Never in my life did I ever think I would be grateful to be single, but that summer after graduation I so was. Not that I was out having the time of my life flirting it up with tons of cute guys. Far from it, actually, but I had never realized just how much drama being in a relationship entailed. I had never been in a romantic relationship and it really made me wonder: If being in love was such a pain in the ass, then why do it? Of course, maybe not everybody’s relationships were quite as complicated as my friends’. There was a lot of intergroup swapping among the New Directions, so I guess that could account for some of the tension.

Rachel and Finn fell apart soon after the summer began. I had been expecting it really, but it still shocked me when Finn came stomping into the house at two in the morning and began trashing his room. I had just gotten Jude back to sleep after another nightmare and I didn’t want whatever the hell was possessing Finn to wake him up.

“Finn! What the hell are you doing? Do you even know what—“

My half-whispered rant stopped when I got a good look at Finn’s face. There was anger there and that accounted for the thrown books, video game controller and what I was pretty sure was a jumbo can of caramel corn from Christmas. Ew. But there were also tears streaming down his face and when he caught sight of me the anger left and all that remained was hurt and sorrow. He stood stock still for a moment before leaping clumsily over the mess he had made and crushing me into a hug. I was shocked but wrapped my arms around him in an automatic reaction. I managed to steer him over to the bed so we could sit but he refused to let me go. I rubbed my hands along his back soothingly and murmured quietly, nonsense sounds like the ones I had just recently used to calm my son back into slumber.

To my surprise, it seemed to work on Finn about the same. He finally released his death grip on me and lay back on the bed, tears still flowing. He met my eyes and for a moment I had the desire to go out right then and do bodily harm to Rachel Berry. Finn hadn’t even told me that this was about her but I knew, I just knew. Then he closed his eyes and I began to sing softly to him, a Jack Johnson song from the movie Curious George that he had watched with Jude and me the day before. I carded my fingers through his hair as I sang and after I had gone through the tune twice he was asleep.

I glanced around the room, surveying the damage. Oh, yes, Finn was going to regret this when he had to clean up in a few hours, and he was probably going to regret smashing his XBOX even more than the mess. I sighed, shaking my ahead. Standing there wasn’t going to make the scene before me magically return to normal and even with the nightmares Jude would still be awake in approximately four hours, so I headed back to my room and did my best to push my worries for Finn out of my head so I could sleep.

Finn slept past noon the next day, and when he finally did leave his room, he wouldn’t talk to anyone. He kept his face blank and just ignored everyone’s questions. The only time he let any emotion appear was when Jude crawled into his lap and began signing to him, telling him about the drawing he had laid between Finn and I on the couch.

I caught the signs for ‘dog’ and ‘tree’ and ‘blue’ before Finn scooped him into his arms in a soft hug.

“It’s awesome, buddy. I love it.” Finn’s words were shaky and I could see tears shining in his eyes that he was refusing to let fall. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I knew now was not the time.

“Okay, Jude, let’s let Uncle Finn get up because I’m pretty sure he has some things to do. How about we go in kitchen and have a cookie and some milk?” Jude’s eyes lit up at that and he grinned excitedly.

‘Chocolate?’ he signed to me. I huffed out a breath like he’d requested his weight in diamonds before smiling in return.

“I suppose I could make chocolate milk.” No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I was being tugged from my seat by a surprisingly strong toddler. “Whoa, buddy, careful! I bet Grandma would love to have your masterpiece hanging on the refrigerator, so why don’t you go find the perfect spot for it and I will follow you in sec.” I watched him speed to the kitchen, tripping once over his own feet. There may not have been any blood relation but somehow he seemed to have inherited Uncle Finn’s grace. Or lack there of.

I turned back to Finn, who had let a single tear escape and was doing his best to scrub the rest from his eyes before they fell. I studied my nails, giving him time to compose himself. “After I put him down for the night I’ll help you fix your room.”

“You don’t have to do that, bro,” Finn mumbled, his eyes downcast. I knew he was thinking about the night before, probably embarrassed about his unmanly display of emotion.

“I know, but I could use the exercise. Jude’s appetite has slowed down and I keep finding myself picking at his leftovers and believe me when I tell you that the whole ‘calories don’t count if they come off of someone else’s plate’ is a blatant lie.”

Finn snorted at that. “Dude, you only let him eat, like, the healthiest foods ever.”

I rubbed my hand across the waistband of my jeans. They were getting a bit snug but then again, everyone had always told me I was too skinny.

“Ah, but it’s not so much what you eat, Finn, its portion control. Not everyone has the metabolism to eat a large pizza by themselves and chase it with an entire box of Oreos and a two-liter of Coke with no ill affect.” I shuddered at the memory. How one person could ingest that much junk food and not throw up amazed and disturbed me. But my words had the desired effect. Finn was laughing.

A sharp rap on the wall brought my attention back to my son who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest in the doorway. He had one tiny eyebrow raised and I had to stop myself from laughing. Finn didn’t feel the need to hold back his mirth as he chortled, “Oh my God! I told you he was a mini-Kurt!”  

I just shook my head, my smile returning once more. “C’mon sweetie, I’ll make you your chocolate milk and then maybe we’ll walk down to the park.”

“So, she basically said that marrying me would ruin her life,” Finn huffed settling onto the edge of his bed.

 It had taken us a little over an hour to get his room cleaned and the XBOX was indeed beyond repair. I finished tying up the garbage bad that was three quarters full and plopped next to him. It had been a long day and I was beyond tired. I knew I should be getting ready for bed, but I wanted to make sure Finn was really okay. Well, as okay as one could be after the woman he was supposed to marry had just ripped his heart out and handed it to him.

I had been fighting the urge to drive over to her house all day, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good. Rachel and I had started to get close the previous summer and for the first half of senior year. That had all ended when she’d gotten her acceptance letter from NYADA and started talking about how tragic it was that I would be staying in Ohio.

“I mean, I just never pictured Kurt Hummel living in Lima forever.” She had her head in her locker so her voice was slightly muffled but I knew I had heard her correctly.

“Excuse me? I’m not going to be in Lima forever. I’m staying here now because it works for me but I will eventually move on when I finish college.”

“Oh, do you really think you’ll finish? I mean, most teen parents never finish high school, let alone college. I think it’s amazing that you’ve come so far with the amount of obstacles you’ve had to overcome.”

Her words had me riled, but I did my best to ignore the anger filing my chest. “Obstacles?” I asked dumbly, a part of me hoping she didn’t mean what I though she meant. Her face was still inside her locker, so she couldn’t see my expression.

“Well yes, between the harassment from the bullies and the burden of raising a special needs child so young, not to mention your father’s heart condition, I’m surprised you’ve been able to keep up in school.”

My blood was boiling. I was usually against all forms of violence but when she started talking about my son I had to resist the urge to slam the locker door on her.

“I think I’d better be going, Rachel,” I said stiffly. I left without waiting for a reply, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep my temper if we continued our conversation.

I did my best to avoid being with Rachel one on one after that. When she would try to engage me in a conversation I would politely excuse myself and eventually she stopped trying. She was no longer my friend, just my brother’s girlfriend, and that was fine by me.

Now she wasn’t even that and even my distaste for confrontation wouldn’t keep me from giving her a piece of my mind the next time I saw her.

I sighed, bumping Finn’s shoulder lightly. “Hey, as hard as it may be to hear, Finn, I think you’re going to be better off.” I ignored the murderous look on Finn’s face and continued. “We both know that the thing Rachel cares about more than anything is becoming a star. I’m not saying she never loved you, but I am saying that she loves herself more. You deserve better than that, Finn. You deserve someone who puts you first, cares about your dreams as well as their own, and most of all loves you more than anything just the way you are.” I watched his expression shift from anger to sadness as my words sank in. He nodded slowly, remaining silent. “You’ll find her one day and when you do it’ll be great and you’ll wonder what you ever saw in Rachel Berry. I promise, Finn.”

A comfortable silence stretched between us for a while before I decided it was time for me to go. As I started to get up, Finn’s hand on my arm stopped me.

“Finn?”

“Kurt, just, thanks bro,” he said softly. I smiled at him and placed a kiss atop his head. I didn’t worry that the gesture would be misconstrued. After living together so long, Finn knew how affectionate I was with my family, just like I knew that no matter how bad his words might come out sometimes, he had a good heart and almost always meant well.

I was almost out the door when he spoke again. His words were quiet and I didn’t quite hear him.

“What was that?”

There was still sadness in his face but he was smiling just a little. “You deserve all that, too, Kurt. And you’ll get it someday. Maybe not in Lima, but there’s a guy out there somewhere waiting for you even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

“Thank you, Finn.” My eyes filled with tears. Yes, sometimes what Finn was trying to say came out all wrong, but sometimes it came out perfectly.

“Love you, bro.”

“Love you, too.”