Dalton Redux

            He did not actually meet up with Doug until over a week later as things had picked up a little at McKinley.  It was Tina that inadvertently nudged Blaine back on the path to reconciliation with his childhood friend.  She had spent most days hinting none so subtly (and sometimes just straight out bluntly) whether Blaine had been in contact with Kurt.  Part of him wished she would just find a boyfriend to distract her so she was not focused on his train wreck of a love-life and be done with it.  Truth was that he had tried on numerous occasions to talk to Kurt since he and Rachel had left after the Grease performance, but each text went unanswered and each call went through to voicemail.  Blaine was starting to get the hint.  He did not exactly blame Kurt for wanting nothing more to do with him.  Not after what he did.  Blaine had started referring to Kurt as his ‘”ex” in an attempt to discourage Tina, but it was really because saying Kurt's name brought a lump to his throat.  “Ex” was easier.

Ultimately it meant that he was unable to really talk to Tina about what the break-up was doing to him, and aside from Sam (who he had really only started to hang out with more since they ran together for Class President and Vice), he did not exactly have anyone to talk to.  Cooper had been no help – not that they had really had much time to just talk with planning the party.  He found that he really needed a friend.  A true friend.  Sure, he had the rest of the New Directions but they all seemed so wrapped up in their own dramas, and he could not exactly talk to Finn…  So, Blaine had text a number he really hoped still worked.

Doug had replied almost instantly by calling and they had ended up arranging to meet at the Lima Bean café after each of their respective after-school rehearsals finished – football (of course) for Doug and Glee for Blaine. 

He had spent the rest of the day feeling a little more positive and had actually rather enjoyed chairing the Secret Society of Superheroes Club (even managing to mostly keep his cool when Tina text him on his “Night Phone” to ask again about Kurt).  That was until they had discovered that the Warblers had stolen the New Directions' Nationals trophy.  Blaine had taken the theft personally – the Warblers had been his friends, even if things had been strained since he left (not to mention the rock salt slushie incident which almost cost him his eye).  Still, he had thought that the theft was simply a cheap shot below the belt to ruffle the competition.  He had not expected to find a new captain of the Warblers, Hunter (who was a tad dramatic even for Blaine's taste), and he had certainly not expected to discover that the theft had actually been a ploy to try to coerce Blaine into re-joining the Warblers.  He had been caught off-guard by Sebastian, Nick, Jeff and the others encouraging him to sing with them again.  It had been so easy to slip the familiar blazer back on, and to fall in-step with friends – their voices supporting his, their movements including him.  He ached to feel something similar with the New Directions – but if anything he felt further from them than ever with each new addition to the group after the success of the musical.  Blaine had managed to politely refuse the Warblers but the entire incident weighed heavily on his mind throughout the day and the next, and his mood had darkened by the time Glee practice began.  He found himself growing agitated with Finn's fumbling during rehearsals.  He kept hearing Hunter's voice

            “Don't you think it's time you came back where you belong, Blaine Warbler?” 

That was the question really – where did he belong?  His parents had noticed how miserable he had been lately and had jumped on the opportunity to attempt to persuade him to transfer back to Dalton.  His father had even made enquiries.  But to Blaine it felt like quitting.  Like running away again – and he could not give in. 

            What would Kurt say if you just ran away like you always do?  You're such a hypocrite – you told him to have courage yet you have none.

Finn's attempt to awaken the competitive spirit of the group by referring to Sectionals as an “epic battle” brought Blaine back from his thoughts, but he could not bring himself to cheer or clap with his team mates.  The speech had inspired nothing in Blaine – Finn looked like a lost boy struggling to tread water not the strong leader Blaine yearned to get behind.

As he drove to the Lima Bean that evening Blaine had purposely decided to keep all thoughts of Glee, Dalton, the Warblers and Kurt from his mind.  The objective was to catch up with an old friend - nothing more.  Not this time, at least.  Perhaps he would even be able to find out about Doug's uncle and why he had suddenly reappeared – the mystery behind the endless possibilities distracted Blaine enough that by the time he pulled up and headed inside he was in a better mood.

            Talking with Doug was as easy as it had always been – they talked about football and Doug's plans for graduation.  Blaine skirted around the topic mentioning briefly ideas of performing arts schools in New York – apparently he said something wrong because it triggered a tirade from Doug about the Arts changing nothing and how the only way to change something these days was to go into Politics or Law.  Doug had been one of the first people Blaine had come out to and he had always maintained their easy friendship.  Nothing had changed.  Well, aside from Doug's growing interest in gay rights.  Blaine had forgotten how much he missed debating politics with Doug – they had used to rail against the stupidity and intolerance in the world – spending hours putting the world to rights.  As the topic took a turn in that direction Blaine relaxed, thinking that Doug would drop the subject of what Blaine was going to do after graduation as he simply lacked the energy to fight.  He was wrong.

‘You care about gay rights, yeah?  Then do something about it - be a politician or a lawyer!  Go back to Dalton, use the Old Boys' networks, and get in there – where the decisions are made.  Where the power is.  No one's saying you can't still sing and perform, B.  But no one is going to make the changes we want to see in this dumb world unless we try ourselves.  You've always been the smart one.  You know I'm talking truths here.'

The words stay with Blaine for the rest of their catch-up even when the topic falls back into easier subjects like the latest films.

He spends that night staring at the ceiling, unable to stop Hunter and Doug's voices circling his mind like sharks.

            Blaine zones out of the next Glee rehearsal barely paying any attention to the newer members' duets and petty feuds.  He spends the day in a dark battle with himself – is going back to Dalton really running away if he is doing it to make a difference for future generations?  Is longing to return to a place where you are wanted, accepted and appreciated – where you feel at home and belong – cowardly?

By the time he gets home that evening he knows what he needs to do.  He talks to both his parents, and is relieved (but not exactly surprised) to find they whole-heartedly support him.  He expected to feel better but he still finds a weight in his chest when he thinks about breaking the news of his transfer to the older members of the New Directions.  He made a pact with Finn to back him up and he hates to break it – but he knows deep-down that he is making the right decision.  Doug is right – he needs Dalton on his record, he needs the Old Boys' network, and he needs the status Dalton holds to have the best shot at really making a difference in the future.  It still does not make the conversation easier and Blaine knows Finn will take it as abandonment – as Blaine running away.  It feels like he is breaking up with Finn, as ridiculous as that sounds.

He manages to find Finn alone with Mr Schuster's mock-up of the set, choreographing.  Well – attempting to at least.  Blaine comes clean about singing with the Warblers and tries to keep the conversation to how Blaine misses his friends there – avoiding any potential to accidently insult Finn by implying McKinley is not a good enough school.  Blaine is right though – Finn does not understand – he thinks it is about Kurt, and it is in a way; Blaine's not stupid enough to think that it is not.  So he plays the Kurt card once his initial tactic fails – it is not as if it is not partly true so he does not have to act too hard to try to help Finn understand.  Finn has, after all, recently experienced his own break-up so this is at least a concept he can understand.  The discussion is messy and Blaine wanted it to be neater – he had a speech planned and everything, but in the end the result is the same. 

When he recounts the tale to Doug afterwards Blaine vaguely recalls calling the Warblers his “birth right and destiny” which results in his friend cackling for a good ten minutes uncontrollably.  Blaine is sure he catches the words “dramatic”, “ass”, and “priceless” but he cannot be 100% certain. 

            ‘If it helps – you're doing the right thing, B.'

            ‘I know.  It does help though.  Thanks.'    

            ‘It's going to be so awesome to have you back.  When do you start?'

            ‘Monday.'

            ‘Sweet.  Any plans for the weekend?'

            ‘What are you suggesting?'

He hears the huff of Doug's breath down the line.

            ‘I thought you could come up to Dalton and we could have a kind of “Welcome Home” celebration…?'

Blaine laughs and he feels so much lighter.

            ‘That would actually be really nice.'

His face hurts from smiling as they sign-off and Blaine places his phone back in his pocket as he heads towards his locker – only one thing left to do.  His smile fades slightly as he empties his locker into the small box – his life at McKinley takes up so little room.  He almost walks into Sam as he finishes up.  He wonders how Sam found out so quickly and a part of him admires Sam's optimism but he notes the pleading edge to his voice as he asks whether Blaine's transfer is part of some master plan to get the trophy back from the Warblers. 

The conversation with Sam shakes Blaine more than he thought it would.  Like Finn, Sam assumes that Blaine's transfer is really about Kurt and Blaine somehow ends up telling Sam about cheating on Kurt and how he felt immediately after he knew he had destroyed his relationship.  Blaine feels the hurt, despair, guilt and frustration he had been keeping at bay (barely) for weeks bubble up as he talks and marvels at Sam's simplistic view that he has to move on.

            ‘That's exactly what I am doing, Sam.'

            ‘Then why does it look an awful lot like running away?'

The words seem more real out loud and Blaine breaks.  Sam knows he said the wrong thing and immediately tries to back-pedal but Blaine cuts him off.

            ‘I'm not running away, Sam.  I'm going home.'

            ‘But this is your home - here.'

            ‘Sam, I appreciate it – I really do, but I need to do this for me.  OK?  I came here for Kurt and at the time I told him that I was doing it for him but deep-down we both knew it was because I wanted to be close to him.  Anyway – it's already done.  The paperwork went through this morning and I start on Monday.'

            ‘Dude, you got to give me one day – one day to show you you belong here.'

            ‘It's done, Sam.'

            ‘So you really are going to just walk away?'

            ‘I have to.'

            ‘I don't buy it.  You're a good person, Blaine, and exiling yourself to Dalton is not going to fix anything.'

            ‘That's the point.  I'm not trying to fix anything – I can't fix it.  I tried.  All I'm doing is going back where I belong.  Goodbye, Sam.  Rule wisely – don't forget you're the president now.'

It takes more strength than he thought he was capable of to turn away and walk to his car.  He half expects Sam to follow – or perhaps Tina or one of the others – for someone to fight for him to stay.  No one follows him.

            By the time he gets home he feels drained – technically school was not supposed to finish for another couple of hours so he is home alone and his mind is buzzing as it replays each conversation.  Analysing.  Torturing him with how he could have handled things better – what he should have said.  He groans in frustration.  He dials Kurt's number before he even processes that he cannot anymore – it was his default action for so long.  He counts it as a punishment now every time his call goes unanswered – another tick against the list in his mind declaring him pathetic and unworthy.  The click as the call is accepted on the other side causes his heart to leap into his mouth but it is Rachel's voice on the other end.

            ‘Stop calling, Blaine.'

One sentence and then the line goes dead.