I knew from the moment I met the specialist, Dr. Green, that I didn’t like him. He looked me up and down and his face set into a sneer. I ignored this, it didn’t matter what I thought of him or what he seemed to think of me, he was an expert on my son’s condition and I would treat him with respect because of that.

“Mr. Hummel, I presume?” His voice was arrogant. I nodded and held my hand out for him to shake. He stared at it for a moment before turning on his heel and walking down the hall. I hesitated for a moment, shocked at his rude behavior, before following close behind.

“I assume you’ve been informed about your son’s situation?” He peered at me over his shoulder, never slowing. We were heading towards the nursery wing. I was excited to see Jude again, and more importantly, hold him again.

“Yes, Dr. Sharp said his throat developed without vocal cords or a voice box, but that it wasn’t detrimental to his health in anyway.”

His eyebrows rose but he remained silent, turning forward without another word as we entered the nursery. He hadn’t even properly introduced himself, the jerk.

“I’ve already examined your son, Mr. Hummel. I merely thought you might want to be with him when we spoke about his options.” I was confused. Why the hell we were here then rather than in a consultation room? “I understand that you’re sixteen? That you’re still in high school?”

I nodded, still confused as to where this conversation was going. “I’ll be seventeen next week and I will be a junior this fall.” Why were we talking about me?

“I see.” He looked at me appraisingly, his slight sneer making another appearance. “I’ll be blunt Mr. Hummel. I look at you and I see a teen parent who will not be able to care for a disadvantaged child. My professional opinion is that you give this child to a family with the means to care for him properly and who’s…lifestyle choices…would be a healthier environment for him.”

I blinked at him, processing what he’d just said. I was floored. Did he really just call me an unfit parent because of my age and sexuality? “Excuse me?” My tone was quiet because of the child laying not ten feet from where I stood, but even a deaf man could have heard the tightly controlled rage underlying my words.

“I personally know of a couple in Indiana where my regular practice is that would love to care for this child. They can provide him with a stable home environment and the medical procedures he’ll need to become a more normal member of society. There are implants that can be surgically inserted so that he will be able to speak but the cost is high. This couple will give the child all the love he deserves no matter his, er, parentage.”

I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself down. My hands were twitching at my sides with the need to hit this man. I really wanted to beat the sneer off of his face, to see his nose angled off to the side and bleeding, but I have always believed that violence solves nothing, so I didn’t. I shoved my hands in my pockets to keep my baser instincts from acting on their own.

“Who the fuck do you think you are to insult my child, his mother, or me? You know nothing about us and you never will.” My voice never rose above a whisper but I was sure that all of the anger inside me shone through. “Get the fuck out of here and never come near my son again.”

My anger didn’t seem to faze him. “Mr. Hummel, do you really think, as a teenaged homosexual you would ever be able to give him any chance at being normal?”

“He is normal you son of a bitch. Just because he can’t speak doesn’t make him a freak, it just makes him quiet. Better than someone like you who opens his mouth and lets stupidity spill out.” I really had to work to keep from yelling and I knew that if I continued our conversation that I would be soon.

Instead, I turned to the nurse in the corner. She had a pen in her hand poised above a chart that she was staring at intently but I knew that she’d heard our whole exchange.

 “Nurse?” Her eyes snapped up to me and they were too full of knowledge for her to not have been paying attention. “When will my son be released?”

She looked down at the chart in her hand. “His pediatrician will be in at eight a.m. to check him over once more. If everything looks good, he’ll be released then.” She smiled at me, bless her.

“Would it be alright if I stayed with him until then?” My voice was strained. Even if she said no I would plant myself in the hallway next to the door until then just to be sure that this man got nowhere near him.

“Of course, Mr. Hummel. If you like, I have an extra chair I can bring in for you. It’s almost time for his next feeding, so you can take care of that, too.” She motioned me over to where Jude lay in his plastic bassinet, never once looking at the doctor who was still standing by the doorway. “Have you ever fed a newborn baby?”

I smiled at her and shook my head, afraid to speak lest my voice crack with emotion. My anger was fading, replaced with appreciation for this wonderful young woman who didn’t seem to think that there was anything wrong with me as a parent. She smiled wider, placing Jude in my arms and rummaging through a cabinet to get a pre-mixed bottle of formula, screwing a nipple to the top and explaining to me how to get him to eat and keep him from choking.

I was too engrossed in my son to notice when the doctor finally left, but the nurse—Tammy, according to her nametag—sighed loudly and muttered a few choice words under her breath that sounded suspiciously like some of what I’d said.

I tore my eyes from Jude’s little face and looked at her again. She was smiling down at us with a warm expression and I felt a tear slide down my face. My emotions seemed to be directly tied to my tear ducts as always but I didn’t think she would judge me for this. “Thank you,” I whispered fervently.

She shook her head. “There is nothing to thank me for. That guy is a capital-a Asshole who shouldn’t be allowed to practice medicine on people. Let him spout his narrow-minded opinions to the cows back in Indiana.”

I laughed at that, my whole body shaking. My movement disrupted Jude’s feeding and he began to pant heavily, his tiny face screwing up in anger.

“Whoops! Sorry, honey,” I cooed, reinserting the nipple between his lips. He began to suck again greedily, content once again. I sighed loudly. This was looking to turn into another all-nighter. Joy.

Tammy laughed quietly at our antics. “You’re good with him.”

I looked up at her, a grin tugging at my mouth. “You think so?”

“Yeah, you don’t seem nervous at all, like he was meant to be in your arms.”

“Well, he does fit there perfectly. I think he’s emptied this one. Should I give him another?” I wasn’t sure how much he should be eating right now, the two parenting classes I had managed to take so far focusing mainly on first-aid and diaper changing tips.

“Not unless you want to wear it.” She laughed at my disgusted expression. “Now it’s time to burp him. If he does spit up some, next time you can try burping him halfway through his bottle and then again when he finishes it.” She showed me how to place the cloth across my shoulder and pat his back so that he’d release the built-up gas in his little tummy. I patted his back gently. Nothing happened.

“Harder than that,” she chided. “He’s not a china doll, he won’t break.”

I patted him harder, worried about hurting him, and then he let out a burp that would make any drunken fraternity brother proud.

“Oh my God! He sounds like my dad after his nightly beer.” She laughed at that. Apparently my cluelessness was amusing, but her laughter was kind, so I didn’t begrudge her for it. I guess it probably did look pretty hilarious to an outsider looking in. I was an effeminate teenage boy—and I’d been told on numerous occasions that I could probably still manage to get the ’12 and under’ price at the movie theater with the right outfit—who was staring in wide-eyed shock at a newborn baby that I was pretty sure could match Puck and Finn in a belching contest. And I was grinning from ear to ear like I had just won the lottery.

Jude’s eyes slowly closed, his lips moving vainly in search of something to suckle as he fell asleep. I carefully placed him back in his bassinet, unable to resist kissing his incredibly soft hair.

The night passed quickly. I managed to doze off around eight after having spent an hour and a half practicing diaper changes and swaddling on a doll that Tammy produced. She also gave me a crash course on how to care for a newborn which overwhelmed me but I still appreciated her help.

I was sleeping uneasily slouched in my chair with one hand on Jude’s back when I felt myself being shaken. I came back to awareness slowly, blinking stupidly around the softly lit room.

“Kurt, wake up. It’s time for Jude’s feeding and my shift is just about done.”

“Kay,“ I mumbled, standing to stretch. Sleeping in a chair was not good for my back and I realized with a small groan that I had skipped my nightly moisturizing for the second night in a row.

As I changed Jude’s diaper and rewrapped him in his blanket, another nurse strolled in the room. She looked at me once, puzzled and turned to Tammy.

I blanched, worried that this woman wouldn’t be as understanding and would make me leave.

My worries were misplaced, though, and after whispering with Tammy for a few moments, she turned to me and smiled. She was older, probably mid-forties, but her smile made her look very young.

“When he’s finished with his bottle, you go on and go back to sleep, sweetie,” she told me with all the authority of a practiced mother. “Do you have school in the morning?”

“Yes, but, I, uh, planned on staying here until he was released.” I blushed, embarrassed by how much this woman made me feel like I was just a kid. She looked at me, her face stern. My heart sped as she stared. I didn’t know why, but I was oddly reminded of how my grandmother used to stare me down when she knew I’d done something wrong. She would just stare at me silently until my own guilt overwhelmed me and I’d break down and tell her everything.

“Alright, but you’re going to get some more sleep right now. And you will be going back to school the following day, right?” She turned back to the desk in the corner, rifling through a stack of papers.

I nodded eagerly, just glad that she no longer seemed to be trying to pierce my soul with her eyes. She was a sweet lady, but she had that scary-mom look down pat.

I ended up sleeping through until almost six the next morning. I probably would have slept longer, despite my uncomfortable position if the motherly nurse who replaced Tammy hadn’t woke me to say she was about to leave. I slowly processed what she’d said, and gasped in surprise that I’d slept nearly eight hours straight. She seemed to be able to read my mind because before I could say a word, she spoke, her tone leaving no room for argument.

“Now, you needed the sleep and I wanted to visit with this handsome little man before he leaves me today.”

I realized then that Jude was the only baby in the whole nursery. Slow night for the population of Lima.

“I have to leave in ten minutes, but you go on and run down to the cafeteria and grab a quick bit of breakfast.”

The rest of the morning went smoothly. At the shift change I was introduced to another nurse, Sandy, and she was informed about the reasons about my presence. She just nodded, half-awake, and moved to the desk to begin her paperwork.

I finished burping Jude and laid him back in his bed before offering to fetch a cup of coffee for her. She looked just as tired as I felt. She looked up at me, surprised, but accepted gratefully.

When I returned with coffee in hand, she wasn’t alone. I was surprised to see my father talking cheerily with her, rocking Jude in his arms.

“Hey, kiddo.” He smiled at my confused expression. “You didn’t come home last night. Did ya think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Oh, Dad! I’m sorry! I just got so caught up in every—“

“S’okay, Kurt. I called up here last night and spoke with Tammy. She told me you were asleep and filled me in on what went down. Just, try and remember to call me next time, alright? You may be a father now but you’re still my kid and I worry.” His reprimand was spoiled by the goofy grin on his face.

I crossed the room wordlessly and wrapped him in a hug, being careful not to jostle Jude who was looking around the room alertly.

“You go on home, kid. Get changed and do whatever it is that you do to your hair for an hour every morning and get to school. I’m gonna spend the day with my grandson.”

I knew after everything we’d been through in the last year that Dad would always be there for me but it still blindsided me sometimes just what a great man he truly was.

“Love you, Dad.”

“Love you, too. Now get your scrawny butt to school.”