Blaine was so happy his family was going to have Sunday dinner all together that he had invited Kurt join them. It was a spur of the moment thing. He and Kurt had been hanging out in Blaine's bedroom the night before when Kurt had noticed that Cooper was back. Blaine explained to him why he was and casually mentioned the dinner. Kurt's eyes had lit up when Blaine told him "it's like having a real family. Like a family I would want in the future". The next thing he knew, he was inviting Kurt to the dinner, Kurt was nodding happily and kissing Blaine, and by the time Cooper walked in to tell Kurt his dad called, Kurt's hair was mussed and his face was flushed with embarrassment. Blaine had made a mental note at that point to always remember to lock his room door.

And now it's Sunday. The first Sunday he'll spend with everyone he loves. Blaine grins. Everyone he loves. It felt good to even imagine looking over at his mother smiling at him across the dining room table, joking with Cooper as he watches his brother stuff his face with food, talking to his father about school and just life in general all while holding Kurt's hand in his lap. Blaine's heart flutters as he walks into the kitchen. He sees his mother leaning over the sink with a half eaten apple in her hand. She watches him for a moment before smiling at him. He smiles back.

"Hey, Mom," he says as he walks over to the fridge.

"Blaine, I wanted to talk to you." Something in her voice makes Blaine freeze. This won't be good. It's never good. He faces her.

"Yes?"

"Cooper told me that you invited Kurt to dinner," she says. Blaine nods slowly.  "I'd rather he didn't come." Blaine's heart plummets, but he doesn't even know why he's surprised.

"Is there a reason?" he tests.

His mother throws her apple in the pull-out trash compartment next to the sink. She doesn't look at her son as she talks. "Cooper doesn't bring his girlfriends to family dinner, so I don't think it's fair for you to bring your-" She pauses and looks conflicted for a moment. Blaine almost rolls his eyes. She still has a hard time saying the word. His father just refuses to and continues to call Kurt his "friend" or, after that time he caught the two of them shirtless on the couch, "that boy". It's not like his parents are homophobic; they just don't understand and don't try to understand. It's the same way how they don't understand why Cooper just won't stick with one girlfriend that comes from a good family, date her for at least a year before marrying her, and having perfectly acceptable children.

"My boyfriend, Mom," Blaine says. She turns to him, surprised, as if that wasn't what she was conflicted about.

"Yes, yes," she says hastily. "I don't think it's fair for you to bring your boyfriend."

"And why not?" he asks in a bored tone.

"I just told you. Cooper doesn't bring his girlfriends to family dinner," she replies.

"Cooper hardly comes to dinner. He's hardly home," Blaine snaps. Mrs. Anderson's eyebrows shoot up and she bites down on her lip.

"Blaine, don't be difficult," she says sternly. Blaine groans inwardly. That phrase. That stupid phrase. It's his mother's way of saying ‘stop talking and do what I say'.

"But Mom-" She cuts him off with a wave of her hand.

"There are four of us in this family and there will be only four of us at that dinner table, understood?" she asks, fixing her eyes on him. Blaine squirms under her gaze and drops his eyes to the ground.

"I'll call Kurt and tell him," Blaine mumbles.

"Good," his mother says, smiling widely at him. She walks over to him and kisses him swiftly on the cheek. "Now, dear, can you call Cooper? I need to talk to him about something."

Blaine nods and shuffles out of the kitchen. He sees his brother on the couch in the living room reading a magazine.

"Cooper, Mom needs you," Blaine tells him. Cooper groans and drops his magazine. He rushes to the kitchen muttering to himself. Blaine takes his place on the couch and pulls out his cell phone. He dials Kurt's number and brings the phone to ear. He heart melts as he hears Kurt's voice.

"Hey, honey, I was just about to call you," Kurt says. Blaine smiles until he remembers the reason for the call.

"Uh, Kurt, remember how I invited you to dinner tonight?" he asks.

Kurt sucks in a breath. "Yeah, I remember."

"I-I'm sorry, but you can't come. Something happened..." He thinks for a moment. "Something happened to Cooper."

Kurt exhales. "Oh my god, is he okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, he is," Blaine says quickly. "It's just that...dinner is canceled. Sorry."

"Oh, great!" Kurt says. Blaine cocks his head.

"Great?"

"Well, yeah. I was just about to tell you that I couldn't come," Kurt explains. "David had an argument with his mother and he called me. I think it's really important for me to be there for him."

Blaine feels his heart in his throat. "David Karofsky?" he squeaks.

"Yes. You understand, right?" Kurt asks. Blaine nods, but then remembers he's on the phone.

"Yes, of course," he says. He rubs the back of his neck. "Do what you must. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Bye, Blaine. See you at school. Love you," Kurt says.

"Love you, too," Blaine says as he hears Kurt hang up. He lowers his hand to his lap and stares dumbly at the phone in his palm.

He's with Karofsky. He canceled on me to be with Karofsky. Blaine's stomach churns and his whole body feels hot. He sways slightly as his heart thumps frantically in his chest.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Blaine jumps and turns his head to see Cooper walking toward him.

"Yeah," he says. He shakes his head to get rid of his thoughts.

"Kinda weird to say ‘yeah' and then shake your head," Cooper says, sitting down next to him.

"I wasn't shaking my head I was-" Blaine pauses.

"It's Kurt, isn't it?" Cooper asks. Blaine nods and Cooper lets out a breath.

"Talk to me, Blaine. I know I've said this a million times, but use this time actually talk to me. Please."

"I feel like I'm losing him," Blaine says in a small voice.

"What makes you think that?"

Blaine shrugs and sighs. "I just try so hard to make him happy, but it's like he doesn't even need me."

"Have you told him this?"

"I can't tell him, Coop," Blaine says, looking his brother straight in the eyes. "I can't let him know. It'll just make him feel guilty and unhappy, and I can't do that do him. If he breaks my heart, at least-at least I'll know what it's like to be loved."

Cooper blinks back tears and wraps his arms around Blaine, pulling him close. He doesn't know what to say or what to do; he just knows that he has to fix this.