Catharsis - The process of expressing strongly felt but usually repressed emotions.

Kurt couldn't be sure why he felt a need to glance at Blaine's retreating form, but before he disposed of the slip of paper, he watched as Blaine stumbled towards the parking lot, swiping frantically at what Kurt assumed were tears streaming down his cheeks. But it was Blaine's posture that truly gave Kurt pause, making him look frail and weary as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. And as Kurt mulled over everything Blaine had said, he found himself slipping the scrap of paper back in his pocket. Just in case.

“Mhmmff,” Blaine moaned, pulling a pillow over his face in an vain attempt to block out the incessant ringing, nearly rolling off Wes' couch as he did so. The phone continued ringing, the sound barely muffled by the pillow barrier. “But I'm tired,” Blaine whined to no one in particular as he reluctantly pushed himself into a sitting position. He glanced at the glowing display on the microwave, frowning at the numbers he read there. 3:28 AM. Who the hell was calling Wes at this hour?

Blaine was nothing if not a good guest, so he forced himself out of the warm cocoon of blankets on the couch and headed toward the still steadily ringing phone. He couldn't believe that the noise hadn't woken Wes or Wes' parents yet. He stumbled toward the kitchen, snagging the receiver off the counter and answering tentatively in a hoarse, sleepy voice. “Hello?”

There was only silence on the other end of the phone for a moment, but something told Blaine not to hang up. “Hello?” he called again, slightly louder. “Anyone there?”

Blaine could hear breathing now, more panting really, coming across the line in short gulps and gasps. Then there was a sob, and Blaine froze, wondering... Could it be?

“B-Blaine?” a familiar voice finally croaked, before quickly devolving into sobs again.

“Kurt?” Blaine whispered, his heart hammering in his chest.

“I- I-” the voice stuttered before breaking into gasping sobs.

“Kurt? Oh god, what's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?”

Blaine listened breathlessly, but the line stayed silent save for the sound of Kurt's hysterical pants and sobs. As it became clear that Kurt was hyperventilating, Blaine intervened, desperate for reassurance that Kurt was safe. “Hey...hey Kurt? You've got to breathe, okay? Don't try to talk right now. Just breathe, Kurt. Nice and slow.”

Blaine waited while Kurt choked back a sob, quieting a little at his words. Blaine continued to mumble reassurances to Kurt, all the while listening for Kurt's shuddering breaths, sighing slightly in relief as his breaths slowed little by little. “Good, Kurt. That's better. I just need to know – are you somewhere safe?”

“Mmhmm,” Kurt managed before dissolving into sobs again.

“Okay good, Kurt. Just remember to keep breathing okay?” Blaine rushed to soothe. “And you're not...hurt? Physically, you're okay?” he asked worriedly.

The only reply Blaine received this time was a loud gasp, spreading ice through Blaine's veins. “Kurt? Are you okay? Do I need to call 9-1-1 or something?”

“God no!” Kurt choked out.

“Oh good,” Blaine replied instantly, dizzy with relief. “Sorry, I wasn't sure.. I'm just...worried about you. What's going on, Kurt?”

Kurt mumbled something indistinctly, the pain in his voice coming through clearly even though the words did not.

“Sorry, what was that Kurt?” Blaine asked. “Deep breaths,” he reminded Kurt automatically. “Take your time.”

There was silence for a moment, and then Kurt's trembling voice came across the line, clearer this time. “Why? Why didn't....you...stop them?”

Blaine heard his pulse pounding, the loud whooshing of blood echoing in his ears as he sank against the kitchen counter, the force of Kurt's words nearly knocking him off his feet as his stomach dropped with sickening recognition. “Shit,” he whispered before realizing what he was saying. “Oh Kurt... God, I-... I'm so...sorry.” He tried to say more, but the words wouldn't come initially, blocked by the lump of guilt and fear that had been blocking his throat since the moment he realized Kurt was gone. Knowing that what he needed more than anything was to see Kurt, to try to explain, in person, Blaine forced himself to swallow against the lump and speak up. “Kurt? Where are you? Are you still in Ohio?”

Kurt was crying harder now, panting and gulping as if desperate for oxygen. But he somehow managed a quiet hum of acknowledgement.

“Okay Kurt, breathe. You've got to breathe, honey,” Blaine encouraged, his mind running on autopilot as he reached across the counter for his car keys, tearing a scrap of paper off a grocery store flyer and rooting around in the nearest drawer until he found a pen. “Take a few deep breaths,” Blaine continued to direct. “Good, Kurt. That's good. Listen, can you tell me where you live? I'm going to come over, okay? I just need your address.”

It took several more minutes of coaching and Blaine asking Kurt to repeat his address several times, but Blaine finally got the information he'd been desperately seeking since the moment the study ended. Blaine glanced down at the hastily scrawled address, beyond relieved to finally have the opportunity to make things right. “Okay, Kurt. I'm on my way right now. I'll be there in ten minutes. Just keep breathing, okay? Nice and slow. I'll see you soon. Just hang on a little longer...”

Blaine's heart leapt into this throat as he pulled onto a modest street, his eyes immediately going to the figure curled in the fetal position on the driveway outside a small but inviting house. Blaine had broken numerous laws in his short drive, arriving at Kurt's house a mere seven minutes from the second he'd hung up the phone with Kurt. He was out of the car and halfway up the driveway before the engine roar finally died down and abruptly stopped. Startled by the silence, Blaine called out softly as he approached Kurt, not wanting to startle him much as one might carefully approach a wounded animal.

“Kurt?” Blaine called. “Hey, I'm here. You okay?” He quickly knelt down next to Kurt, his hands hovering several inches above Kurt's shoulders, uncertain about whether or not he should touch him. Up close, Blaine could see that Kurt was shaking with cold, his upper body heaving slightly with the force of his sobs. “Kurt?” Blaine tried again, but Kurt's face remained buried in his lap.

Finally, the desire to reach out and make contact outweighed Blaine's concerns about how Kurt would react to his touch. He gripped Kurt's shoulder briefly, squeezing it in what he hoped was a reassuring manner before sliding his hand down to Kurt's back, rubbing slow, gentle circles across it.

Kurt stiffened slightly as Blaine's warm hand made contact with his shaking upper body. Finally, Kurt lifted his head from where it had been cocooned in his lap, turning his head to the side and gazing up at Blaine through watery, tear-soaked blue eyes. Blaine's face wavered in front of his for a moment, Blaine's eyes impossibly sad and warm and dark in the dim light.

Blaine couldn't suppress the desire to touch Kurt again, reaching out and tucking a lock of wayward hair behind Kurt's ear before whispering a single word. “Hey...”

It was all Kurt needed to hear since Blaine's eyes communicated everything else. Immediately, Kurt launched himself into Blaine's arms, nearly knocking Blaine over with this force of his embrace.

“Wha-?” Blaine gasped, startled as Kurt's arms wrapped around his neck, his grip fierce and desperate. But Blaine quickly regained his composure, wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist and allowing him to burrow deeper into Blaine's arms. Kurt buried his face in Blaine's shoulder, spreading the dampness from his tear streaked face to Blaine's t-shirt almost immediately. But Blaine didn't mind, bringing his free hand up to stroke Kurt's hair, all the while whispering reassurances into his ear. “Shh, it's okay, Kurt. I've got you. You're safe, okay? I'm not going to let you anything happen to you.”

Blaine continued to cradle Kurt protectively in his arms, stroking up and down his back over and over as he repeated the same reassurances like a mantra. He was dumbfounded by the sudden shift in circumstances that had brought him from thinking he would never see Kurt again to kneeling in Kurt's driveway while Kurt sobbed into his shoulder. It was overwhelming but Blaine was so grateful for the second chance to make things right with Kurt. Blaine's heart ached at the tears that were flowing freely in a seemingly never-ending stream as well as the pain and desperation in Kurt's voice. Blaine knew that he bore at least some responsibility in everything that Kurt had been put through in the past few weeks. The thought of causing Kurt any more pain was so repellant that it made Blaine feel physically ill at the mere thought.

Looking down, Blaine smiled slightly as he recognized the fleece jacket that Kurt was ensconced in as the OSU jacket that Blaine had given Kurt in the prison. But a particular violent shiver from Kurt quickly refocused Blaine on the task at hand.

“Hey Kurt?” he called gently, rubbing Kurt's back.

“Yeah?” Kurt sniffed.

“You look cold. Why don't we get you inside where it's warm, okay? Then we can talk. Sound good?” Blaine asked tentatively, pulling back slightly from Kurt's embrace so he could look at his tear stroked face.

Kurt nodded quickly, swiping a hand across his face, looking embarrassed. “Sorry...”

“No, don't say that. I'm so glad you called, Kurt. You have no idea,” Blaine rushed to reassure as he climbed to his feet, extending a hand to help Kurt up. Blaine thrilled at the feel of Kurt's hand in his, squeezing it tightly rather than letting it go once Kurt was on his feet. It felt good to be able to soothe Kurt in such a tangible way, so Blaine slid his free arm around Kurt's waist, holding Kurt's hand as he led them indoors.

Blaine managed to get Kurt settled onto the couch with little resistance. Kurt started to make a small noise of protest as Blaine disappeared, but was quickly rendered speechless again when Blaine returned seconds later with a cozy afghan and box of Kleenex. He quickly joined Kurt on the couch, swaddling the shivering boy in front of him in the blanket, making sure it was wrapped tightly around his shoulders and rubbing his own hands over the soft fabric to generate some additional warmth before settling back against the well worn sofa. Next, Blaine grabbed the box of Kleenex, carefully wiping at moisture on Kurt's tear dampened cheeks, almost impossibly gentle as he gazed back at a Kurt with a sympathetic smile. “Starting to warm up?” he asked softly.

Kurt blushed and bit his lip, looking away as he nodded. “Thanks,” he whispered.

“Of course,” Blaine replied instantly, looking relieved. There was a moment of charged silence while Kurt and Blaine simply gazed at each other, neither one quite sure where to begin.

After a moment, Kurt broke Blaine's gaze, looking down at his hands as he began to twist a loose thread between his fingers nervously, his eyes filling with tears yet again.

“Hey...” Blaine started, capturing Kurt's hand in his, stroking his thumb along Kurt's knuckles soothingly as he cocked his head to the side, leaning in a bit in an attempt to meet Kurt's gaze. “Look at me... What happened?”

Kurt shook his head angrily. “I don't know why I'm so upset... It's so stupid to get worked up over a silly dream!”

“C'mon, don't say that,” Blaine admonished gently. “It's not stupid... You had another nightmare? Like before or something different?” Blaine felt his stomach clench as he recalled Kurt's desperate cries the night he'd been locked up in solitary confinement, remembering all too clearly how helpless he'd felt at not being able to touch or even see Kurt, having to rely solely on his voice to reassure Kurt.

“No, it was different this time,” Kurt choked out, starting to cry again in earnest as he remembered the horrible nightmare that had haunted him nightly since the study ended. He finally ventured a glance up at Blaine, melting a bit at the sight of Blaine watching him with a look of such tenderness on his face that it left Kurt breathless. Blaine nodded sympathetically, silently urging Kurt to continue as he continued to trace slow circles across the back of Kurt's hand, his calloused fingers warm and grounding.

Kurt dropped his gaze, drawing strength from the sight of his hand intertwined with Blaine's while he tried to find the right words to explain the source of his panic.

Blaine bit the inside of his lip, forcing himself to stay silent even as Kurt began to cry harder. It was clear that Kurt needed a minute to gather his thoughts and steel himself mentally before explaining the sure to be horrific nightmare, but it was tortuous to sit silent while Kurt cried when all Blaine wanted to do was pull Kurt into his arms again and whisper reassurances in his hair. Instead, he focused on the feel of Kurt's trembling hand in his, warm, solid, and real. After a moment, Kurt broke the silence, his voice wavering as he began to narrate his nightly horrors.

“I was back in the prison. They were kicking me, hitting me... Saying just terrible things. The same things I heard every single day for four fucking years,” Kurt managed, his voice low and rough in the darkness of the living room.

Blaine's heart broke at the anger and bitterness in Kurt's voice. He was partially to blame for the pain Kurt was in. And knowing that Kurt had suffered the same kind of abuse in the past? Well, that just brought Blaine to an entirely new level of guilt. Blaine was terrified to say the wrong thing, so he simply sat, silently begging Kurt to continue, even while another part of him was terrified to hear more.

“God, Blaine..” Kurt continued, his voice harsh. “Do you know what it's like to be called worthless? To be told you are meaningless, that you mean nothing?”

“I- I-...” Blaine stuttered, knowing all too well how much it hurt to hear those words “It's a horrible thing to say... You are so amazing that I can't imagine why anyone would say something like that to you.”

Kurt suddenly pulled his hands away from Blaine's grasp as if he'd been burned. Blaine looked up at him, shocked and more than a little confused. Kurt was looking directly at him, his eyes suddenly hard and burning with anger.

“A horrible thing to say, huh?” Kurt shouted. “It wasn't just anybody saying those words, Blaine. It was YOU! You are the one who called me worthless. And more than anything else, those are the words I can't get out of my head.”

“Kurt, I-” Blaine rushed to explain, horrified. He felt as if he'd been punched in the gut as he was reminded of the words that had been ringing in his ears since he'd been kicked out of his own home. The same cruel and cutting words he'd aped in a moment of desperation early on in his career as Officer Anderson.

“I think your exact words were 'worthless scum' actually. Did I get that right, Blaine?” Kurt spat.

“Kurt, please,” Blaine begged, tears welling in his eyes. “Let me explain...”

“But you said it, didn't you, Blaine?” Kurt interrupted, all the anger draining from his face until he simply looked weary and so broken.

Blaine swallowed hard, and forced himself to nod, though every cell in his body was screaming in protest.

“And that's just it, Blaine...” Kurt sighed, his voice breaking. “Fag and homo and lady? That's nothing. Those insults barely register anymore. I hear them every day. But you...you pretended like you were a good guy. You acted like you cared about me. And then you said that I was worthless. That I was scum. It's your voice that I can't get out of my head at night..”

“Oh Kurt...” Blaine spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “I know exactly what that's like. Listen, all I've wanted to do since the study ended was find you so that I could explain myself. I know what I said...what I did is unforgiveable. So I'm not asking for your forgiveness. But please, will you just listen? Can I explain?” Blaine gazed at Kurt, every ounce of guilt and desperation clearly written all over his face. Kurt studied him closely for what felt like an eternity before slowly nodding.

“Okay...okay,” Blaine said nodding repeatedly as he steeled himself to tell his story, lost in thought. “So I was totally serious when I said that I know what it feels like to have those words echoing in your head every night. Those exact same words actually. Because what I said? Those awful things I said to you? Kurt, please, please believe me when I say that those words weren't me. I was repeating something that I heard. Those were the words echoing in my head before the study even began and in a moment of desperation, I reached for what I knew.” Blaine twisted his hands in his lap uncomfortably, biting his lip before finally braving a glance up at Kurt. Kurt stared back at him, still angry and obviously confused.

“I'm sorry... I'm not doing a good job of explaining myself, am I?” Blaine muttered. “Let me start at the beginning... I- I just-...,” Blaine dropped his head to his hands, running a shaking hand over his face as he bit back sobs. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to continue. “Why did you sign up for the study in the first place, Kurt? Was it for the money? The acting challenge? For me, it was fucking survival.”

Kurt's head snapped up as the word survival registered. He studied Blaine's reddened eyes and shaking hands, starting to realize just how little he truly knew about Blaine, particularly who Blaine was before the study began. Unconsciously, he nodded, urging Blaine to continue.

Blaine felt Kurt's eyes on him and he broke, the weight of his guilt and all that had happened to him in the past month no longer able to be buried. He felt hot tears stream down his cheeks as he continued to narrate his own waking nightmare, voice shaking as he said the words aloud for the first time.

“Four days before the study began, I came out to my parents. I told them I was gay, Kurt. Something I'd never told anyone before... And they responded by kicking me out of the house. They told me I was disgusting, that I was worthless, and that I was no longer their son. They cut me off without any warning. I didn't even have anywhere to go... All I cared about was having a place to stay: a roof over my head, some food to eat, and a little money and time to think about what I was going to do next. So I'm sitting at the Lima Bean and I see the ad for the study and I think, “Fuck, I can pretend to be a prisoner for a week. I need the money. A prison cell will be better than sleeping on the street.”

“It never even occurred to me that I would wind up being a guard. I'm a lot of things, but power hungry isn't one of them. I felt uncomfortable from the first minute I became 'Correctional Officer Anderson' and I'm sure it was obvious to everyone. I didn't fit in with the other guards from the start and I was getting a lot of shit from them. They were constantly telling me I was violating the rules or 'Guard Code,' whatever the fuck that is... They were threatening to turn me in to Doctor Cohen and get me kicked out of the study. I was stupid and I was desperate because I felt like I didn't have anywhere else to go. So when they said I had to insult you too, that I had to follow the rules...I listened. When it was time to insult the other prisoners, I was lost, so I went with what I knew. Those words...those awful words...the things I said to you. Those were the words I couldn't get out of my head, that I still can't get out of my head, because they were the last words my dad said to me.”

Kurt sat, dumbfounded. He'd been so wrapped up in his own survival that it never occurred to him that things might be equally bad on the other side. But hearing how Blaine had been bullied behind the scenes by his fellow guards, Kurt found himself oddly empathizing with Blaine's situation. And Kurt could scarcely imagine the pain of being so soundly rejected by your own parents. The rawness and pain in Blaine's voice was so tangible that Kurt felt the last of his anger towards Blaine melting away as he realized how much more they hand in common then he'd initially realized.

Blaine swiped angrily at the tears still streaming down his cheeks, hating himself even more for being so weak when it was Kurt who'd been hurt by Blaine and not the other way around. He'd been too scared to look at Kurt since he'd started his story, terrified that he might see the same disgust and rejection that he'd received from his father mirrored back in Kurt's eyes.

“Listen Kurt...I'm not telling you this because I think you should forgive me. I don't expect that from you, after what I did. I just needed you to know that even though I said those words, I never believed them, even for a second. You are the very opposite of worthless, Kurt. You're strong and brave and amazing. I know that and so does everyone who meets you.”

Blaine finally worked up the courage to look at Kurt, who was staring back at Blaine slack-jawed, his expression blank but not no longer angry. Blaine was elated - blank and surprised was better than he had dared to hope for given everything he'd put Kurt through. The heady combination of elation and relief buoyed Blaine, giving him the courage to say what he'd desperately wanted to tell Kurt since the moment he first realized Kurt was gone.

“Kurt, this may sound crazy, but as awful as that whole study and experience was, I don't regret signing up for it....because if I hadn't been in the study, I wouldn't have met you.” Blaine's eyes were locked with Kurt's now, smiling through tears as he finally spoke aloud what he'd long known to be true.

Kurt inhaled sharply, overwhelmed with the flood of contradictory emotions that continued to ebb and flow, making Kurt feel as if he was on a rollercoaster he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to get off. Like the irresistible pull of the tide against the shore, Kurt and Blaine were slowly tugged closer, neither sure who had initiated the movement. All Kurt knew is that it felt inexplicable, impossible, and right all at the same time to be this close to Blaine. From his new vantage point, Kurt could see the tiny teardrops still clinging to Blaine's unforgivably long lashes. Without thinking, he reached out a tentative hand, swiping at the moisture that had collected along Blaine's cheek.

Blaine sighed, leaning into Kurt's touch, Kurt's fingers running whisper light over his cheekbone. They were close enough now that Blaine could feel Kurt's warm breath against his cheek and it felt like the most wonderful thing in the world. Unconsciously, Blaine's gaze slipped down to Kurt's full pink lips, wondering for a moment. Once he realized what he was doing, he quickly jerked his gaze up to Kurt's eyes once again, blushing with embarrassment. He expected Kurt to look angry or at least confused, but instead Kurt looked amused and maybe a bit curious? Blaine had just long enough to tell himself that he was simply imagining Kurt's curiosity before Kurt's lips were colliding with his, leaving no more room for doubt.

The kiss was tentative and gentle at first, both boys still trying to wrap their heads around what was happening. But once Blaine at last gave himself permission to hope, to trust that what was happening was truly real, he was quickly swept up. He'd scarcely allowed himself to dream that Kurt would forgive him so the thought of Kurt letting Blaine into his life in such an intimate and tangible way would have been laughable. But now that the impossible was happening, Blaine could see the ephemeral threads that had led him to this very moment, to Kurt. And despite all the pain that both endured, he wouldn't have changed a thing.

Blaine, having given in fully to the experience now, slid a palm down Kurt's spine, inciting an involuntarily shiver as he deepened the kiss. Kurt's lips parted as he leaned into the kiss, his desire growing with every passing second. The kiss felt right in a way that nothing that had come before it ever had, and Kurt was finding that he was already addicted to the sensation of Blaine pressed against him, pulling him closer as they breathed as one.

Teeth and tongues crashed together, both boys surging forward searching for heat and taste and friction and more. Blaine could feel the teary dampness still clinging to Kurt's cheek as he slid a hand across his face, tugging him closer before settling his hand against the nape of Kurt's neck, stroking at the impossibly smooth skin of Kurt's neck and jaw. Both of their lips had the faintest tang of salt, a reminder of their earlier grief and newfound elation. Kurt could swear he could feel Blaine's heart beating against his own chest, the same staccato beat playing out through his own body as his pulse pounded and his skin thrilled at Blaine's touch.

They finally pulled away, both breathless. Blaine stared at Kurt, taking in the faint blush of his cheeks, doing his best not to groan audibly as he looked down to Kurt's now swollen, slightly parted lips. Blaine wanted nothing more than to capture those lips once more, sharing the same breath until even their heartbeats were as one. But as quickly as Blaine had been swept away by the intensity of his feelings for Kurt, doubts started to crowd his mind, and before he knew it, he was rambling, terrified of leaving anything unsaid.

“Kurt, I-... I'm so glad that you... that you don't hate me. But I just need you to know how much I hated myself, still hate myself for what I did to you. It wasn't okay. There's no reason for me to ever treat another human being like that and I'm so sorry. All I wanted to do since the moment the study ended was to find you and explain myself. I know that I don't deserve a second chance, Kurt, but please can we just...start again? I want this to be something that lasts.”

Kurt stared at the nervous, babbling boy in front of him, feeling an outpouring of tenderness. Blaine's anxiety was palpable, and Kurt found himself automatically stroking his hand up and down Blaine's arm as he begged for a second chance, wanting desperately to reassure him. “Yes, Blaine. Of course we can.” He sniffled, wiping at his damp cheeks, laughing through tears at the sheer unbelievability of all that had happened. “Oh god, I'm a mess!” he exclaimed, embarrassed.

“Here,” Blaine said with a wide grin, handing Kurt a wad of Kleenex. Blaine lifted his hand to Kurt's temple, smoothing his hair while Kurt blew his nose almost comically loud, causing both of them to collapse into a slightly hysterical fit of giggles.

Blaine was the first to regain his composure. “I'll start,” he announced. “Hi, I'm Blaine. I'm hopelessly fucked up and have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but I know I want you in it.”

Kurt's grin was impossibly bright in the dim light of his living room, leaving Blaine stunned and speechless. “I'm Kurt,” he spoke, extending his hand to Blaine. “And I think that sounds like a marvelous plan...”