I couldn’t believe how quickly the summer passed. It was August already and school would be starting again soon. I knew I only had a couple of weeks to get Jude enrolled in a daycare but I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him with someone I didn’t know, no matter their credentials. How do people do this? How do they let complete strangers take care of their children and not have a panic attack?

I shook my head as tightened the last lugnut on the tire I had just mounted. Internal freak-out or not, I was going to have to do it and soon. I had just grown so used to having him with me all the time. Even at night, rather than putting him in the crib across the room from my bed I would just tuck him into my side with one of those wedge pillows that were meant to keep him from suffocating. His cries were really just breathy pants and I was afraid that they wouldn’t be enough to wake me in the middle of the night.  Besides, Jude seemed to love the contact so the arrangement just made both of us sleep easier.

I heard a soft rattle and turned to the back corner of the shop that had been turned into Jude’s very own play area. He was currently lounging in his bouncer seat batting lazily at one of the soft toys suspended above him. I double checked my finished work and wiped my hands on a clean towel before going to him.

“Hey, Jude!” I called as I neared him. His eyes immediately sought me and a toothless grin spread across his sweet face. He flailed his chubby little arms and my heart soared. I began telling him all about what I had been doing to the Jeep behind me, being sure to talk clearly and slowly, not slipping into the baby talk that so many parents seemed want to do. And even though I was still learning, I did my best to form hand signs as I spoke.

After the fiasco with the specialist, I dove into research. I wanted to figure as much out on my own as I could so as not to have to risk another altercation like the one with Dr. Green. I learned that there were medical options, surgeries and implants, but that the procedures weren’t always one hundred percent successful, sometimes causing more damage than was already present. 

That bastard of a doctor’s words kept coming back to me as I scrolled through information.

Do you think you would ever be able to give him any chance at being normal?

Those words bothered me because as far as I was concerned my son was normal. All my friends and family treated as they would any other child. Well, maybe not exactly like any other child, because I imagine most children didn’t have eleven ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ who made it their goal to spoil him completely rotten and never let him spend any time not in someone’s arms.

Surprisingly, it was Puck who claimed Jude most often, although Finn was not far behind, stating that he was the closest thing to a real uncle because his mom was dating my dad so now we were sort of brothers.

“Right, Kurt?” He had looked at me with those puppy eyes and I couldn’t tell him that no, we weren’t brothers and at the most we might be stepbrothers one day but probably not anytime soon. All I could do was nod and mumble, “Sure, Finn.”

Thankfully, my misguided crush on him had waned to nearly nothing due to the recent increase in the amount of time we spent together. I still thought he was cute but our common interests were lacking and really, my love for Jude was kind of taking up most of my emotional capacity.

I decided after two days of reading as much as I could on the subject of mute children that to try and ‘fix’ my son was the same as saying there was something wrong with him. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He was just different. Just like I was different and there was nothing wrong with me.

It was actually Puck’s idea to learn sign language.

“Dude, I know he won’t be able to do it right now, but if he’s used to seeing it all the time for as long as he can remember he’ll learn just the way other kids learn to talk.” His logic was spot on and the way he didn’t change his voice inflection when he said ‘other kids’, coupled with the fact that he didn’t say ‘normal kids’, made me smile.

It turned out that Puck had a cousin who was deaf and he had spent a lot of time with her when he was younger so he already knew some sign and still had all his old books. He gave me a beginner’s guide and even brushed up on it himself so that he could have conversations with Jude, too. I picked it up fairly quickly and moved on to an intermediate manual. I was pleasantly surprised when my dad, Carole, and even Finn decided they wanted to learn. Carole flew through the books, her hands flashing too quickly for my eyes to keep up, but Dad and Finn seemed to have a little trouble, Dad with his hands being used to working on cars, and Finn being uncoordinated but determined.

“Hey, Hummel! You back here?”

The sound of one Noah Puckerman broke me from my conversation about worn tire treads and visible belts with my son. It wasn’t exactly the most interesting subject matter but everything I had read about interacting with babies said that it didn’t matter so much what you spoke about just that you spoke often so that the child could become more familiar with language.

“Yes, Noah.” I sighed, realizing that once again my son was about to be taken away. I still had two more cars to finish so it was good that Jude would have some interaction while I was busy, but I knew that even when I was done I wouldn’t be getting my son back right away. On the plus side, this meant that I could actually take my time in the shower and maybe even use that hair mask that Mercedes had gotten for me.

He nodded at me as he rounded the corner and saw Jude. “What’s up, LittleDude? You wanna come with Uncle Puck and Uncle Artie?” Jude gave a drool-filled grin and reached for Puck, who wasted no time asking things like, say, parental permission, before undoing the bouncer seat straps and effectively stealing my child.

“Will you be leaving a ransom note, Noah? Seeing as how you’re kidnapping my baby, a list of demands that must be met before he’s returned is customary.” I gave him my best bitchy smirk, but I knew he would see right through it. He glared back, as was customary for our exchange. It usually went down like this. For the past three weeks, Noah had been picking Jude up and taking him out at least twice a week. He was usually accompanied by Artie, or sometimes even Santana, and they would walk down to the park that wasn’t too far from the shop. They were never gone for less than two hours. I couldn’t deny that I appreciated the alone time, even if it had seemed strange to me at first.

“Just make sure he doesn’t get too hot. And don’t forget to put that baby sunscreen on his face. And—“

“Chill, Daddy-Hummel. I know what I’m doing. Me and Little-Dude got this. Just finish up your work and go take a bubble bath or something. I know you gotta be freaking out right now ‘cause there’s grease in your hair.” Puck was gathering up Jude’s diaper bag as he spoke, stirring through the contents to make sure he had everything he needed. Satisfied, he slung the bag over his shoulder and hitched Jude onto his hip. “Say bye-bye to Daddy, Jude.”

I watched them walk out of the shop before turning back to my work. Just two more cars and then I could get cleaned up. Puck’s suggestion of a bubble bath was sounding mighty tempting.

It was almost six o’clock before Puck returned with my child. Carole and Finn were already over for the evening. I imagined they would probably be spending the night. Again. It was happening  more and more often lately. I was happy for my dad and Carole. It wasn’t fair for them both to have lost the person who was supposed to have been their forever. I couldn’t imagine having to raise a child completely on my own while dealing with the pain of that loss. I may have been raising Jude without his mother but I was far from alone in this and I had known from the beginning that Simone and I would never be together.

“Finn, must you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor?” I nudged one of the grungy sneakers with the toe of my boot. There was no way I was picking that up with my fingers.

Finn grinned sheepishly at me. “Sorry, Dude—Kurt, I mean.” I just rolled my eyes and plopped down in the armchair opposite him. “I’m kinda stuck on this level of Angry Birds. You want to try it?”

I grumbled something about him only wanting me for my awesome pig-smashing skills before taking the phone. It took me only two tries before all the little green pigs were crushed under wooden beams and other debris. Finn hooted triumphantly and raised his hand for a high-five. Not wanting to bring him down off his childish high I smacked his outstretched palm lightly. He was such a boy.

“Hudmels! We’re home!” Puck’s voice rang out followed by the slamming of the door. I was up from my chair in an instant, eager to hold my son again. Puck passed him to me, shrugging out of his light jacket and plopping down next Finn on the couch. Carole made her way into the living room smiling at the four of us.

“Will you be staying for dinner, Noah? We’re having meatloaf.” Her hands unconsciously moved into sign as she spoke.

“Sounds great, Mrs. H.”

She nodded, swooping in to kiss Jude’s cheek, and headed back to the kitchen where my dad was setting the table.

Puck turned his attention to me. Or maybe to Jude. For a guy that claimed to be the biggest badass in Lima he was awful attached to a three-month-old baby.

“So Hummel, you found a sitter yet?”

I frowned at him. I knew that was something I needed to get figured out, but I was putting it off. “No, Noah. I haven’t.”

“Well,” he said off-handedly. “I found you one.”

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “What?”

“My neighbor, Mrs. Bellevue, she has a daughter starting kindergarten and she said she’d love to watch him.” He said this all like it was no big deal.

My incredulity grew. “Why are you discussing my child with strangers?”

“Dude, she’s not a stranger, she’s been my neighbor since I was, like, ten years old. She’s awesome and makes the best peanut butter cookies ever.”

“Because her culinary skills are my greatest concern when contemplating whether or not to leave my child in her care,” I snapped.

Finn just looked at me, perplexed. His vocabulary wasn’t the best and I was pretty sure he’d gotten lost somewhere in my statement. Puck just stared back coolly.

“She’s  a really good mom. Her husband left her right after she had Darla so she spends a lot of time over at our place with my mom. She came over last week when me and Santana—“

“Santana and I,” I interjected. He just huffed ‘whatever’ under his breath and continued.

“When Santana and I had him at the house ‘cause the park was too crowded. She started gushing over what a cutie he was and asking questions. After like an hour she asked if you needed a babysitter when school started and I said I would ask you.” He shrugged and started pulling faces at Jude who was steadily gnawing on a finger.

I reeled at this information. “Thank you, Noah. But I still want to meet this woman before I leave her alone with Jude.”

“Yeah, man, of course. You’d be crazy to just leave him with someone you’ve never even met.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons.

I felt the vibration in my pocket that signaled an incoming text.  “Really, Puck?”

“Easier than writing it.” Puck’s grin spread across his face and he was still looking at me when he snatched the phone out of Finn’s grasp. “My turn!”

I shook my head indulgently as the two wrestled for Finn’s phone. I took Jude down to my room to change him and find a bib. We were experimenting with rice cereal now and for something that looked so bland it could make some hellish clothing stains.

I sang an old Heart song while I scoured through the drawer that used to house my collection of socks and now held an assortment of onesies, booties, sleepers and bibs. I knew that I would have to go buy Jude some heavier clothes soon and a winter jacket and some cute snow boots. It was only August now, but the cold weather would be here before long and pretty soon shopping would become a luxury in my limited time between work, school, and spending time with my family.

I made a mental note to call Mrs. Bellevue tomorrow during my break and set up a time to meet with her. It was amazing to think that at this time last year I was all alone with just my father for company, I was madly in love with the boy who was closer to becoming my brother each day and getting picked on by the boy with the awful hairstyle who was now my son’s third favorite person. I was really amazing to think that all this had happened because I’d gotten drunk at a party. Something that I had thought was the biggest mistake turned out to have been the best thing that ever happened to me.

Life is weird.