Out of all of the members of the New Directions, I can honestly say that Puck was the last of us I expected to get married. Much less, to be the first to take the plunge.

“I got fucking married, dude! Can you believe it?!” Puck’s voice rang through my phone speakers at five in the morning. This was not how I expected to be awoken on the last Saturday of June.

“No, I can’t.” I deadpanned. “Now please enlighten me as to why you’ve decided to wake me so early on a Saturday, Noah.”

“Dude, I told you! Me and Lauren got married this morning!” He laughed loudly and I had to pull the phone from my ear. I glanced over at Jude’s still sleeping form enviously.

“What do you mean you got married this morning?” The background noise coming from Puck’s end was getting louder. Was that bells? Sirens? What the hell was that noise?

“Dude,” Puck said seriously. “We drove all day yesterday and got here at, like, two in the morning. Then we found the first all night chapel that took cash instead of a credit card—“

“We got White Castle first,” Lauren interjected from the background. There was a slurping sound that I was pretty sure them making out so I concentrated on the hole in the toe of my sock until it passed.

“You’re right, Babe, we got White Castle then we got fucking married! By Elvis!”

I finally put two and two together. The all-day drive, the background noise, the all-night chapel, Elvis.

“Oh dear God. You’re in Vegas.” 

“Yup!” Puck’s laughter sounded again followed by more kissing noises. I was about to hang up when the sound of the impromptu make out session ended. Newlyweds. “So, Hummel, as my best man I expect you to throw me one hell of a bachelor party when I get back home.”

“Wait, what? I’m your best man?” Surely I’d misheard him.

Puck just snorts like I’m being dense. “Duh, if you hadn’t had to miss regionals cause of Little Dude, I never would have gotten locked in that port-a-potty and I never would have met Lauren. You’re like a gay cupid.”

“Because a fat naked angel in a diaper screams heterosexual,” I replied. I was still trying to process way too much information and it was way too early for all this and I really needed coffee. Pronto.

“Okay, Puckerman—“

“It’s Zizes-Puckerman, man.”

“Seriously? Okay, whatever, I need to get off here for the moment because Jude will be waking up soon and I need a minute to wrap my head around all this so he doesn’t think his daddy is crazy. When are you going to be back in town?”

I watched as Jude started stirring. He was slow to wake, but once he’d rubbed the sleep from his eyes he would be ready to face the day with more energy than three Rachel Berrys.

“We’re heading out tomorrow but we’re taking our time on the way home.” Puck’s voice slipped into a lower octave. “Honeymoon, ya’ know?”

I had never been so glad to have not yet eaten in my life. I worked to keep my voice neutral when I spoke again. “Okay, definitely don’t want to be hearing about that. Think you’ll be back by Thursday?”

“Yeah, dude, totally.”

“Okay,” I huffed. “I will get everyone together and set up something for that evening. It’s Finn’s and my day off from the garage and Carole is on vacation right now so she should be able to watch Jude for the evening.” I made a mental list of all the things we could do on a Thursday night in Lima. Our options were few, but I did have one idea that I was pretty sure we could all agree on. “So leave the details to me and be here and ready at seven sharp Thursday night.”

Two days of planning and calling the majority of the members of the New Directions—nobody wanted Rachel there even if she hadn’t stayed in New York for the summer, Mercedes was busy recording an album in Los Angeles, and Rory was back in Ireland with his family—led to a guest list of Finn, Sam, Artie, and myself. Mike couldn’t make it due to plans with Tina’s family and I couldn’t begrudge him that. They were still ridiculously happy together even though they were going to colleges across the country from one another. It gave me hope. I contacted Quinn, Brit, and Santana, too, and they were organizing a get together for Lauren for the same night. From what I gathered Santana’s older brother had some friends that would love to help entertain the ladies.

“Your brother has stripper friends? Male stripper friends?” I squeaked over the phone. I was glad she couldn’t see how red my face was turning. “Why have you never informed me of this?”

“Easy, Porcelain,” she snickered. “You forget which team I play for?” I could practically hear the eye-roll over the phone.

“Satan, we live in the butt-crack of Ohio. I have next to no options for my viewing pleasure here and I’m currently in a twenty-one year dry spell. Help a friend out, sister.”

“Ha! You have proof of at least one wet spot in that dry spell, Hummel,” she cackled.

“Ew. Though your choice of words disgusts me, I guess I set myself up for that one. It still doesn’t count, or did you forget what team I play for?”

“Whatevs. I’ll snap some pics for you to put on your right hand playlist—“

“Santana!”

“—‘cause I know you have this weird aversion to porn and are too scared of your kiddo finding a Playgirl mag to actually own one.”

I cringed and was so glad that Jude was downstairs watching WonderPets. There was no way I wanted him to accidentally hear any of this conversation.

“Okay! Changing the subject,” I said in a pitch I had thought was gone with puberty. How my mirror didn’t crack I would never know. “Just make sure you guys have a good time, make sure Lauren has a good time and most of all be safe.”

“Are you telling me to use a condom? ‘Cause that’s not a real issue for me and Brit.”

I swore to Grilled Cheesus and the evil dwarf in the teapot that I would never initiate a conversation with Santana Lopez ever again. “I was actually referring to drinking and driving. I will not be indulging so if you guys end up needing a designated driver call me.”

“That won’t be necessary. Quinn is back to her old Jesus-Freak ways so she said she’d DD for us.” Santana’s voice lacked its usual bite when she next spoke. “But thank you, Kurt.”

The day before the bachelor party found me and Jude at the Westerville Mall. My grandmother had given us both $200 gift certificates for Macy’s for our birthdays and the mall in Lima only had a JC Penney’s so we decided to make a day of it: shopping, pizza, and ice cream with the promise of a new Disney movie before bed if Jude behaved himself all day.

With our shopping done and lunch finished we made our way to the small ice cream parlor at the edge of the mall. It was a nice day so we opted to eat our dessert alfresco. There was some kind of live show being held in the parking lot and the music just added to the fun of the afternoon.

“All done?” I asked my son, reaching for his empty dish. He nodded at me distractedly. He was watching the band onstage, his head bobbing to the beat. “Okay, I’m gonna throw these away. I’ll be right back.”

I walked to the trash can, having to weave my way through throngs of people. I hadn’t realized how much of a crowd had gathered while we were eating. It took me about ten minutes to get back to or table, but when I got there Jude was gone. My heart stopped in that moment.

“Jude! JUDE!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. People close to me were staring but I didn’t give a damn. The music was too loud and my voice wasn’t carrying as far as it should. I felt tears in my eyes but I dashed them away. I needed to be able to see. “JUDE!”

The crowd was whooping and hollering at the stage when it occurred to me. The microphone! I didn’t care if I interrupted the performance or if everyone thought I was insane, I needed to get to that microphone so I could announce that my son was missing before whatever pedophile that had snatched him could get away.

I was two seconds from leaping onto the platform when I saw him. Onstage. Dancing.

I nearly fainted with relief. There was my boy, safe and sound and apparently impressing the crowd with his moves. The singer was grinning down at him while he crooned, eyes crinkling with the force of his smile. Jude’s eyes were closed as he swayed and dipped with a grace that was usually missing from his everyday actions. He was beautiful.

I was on an emotional rollercoaster, going from relief that my son was not in any danger to anger that he had run off and scared me like that.

I didn’t rush the stage and pull him down like I wanted to. I let him finish his dance and when the song was done the band thanked the crowd and started to pack up. The singer hoisted Jude onto his shoulders to the sound of more cheering. The elation on his little face made my anger fade and I clapped along with the crowd. I waited, watching this man holding my son. He looked to be about my age with curly hair and hazel eyes. He was talking to Jude intently, when Jude scrambled off of his shoulder and ran to the edge of the stage. The man cried out when Jude leaped off.

The boy landed in my arms, knocking me onto my backside. I wrapped him in my arms tightly, murmuring about him never running off like that again. He pulled back from me and began signing in a fury.

“I know. I saw you. You were great, sweetie. Just don’t scare me like that.” I couldn’t stay mad at him when he was grinning like that.

“Hey, is he with you?” An unfamiliar spoke from above me and I realized I was still sitting on the hot asphalt of a mall parking lot. Though my jeans were no longer designer, they had still been one of my nicer pairs and tar was a bitch to get out of denim. I scrambled to get up as gracefully as possible, Jude still signing a mile a minute beside me.

“Yep, he’s mine. I thought I’d lost him there for a minute until I saw him on stage.”

“Oh, sorry about that,” the man said sheepishly. A slight blush was creeping up onto his cheeks. I couldn’t help but notice how it made him look even younger. “He was dancing at the front of the crowd and he was just so into it, I just hopped down and gathered him up. It didn’t even occur to me that I would be worrying anyone.”

“It’s okay, really. It’s not your fault.” I looked pointedly at Jude who now had the sense to at least look a little abashed. “He was supposed to be sitting at our table while I threw away our ice cream dishes. Weren’t you, Jude?”

The boy nodded and peered up at me with those big blue eyes in full on puppy mode. He knew I was upset, but he also knew exactly how to wrap me around his little finger. My son was evil in a pint-sized package.

“Jude? Like the Beatles song or the actor?” The man’s smile was distracting. That’s my only excuse for what slipped out of my mouth next.

“Beatles, of course. Why would I name my son after some actor I thought was hot in high school?” As soon as the words were out I froze. Not only did I just tell this stranger that I was a father, which was fine because I was proud of my son and didn’t care who knew it, but I also implied that I was gay, not something I usually revealed to people I didn’t know.

“Son?” He exlaimed. The look of shock on his face would have been priceless if it hadn’t also been heartbreaking. It was always the same.

“Yeah, well thanks for not being some crazy psycho and keeping an eye on my son, er, whoever you are.”

I grabbed Jude’s hand and quickly started across the parking lot. My truck was on the other side of the mall but I just couldn’t stand to turn around and go the other way.

I was concentrating on Jude’s feet, trying to make sure he didn’t trip so I didn’t notice the sound of footfalls behind us.

“Blaine.” The man from the stage darted out in front of us, panting. I stopped, unsure of what he was talking about. 

“Pardon?” I said coldly after I began walking again. I really just wanted to go home and curl up with my son and some popcorn and veg out on some Disney goodness.

“My name is Blaine. Blaine Anderson.” He stared at me, walking backwards in front of us. I guess he was waiting for me to reply. I didn’t intend to. “What’s yours? Come on, at least give me that.”

“Why?” I asked, my voice still laced with ice. What the hell did this guy want?

“So I can ask for your number?”

“What?” Wait, what? Was this guy asking me out?

“I’d really like to get to know you, but I can’t really do that if you don’t tell me your name.” He looked at me, grinning. “Also, your number would be really helpful on that part.”

I just continued to stare at him, dumbfounded.

“Or not.” His eyes widened comically. “Oh, God, I’m sorry. You’re probably in a relationship or something and I practically stole your son out of the audience earlier so I probably look like a creep and I’m really sor—“

“No!” I shouted, startling both of us. He jumped back, watching me warily. “I mean, no I’m not with anyone. And no, I don’t think you’re some kind of creep. A little odd maybe, but that’s okay.” I smiled at him and he smiled back.

“So, then, can you tell me your name?” He said hopefully.

“Kurt,” I replied, scanning the lot for my car. We were almost there and I pulled my keys from my pocket, unlocking the doors. Blaine followed and stood by while I strapped Jude into his booster seat.

“Well, Kurt, could I have your number?”

I smirked at him as I climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Alright, but I’m only going to say it once so you better pay attention.” I started the engine, keeping my foot on the brake. I leaned out the window and rattled off my cell number. He was furiously typing into his own cell when I started to pull forward.

“Wait, what was the last digit?” He yelled to me as I started to drive away.

“Figure it out!” I called back. I watched him in the rearview mirror, shaking his head and grinning.

Maybe this guy will actually call me. Maybe.

I had just gotten Jude to sleep when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I glanced at the ID, but it was an unknown number. I used to be wary of answering unknown calls but it had been years since the last crank call, nowadays I just got a lot of wrong numbers.

“Hello?” I said softly, pulling the door to our bedroom almost closed. There was heavy breathing on the other end. Lovely. I really thought those calls were done.

“Hello? If you don’t say anything in the next five seconds I’m hanging up and blocking this number.” I waited, but there was still no response. “Five, four, three, two—“

“Wait!” There was more breathing and finally, “Kurt?”

Oh! Was this the guy from the mall?

“Yes. And this is?”

“Uh, Blaine. Anderson. We met today. I kidnapped your kid. Accidently, of course, but, yeah.” There was more silence after that. “Are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here,” I said laughingly. Wow, he sounded so nervous. I couldn’t believe a guy was nervous talking to me. It was usually the other way around. “So, was there a reason you called?”

“Yeah, I, uh, wanted to know if you wanted to go out. With me. Tomorrow night?”

I bit my lip, wavering. I hadn’t had a date in a while and as much as I loved my friends, spending the entire night talking about girls and Halo weren’t really my thing. But I couldn’t very well bail on my best man duties, as ridiculous as it was that I even carried that title.

“Well, I kind of have a thing I have to do tomorrow night, but if you’d like you can tag along. It’ll be me, my brother and a couple of our friends. You interested?” I was surprised at how much I was hoping he would come and not just to distract me from ‘guy talk’.

“Uh, sure. As long as you don’t think any of them would mind. Can I ask what we’ll be doing?”

“Oh, I’m throwing a friend a bachelor party,” I said nonchalantly.

“Oh, okay.” He didn’t seem that excited by the idea. Maybe he really didn’t want to go. “It’s not at a strip club or anything like that, is it? I mean, if you hadn’t already got that, boobs aren’t really my thing.”

I burst into laughter, pulling the phone away from my face. Dad poked his head out his bedroom door and looked at me like I was insane. I just shook my head at him and gestured to my cell. He rolled his eyes and left me in the hall trying to stifle my mirth. I could hear faint cries of ‘Kurt’ coming from my phone that was still at my side.

“Hmm, sorry about that. You caught me off guard there.” I tried to keep a straight face, I really did, but as I spoke I couldn’t keep small chuckles from escaping my lips. “And to answer your question, no, there will be no boobs. We’re going to karaoke at the local roller rink. I’m pretty sure Lauren would kill me if I took Puck to a strip club and, yeah, so not my thing either.”

After a few more minutes of conversation, it was decided that Blaine would meet me here so we could all ride together, even if he wouldn’t be drinking.

 “I won’t be of age until September and I tend to do stupid things when I drink,” he told me.

“I understand that completely,” I replied. You have no idea, I thought to myself.

When I finally pushed the end button I was feeling positively giddy. I just hoped none of the other guys cared that I invited a stranger to our guys night.