Winter break was coming to end and things in Kurt’s life were finally starting to get normal again. It was the last Friday of his holidays and Kurt was staying alone at home. His dad and Carole had gone to work and Finn was visiting Puck. He had asked if Kurt wanted to join, but he refused. He knew that Finn was trying really hard to cheer him up all this week, but Kurt knew he would just feel like the third wheel, while both friends would be playing video games and discussing sports. 

So Kurt was trying to enjoy his free day by listening to musical soundtracks and rearranging his wardrobe. It wasn’t an easy and quick task, but Kurt was happy that he had something to occupy himself with. He was in the middle of deciding which cardigans to keep for the spring season and which must go, when his phone buzzed, indicating that a new text message has arrived.

Kurt crossed the room and picked up the phone that was lying on his bed. As soon as he saw who the sender was, Kurt nearly dropped the phone.

Can you come over? Please. – Blaine

Kurt reread the message over and over again. He had spent past week desperately trying to forget Blaine and everything that had something to do with him. When Kurt had wanted to talk and sort things out, Blaine hadn’t replied. He didn’t even write him one line, just one line, to help Kurt understand what had happened. And now? Now he suddenly wanted to talk?

Anger was rising up in Kurt, as he kept staring at the message. On one hand, Kurt was angry with Blaine, because he had ignored him for a whole week. He had kissed the boy and then left without any explanations. Blaine could have told Kurt that he didn’t like him in that way; Kurt would have understood, he would get over it and still be friends with the boy. Why was it necessary to break his heart? But on the other hand, Kurt was even angrier with himself, because he actually planed to go and hear what Blaine wanted to say. Even if he was about to hear a rejection, Kurt still wanted to know why.

Okay, was all Kurt typed. No signature, no phrases of politeness. 

He turned off the music and rushed down the stairs, grabbing the first coat and scarf he could reach, not even looking at them. Kurt locked the door and got in his car. Only when he put his hands on the wheel, Kurt noticed how much his hands were shaking. It’s okay, it’s going to be fine, he told himself, trying to calm down. Suddenly his phone buzzed again.

The front door will be open, just go in. –Blaine

When Kurt pulled up on Anderson family’s driveway, his heart was beating uncontrollably fast and he felt like throwing up. He saw only Blaine’s car standing at the house, which meant that he was alone there. Somehow it didn’t make Kurt feel better, because he wasn’t sure if he could handle being with Blaine alone. He wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing Blaine at all. Finally Kurt gathered up all of his courage and got out of the car. He unsteadily made his way to the front door and stopped on the porch. Everything was quiet, and Kurt swore he could hear his own heartbeat. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Now or never, Kurt told himself as he opened the front door.

Inside everything was quiet and house looked absolutely deserted. He carefully looked around, feeling rather uncomfortable standing alone in a strange house. As he went further into the room, Kurt heard a quiet melody coming from the basement. Blaine, was Kurt’s only thought.

Slowly he made his way down the small stairs and stopped on the last step. He saw Blaine sitting at the piano with eyes closed, completely lost in the melody. Suddenly Kurt couldn’t say anything. At the sight of Blaine, his mind went blank, leaving only one thought – my God, he’s beautiful.

Suddenly Blaine stopped to play and looked at Kurt opening his eyes. For a moment both boys just stared at each other, completely frozen in their spots. When Blaine swallowed audibly, Kurt was brought back to Earth and he realized that there were tears in his eyes. There was Blaine, the boy who just a week ago broke his heart to pieces, leaving him feeling miserable and unwanted. But yet there he was, standing in the same boy’s house and looking at him unable to say a word or even breathe properly.

Blaine’s eyes immediately filled with sadness as he saw tears on Kurt’s face. You broke him! It’s all your fault, his mind was screaming at him. He wanted to say something, to comfort Kurt, apologize and promise to never hurt him again… but he couldn’t.

“You’re wearing the scarf,” he whispered barely audible, not tearing his eyes away from Kurt’s face.

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows slightly and glanced down. Running out the door he had grabbed the turquoise scarf Blaine had given him. He couldn’t find the words to answer, so he just nodded.

“I’m glad you came,” Blaine whispered again like being afraid that all of this was just a fantasy that could break any other minute, if he spoke any louder.

“I deserve some answers,” Kurt managed to whisper, his voice breaking at the end.

“Yes, you do, and I’m really grateful that you chose to hear me out,” Blaine seemed to have found his voice and courage to speak, “I’m not great with words, so I…hmm… I chose a song which would help me. I promise you, Kurt, if you’ll never want to see me again after this, you won’t. I promise you that… All I ask you is to listen to the song… and then you can leave,” Blaine’s eyes filled with tears as he spoke looking at the broken boy in front of him. He broke the eye contact to avoid crying and turned to the piano.

The perfect words never crossed my mind,

‘Cause there was nothin' in there but you.

I felt every ounce of me screaming out,

But the sound was trapped deep in me.

All I wanted just sped right past me,

While I was rooted fast to the earth,

I could be stuck here for a thousand years,

Without your arms to drag me out.

There you are standing right in front of me

There you are standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away to leave me naked,

Hold me close, ‘cause I need you to guide me to safety.

No, I don’t want to wait forever

No, I don’t want to wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,

You are my signal fire.

The only resolution and the only joy,

Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.

There you are standing right in front of me

There you are standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away to leave me naked,

Hold me close, ‘cause I need you to guide me to safety.

There you are standing right in front of me

There you are standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away to leave me naked,

Hold me close, ‘cause I need you to guide me to safety.

No, I don’t want to wait forever

No, I don’t want to wait forever

No, I don’t want to wait forever

When Blaine finished the song, he couldn’t bring himself to look up. He simply kept looking at the piano keys, waiting to hear the cracking sound on the stairs, signifying that Kurt was leaving. But instead of that he felt two hand cupping his face and lips pressing to his. Blaine couldn’t ever process what was happening, when he instinctively kissed back. But as sudden the kiss had started, it also ended when Blaine pulled back, feeling tears on his face. He looked at Kurt, who was staring down with tear filled eyes only few centimeters away from his. Blaine brought his hands to Kurt’s face and gently lifted it, making the boy to look at him. He wanted to say something, to apologize and explain everything, but as soon as their eyes met, Blaine’s world stopped.

The complete silence around them seemed to grow heavier with every second as the only sound they heard came from their rapidly beating hearts. Blaine felt lost in Kurt’s eyes that shined with tears looking more beautiful than he had ever seen them. Now the sadness in them was replaced with something utterly different… hope?

“You stayed…” Blaine finally muttered.

“How could I leave?” Kurt answered just as quietly, both of them still holding hands to each other faces.

“After what I did, I’m surprised you even came. I’m so sorry, Kurt. I’ll explain everything to you, I’ll – “

“Don’t,” Kurt whispered touching Blaine’s lips with his fingers.

“But you’re right, Kurt, you deserve answers. No more unsaid things, no more hurt or secrets.”

“Yes, I want to know why you left that night, because I’ve been blaming myself ever since, but look at the state we’re both in,” Kurt laughed breathy, trying to smile through his tears.

“No,” Blaine said shaking his head. “I want you to know. I can’t make this all right, if I don’t tell you the truth.”

Kurt kept his eyes on Blaine’s looking for some uncertainty or doubts, but couldn’t find any. “Okay,” he finally whispered and nodded, “But know that being here and being able to hold you and kiss you just one more time, is alright for me.”

Blaine nodded slightly and moved closer to press a gentle kiss to Kurt’s forehead. Then he moved his hands from younger boy’s face. “Let’s go upstairs,” he half asked, half said, getting up. When both boys were standing, Blaine took Kurt’s hand in his and led the boy to the stairs.

“You’re still in your coat,” Blaine said, once they were upstairs. “Leave it here, “ he gestured to the wardrobe and Kurt did as he was told. 

“Where’s everybody else?” Kurt asked when he returned to stand next to Blaine.

“Dad had some business to do and they all went to Barcelona. Elise adores it.”

 “They left to Europe without you?” Kurt sounded shocked.

“That’s nothing new,” the older boy simply shrugged. “I’m not usually invited on the business trips and I didn’t really want to go. Besides, I wasn’t even here, when they left, so it’s not a big deal.”

“What do you mean you weren’t here?” Kurt was confused.

“I returned to Dalton after we… hmm… well, after that day. Couldn’t stay in this place,” the boy muttered the last sentence.

Kurt looked at him shocked. The boy had spent all that time alone? Even on the New Year’s Eve? Kurt’s heart swelled thinking about Blaine sitting completely alone in his dorm room. He didn’t know if Blaine had felt just as bad as he did, but judging by his state right now, he must have been a complete mess. At least Kurt wasn’t left alone and he still had some company around, but Blaine had chosen to lock himself out of the world once again. Kurt took Blaine’s hand and reassuringly squeezed it, to grant the boy at least some form of sympathy.

They both went up the stairs and reached Blaine’s bedroom. The older boy pushed the door open and stepped back, inviting Kurt in. The room was perfectly neat, just as the last time, mostly because of the fact that Blaine wasn’t really living there.

Kurt stood awkwardly in Blaine’s bedroom while the other boy sat down in the bed. Kurt instantly walked over to him and kneeled down, when he saw the boy lowering his head. He put his hands on Blaine’s knees. Kurt didn’t want to say anything; actually he didn’t know what to say. He had no idea what their relationship status was and how he was supposed to act now. He only knew Blaine needed his comfort and support; and that was something Kurt was more than happy to give.

“I used to play football at my previous school,” Blaine started, his voice quiet but steady. “I enjoyed it as much as music and it was a great way to fit in. Although fitting in was never a problem for me, when I was younger. I had good grades, I was good at sports and everyone seemed to like me. There also was a Glee club, but I didn’t participate. I was taking music lessons at that time; my parents have always supported my love for it. It’s one of the reasons why there weren’t any fights about New York.”

Kurt kept listening silently, carefully watching Blaine. He had no idea why the older boy was telling him all that, but he believed that it was important for Blaine, so he didn’t dare to say anything, not wanting to interrupt the boy in front of him. Blaine was now looking somewhere over Kurt’s shoulder, talking as if he was completely alone.

“Everything was great until I understood I was gay. I was about 15 years old at that time. It didn’t come as a big shock for me, probably somewhere deep down inside I’ve always known that. I never experienced the moment when I would hate myself or feel wrong, I just… I guess I was scared. Everyone’s scared at first, right?” Blaine asked rhetorically as if to make himself sure. Kurt just kept stroking his knee gently, as to assure the other boy that he was there for him and encouraged him to continue.

“It happened during summer and when school started, I tried to date a girl. I don’t know why I did it, probably the fear blurred my mind or I was simply trying to make sure about who I am. Obviously we never worked out and broke up soon after. Then I decided to come out to my parents, and well… you already know how that turned out. Coming out to my parents made me rethink everything and I decided that I didn’t want to live in the lies anymore. I had great friends at school and I believed that my confession wouldn’t change anything… I can’t believe how naïve I was!” Blaine sighed and took another deep breath before continuing.

“Who could I imagine that two words can change everything so severely? Suddenly I was thrown out of the football team. My own teammates, people who were my best friends, didn’t want to see me again. They said that they don’t need a f… they don’t need someone like me in their team or even anywhere near them. Since the moment I told them, they seemed to make their mission to remind me how unwanted I was at this school. Of course, they told the whole school about me, making sure that every single person knew what a disgrace I was. My ex-girlfriend had a lot of things to say on this subject, too, of course,” Blaine added sarcastically.

“At least the bullying never got really severe, thanks to the no violence policy at the school. I was just shoved around, when teachers weren’t near, and nobody wanted to sit next to me or ever stand somewhere close. That was sad, of course, but what hurt the most was that the leaders of all this were my best friends. And this is when Jeffrey comes in,” he sighed and rubbed his face with a hand.

“He played in the band. We used to talk a few times when people still liked me. We were both interested in music, so it wasn’t difficult to start a conversation. We didn’t become friends before, because I was always with the rest of the football team, but Jeffrey was more introvert. He usually hung out with his band mates.

When everyone started to push me away, Jeffery was the only one who still talked to me. Only outside the school of course, but still. I desperately wanted a friend and Jeffrey was there. We started to spend more and more time together and one day he told me that he’s also gay, but wasn’t ready to come out just yet. I didn’t care, I was so happy to not be alone in this anymore, and I must admit, I had developed some feelings towards him. Jeffrey was really good looking and he loved music, he was kind to me… I didn’t really see how that happened, but it simply did and one day when we were studying together in his room, Jeffrey kissed me… and that was it. He still insisted to keep our relationship in a secret and we never saw each other at school. He was really self – conscious about his sexuality, but I couldn’t blame him. What happened to me was probably great example why not to come out publicly. Only his parents knew.

We became really close; we were the only people we both could confide in. I loved him,” Blaine whispered as tears sprung in his eyes. Kurt still hadn’t said anything; he just kept looking at the boy who seemed to break down in front of his eyes. To offer some kind of comfort, Kurt still kept stroking Blaine’s knee gently.

“He loved me too, Kurt,” Blaine said like desperately trying to make Kurt believe this. “He loved me. He really did… He was just terrified to come out. I guess I shouldn’t have pushed him to do it,” he shrugged.

“There was school dance in the spring and I really wanted to go. I hoped that for one night I could feel like a normal teenager. And so I asked Jeffrey to come with me. Somehow, having a boyfriend made me feel more confident about myself. Even if our relationship was a secret, only being with Jeffrey made me so happy. He was reluctant about the dance at first, but after some time he agreed to come. But we would go only as friends. Nobody could know we were something more.

Evening was nice and I even managed to have fun. Nobody touched me or said a word to me, because of the teachers who were supervising us. When it was getting late and we decided to go home, we walked outside and… It was dark, we were alone, I took Jeffrey’s hand and… I thanked him for coming with me and kissed him. Of course, that was the moment when guys from the football team had to show up and they recognized us. They called our names and started to come closer…” Blaine visibly tensed, his breathing became more and more shallow.

“Jeffrey freaked out; he pushed me away and told the guys I had tried to force myself on him. Can you imagine that?!” Blaine asked desperately; the tears now freely fell down his cheeks, but Kurt didn’t know how to answer once again. He simply couldn’t believe that someone who claimed to love Blaine had done something like this to him.

“Thank God, the teachers heard us and came out, so I was safe. Jeffrey quickly ran away and left me alone. When I got home that night I tried to call him, but he didn’t answer, he didn’t return my messages and didn’t come back to school. When I tried to visit him, his parents always found some excuses. Later I found out that he transferred and after a while his whole family moved away. I have no idea where he’s now.  I loved him and gave him everything I had, but he was too damn afraid to stay with me. I had to stay at school to face the consequences. Of course, everyone saw Jeffrey as a victim, but I was the evil one. That’s when things really got bad. Now the insults were thrown at me whenever I walked down the hallway, there where whispers and hate letters online. They never tried to physically harass me, since they were afraid of being expelled, but the emotional abuse was equally bad. They never missed a chance to remind me how terrible and disgusting I was, that I didn’t deserve to live and nobody would ever want me…” here Blaine’s voice finally broke because of the tears.

Kurt rose from his spot on the floor and sat next to Blaine on the bed. He wrapped his arms around the older boy’s shoulders, quietly whispering comforting phrases in his ear. It seemed to work and Blaine visibly relaxed under Kurt’s touch.

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I begged my parents to transfer me. I literally begged and they took me out of that school immediately. I spent the last month of the semester in Dalton. It wasn’t great since I transferred in the very end of the school year and didn’t manage to make many friends until the summer, but when I returned in September, I was accepted as one of them, I joined the Warblers and… well, you can see the result yourself.

What’s also terrible is that Elise was forced to change school too. When she started high school, everyone knew her as the “fag’s sister”,” Blaine sneered, “so my parents transferred her.” 

He stopped speaking and simply stared at the void in front of him. Kurt still had his arms wrapped around Blaine. He carefully unattached himself from Blaine and put his hand on other boy’s cheek, making him look at Kurt. When their eyes met, all the emotions Kurt saw were too much for him. He felt his own eyes filling with tears, as he slowly leaned forwards and carefully pressed his lips to Blaine’s. The older boy found comfort in their contact and kissed Kurt back, raising his own hand to cup Kurt’s cheek.

As they parted, both boys kept looking into each other’s eyes, when Blaine finally whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Kurt answered immediately.

“No, I hurt you even if it was the last thing I wanted to do. I did exactly the same thing Jeffrey did to me. I was so terrified of being hurt again. I just couldn’t let this happen again, so I locked myself out of everything, but you… Since I first saw you, I couldn’t keep my walls up. You broke them all down.”

“They were never needed, Blaine,” Kurt said, stroking Blaine’s cheek with his thumb.

They kept sitting there simply looking at each other, their eyes trying to express the unsaid words.

“Can we lie down?” Blaine whispered and the other boy nodded.

They climbed further on to the bed and slowly laid down on top of the covers. Both boys couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other, not believing how much the past hour or so has changed everything about their lives. Blaine had found someone who he trusted enough to tell his story. Someone to believe and to confide in. Someone who could help him. And Kurt… he had found someone who needed love just as much as he did.