December 11

9:36am

Carole asked me about physio again.

I know it's the right thing to do. I want my shoulder to get better, I really do.

But... I don't...

I can't leave here.

I don't want to leave the house.

I'm so scared.

I'm scared about seeing people and I'm scared about what they'll think of me. It's like... even people that don't know me... I'm scared that they'll be able to see it. They'll see something... my face, or something and they'll just know. It's like I'm wearing a big flashing sign that says ' I'm fucked up.' or ' I'm the guy that got raped thirty three times' or ' I'm disgusting.'

They're going to know.

I can't handle it if they know.

Fuck.

I'm feeling panicky again.

I haven't felt like this in a long time.

I need Kurt.