Being a father is tough. Being a single father is strenuous. Being a single teenage father is overwhelming. Being a single teenage father who also happens to be gay? Let’s just throw the thesaurus out the window and leave it at tough. Because no words describe exactly how hard it is to be raising a baby at the age of 17 when fatherhood was never even a remote possibility in my mind to begin with.

I never thought I would have the opportunity to have children. At least not children of my own flesh and blood.  I imagined that maybe one day when I had found the man of my dreams and settled down after a successful Broadway career that my faceless (for now) husband and I would go through the process of adopting a child, selecting a cute little boy or girl who had bright eyes and a thirst for knowledge and we would dote on said child and we would all live happily ever after. Or not.

That happy little future went up in smoke when I woke up hung-over and naked next to a girl whose name I couldn’t even remember after an attempt to loosen up and have some fun with my friends.

Flashes of the night before played back through my mind as I scrambled to find my clothes. Vague recollections of loud music and way too many shots and the words “chug, chug, chug” and the feel of a plastic nozzle in my mouth as Puck and Finn held my legs in the air for my keg stand were all that came to me. This girl, I had absolutely no memory of. How did this happen? And what exactly had happened?

I was still under enough alcoholic influence that it took me about ten minutes of frantic floor searching to even realize that I was in my own bedroom and that my goal of covering my nudity could be easily solved by simply reaching into my closet and grabbing the first things my hands landed on. This happened to be a white button down with French cuffs and a pair of plaid Bermuda shorts. My not giving a single rats furry behind at my mismatch was a clue to just how bad I was freaking out.

Now that I knew where I was and I was no longer naked, my thoughts moved onto more unpleasant matters. Who was this girl in my bed? She was turned on her side away from me so all I could see of her was a stretch of dark skin along her back where the sheet had pulled down and a mess of dark wavy hair. How did she end up in my bed, with me, with both of us naked? I was pretty sure she was naked but I was not going to lift that sheet to confirm my suspicions.  

“What the hell did I do last night?” I whispered to myself.

My head felt terrible, my mouth tasted like a foot, and my whole body was sore, my left hip in particular. It felt like I had popped it out of socket or something.

How the hell did we even get back to my house from the party? Did I drive drunk? My dad would kill me. Scratch that, he would give me an hour long lecture about the dangers of drinking and driving and what would my mother think of my behavior and then he would  watch me slowly die of guilt about disappointing both him and my deceased mother.

The guilt was already pouring over me without the help of my father when Jane Doe decided to wake up.

“Mmm. Morning.”

She sat up and stretched, the sheet falling swiftly from her very naked body and I quickly averted my eyes. I heard her giggle. The sound would have been cute if I wasn’t freaking out right then. Her voice, it seemed, had triggered my memory and a wave of Images flashed through my mind.

I was running my fingers through dark, silky curls.

“You have absolutely gorgeous hair.”

A smile and a giggle. “Why thank you. You’re cute.”

 I smile back.  “I try.”

Wide green eyes lock with mine. “So what’s your name?”

“Kurt. And you are?”

“Simone. You wanna get out of here? I’ll let play with my hair some more.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Someone must have moved my car. It’s the only explanation as to why I can’t find it.

 “I’ll drive, just tell me how to get to your place.”

I nod repeatedly. “That would be lovely.”

Puck probably moved my car just to mess with me and he’s passed out in the yard right now with a poodle licking his face so I’ll just have to ask him about it later.

“Shhh! You’ll wake up my dad and he gets grumpy when that happens,” I say as quietly as I can while trying not to laugh. I’ve been cracking up ever since I fell out of Simone’s car in the driveway. She keeps making these high-pitched, breathy snorts in her attempt to keep from laughing out loud and the sound is just so funny. Like the hiccups, only weirder. 

“So will he be mad if he finds me here?”

I swing my arm wildly in a dismissive gesture. “Nah, I have girls over all the time.”

She laughs now, but it’s no longer hysterical, it’s deep and throaty. “Ooh, you are such a player, Kurt.”

 I can’t help my own little giggle at that.

As more and more of the night before came back to me, I made a dash to my bathroom to throw up noisily into the toilet. Thank you dad for not having the patience for my morning primping routine and turning what used to be a storage space into my own personal bathroom.

I looked up after a few minutes to see Simone leaning in the doorway, now clad in my tunic shirt from last night. At least she wasn’t naked anymore. And I couldn’t deny that that shade of green really made her eyes pop and suited her coppery complexion. Her hair was disheveled but still undeniably beautiful, a quick spritz of anti-frizz hairspray and a wide tooth comb and---why was I making her over in my mind! Back to the matter at hand.

“Uh, hi,” I managed, my voice sounding like I had gargled with gravel.

She smirked at me before offering me a hand up from the floor. I eyed it warily for a minute.

“Thanks,” I said as she pulled me to my feet easily. Damn, she was tall. Like, Amazon tall. She towered over me causing me to crane my neck to look her in the face. I was hit by a wave of nervousness on top of my already overwhelming bad hangover. I didn’t want to piss her off because I was pretty sure she could pummel me into the ground and I was too weak at that moment to even try to defend myself.

“I don’t suppose you could tell me we didn’t have sex last night, could you?” I laughed nervously.

“I could,” she said lightly. Those two words had my heart leaping with joy. “But I would be lying.”

I could feel the blood draining from my face, and suddenly I was hovering over the toilet once again. My stomach was already empty, but my body continued with its useless heaving.

“Well, I’ve never got that reaction before,” she said sarcastically. The sound of running water didn’t register in my brain until I felt the cool cloth on the back of my neck. My retching eased and I stood shakily.

“You okay?”

I looked over—up—at this girl who I had apparently given my virginity to and tears filled my eyes. Damn my oversensitive emotions. I let out a shaky breath, trying to form words, but all that came out was a strangled gasp.

“It wasn’t bad if that’s what you’re worried about.” Her smile was half-hearted. She seemed to be actually worried about me.

I took another deep breath to steady myself. “You’re very tall,” I said dumbly.

“Ha! I wasn’t expecting that to be the next thing out of your pretty mouth.” Her smile broadened. She turned on her heel and strode back to bed, sitting and patting the spot next to her. I followed her reluctantly.

I sat down slowly, my hip aching at the movement. Don’t think about why it probably hurts. Just don’t think about it. “I want to apologize to you for my behavior last night, even though I don’t really remember much.” I glanced up her shyly. She stared back at me boldly, her smile never leaving her face.

“You are such a sweetheart, you know it?” Simone’s deep laugh filled the room, making my head throb a little more. “You didn’t take advantage of me, Kurt. If anything you were almost too nice about everything. You let me take the lead on everything. I even had to strip you myself.”

Kurt snorted derisively. “Yeah, I imagine you did.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Gone was the concern, annoyance taking its place.

Her tone riled me up, the ache in my body temporarily forgotten. “It means that I’m gay and up until a few moments ago I always thought I would lose my virginity to someone tall, dark, handsome and male. You only fit half that bill,” I looked at her thoughtfully, the anger draining from me as the drums begin pounding in my head again. “Although I must admit, even I find you absolutely beautiful.”

“And I think that’s my cue to leave.” She stood quickly, shimmying into jeans grabbed hastily from the floor. A pair of lace panties were quickly shoved into her pocket as she slid her shoes onto her feet. She glanced around the room frantically for a moment. “I can’t find my shirt. Or my bra.”

“Hey, calm down. I’ll help you look.” I reached for her hand but she flinched away from me like she was afraid of me. Seriously? “What is wrong with you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’ve just been told that I pretty much raped you last night,” she shrieked. Once again, thank you Dad. If not for the soundproofing of the basement the entire neighborhood would know I was no longer a virgin.

“What?! No, Simone. Just, no.” I pulled her into my arms, ignoring how she stiffened at my touch. I rubbed my hand along her back in circles, attempting to soothe her. Her breathing was erratic. I was afraid she was going to pass out if she didn’t calm down. “I’m not saying that at all. I promise you, if I didn’t want to do whatever we did, I would have stopped you. I’m small and I’m gay but I am quite the badass, if I do say so myself.” She laughed at that, and her breathing began to slow. “I’m bullied at school. I’ve been taking self-defense classes for a couple of years, so yeah, if I had wanted you to stop, I would have made you.” I held her at arm’s length so she would meet my eyes. Hers were glassy with unshed tears and her lips were quivering. It broke my heart. She really was beautiful, even when she was near hysterical.

“But you’re gay,” she said pointedly. “How could you have wanted to have sex with me? I’m a girl.”

I chuckled lightly. “If you knew me you would know that I appreciate beauty.” I smiled at her. She gave me a watery smile in return. “Apparently, I appreciate it even more when alcohol is involved.” She laughed at that and suddenly the tension was gone.

I stood up, feeling a little more human now than I had half an hour ago. I held my hand out to help her up, our roles reversed from just a little while ago. She took it and I pulled her along with me up the stairs and into the kitchen.

I made us both breakfast and we talked for a while more before she gave me a hug and wished me luck on finding my prince charming. “You know, I only took half of your virginity,” she said slyly. “You still have another half to give to your special someone.” I blushed furiously which only made her laugh harder. Then she walked out of my life forever. Or so I thought.