Underneath
RyleighHayle
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Underneath: Of truth - Part I


E - Words: 5,847 - Last Updated: Jun 25, 2013
Story: Closed - Chapters: 41/? - Created: May 23, 2012 - Updated: Jun 25, 2013
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Author's Note:

You guys/gals are just too darn awesome! I LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing from you after each chapter that I post! You make me so happy!

I decided to split Chapter 26 in half - There is so much going on in this chapter, I didn't want the good bits to get lost!

ENJOY!

Find me on Twitter: Ryleigh_Hayle

Or on Tumblr: RyleighHayle

I would love for you to add me and help me share my stories!

Check out Blaine's journal on Tumblr: Courage-Journal

XOXO

-RH


~Thanks for reading and reviewing. Your words inspire mine.~


*** TRIGGER WARNING ***

This chapter contains scenes of violence, coarse language and depictions of non-consensual sexual acts.

~~~ This story is rated 'R'. ~~~

Viewer discretion is STRONGLY advised…


Chapter 26

Kurt shifted uncomfortably in the white plastic chair as he lazily flipped through the latest copy of Vogue magazine he'd picked up at the hospital gift shop.

He stifled a yawn as he glanced over once again to where Blaine lay in his hospital bed, curled onto his side, sleeping peacefully.

Kurt couldn't help but watch the boy sleep.

The way his long dark eyelashes were splayed gently over his cheeks, the subtle rise and fall of his chest, and the soft snores that emanated from his lips.

He looked beautiful.

Kurt's heart warmed as he realized that this was the first time since Blaine had been admitted into the hospital that he looked like he was resting comfortably.

He was relieved that Blaine was going to be released today. He was almost certain that bringing Blaine home would be a step in the right direction.

Blaine needed comfort, familiarity, and love.

He needed a family.

A sudden disturbance in Blaine's rhythmic pattern of breathing drew Kurt's attention back to his angelic face as he slept.

A frown had taken shape on Blaine's face; his eyebrows were knit slightly and several tiny creases had formed on his forehead.

Is he dreaming again?

Kurt stood up from the chair and gracefully closed the gap between him and the snoring boy before running a gentle finger across Blaine's forehead, effectively brushing a stray curl off to the side.

"Shhh, Blaine." He murmured softly, "Just rest now. You're safe."

He leaned over the metal rail of the hospital bed and placed a whisper of a kiss on Blaine's left temple, which immediately resulted in the frown disappearing from the boy's face.

"That's it, sweetheart. Just rest."

Kurt stood next to Blaine for several minutes, softly caressing his forehead and cheekbone with his thin, delicate thumb, nurturing him back to sleep.

"We're going to take you home today, Blaine." He whispered to the unhearing boy.

"Back where you belong."

Blaine appeared to relax further into the mattress and his breathing returned to its regular undisturbed pattern.

Kurt glanced over to the white clock that hung on the wall above the door exiting the room.

It was nearly ten in the morning.

He'd slipped out of the bed several hours ago to call Burt and tell him not to rush in to pick them up.

Blaine was finally sleeping and Kurt didn't have the heart to wake him.

It had been a rough night.

Blaine had awoken several times in a cold sweat and breathing heavily.

Once, he'd even woken up screaming.

Shortly after 3am, Blaine had been ripped from his slumber so abruptly that when he'd opened his eyes and found someone lying in bed with him, he'd freaked out and pushed himself away from where Kurt was asleep next to him.

Kurt woke up immediately and reached out to comfort Blaine, but ended up getting shoved hard against the metal rail of the bed before Blaine had regained his composure enough to realize what he'd done.

The look on his face when he'd recognized that it was Kurt on the bed next to him was enough to shatter even the strongest man's soul.

He'd looked devastated.

Kurt had tried to mask the pain that the unforgiving metal had caused his back, but Blaine had known immediately that he'd hurt him after Kurt had winced ever so slightly.

The older teen had taken several deep breaths, giving Blaine enough time to re-acclimatize himself before moving in close and laying them both down on the bed once again.

Kurt had wrapped his arms protectively around the upset teenager and held him tight.

But neither of them had fallen back to sleep.

Kurt had felt Blaine roll to his left and turn on the small reading lamp next to his bed moments later, and then heard the frantic scratches of Blaine scribbling in his journal.

He'd known Blaine was upset with himself. He could almost feel the anger and disappointment drifting off the smaller teen from where he lay next to him. Kurt wished that Blaine would just open up to him and speak, but he was relieved that Blaine had taken to writing in his new journal.

At least he was able to process his pent-up emotions somehow.

Kurt was still wide-awake when Blaine shot up in the bed a forth time, just before 5am.

Kurt was exhausted. He'd continued to lie next to Blaine, trying his best to stay awake with him and provide comfort when the nightmares plagued his slumber, but he was wearing thin.

He'd felt the burning in his eyes as they were desperate to remain closed, but at the slightest sound next to him, Kurt couldn't help but re-open them and listen for any sign of Blaine's struggles.

He had to be strong.

For Blaine.

He'd heard the boy scribbling in his journal again several minutes later before the dim reading lamp had been turned off and Blaine nestled into the mattress once again.

Kurt had then heard him reach over and pull his iPhone off the table next to him, unwind the cord attached to the earbuds and settle back down into the bed while flipping through the playlists that he'd created that afternoon.

He hadn't wanted to disturb Blaine and he'd known that the teen was likely still upset with himself for shoving Kurt only hours before.

So he'd feigned sleep.

Kurt couldn't help but smile when he'd heard Blaine's soft snores become laced within the soft lyrics of a familiar Katy Perry tune as one of the earbuds slipped out of place less than ten minutes after the music had started playing.

Music really is the best therapy.


Kurt yawned as he stood up from where he was leaning over the bed, and was about to step back to his chair when he noticed the brown leather journal peeking out from underneath Blaine's pillow.

He would love to flip it open and see what Blaine had been writing about, but he knew that wasn't even an option.

Blaine was finally able to express what he was feeling and Kurt knew that he needed the reassurance that his journal would remain private.

He couldn't risk breaking what little trust he'd worked so hard to gain thus far.

Kurt just hoped that Blaine would eventually grow to trust him enough to share his feelings and thoughts with him vocally.

He missed talking with the curly-haired football player.


Kurt was sitting in the white chair once again, having dozed off for a few minutes when the rustling of bed sheets stirred him awake.

He stretched his sore back and turned his head towards the hospital bed with a sleepy sigh until he found himself staring into a wide pair of honey-hazel eyes.

A smile crept onto Kurt's face as he acknowledged Blaine with a tiny nod.

"Hi." Kurt whispered softly.

Blaine's eyes followed methodically as Kurt stood up and carried the chair next to the bed and sat back down.

"You finally got some decent sleep hey?"

Blaine shrugged, and then nodded silently.

"It was a rough night, wasn't it?"

Blaine didn't reply, but Kurt could see the guilt and anguish that flooded the teen's face.

Kurt hesitated before continuing slowly, carefully choosing his words.

"You didn't hurt me, Blaine." He whispered, leaning in gently. "I'm okay."

Blaine stayed silent, but his eyes filled with doubt and he glanced up at Kurt with a look that undeniably said, 'Maybe this time.'

Blaine's eyes drifted down to the white bandage that remained on the left side of Kurt's neck, just below his ear.

Just like I didn't cause that, right?

"It's alright Blaine, you were just scared." Kurt assured him. "You didn't know it was me."

Still no reply.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Kurt reached over and pulled the side table next to Blaine. A grey plastic cafeteria tray was sitting on top of it, and was filled with an assortment of breakfast items.

He pressed the button on the side of the bed that lifted the head up slightly, manoeuvring Blaine into a semi-sitting position.

"The nurses brought up some breakfast for you." Kurt explained. "There is a fruit salad, some cereal and a couple pieces of toast."

Nothing.

Blaine continued to stare past Kurt, looking depressed and slightly agitated.

"There's peanut butter…" Kurt sang happily.

Blaine physically turned his body away from Kurt and lay staring at the opposite wall.

Kurt's smile faded immediately and a dark, empty feeling inhabited his chest.

"Blaine, you have to eat something." He said sadly. "Would you like me to open up the carton of apple juice for you?"

Kurt wasn't expecting Blaine to answer, but that didn't make him feel less sad when he didn't receive a reply from the dark-haired boy next to him.

"Blaine, you have to at least try." Kurt attempted. "Since they took out your IV, you're not getting any fluids anymore. You need to try and keep something down so you don't get dehydrated again."

No answer.

Kurt kept his eyes on the boy's back for several more minutes, trying desperately to pass along a silent message to him that he was only trying to help.

But Blaine wouldn't even acknowledge Kurt's presence.

After twenty minutes of silence, Kurt's attention was brought back to Blaine, who had started fidgeting nervously next to him.

Blaine had rolled over once again and was lying on his back staring at the ceiling. His hands were trembling slightly and his fingers rubbing uneasily together.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Kurt sounded worried. This was a new appearance for Blaine. He didn't appear frightened, or guilty, or even in pain.

He looked… anxious.

"I-I have to go."

Kurt's eyes widened.

What?

"You- what do you mean, you have to go?" Kurt asked. "Blaine, you can't leave here yet. My dad is…"

"I have to… go." Blaine indicated awkwardly. He nodded towards his lower half.

It finally dawned on Kurt what the boy meant.

Oh.

"You have to… go!" Kurt repeated with a sigh of relief. "To the bathroom!"

Blaine nodded, and a deep shade of red seeped into his neck and cheeks.

Kurt giggled slightly. "You had me worried, I thought you meant… like… go – go."

Blaine grimaced. He was getting desperate.

He'd been holding it for the past few hours, uncertain of how he was going to be able to get up and walk to the bathroom. He knew that Kurt would help him, no questions asked, but it was still so… embarrassing.

Maybe I should have let them leave the catheter in…

"Come on." Kurt announced, lifting the head of the bed the rest of the way up. He lowered the side rail and reached his hand out towards Blaine with a reassuring smile.

"I'll help you."

Blaine swallowed the lump of reluctance that had been residing in his throat before he turned his body towards Kurt and slowly tried to lift his legs towards the side of the bed.

Moving his lower extremities didn't hurt has much as he'd anticipated it would.

Blaine had assumed that after lying in bed for over a week, his lower half would be riddled with pain at the slightest movement.

Maybe this won't be so bad…

With a guiding arm from Kurt's as support, Blaine was able to carefully swing his legs off the side of the bed and sit up completely.

He took a minute to adjust to the new position, allowing his feet to dangle off the side of the bed before he began to wiggle closer to the edge.

His bare toes finally made contact with the cool smooth surface of the floor and Blaine could feel the tiny twinges of pins and needles tickling his feet from so may days of disuse.

"Just go nice and slow, okay?" Kurt instructed from beside him. "It's been a little while since you've stood up."

Kurt couldn't help but think about the days that Blaine had been lying in the hospital bed.

And before that, being locked up in that tiny cage.

How long had it actually been since Blaine had been standing?

Blaine nodded as he felt Kurt wrap his arm around his torso, providing him with a safety net.

When both of his feet were finally planted firmly on the ground, Blaine lifted himself off the bed, with help from Kurt taking his right hand strongly into his own.

There weren't any sharp pains that came along with the movement, but Blaine definitely felt the discomfort of the newly added pressure to his lower half.

He closed his eyes and sucked in a cautious breath as he felt the dull ache below his waistline.

"Are you okay?"

Kurt.

Kurt is here.

I'm okay.

Blaine nodded, his eyes still closed as he waited for the dull ache to dissipate.

It didn't.

"Okay." Kurt instructed confidently, placing his other hand on Blaine's abdomen. "Let's try and take a step, alright?"

Blaine took a deep breath and re-opened his eyes. He calculated the distance to the bathroom door to be approximately eight steps.

He nodded and wrapped his own right arm around Kurt's back.

He lifted his left foot slowly and slid it forward on the cool floor.

The dull ache in his backside flared up with the new movement, causing Blaine to release a tiny whimper.

"Shhh." Kurt whispered softly. "Deep breaths, Blaine. Deep breaths."

Blaine stopped moving and focused on breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth as per Kurt's insistent coaching.

When he felt he was ready, Blaine lifted his right foot and took another tiny step forward until it met up with the left one.

It was agonizing.

Each step took so much concentration and effort that Blaine felt exhausted after only a few minutes.

He glanced up to see how much progress they'd made and his heart sunk when he realized that they'd only travelled about a foot a half from his bed.

So much for eight steps.

Likely more like eighty at this rate.

"It's okay, Blaine." Kurt reassured, as though reading Blaine's mind. "We don't have to go fast. We'll get you there."

Blaine, feeling slightly defeated, lifted his left foot to take another step when suddenly a sharp pain shot up his lower back, causing his knees to buckle.

He couldn't contain the pained gasp that accompanied the sensation of feeling himself falling towards the floor.

Blaine closed his eyes and prepared for the massive amount of pain that would undoubtedly come with landing on the cool, stone-hard floor of his hospital room.

But he never reached the floor.

"It's okay, I've got you." Kurt said, struggling to maintain his grip. "I've got you."

He was able to lift Blaine back into a semi-standing position long enough to reach across and drag a wheelchair over with his foot.

"Here." Kurt said, strategically positioning the chair under Blaine. "Just sit down for a minute."

Blaine's eyes were still clenched tightly closed and Kurt could feel his fist grabbing desperately to the back of his sweater as he struggled to maintain what little composure he had left.

Seconds later, Kurt was able to lower Blaine gently into the chair.

Upon contact with the seat of the wheelchair, Blaine gasped again and pitched himself forward slightly, in attempt to take some of the pressure off of his tender backside.

Kurt kneeled in front of him and took his free hand into both of his own. He could feel Blaine squeeze his fingers tighter and tighter as he held his breath, not daring to release the air in fear of igniting more pain.

"Blaine, you have to breathe." Kurt instructed, unwavering. "I know it hurts, but you have to breathe."

Blaine opened his lips and forced out some air through his clenched teeth.

"That's it." Kurt encouraged, running his free hand up and down Blaine's shoulder and back. "You're doing good… Just take some breaths for me."

It took another three or four minutes until Kurt was successful in getting Blaine breathing properly once again.

When the pain had seemingly subsided enough for Blaine to be able to think coherently, Kurt stood back up next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Blaine. Are you okay now?"

Kurt could see the mixture of shame and anger on Blaine's face, but the teen didn't answer.

"It's okay, Blaine. That was only the first try. We'll try walking again in a little bit, alright?"

Still no reply.

"I'm assuming you still need to use the bathroom?" Kurt asked several minutes later.

Blaine still refused to meet Kurt's eye but this time he was forced to nod his head.

He really needed to go.

"I'm going to wheel you into the bathroom now, okay?"

Blaine shrugged helplessly.

It's not like I can do it myself, can I?

Kurt carefully wheeled Blaine into the tiny bathroom and positioned the chair in front of the toilet.

"Can I help you stand?"

Tears stung in Blaine's eyes as he nodded once again.

Pride? What pride?

Kurt carefully placed an arm around Blaine's upper back and helped him to his feet.

It wasn't as painful as the first time, but Blaine still felt the ache as he climbed unsurely to his feet.

Kurt remained behind him, supporting him until Blaine felt slightly steadier where he stood.

"Do you… uh… need me to...?"

Blaine grimaced and looked towards the opposite wall. There was no way he was going to make eye contact with Kurt now.

Or ever again.

He shook his head and shakily reached around with his good arm and pulled up the thin hospital gown.

It took him several minutes of standing impatiently before he was finally able to relax enough and allow his bladder to empty. The burning sensation that followed made him wince and he felt further humiliation when he couldn't contain the pained gasp that escaped his lips.

Kurt remained by his side stoically, not wanting to impose, or cause Blaine any further humiliation.

He couldn't image what Blaine must be feeling right now.

After Blaine had finished, Kurt helped him back into the chair, and then wheeled him to the sink, where he dampened a face cloth with warm water and handed it to Blaine to refresh himself.

Blaine didn't speak a word to Kurt; instead, he merely took the cloth and numbly ran it over his face and neck.

The warmth felt good against his sleepy eyes and tired muscles, but secretly, Blaine would have loved the water to be scalding hot.

Warm water would never be able to wash away the filth.

I'm dirty and used and disgusting.

Blaine's mind drifted back to Burt Hummel's words.

Blood tests.

Infected.

Oh god…

It had been several days since the nurses had given Blaine his sponge bath, and Kurt couldn't imagine how dirty and unkempt Blaine must be feeling.

"When we get you home, I'm going to help you get cleaned up properly, okay?"

Blaine nodded expressionlessly.

Kurt immediately noticed the lack of animation in Blaine's eyes as he slowly sponged his face with the towel.

It worried him.

That tiny spark of life that had been present yesterday was gone.

After he'd wheeled him back into the room, Kurt came around the side of the wheelchair and knelt down in front of Blaine.

"Would you like to try walking again?" He asked hesitantly. "The nurses said you should try a few times before we take you home."

Blaine shook his head without moving his eyes to look at Kurt.

"Do you want me to help you back into bed again?"

A lonely tear slipped from Blaine's left eye and streamed down his cheek as he shook his head.

"What can I do, Blaine?" Kurt sounded desperate. "P-please, just tell me what I can do."

Blaine squeezed his eyes closed, causing another tear to slip down his cheek.

I don't know.

Kurt reached under the pillow and pulled out Blaine's journal and the black pen that was tucked underneath it.

He handed them to Blaine slowly, as a tear slipped down his own cheek.

"I'm going to go call my dad and see when he's coming, alright?" Kurt whispered.

He felt lost.

He didn't know what to do anymore to help Blaine.

He pressed a gentle kiss onto Blaine's forehead, allowing his lips to linger for a few more seconds than usual. "Will you be okay here for a few minutes?"

Blaine nodded, still not looking up from his lap.

"I'll be just outside the door, okay? I promise."

Blaine finally lifted his head seconds after Kurt had turned away from him and started to walk out of the room.

His lower lip quivered and several more tears inched their way down his cheeks as he silently watched the boy leave the room.

"I'm so sorry, Kurt."

But his words were spoken too softly for anyone to hear them.


Blaine had just finished writing another journal entry when he heard footsteps entering his room. He lifted his head, expecting to see Kurt, but his eyes widened when an unexpected figure stepped into the room.

"Hello Blaine."

All the air in Blaine's lungs quickly rushed out and he found himself sitting in the wheelchair dumbly, completely unable to compose a reply.

He could feel the gentle sting of tears gathering at the corners of his eyes as he took in the figure's gentle eyes and friendly smile.

Abby.

The heavyset Latina woman stepped carefully into the room carrying a square white box.

Instantly, the heavenly aroma of freshly baked goodies filled the room. Blaine felt his mouth begin to water and his stomach released a hungry growl.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" The woman addressed the boy in the wheelchair. "Are you feeling better?"

Blaine was stunned.

How did she…?

"Kurt called me this morning." She added, immediately answering Blaine's unasked question. "He said that you were going to be released this morning so I thought I'd drop in for a visit before you left."

When he didn't answer, Abby set the box down on the counter next to the door and stepped closer to Blaine.

"Is it okay if I come give you a hug?"

Blaine's heart warmed at the thought.

He nodded.

Abby slowly crept closer to Blaine until she was within an arms distance, and she knelt on the floor in front of him.

"Oh, sweetheart." She said soothingly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

She reached her arms up and carefully pulled Blaine into a tight embrace, carefully as not to jostle his left shoulder, which remained in its sling.

"I've been so worried about you, Blaine." She whispered softly into his ear. Her left hand found the back of his head and she tangled her fingers in his unkempt curls soothingly.

Blaine nestled his face into the crook of Abby's neck during their embrace. He inhaled deeply, filling his senses with delicious flavours of cinnamon, fresh baked bread and… just… Abby.

He never realized how much he'd missed her.

Abby pulled back from the hug after several more seconds and inspected Blaine's atypical unruly appearance. As hard as she tried, she couldn't prevent the look of pity and sadness that crossed her face when she took in the light bruises and cuts on the boy's face.

If they're this visible now, how bad had they been before?

A chill raced up her spine when she considered what kind of damage was present under his hospital gown.

Oh, my sweet Blaine, how did we let this happen?

She placed her hands on either side of the boy's face.

"Are you in pain?"

Images and memories from his failed attempt at walking instantly plagued his mind but Blaine shook his head.

Abby hadn't missed the hesitation.

Her boy was hurting.

She was just about to open her mouth to argue when Kurt re-appeared inside the room.

"Abby?" He exclaimed. "You're… here!"

"I hope you don't mind." She smiled and turned to face him. "I just had to see him."

Kurt nodded. "Of course. It's great to see you again."

"I brought you some goodies." She stood up and nodded towards the white box on the counter. "I figured your dad might like something when he came to pick you boys up."

"You'll be his new best friend." Kurt smiled.

He reached out and took Abby in a comforting embrace.

They held each other for almost a full minute, exchanging silent thoughts and gentle, reassuring back rubs.

When they finally pulled apart, Abby's gaze lingered on Kurt for several seconds; the genuine concern in her eyes soundlessly asking about Blaine's condition.

'He's not doing very well, is he?'

Kurt sighed and shrugged slightly before whispering. "We had a rough night."

Abby frowned, causing several deep creases to appear in the smooth dark skin of her forehead.

"Anything I can do?"

Kurt shrugged again.

They both turned around and looked to where Blaine remained sitting in the wheelchair, unmoving and unfocused.

"Blaine, are you hungry now? Would you like some breakfast? Abby brought some treats from the bakery."

Blaine lifted his head and looked up to where Kurt stood next to him. He then moved his gaze several feet to the left where Abby stood, patiently waiting for his answer.

He wanted to speak.

He wanted more than anything to just open his mouth and let the words flow, but he couldn't.

And it broke his heart that they still didn't understand.

In the beginning, he'd spent days trying to call out for help, begging and pleading for the pain to stop.

But his desperate efforts had always been futile.

Anytime he'd been caught screaming, he'd paid the price for it.

Blaine had to close his eyes to try and purge the memories from the forefront of his brain.

Shut up~shut up~shut up

Then he remembered the gags.

The men had used several different measures to keep him quiet during his captivity.

The ball gag and the dirty rags had been tolerable compared to…

No… I'm not going to think about that anymore.

I can't.

New sounds and images popped into his mind and he clenched his eyes tighter, trying desperately to will them away.

Hold him down!

Shut him up!

Be quiet, faggot!

Stop screaming!

I'll give you something to cry about!

I'll shut him up.

Open your fucking mouth, you little bitch.

You bite me and I will end you.

"Blaine?"

Kurt noticed that Blaine had gone rigid. His eyes were scrunched forcefully closed and his hand was clenched into a tight fist.

"Blaine, honey?" Abby moved a step closer to him, reached out her hand, and rested it on his knee.

Blaine jumped at the contact and his eyes flashed open wide in panic.

"Blaine, its just me." She said slowly. "It's Abby."

Blaine's eyes flashed between her and Kurt several times before he pressed them closed once again and nodded, desperately trying to calm his breathing through clenched teeth.

Kurt quickly moved to the opposite side of him and laid both of his hands on either side of his face.

Abby watched in awe as Kurt pressed his forehead into Blaine's.

The immediate response nearly took her breath away.

Blaine's shoulders relaxed significantly at the contact, and although she couldn't hear the quiet whispers that slipped from Kurt's lips, she knew that whatever he was telling Blaine was having a profound effect on him.

The two boys remained in that position for nearly five minutes, until Blaine's breathing had returned to normal and he was able to open his eyes.

Kurt pulled his forehead away gently, but kept his gaze solely focused on Blaine.

He didn't need to speak to Blaine; words seemed to flow silently between them as they stared deep into each other's eyes.

Abby watched with a slack jaw and wide eyes as Blaine eventually nodded slightly to Kurt, indicating that he was okay.

Kurt stood up from his position on the floor, but kept his fingers intertwined with those on Blaine's right hand.

Abby was speechless.

What the hell just happened here?

Blaine looked… completely transformed from the terrified boy who'd been sitting in that chair only moments ago.

Kurt glanced up at the clock. It was twenty minutes to eleven. His father would be arriving soon.

"Blaine, do you want to write in your journal for a minute? I have to go and check with the nurses to see if there is anything else we need to do before we can check you out of here."

Blaine took in a stuttered breath and nodded slowly.

Kurt had made up the story about speaking with the nurses.

He had no idea what had just happened with Blaine, but whatever it was… it was bad.

Something had crossed his mind that had instantly sent him into a panicked state, and Kurt knew for a fact that it would be important for him to get the memories out of his head and onto paper.

He reached behind him to pick up the journal and the black pen that had fallen to the floor and handed it carefully to the still-trembling boy.

Blaine hesitated for a moment, as though waiting for Kurt to step away from him before he flipped through the journal and started scrawling down his entry on a blank page.

He looked so focused on what he was doing that Kurt nodded to Abby and the pair stepped out of the room into the hallway.

"Jesus, Kurt!" She exclaimed the moment they'd slipped out of Blaine's room. "What the hell was that?"

Kurt led her further down the hallway, afraid that Blaine would overhear them speaking.

"He has… episodes like that every once in a while." He explained slowly. "Panic attacks."

"I figured as much, but I was talking about what you did to calm him down."

Kurt's eyebrows knit in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Abby looked exasperated.

"The forehead thing! What was that? How did you…?"

Kurt shrugged, "I dunno, it just seems to calm him down when I do that."

"Apparently!"

"He freaks out sometimes." Kurt explained quietly. "I just try and help him remember that he's safe now. That no one will hurt him anymore."

"You're so good with him, Kurt." Abby praised. "He's lucky to have you."

Kurt shrugged once more. "I'm going to go back and check on him."

"Don't you need to talk to the nurses?"

Kurt's lips turned up into a semi-grin and he shook his head.

"Nah. We'll sort that out when my dad gets here."

They walked back into the room where Blaine was still sitting quietly in the wheelchair.

Kurt noticed sadly that the journal was lying on the bed once again, with the leather cords wrapped tightly around it, keeping it securing closed.

He really doesn't want anyone reading that.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked hesitantly. "Do you want to try walking again? Dad is on his way here to pick us up."

Blaine looked up from the floor until his sad, depressed eyes met Kurt's anxious and hopeful ones.

He shook his head slowly.

Kurt's heart ached at the look of hopelessness behind Blaine's hazel eyes.

"Blaine, it's important that you try. The nurses wanted to make sure you're okay to be released."

Blaine ignored him.

"I'll help you." Kurt explained. "I'll be right beside you the whole time."

Nothing.

"Blaine, I'll never let you fall."

Blaine looked up curiously.

Kurt's tone had changed.

There was a hint of conviction and confidence in his voice that hadn't been there before.

He wasn't just trying to regain his trust; he was making Blaine a promise.

A promise to take care of him.

To help him.

To never let him down.

Kurt's words hit Blaine with such force that he couldn't possibly refuse him.

He cares about me.

I can trust him.

Blaine gulped audibly before reaching his hand out to Kurt, looking directly into his eyes and nodding.

"I-I'm ready."

Abby watched from several feet away as Kurt moved in next to Blaine's side and took his hand. He reached his other arm around Blaine's back, providing even more support.

Blaine hesitantly moved his feet off the footrests of the wheelchair until he felt his toes connect with the cool floor once again.

He inched his way carefully to the edge of the seat before looking up at Kurt, who gave him an encouraging nod.

Blaine closed his eyes, fully anticipating the burning pain that would follow his next action, and with Kurt's careful assistance, he slowly raised himself up onto his feet.

As expected, the dull ache returned the moment he changed positions, but Blaine was ready for it this time and began breathing deeply through his nose to conquer it before it had a chance to grow stronger.

"That's it, Blaine." Kurt said softly from beside him. "You're doing great."

After taking a moment to adjust, Blaine carefully lifted his left foot and moved it several inches forward.

The pain spiked again and he instinctively tensed up, and squeezed Kurt's hand a little tighter.

"I've got you, Blaine." Kurt whispered. "I've got you."

Blaine nodded, breathing through the discomfort until the sharp pain had ebbed away into the dull ache once again.

Kurt won't let me fall.

I trust him.

He shifted his weight onto his left foot and slowly brought the toes on his right parallel to it.

The pain wasn't as bad this time.

The next step with his left foot caused the burning pain to shoot up his backside again and Blaine couldn't help but gasp and curl in on himself slightly.

As he was taking in deep breaths to fight though the pain, he felt a second set of hands grasp onto him from the other side.

He opened his eyes and saw Abby standing next to him, supporting him with an encouraging smile.

"You're doing so good, Blainey." She commended him with a gentle squeeze on his shoulder.

He nodded and focused hard to lift his right foot.

Another step.

And another.

Blaine's heart filled with pride and a sense of accomplishment, as he started moving further and further with each step.

I can do this.

They won't let me fall.

I can do this.

The three of them eventually made it out past the doorway of Blaine's room and took several slow steps out into the hallway where they were met by two of Blaine's nurses.

"Blaine!" Patty exclaimed. "Look at you!"

Blaine felt his chest flood with even more pride when he looked up from where he'd been concentrating on carefully moving his legs with each step to be met by the wide smile of his favourite nurse.

He felt Kurt squeeze his hand encouragingly and turned to look at his friend.

Kurt's face was split with the widest smile he'd ever seen.

He looked… happy.

Blaine was filled with so much emotion that he nearly missed a step, but he felt both Kurt's and Abby's strong arms behind him, supporting him all the way.

There was no chance of him falling.

"Hey guys… what's going… Holy shit! Blaine!"

Everyone in the hallway turned to look at the source of the expletives.

Burt Hummel was standing several feet away, with wide eyes and a shocked smile.

"What are you…? H-how did you?" He stuttered.

Kurt smiled at his father's exuberance.

"Blaine decided to go for a walk before we take him home."

Blaine's eyes widened.

He'd almost forgotten.

He was going home with the Hummels today.

Home.

The word sent shivers up his spine.

I'm going home.

"Look at you go buddy!

Blaine returned his attention to Burt, who'd moved in closer to him and pressed a proud hand onto his shoulder.

Blaine's eyes widened, but for the first time ever, it was not due to fear.

But rather happiness.

Pride.

Accomplishment.

Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand as he they stepped back into the hospital room and got him sitting back on the edge of his bed.

There was no use overdoing it and tiring the boy out.

He stood next to Blaine, cupped both of his hands onto each of Blaine's shoulders and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

"I'm so proud of you, Blaine."

Several cheerful tears made their way down Kurt's cheeks and Blaine lifted his hand to brush them away with his thumb.

He looked up at the teenager from his position on the bed and Kurt's heart soared when the edges of Blaine's lips turned up into a genuine smile.

Blaine's eyes were filled with emotion, complete with moisture gathering at the corners, as he looked deep into the brilliant blue orbs belonging to his best friend.

"I want you to be."


 


 

End Notes: Have you had a chance to check out "Courage"? Look for it in my list of stories on 'FanFiction' or 'Scarves and Coffee'. It is written from Blaine's point of view and gives us a little insight as to what is swirling around inside that adorable little head of his. Also - Check out the AWESOME Tumblr page that my sweetheart DrizzleSnow made for 'Courage'. It gives you an even more amazing view into Blaine's journal. It's much more realistic when you read it in his own handwriting! DrizzleSnow has also graciously designed some BEAUTIFUL photos of Blaine's Journal as well! Plus - you can read the texts sent in the story too! Check it out on Tumblr: courage-journal

Comments

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Oh you did it again! I love this chapter....I am thinking of that song from I think the Christmas special Santa clause Is Coming To Town - "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other" :) So glad Blaine has figured out that Kurt cares...I was holdng my breath thinking he was going to hit another bad patch...I can't wait to find out how he settles back in at the Hummels. Thank you for another great chapter!!

Awww! Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! I loved writing it! There is lots going on in part 'B' of this chapter - finally Blaine goes home with the Hudmels!:)Thanks for your support!

Oh my goodness, this entire story... Well let's just say I was sobbing so hard at this. It's beautiful and so heartbreaking. But it's amazing!

This chapter was really great and I absolutely love Courage. It is nice to see what is going on in Blaine's head while being able to see what may be causing those thoughts by reading Underneath. I hate seeing Blaine in so much pain but I am glad that he now has Kurt, Burt and Abby to support him. The end of the chapter was my absolute favorite because the line "I want you to be" was something that I loved seeing Blaine say to Kurt on Glee and it meant even more in this story. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Awww, I'm sorry I made you cry!Better times are on the horizon, I promise!Thank you so much for reading my story and taking the time to leave a review! :)*You're* amazing!xoxo-RH

Awww! Thank you!I had a ton more planned for this chapter, but after Blaine finally came to the realization that he was going to be okay, and said those words to Kurt, I couldn't possibly continue the chapter and risk the importance of that moment getting lost...So I divided the chapter in half! (Thank goodness, because it's hard to try and jam everything into one chapter sometimes and since I used song lyrics, I only have a limited number of chapters to work with!!!) Thanks so much for your support!xoxo-RH