I felt like I was standing in front of a firing squad. All I needed was a cigarette and a blindfold. But smoking would ruin my voice and I would not have the hour long process that was my hair style ruined by anything so cliché.

Ten pair of eyes bored into my face and one into the back of my head. Only two things were keeping me from wilting under the intensity of the stares: My iron determination to never show weakness to my peers and, likely more importantly, Finn Hudson’s reassuring hand on my shoulder.

I had dropped a bomb in the choir room and now I was awaiting the fallout. This silence couldn’t last forever.

“Wait, what?” Noah Puckerman’s astonished exclamation broke everyone’s’ reverie and they all began talking at once. The sound was like a monkey house during a thunderstorm. On a full moon. On Friday the thirteenth. It was chaos.

Kurt Hummel’s ability to procreate was apparently riot-inducing. I felt somewhat offended.

“Guys. Guys, come on.” Mr. Schuester’s voice was faint even to me and I knew he was only a few feet behind me. “GUYS!” His raised voice silenced all others in the room. Mr. Schue didn’t yell often. He usually didn’t have the need. He gestured to me to indicate that the floor was once again mine.

I looked at the incredulous looks of my fellow glee members. I knew that this would be difficult for them to process, but I honestly hadn’t expected the reaction to be so explosive. I was doubly grateful for Finn right then.

“Anybody got any questions for me? Because, honestly, I would rather answer everyone at once so I don’t have to repeat myself any more than necessary.” I did my best to keep my sassy voice strong. I didn’t want them to know just how much I was worried about whether or not they would accept me after this. We had all been there for Quinn, but before her baby scandal knocked her off her pedestal she had ruled this school.

I was an outcast. A freak. That boy who liked boys and sounded like a girl and dressed like a girl. I had never really connected with any of the Cheerio’s other than Brit and Santana so my glee friends were the only friends that I had. If they left me I would have no one.

Quinn, bless her, was the first one to speak. “Kurt?”

I looked at her, this former queen bitch who was now an outcast, just like me. I remember when her face was permanently frozen in a glare of disdain for anyone lower than her on the social food chain. Now it was full of compassion and understanding.

I took in a shaky breath as she gingerly pushed herself from her seat and made her way to me. She placed on hand on my cheek and I felt tears fall from my eyes. “It’s gonna be okay, Kurt. We’re all family and we will all be here for you. Just like you have been for all of us.” She turned to face the rest of the club, her icy stare in place and so much more intense what with the extra doses of hormones pumping through her. “Won’t we, guys?”

Everyone murmured to the affirmative and I gave them all a watery smile.

“Welcome to the baby-daddy club, Hummel,” Puck called out. I snorted in response and the tension in the room was broken.

I answered a few questions before returning to my seat with Mercedes and Tina who were squealing excitedly over helping me shop for a nursery and a layette. And names of course names. Each of the New Directions had made at least one suggestion. Some were nice, such as Artie’s suggestion of Terrance,  which he said meant ‘smooth and polished’ while others were plain out ridiculous. “But you’re a dolphin, Kurty, why not name your dolphin baby Flipper?” the Cheerio pouted. I smiled indulgently at her. “I’ll think about it, Boo.” Her smile was worth the small lie.

I was grateful for all the different suggestions, but I already had a name in mind. The more I thought about it, the more sure I was that it was absolutely perfect.

As big as my drama might have been to our group, we did have regionals to practice for and soon enough the subject was turned to song selection and choreography.

When the hour was over and everone had left but me, Mr. Schuester approached me quietly. I was honestly worried about him, after having gone through so much with his crazy wife faking a pregnancy and trying to steal Quinn’s unborn child. I didn’t know what to say to him really. I knew I wasn’t one of his favorite students, especially not after the whole Cheerios debacle.

“Kurt,” he said softly. I stood silent, waiting for him to continue. “I wanted to talk to you if you’ve got a few minutes.” He cocked his head towards his office, questioning me. I nodded and followed him from the room.

“Please, have a seat, Kurt.” He moved behind his desk and plopped into his own chair wearily. I sat in the small folding chair across from him, my back ramrod straight. I didn’t know what he was going to say exactly, but my mind was already forming a defense plan.

“I wanted to talk to you about your future, Kurt,” he started without preamble. I had to respect his straightforward manner, though it stung a bit. Had it been anyone but me, there would have at least been some social niceties. “I know we may not be close, but I do think I know you fairly well after almost a year. I know that you are intelligent, determined, and stronger than you seem, so I know that you haven’t’ made this decision lightly and you won’t be swayed to change your mind no matter what anyone says. Family is important to you. I find that very admirable, Kurt.” I worked to keep my expression neutral as he spoke. “And I know that you know that this won’t be easy for you. You’re only a sophomore. You have two more years of high school left and I know that you want to go to college.”

Keeping my game face on was proving difficult. I knew everything that he was saying to me was true, had told myself these thing numerous times already, but hearing them said out loud made it seem a lot more daunting.

“I took a look through your file during the last half of glee practice.” My eyebrows raised at this. I hadn’t even noticed he’d left. I’d been too caught up in listening to my girls and trying to ignore Rachel Berry to pay attention to much else. “You take an awful lot of AP classes. And some of the classes you took in middle school could be transferred into high school credits. If so, we may be able to set up your next two years in school as half-days to give you more time with your son and also to help ease the financial burden of child-care while still keeping you as a member of the graduating class of 2012.”

My neutral mask had shattered as he spoke. I could feel the shock on my features but I couldn’t do anything about it. Mr. Schue smiled at me kindly. “You are an amazing person who is going to do great things, Kurt. I would hate to see you not live up to your potential because of one bad decision.”

I must have really not been in control of myself because one look at my face had Mr. Schue backpedaling immediately. “I was referring to the drinking and unprotected sex, not to your decision to take care of your child. Choosing to be a part of your son’s life is the most amazing decision you are likely to ever make, and while you may be a little young, I highly doubt you will ever regret it.” His eyes softened and I could see the sheen of tears that he was trying to keep from falling. “It’s something I hope to be able to do one day myself.”

I took a moment to collect my thoughts before I spoke. I hadn’t expected him to say anything like that. I figured he would give me some sort of lecture, not offer to help me. I had underestimated just how much this man really cared about his students.

“Thank you, Mr. Schuester, I really don’t know what to say.” I stood and smiled at him, a genuine smile, not my usual smirk. His returning grin was huge. “I would appreciate that and it would help me very much.” I was still feeling a little dazed at what had just transpired. I couldn’t believe how everyone was being so supportive. I’d been on my own so long that I wasn’t used to having people on my side. I liked it.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t see him moving forward until he was wrapping me in a loose hug. It took me a moment to reciprocate the show of affection. I wasn’t used to so much physical contact, but the last few days had shown me that I enjoyed it, needed it even. My father had never been a touchy-feely person and my mother had been dead for so long that the memories of her were faded to a pair of blue eyes and a sparkling laugh. Not many people were willing to touch me, afraid to ‘catch the gay’ as it were. Until three days ago, the only person I would hug was Mercedes. This was a little overwhelming.

“If you need anything at all, Kurt, even if it’s just to talk, call me, day or night.”  

And with that I made my way out of the small office, through the halls, and out the doors to the parking lot, climbing in my car happier than I could remember being in a long time.

Time flew and Regionals were upon us. We rocked. I mean, we were really good. It didn’t matter that we didn’t win, we did our best and I was proud of us. Of course, Quinn suddenly going into labor immediately after our performance was an unexpected hiccup, but other than that, and, well, losing, I thought it was a great day for us.

Seeing Beth, a brand new light in the world, was amazing to me. She was so tiny and fragile. I knew that soon enough I would be looking through that nursery window glass at my own child. It also made this whole situation that much more real to me.

The classes I was taking at Planned Parenthood were helping, but I was still nervous about becoming a father. This wasn’t going to be like school, where if I messed up I would get a bad mark. I could potentially screw this child up beyond repair. What the hell was I thinking? I didn’t know a damn thing about being a father. Why did I think I could do this?

I was still freaking out three days later, though I had managed to keep it to myself. If anyone had noticed that I was stressed, they just blamed it on our loss and the impending doom of the glee club. I couldn’t tell anyone what I was thinking. After all, I had talked a big game about being a real father and taking responsibility for my actions and now I was thinking that I was just a kid and I couldn’t do it and I shouldn’t have to.

I was talking with Mercedes the Monday evening after Regionals, both of us reeling over the fact that Coach Sylvester had gotten Figgins to keep the glee club on for another year, when I heard the annoying beep that meant I had an incoming call.

“Hold on Cedes,” I said to the diva.

“Yeah, go on, White Boy.”

I glanced at the ID to see who was interrupting my girl chat, and to my surprise it was Simone.

“Cedes, I have to take this. I’ll call you right back, okay?” I answered the call, my heart beating wildly.

“Simone, hey, I’ve been meaning to call you. I—“

“Kurt!” Simone’s panting voice chilled my blood. This didn’t sound good. “Kurt, you have to get to the hospital now.”

“Simone, what’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“Just get over here, dammit! The baby’s coming!”

“What?” I gasped. “He’s not due for six weeks, what do you mean he’s coming now?” My voice was on par with a dog whistle by then.

“Kurt! For the love of all that is—AAAAGGH!” Her threat cut off with the most terrifying scream I’d ever heard in my life, but it got me moving.

“Simone, are you at the hospital?” I was running up the stairs as I spoke. Dad heard my door slam open and jumped from the couch.

“What’s going on Kurt?” My panicked expression along with another scream from my phone must have been more than enough for him to get the situation. He threw on oh his jacket and reached for my keys. “Get in the car, I’ll drive.”

“Simone? We’re on our way, okay?” I assured her as Dad backed haphazardly out of the drive. “Everything’s going to be alright.” I winced as she let loose with another gut-wrenching scream and the connection went dead. “Simone? Simone!”

I turned to my father, fear coursing through me. “Dad. The call cut off. What does that mean?”

He kept his eyes on the road as he sped through the familiar streets of our neighborhood. “Well from what I could hear it sounded like she’s in active labor so a nurse or something probably took her phone. We’ll be there soon, Son, I’m sure everything will be fine.”

“But it’s too early,” I whispered, my throat dry. I’d researched this and knew that the optimal gestation was at least 38 weeks. Simone was only at 34 weeks.

“Kurt, babies get born way earlier than this all the time and they come out just fine, okay? Don’t you worry ‘til there’s something to worry about.” He said this calmly but I noticed he pressed harder on the accelerator, breaking the speed limit in his effort to get us to the hospital as quickly as possible.

We arrived at the hospital in record time. Dad parked crooked across two spaces but neither of us cared. I flat out ran into the building and to the closest nurses’ station.

“Mubarak. Simone Mubarak?” I panted to the woman behind the counter. She looked at me like I was crazy. I probably did look a little insane, but I didn’t really care. “She’s having a baby.”

She typed away on her keyboard and scanned the screen. “Mubarak. Yep, she’s in labor and delivery right now, but they will be moving her to the OR in just a few minutes for an emergency C-section.”

“Oh, oh my God.” I was in full-fledged panic mode now. “Is she okay? Is the baby okay?”

She just shook her head. “That’s all the information I have here, Mister?”

“Hummel,” I supplied. “I’m the father. She’s having my baby.”

She gave me a sympathetic look. “Okay, well, I can tell you that with an emergency procedure like this you won’t be allowed in the room. But you can head on into the maternity wing waiting room and I will call ahead to the nurses’ station there and give them the go ahead to release any information to you. I will need to see your ID and give you a pass.”

Dad made it to us right then, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. She turned to him. “I assume you’re the grandfather-to-be then?” His face lit up at that and he nodded. “Well then, I will need to see your ID too and make you a pass. Maternity is down this hall, second corridor to the left.”

We made our way there and I told Dad what was going on. He didn’t say anything, just grabbed my hand and squeezed. Then we waited.

About an hour later, a doctor in green scrubs came into the waiting room and his eyes landed on us. “Mr. Hummel?”

I stood, my legs shaking. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything went fine with the delivery. Ms. Mubarak is in recovery now. You can see her in another twenty minutes or so.” This was good news he was delivering, but his face was grim. My heart sank.

“What about my son?”

He glanced from me to my father and back again. I could hear Dad getting to his feet behind me but I kept my eyes glued to the doctor. “Your son was born six weeks early but is doing just fine. He weighs six pounds even and is sixteen inches long. His lungs are functioning just fine which is a big concern with preemies.” He stopped, but I knew there was more. Something was wrong. I couldn’t ask him, couldn’t speak at all. Thankfully, my father retained the power of speech and asked what we both needed to know.

“There’s something else you’re not telling us. What is it?”

“We are flying in a specialist to examine your son,” He said slowly. Tears ran down my face, but I didn’t bother wiping them away. “He’s perfectly healthy so please don’t worry about that, but there is an issue that we would like an experts opinion on.”

“Tell us,” my father growled.

The doctor looked me straight in the eyes and I did my best to hold his gaze without completely breaking down.

“Your son was born without any vocal cords. It’s not unheard of, but it’s something I’ve never seen myself before, so I would feel better having someone who has check your son out. This is just precautionary, as I said before; otherwise he is a perfectly healthy little boy.”

“Can I see him?” I wanted to ask if I can hold him but I didn’t, not wanting to push my luck.

The doctor smiled then and turned on his heel. “Follow me to the nursery, and you can hold him if you like.”

I felt Dad’s hand wrap around mine as we followed the doctor through another maze of hallways and then we were there. The nursery. There were only four babies in the room and only one wrapped in blue. There, in the far corner of that tiny little room was my son. My son.

I entered the room quietly and the nurse on duty looked up at me and smiled. “Hummel?”

I nodded.

“Kelli called me from the nurses’ station, said you were on your way.” I heard her voice but I only had eyes for the blanket wrapped bundle in the tiny plastic cart next to her. “Would you like to meet your son?”

I nodded frantically, tears streaming down my face as I carefully made my way across the room. Then she placed this tiny bundle into my arms, lifting my left arm a little higher in a practiced manner.

I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life than the baby boy I held in my arms at that moment. His skin was the color of toffee and his hair was shining and black. He looked up at me with wide blue eyes and I couldn’t help but stare back and smile.

I turned to my father, who was still hanging back by the doorway, probably afraid of damaging some of the fragile looking equipment that was in place throughout the room. I slowly made my way back to him, ever conscious of every little movement while I held my newborn baby in my arms.

I looked up to see my father crying, silently, but with the biggest smile on his face that I had ever seen.

“Dad,” I said, happiness radiating even in my hushed tone. “I would like you to meet your grandson.” I turned back to my son. I couldn’t stop staring at his tiny little face with his big blue eyes. “Say hi, Jude.”