Jude Burton Hummel was born May 18, 2010 at 7:42 p.m. He had a head full of shiny black hair and caramel tinted skin and large blue eyes. Ten fingers, ten toes. He was perfect. I loved him on sight and the longer I held him the more that love grew.

The only thing that nagged in my mind was what the doctor had told me earlier. My son had no vocal cords. It didn’t make him any less perfect in my mind but it did worry me. What did that mean exactly? Of course, I knew what it meant physically. Something had happened during development and he would never be able to speak or sing or laugh. This didn’t affect his health in any way but how would it affect him growing up? He was already going to be seen as different by his peers for being raised by a single gay dad and now he was mute?

I shook my head to clear it. I would worry about that later. Right now I just wanted to concentrate on the wonder that was my son. My son.

After about ten minutes of just quietly amazing at this brand new person, I realized that my father was still standing next to me, smiling at us indulgently. My grin stretched across my face so wide that my cheeks hurt.

“Do you want to hold him?” I asked Dad and his eyes lit up. We were both moving with exaggerated care during the hand off and then he was holding his grandson in his arms like he was the most precious thing in the world. I was pretty sure he was.

“Hey, Jude. Welcome to the world, buddy. I’m your grandpa,” he cooed quietly. I watched them for a moment before moving towards the door.

“Dad, I’m going to go see Simone. See how she’s doing, you know?”

He nodded at me, his eyes never leaving Jude’s face, grin still in place. I could hear him whispering nonsense to his grandson as I moved down the hall to the recovery ward.

I stopped at the gift shop for some flowers and made my way to Simone’s room. Her door was open partway but it felt rude to just barge in so I knocked and waited for her response before entering.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” I asked as I crossed the room to her bed. She looked like she’d been run through a washing machine. Her hair was lank and crazy and she had huge circles under her eyes, but she was still beautiful to me, and I knew she always would be. I might never want to be with her romantically and I didn’t even know if we would be friends after this, but I would always love her for giving me that beautiful child.

“Like someone cut me in half, pulled out everything inside me, and shoved it all back in,” she groaned at me. “Of course, that is pretty much what they did so I guess all in all not too bad.” She smiled faintly at me and patted a spot next to her on the bed.

“So, did you see him yet?” she asked quietly. I nodded and she sighed. “Does he look like me or you?”

“You didn’t see him?” I asked, confused. Surely they would have shown him to her before they took him to the nursery.

“I didn’t want to see him,” she said just as quietly. “He’s not mine. He’s yours.” Her words stunned me. I didn’t understand how she could feel that way but I knew it wasn’t my place to judge. She’d told me from the beginning that she didn’t want to be a part of Jude’s life. I wanted to respect her decision even if I didn’t understand it.

“He’s a little bit of me, mostly you.” I bit my lip, not wanting to upset her but having to work to keep from gushing. “Do you want to know his name?” She took in a shaky breath and shook her head slowly.

“No. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to know anything about him.” She looked at me, pleading for understanding. “I didn’t think it would be so difficult but I’m afraid that if I know anything about him I’ll want to know more and I just can’t do that. You have no idea what my family is like back home. It’s better this way. For all of us. Especially him.” She was right. I didn’t really know anything about her.

“Okay. Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“In a minute, yeah. But right now, I could really use a hug if you would be so willing.” She smiled at me with sadness in her eyes. I wrapped her in my arms gently and stroked her hair. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I felt her pull away and dropped my arms. I kissed her forehead lightly and stood.

“Well, Simone, you have all my information and I have yours.” I backed towards the door. “If you ever need anything I’m just a phone call or a Facebook message away.” She nodded and I turned to leave. I paused with my hand on the door. “You know, if you ever change your mind and want to be a part of his life, just let me know.”

She nodded at me, her eyes full of unshed tears. This was going to be hard for her, whether it was the right decision or not. I barely heard her whisper as I started to exit. “Kurt?”

“Yes?”

“What will you tell him about me?”

“I will tell him that he has the most beautiful mother in the world who loved him so much that she wanted the best for him and she thought that Daddy would be better able to provide that. Is that alright?”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “It’s true, too, so there’s that.”

“Simone, I promise to take care of him.” I looked at her one last time. I knew we would never see each other again after this. “I love you. I always will.”

She turned away from to face the wall but I could hear the tears underneath the sarcasm in her voice. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll always be your number one hag. I know. Goodbye, Kurt.”

I closed the door on my way out, but I could still hear her when she started to sob.