‘She's just being such a diva right now, Blaine.  I honestly want to throttle her.'

Blaine rolls his eyes fondly and Kurt feels some of the tension in his shoulders melt away a little.

Since Blaine had reacquainted himself with the modern world they had been surprisingly successful in organising to meet up.  The first coffee-meet (Kurt refused to call them coffee dates) had been a little strained at first, yet oddly comfortable, though Blaine had not been particularly talkative.  Kurt had found himself filling in the silences by telling the other man all about the N.Y. drama he had missed – specifically the Santana-Rachel saga regarding Rachel's upcoming role on Broadway as Fanny in Funny Girl, and Santana's recent, albeit brief, stint as her understudy.  As time had passed it had almost seemed normal – it was only when Kurt made a reference to an event Blaine had not been party to – such as Artie having moved to New York for film school – that it hits Kurt just how isolated from his old friends Blaine had become.  The fact that Blaine had also seemingly stopped keeping up with the Broadway blogs (or anything remotely Arts related) had Kurt concerned, and that, together with Blaine's apparent lack of desire to share anything about himself, prickled the back of Kurt's mind.  However, it was so wonderful to have someone to talk to again - someone who understood the unique brand of bat-shit-crazy that was his McKinley friends.  Sure, he had Elliot, but the poor man had seemed so utterly exasperated when Rachel and Santana had tried to get him to take sides…  No - Elliot was not used to that kind of drama.  Blaine however, had quickly caught up and actually seemed to enjoy listening to Kurt - giving the correct responses when required, and generally agreeing with Kurt's viewpoints - sympathising with him and reassuring him that,

No – it's not just you, Kurt; that's not okay.

or

She was completely out of line to say that to you.

            ‘Come on, Kurt.  I know she can be a little…much sometimes, but she's not that bad.'

            ‘They gave her a town car.'

            ‘Isn't that, like, a limousine with a chauffeur?'

            ‘Don't let her hear you say that.'

            ‘Why?'  Blaine's eyes are laughing.

            ‘Artie called it that after he got mugged –‘

            ‘Is he alright?!'  Blaine's eyebrows shoot into his hairline and Kurt quickly grabs one of his hands to calm him.  Reflex actions.

            ‘-he's fine (physically anyway), but Rachel tried to “relate” –‘

            ‘Oh dear…'

            ‘Exactly – and it ended up with him telling her she's not a real person anymore.'

            ‘Ouch.'

            ‘Yes.  So, Santana's on Lesbos with Brittany, Mercedes and Artie are in New York, Rachel is a nightmare, and I think you're about caught up.'

Kurt smiles a little at the man opposite him until he realises that he is still holding Blaine's hand.  He releases it with a little cough and straightens up.  Blaine raises an eyebrow and Kurt takes the opportunity to actually look at him.  He looks a little tired still, but otherwise Blaine looks a lot more relaxed than he had the last couple of times they had seen each other.  Kurt takes a breath and quickly weighs up whether or not he should just leave things where they are for the moment.

            ‘Oh no – I know that face…'  Blaine tilts his head to one side, looking over his cup at him.  Kurt frowns, mentally kicking himself for being so transparent.

            ‘Bla-ine…' 

            ‘Ku-rt.'  Blaine mimics Kurt's tone and there is a smile on his lips but his eyes are guarded.

            ‘I was just going to say how nice this is.'

It is a cop-out but he is starting to realise that he cannot push Blaine – the man across from him has built up a wall (or a number of them) and Kurt knows it is going to take time for Blaine to let him back in.  He smiles as genuinely as he can before finishing what is left of his mocha – there's a glimpse of relief(?) in Blaine's eyes, but Kurt cannot be certain.

            ‘May I get you another one?'

Kurt's eyes capture Blaine's lips as the other man talks, and Kurt feels his cheeks glow hot in response.

            ‘Always the gentleman.'  Embarrassed, he glances at his cell phone to check the time and almost misses the warm smile of his companion.  They have been in the tiny Italian coffee shop, chosen by Blaine - no doubt because it is neutral territory - for well over two hours and Kurt knows he has two choices – accept Blaine's offer and continue their conversation (which could potentially end in a disagreement, given their recent communique), or end it now while things are good and set up a next time.  ‘I actually should be heading back – I have my Mid-Winter Critique in a couple of days and I really should practice…'  He glances up to gauge Blaine's reaction – but the other man is not giving much away.  ‘So…um…this has been really nice.'

Blaine nods slightly in agreement and Kurt almost cringes at how much Blaine is physically withdrawing from him.  It does not sit right in his chest – Blaine had always been so forthcoming and open with him before.

            ‘So – I…uh…I know you don't know him, but…I was wondering if you'd like to – well not like, I mean, it's not something anyone would like to go to…'  He trails off and glances across at Blaine who is studying him intently, before taking a breath to steady himself.  ‘Our neighbour's friend – Russ - he was attacked…'  Kurt's eyes dart across Blaine's face and he is partly relieved and partly saddened by how quickly the smaller man catches Kurt's meaning.  ‘There's a candlelit vigil tomorrow night…'

            ‘Of course I'll go with you if you want me to.'      

Blaine's eyes are dark and doing that earnest thing that makes Kurt's knees wobble but he manages to nod, only just catching himself before he clacks his piercing against his teeth.  Blaine shifts slightly and Kurt could have sworn that Blaine had been about to take his hand to comfort him.  Kurt realises this cannot be easy for him either – and not just because Blaine had been physically attacked in the past because of his sexuality (like Russ).  Kurt had never quite managed to get the full story from Blaine about what had happened after that Sadie Hawkins dance, and he had never really pushed - it had been the catalyst for Blaine to transfer to Dalton and without it Kurt and Blaine may never have met - but he had felt the scars; faded and pale slithers - the ghosts of prejudice and violence - against his fingertips.

            ‘Are you alright, Kurt?' 

Kurt must have shivered or something because Blaine is still giving him that look.  He forces himself to smile and nods before standing and collecting his bag.  Blaine predictably stands in response and Kurt's smile becomes a little more genuine at the familiarity of the gesture.

Neither hesitates before they hug – Blaine's chin hooks over Kurt's shoulder like it belongs there, and Kurt can feel the muscles in Blaine's back relax slightly in the embrace.  Kurt's hands yearn to roam as if they want physical proof that the man in his arms is back where he should be, while Kurt squeezes his eyes closed against the wave in his lungs that threatens to crush him.  His throat feels tight and he tenses to make sure he does not inadvertently press his lips to Blaine's neck in response. 

            ‘Until tomorrow then?'

            ‘Tomorrow.'

It is both a promise and a prayer.

-+-

            A couple of years ago, the last person Sebastian would ever have expected to see at his door would have been Kurt, but truth be told, he had been expecting a visit sooner or later (truthfully he thought it would have been a little bit sooner).  He held the door open in the universal gesture for “come on in then” before offering the other man a drink, which was politely, and predictably, declined.

            ‘You can sit you know.'  Sebastian states as he settles into one of the dark leather armchairs that bookend his living room.  Kurt perches on the facing chair and Sebastian waits until he grows impatient with Kurt's continued silence.

            ‘How is he, Kurt?'

            ‘I'm honestly not sure…'  They both know they are talking about Blaine.

            ‘You've seen him then?'

            ‘I thought you knew?'

            ‘I guessed.'

            ‘Oh.'

            ‘So – what happened?'  Sebastian prompts when Kurt makes no sign of continuing the conversation.

            ‘Nothing.'

            ‘Something must have happened or you wouldn't be here.'

Kurt smiles slightly in response to Sebastian's comment and nods.

            ‘He's so -'

            ‘Reactive?  Defensive?  Distant?  Damn pig-headed?'  Sebastian lists as he heads over towards the sideboard, pouring himself a glass of whiskey from a heavy-looking crystal decanter, deciding that this conversation definitely needs some help.  Kurt raises an eyebrow but says nothing until Sebastian has resituated himself.

 ‘I was going to say “quiet”.'

 ‘I stand by my assessment.'  He takes a sip of the amber liquid and tries not to associate it with the colour of his friend's eyes after that fated conversation in the club.  ‘So, how can I help, Kurt?'

‘What was he like…after?'

‘You mean Christmas?'  Kurt nods and Sebastian rolls his eyes.  ‘How do you think?' 

‘He won't talk to me.  Not about anything important, anyway.'

‘Are you honestly surprised?'

Kurt shakes his head and Sebastian knocks back the rest of his drink.

            ‘I just…I don't want to keep tiptoeing around him, you know?'

            ‘At least he's talking to you.'

            ‘What happened between you two, Sebastian?'

Sebastian laughs and runs a hand through his hair, fingers toying with the glass in his hand as if he were contemplating getting a second.

            ‘Here's the thing about Blaine, Kurt – he needs to feel needed.  It's this White Knight complex and it does my head in because who outside of a Disney movie is actually that goddamn selfless?'

            ‘He's not selfless –‘

            ‘No?  He's downright noble… it's what attracted him to me at first – I wanted to corrupt him, but you know what he did?  He saw through it.  He saw through the pretence and he tried to be my friend anyway.  You fucked him, Hummel – bet he spent the whole of your first time together asking how it was for you and whether you were alright.  He never puts himself first.  He spent months torturing himself, Kurt.  Months.  Hell – it's almost been a year.'  He avoids eye contact with the other man and pours himself another drink.  Kurt stays silent and for some reason that infuriates Sebastian more.  ‘You know what, Kurt?  I knew something was up with him.  I knew it, but he seemed better so I closed my eyes to it.  I figured – hey, what's the worst that can happen?  He's at his best when he's serving people – when he has someone to put before himself.  I thought leading the Warblers would have been enough, but he was flying off the rails…  Douglas was good for him, Kurt.'

            ‘I know.'  Kurt's voice does not even waiver and Sebastian's eyes flicker up to meet the other man's. 

            ‘Kurt, I… I care about him.  He's probably the only real friend I have ever had, but if you're here to get me to talk to him for you you're wasting your time.'

            ‘I care about him too, Sebastian.'

            ‘Do you really, Kurt?'

            ‘How can you even ask me that?' 

Sebastian barely manages to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

            ‘I know you hurt each other in the past -'

            ‘- Get to the point, Sebastian.'

He frowns at Kurt's tone.

            ‘My point is that he thinks Douglas needs him, Kurt.' 

‘I went over there to tell him -'

            ‘You still love him.'  It is not a question.  Kurt nods and in that moment Sebastian wants nothing more than to hold him – to give him what little comfort he can offer, because the man in front of him looks so broken, and open.  It shocks him slightly and he trails a finger against the ridges of the cut-glass tumbler in his hands.  ‘What did he say?'

            ‘Douglas showed up…and I couldn't…'

Kurt trails off and Sebastian sighs into the silence spreading between them.

            ‘He's not happy, Kurt – not like he was before.' 

            ‘He looked fine when they were kissing.'  Sebastian snorts slightly, rolling his eyes at Kurt's petulant tone, but manages to hold his tongue.  His facial expression must have given his thoughts away however, as they are interrupted by Kurt's insistent ‘It's not like that.'

            ‘Looks an awful lot like it is, Kurt.'  The other man glares and Sebastian's eyes soften in response.  ‘It's never too late, you know?'

            ‘It feels like it is.'

            ‘Show him.'

            ‘What?'

            ‘What he's missing.'  Kurt's brow crinkles and Sebastian huffs a little sigh.  ‘Do I really have to spell it out for you?  What did you used to do together for fun, and I don't mean the sex stuff because I'm sure now that Douglas is back –‘

            ‘Sing.  We used to sing together.'

            ‘Of course you did.  Well – try that.'

            ‘You know…I think you may be on to something.'

Sebastian rolls his eyes but cannot stop his smile reflecting Kurt's.

-+-

            It is Rachel that provides him with the perfect plan – her Funny Girl tech rehearsals are hectic and she had been flapping about her Sondheim performance for the Mid-Winter Critique.  She had been trying to convince Kurt to perform a duet with her for weeks so he had jumped at the opportunity to suggest she ask Blaine to sing with her.  He had been concerned that Rachel would lay in to him once she discovered he was trying to repair his friendship with Blaine, but instead she had been surprisingly enthusiastic, declaring Kurt a genius and then spending the next couple of hours formulating a plan to convince Blaine to sing with her.  Apparently Kurt's mission was now also hers, but she had not mentioned anything about a duet when they had met Blaine for the vigil, instead acting as if Blaine had never almost slipped from their lives.  Blaine, to his credit, had not called her out, but simply let her take his arm and tell him all about Funny Girl.  Kurt had followed a step or so behind with Artie and Mercedes, lost in his own thoughts and pointedly ignoring the looks they kept sending him.  Could this have been what his life would have been like had Blaine come to New York with him like they had planned? 

Cold and tired, but unable to sleep, he had shared hot chocolate with Rachel when they got back to their loft.  Snuggled under blankets together, Rachel had given him a curious look but had remained silent on the topic of Blaine.  However, the next morning, just as he had been about to leave to head over to meet Blaine for coffee before class, she had asked him to suggest the duet to Blaine for her.  He had not bothered to question her as he was simply grateful that she still wanted to be a part of the great Get Blaine Performing Again plan.

So Kurt was positively vibrating with nervous energy as he sat in the cold metal chair at the coffee shop – Kurt's choice this time; a little place across the way from the NYADA campus.  Blaine seemed to be running late and Kurt hums a little in frustration because Blaine is never late.  Before he can get too worked up by the what ifs invading his consciousness, the other man appears from the steam rising up from the subway vents.  He looks a little out of breath and Kurt takes a moment to study the other man before he is spotted, attempting to gauge the smaller man's mood to see how receptive he would be to Kurt and Rachel's proposition.  Blaine's face lights up as if Kurt is the best thing he has seen all morning when he spots him and Kurt's breath hitches.

            ‘Hey, Kurt.  Sorry I'm late!  I had to run Douglas' shirts to the dry cleaners and there was this lady –‘

            ‘Doesn't he have staff to do that?'  Blaine's smile crumples and Kurt mentally kicks himself for his quick tongue.  The other man's jaw is tense, eyebrows flat lines, eyes huge and dark.  Kurt sighs.  ‘Well, you're here now.  Want your usual?'

Blaine's chin dips a fraction and Kurt quickly heads over to the tiny, coffee-stained counter to order their drinks leaving Blaine to guard their table. 

            Pull it together, Hummel.  You can't be an ass every time he mentions Douglas.  This is not about you; this is about being a friend.

            ‘I can't help feeling that I've done something to piss you off.'  The voice is small and so un-Blaine that it runs down Kurt's spine like iced water as he sets the mugs (real mugs here not the usual cardboard cups) on the tiny chequered table. 

            ‘I'm sorry – I just…I have a lot on my mind.'

            ‘With the Critique, of course you do.  I really am sorry for being late, Kurt.  I know how busy you are.'

Those damned burnished eyes are going to kill him one day.  Kurt squeezes his eyes shut but Blaine's expression is burned into his retinas.  He takes a deep breath, inhaling the rich scent of freshly ground coffee, letting it overpower everything else.  His eyes flicker open and catch the tortured amber of his companion's.

            ‘Let's start again, okay?'  Blaine nods his assent, and Kurt tries to soothe him with a smile that hopefully looks less forced than it feels.  Blaine smiles a little in response and Kurt feels his own smile truly begin to bloom.

            ‘Okay.'

‘I actually wanted to ask you a favour actually.'

‘Oh?'

Blaine sips his coffee before deciding to add one of the sugar cubes from the little bowl on the table between them.  So far so good.

            ‘Rachel may have mentioned it last night actually…?'  Kurt lets his sentence hang at the end to try to pique Blaine's curiosity but Blaine merely shakes his head slightly in response.  ‘Well, she won't stop going on about it to me… So.  Mid-Winter Critique…'

            ‘Sondheim.'

            ‘Yes.'

            ‘It'll be a good challenge.  Loads of choice though.  What did you decide on?'

            ‘Losing My Mind.'  Kurt glances up – he had not meant to tell Blaine about his song choice.  His heart revs, but he does not give Blaine a chance to react.  ‘Rachel wants to do Broadway Baby, you know it, right?'

            ‘Of course.'

            ‘Well enough to sing it as a duet?'

            ‘What's goin' on, Kurt?'

            ‘Rachel wants to do it as a duet, but she's not sure how to split the parts up and I suggested that you could maybe help her?'  It comes out a little rushed, but it is out there on the table now. 

Blaine frowns slightly as if looking for a catch. 

            ‘Uh, I don't really…'

            ‘Please, Blaine?'

            ‘I know she's capable of doing this by herself, Kurt.'  Kurt pleads with his eyes until Blaine shakes his head slightly and smiles a little.  ‘Who's she planning on singing the duet with and what style does she want to go for?  I'm guessing more Bernadette than Elaine?'

            ‘Definitely more Bernadette – but possibly with some more pace to it – especially at the start?  She wants to add some choreography.  Thank you!'  He is aware that he is grinning, but so is Blaine so that is all that matters. 

            ‘I haven't said yes yet.'

            ‘But you will.'

            ‘Fine.  Tell her to come over to mine and to bring her duet partner – I have a piano there so it'll make practice easier.'

Kurt nods before taking a sip of his mocha in an attempt to look a little more pulled together and a little less manic – it also gives him something to do so he does not have to correct Blaine's assumption that Rachel has a duet partner already. 

            ‘Let me give you Rachel's number.'  Kurt places his palm face-up on the table in expectation.

            ‘She actually gave it to me last night.  I thought it was odd at the time…'

            ‘I'm surprised she didn't ask you herself.'

            ‘Hm.'

The silence stretches out between them and Kurt takes his time pointedly not gazing longingly into Blaine's eyes.  Blaine seems a little distracted and Kurt wonders whether he should ask to accompany Rachel to Blaine's for their rehearsal.

            ‘So – Mercedes looks well.  Artie too.  I didn't get much of a chance to talk to them last night –‘

            ‘No.  Rachel was monopolising you.'

            ‘Considering last time I saw her I was a little surprised.'

Kurt nods, unwilling to dive back into that particular polluted stream of torturously toxic memories.  Blaine seems to pick up on Kurt's mood and so drops the subject. 

            ‘So, what've you got planned for today?  More fascinating lectures on Corporate Law at Columbia?  You must have exams coming up, right?'

            ‘Nope.  No exams.'

Kurt frowns at Blaine's clipped response, but, noting the tension that is gathering in the other man's posture, he decides not to push.

            ‘So – when's best for Rachel to call on you?'

            ‘Uh…  Douglas is out until late tonight – he has a conference call with China so I'll be around all evening.  Or, maybe tomorrow night?  When's her performance?'

            ‘Wednesday.'

            ‘That's really not long, Kurt.'

            ‘I know – she will owe you one.'

Blaine hums a little response and Kurt decides to go for it.

            ‘Would you mind if I joined her?  At yours I mean?'

            ‘Oh!  Of course.  No – that's fine.  That would be…nice actually.'

Kurt smiles softly and Blaine dips his head.  Something in Kurt's chest clenches at the familiarity of the gesture.  He clears his throat and finishes his coffee.

            ‘So, I have to go – combat class this morning so I need to warm up.'

            ‘Oh.  Sure.  Okay.'

Kurt frowns a little at Blaine's apparent lack of interest in the topic.  They had had numerous discussions when they had first become friends about the many types of stage combat – Blaine had been on the fencing team at his old school and his bedroom had been littered with trophies.  Kurt had never been particularly interested in the sport until Blaine had insisted they watch The Princess Bride together.

            ‘We're fencing…'  He knows he is fishing but he cannot seem to stop himself.

Blaine nods a little and throws Kurt a tight smile.

            ‘I wouldn't want to keep you.'

            ‘I know something you don't know - '  Kurt smiles as he waits for Blaine to pick up his reference and fill in Westley's line.  He does not expect Blaine to simply stand, taking Kurt's coat from its place on the back of the chair, and holding it out for him.  Kurt frowns a little and mutters ‘I am not left handed!' as he slides his arms into the sleeves.  

-+-

            Kurt was not certain he would ever forget the sight of Blaine, bathed in the golden glow of the last of the sun's weak rays, bent over the red and black piano – the door had been open when he had led Rachel out of the elevator and so they had followed the sound of the music to find Blaine.  Dressed simply in dark red skinny jeans and a black jumper Blaine had looked like a part of the instrument.  Rachel had positively beamed at him when she realised that Blaine was playing an upbeat version of Broadway Baby and had been seemingly unphased by the grandeur of Blaine's home, Kurt on the other hand, was not sure that he could ever feel comfortable there knowing that it was a space that Blaine shared with another man.  Hovering just out of the doorway he let Rachel barge in to interrupt Blaine with a huge hug and a kiss to the cheek.  The look of surprise on his face told Kurt more than he wanted to know – Blaine had half expected to be stood up and had been so swept away by actually playing music that he had probably forgotten the time.  Kurt smiled a little before joining his friends to catch Rachel's line about how her ‘duet partner' was sick and unable to help her and please, please, please could Blaine sing with her instead?  Kurt rolled his eyes at Rachel, and tried not to openly appreciate the sight of Blaine's back as he walked around the piano.  Instead he appraised the room – it looked recently decorated; the walls were painted Dior grey and the carpet matched tonally serving to lead one's eye straight to the feature piece of the room – the gloss black grand piano with its vibrant red interior.  Kurt's gaze swept to the open curtains that framed the floor-to-ceiling glass doors that led to a small balcony framed with Art Nouveau ironwork that carried through the lily theme from the rest of the building.  The only other decoration was a large silver mirror over the painted fireplace, and a tasteful silver and crystal chandelier which was providing a warm candle-light glow to the room. 

            ‘I…uh…moved the rest of the furniture out so you'd have space to move.'  The sound of Blaine's voice brought Kurt back into the room and he turned to watch as Rachel surveyed her territory before thrusting sheet music at Kurt.

            ‘Could you play while I talk to Blaine about choreography?'

Blaine shot Kurt a curious look before stepping aside. 

            ‘Uh, Rachel – I'm not sure about this.  There has to be someone else who could help you at NYADA?  Right, Kurt?'

Kurt opted out of the conversation and let Rachel emphasise how there was no one else who she would trust with her Mid-winter Critique at such short notice, before passing Blaine a copy of the sheet music and giving him a highlighter.

            ‘So – I was thinking we could split it up like this -'

            ‘I mean – will they even let me sing with you?  I'm not a student there –‘

            ‘Blaine, trust me.  We are going to blow them away – it's really just a formality for me anyway.  After all – I won the Winter Showcase last year and I'm actually on Broadway.  Well, I will be in a couple of months anyway.'

Blaine's wide, dark eyes flicker over to Kurt, who had taken up residence on the piano stool and was desperately trying to hide his disgust at Rachel's overconfidence.  Kurt huffs out a small breath and tries to shoot his ex a reassuring look because this uncertain Blaine, this reserved and unsure version before him was so utterly WRONG that it just reminded him why he was going along with all of this in the first place.

            ‘No harm in giving it a try?'  Blaine seems to calm a little at Kurt's suggestion and he nods slightly before almost jumping out of his skin when Rachel screeches and pulls him into a fierce hug.  Kurt cannot help but grin at the sight.

-+-

            He is definitely not smiling now.  It is not that he does not agree with Madame Tibideaux, actually the truth is the opposite, but he feels terrible for Blaine. 

The Blaine that had sat next to him at the small table in the pine-clad performance room had not been one Kurt had been familiar with – he had been nervous.  Blaine never got nervous about performing.  Kurt had grasped his hand under the table, holding it tightly, and Blaine had glanced at him then – his amber eyes wide and open as Kurt uttered half-whispered reassurances to him.  Blaine had half-smiled and squeezed his hand in response, his thumb tracing the contours of Kurt's knuckles, effectively reducing Kurt's world to his left hand and Blaine's fingers, until the music started.

As the song had progressed Blaine had seemed to come alive - he had looked stunning dancing with Rachel in the fitted tux, complete with dress studs and cufflinks that caught the light as his body moved.  Kurt had been unable to keep his eyes from him so he had missed the change in posture that radiated from the NYADA dean.  Not that he could have done anything to protect his friends anyway, because, loathe as he was to admit it, Rachel's performance had been a duet, not an individual piece.

The aftermath was ugly: Blaine had been utterly distraught, and even Kurt reminding him that Madame Tibideaux had been really positive to him at least (in that she had actually asked him why he was not a student at NYADA) had not seemed to help.  Kurt was frustrated by Rachel's ungrateful attitude towards the dean for letting her organise a do-over, but he honestly had no idea how to handle Blaine.  The whole point had been to remind Blaine why he loved performing and to get him doing something he loved again and for a fleeting moment Kurt had honestly believed that the plan had been a success.  Instead Blaine had seemed to take it as a message from on high that he was not cut out to perform and that he had ruined Rachel's academic career.  Rachel to her merit had not taken it out on Blaine – something Kurt was thankful for, but ultimately by refusing to listen to their imploring her to be reasonable, she had inadvertently made the other man feel a thousand times worse.

He had no idea what to do about Blaine, who had retreated even further away from him and was presently ‘busy' all the time so he had been unable to talk to him properly, and Kurt had utterly come to the end of his tether with Rachel.  He had heard from the NYADA gossip chain that his fears had been justified – Rachel had quit NYADA – and to top it all off, Rachel was now late to dinner leaving Kurt sitting at a table for two, alone. 

Kurt ran his hands through his hair before trying to entertain himself by people-watching; it was ultimately to no avail.  His thoughts kept crowding him: he had no idea what to do about Blaine.  Santana was not around so he could not even ask for her council on the subject, and now his best friend was about to throw her dream away just because she was not getting her own way!

He stared into the small candle on the table as if it contained the answers, but all he could feel was the ghost of Blaine's hand in his before the show.

-+-

            Blaine had been feeling out of sorts for the last hour – his chest aches and his gut consists purely of churning snakes.  Douglas had taken one look at him and gently pressed a cool hand to his forehead, brushing away a stray curl with the back of his hand as he did so.

            ‘Are you alright, darling?  You're looking really pale.'

            ‘I don't know.  I just came over all funny.'  He allows Douglas to lead him to sit beside him on the sofa, but does not relax up against the strong warmth of his partner as he usually would.  If Douglas notices Blaine's pulling away he makes no comment.  They sit beside each other – Blaine lost in meandering thoughts, as Douglas works his way through yet another packet of documents, sparing Blaine the occasional concerned glance.

His cell rings again and he glances down at the caller ID, prepared to come clean to Kurt – he needs to try to explain…Explain what exactly? 

Blaine's call phone had been ringing on and off since he had let down Rachel and Kurt at the Mid-Winter Critique.  He knew what Kurt was doing – Kurt was trying to convince him that it was not his fault and that Rachel should have known better by actually sticking to the brief.  Deep down, Blaine knew that the performance had felt right – even the Dean had said their performance had been “excellent”.  He had felt, if not alive then something close to it, for the first time in what felt like forever, and he had utterly loved it.  The applause and Kurt's adoring face were ingrained on his soul.  Maybe that is why he felt so bad for Rachel – he had done it for Kurt, not for her.  He would give anything to light up Kurt's face again like his performance had, but that in itself was awful because it should be Douglas who makes him feel that way. 

His head swims and he is about to take the coward's way out again when something sets the hairs on the back of his neck on end.  Why would Rachel be calling him?  His heart beats a wild tattoo on his rib cage and he feels his gut drop as he accepts the call.

            ‘Blaine!  Blaine, thank God.  It's Kurt.  He's at the hospital.'