Kurt felt like he had to stop his body from completely just breaking down. Why he had to overanalyse things was beyond him but he constantly did it and right now seeing Blaine’s expression was completely breaking him. He hated that he turned into an emotional wreck around the musician and no matter how many times he tried to stop it previously, he knew fine well that this was going to happen at some point or another. He was trying so desperately hard to not just take flight like he normally would. He honestly hated people, anyone, not even his dad, seeing him cry even just a little, and here he was standing in front of the musician he’d grown to completely adore without any control of them. However, no matter how much he wanted to just run, to hide and never face this again - which he was perfectly okay with, he was quite capable of pretending this never happened and refusing to talk about it at all - he couldn’t tear his cloudy eyes away from Blaine, except to clear his vision for a few moments. He hand to bring his fingers to pinch at the bridge of his nose, listening to Blaine and shaking his head. This felt like far too much information to take in and Kurt stepped back just a little to lean against the wall. It felt like some movie, except this was the point where Kurt would go ahead and confess his own feeling too and then they’d kiss and everything would be okay, but Kurt was simply stunned into silence just watching the dark haired man in front of him, tightening his hold on himself.

Kurt trusted Blaine a hell of a lot more than pretty much anyone. In fact the only person he trusted more was his Dad. He didn’t know why he actually trusted the musician that much in the first place, but he’d just felt close to him, felt like he just knew that Blaine was a genuinely nice person who wouldn’t do anything malicious or hurtful towards him. He couldn’t decide why he actually felt hurt right now. Whether it was because Blaine hadn’t trusted him with this information before now when Kurt had declared in so many words that he was gay the first time they’d spoken, or because Kurt had been beating himself up for quite some time refusing to let himself think of Blaine as possibly anything else at all. Both hurt equally as much in all honestly. The fact that Blaine had pretty much convinced him that he was straight and left Kurt battling all those emotions, going home and even fighting with his dad over why he got so attached to people when he knew nothing good would come of it; of course that had opened up old wounds not just pertaining to this current situation, but at the same time Kurt felt wounded that he’d spent so long fighting against everything because Blaine couldn’t be honest with him in the first place. That hurt too, knowing Blaine had clearly been hurt in the past one way or another because of his sexuality and it had knocked him so far as to be secretive about it. Of course Kurt understood, he’d been through a hell of a lot of torment over being gay but pretending that’s not who he was purely to protect himself seemed cowardly in Kurt’s opinion anyway.

The brunet actor closed his eyes for a little while trying to clear his mind so he could respond. He didn’t want to leave so much of silence between revelation and his reply but it was hard not to. Kurt opened his mouth briefly, closing it again just as sharply before sighing heavily and looking at Blaine, really looking at him. He supposed this was about as good of a time of coming clean about his own past as any in the hope that this wasn’t going to be some confession which Kurt had to keep a complete secret. “I was bullied for being gay.” The actor pretty much simply whispered into the air between them, breaking their eye contact for the first time. Simply just bullied was an understatement but it was a start. He slid down the wall, sitting at the base of it with his knees pulled tightly to him before patting the space next to him invitingly. “I fell for one of the senior football players, decided to join the team even though I didn’t know anything about football and still don’t. They used me for one game before I quit. Decided Jocks like cheerleaders, right? So I joined them…” He gave a shaky sigh, pulling his knees closer. “I don’t know if you know how humiliating it is to completely feel like you’re in love with someone you have no hope in hell of getting, but trying anyway. I never learn, always fall for the straight guy who isn’t homophobic and is actually half decent to me…” Kurt looked over to Blaine trying to re-establish that soothing, powerful, connecting eye contact again.

Blaine felt bad, he really did. He knew it wasn’t fair to Kurt to make him think he was anything but what he actually was. He hadn’t exactly lied, but not telling the truth and being forward about it was almost worse. Blaine slipped his hands into his plaid pajama pants and lowered his eyes once more, feeling as though maybe he should just leave. There wasn’t really any way he could imagine recovering from such a fault, from such a mistake that he had made. Knowing how bad it must have sounded, he wanted to attempt to explain himself, but he knew better then to try. It was just that…he had tried his hardest to protect his friend, especially since he didn’t really know who he liked until he fell for James. But somehow he still managed to get pushed around when people thought he was gay just because he hung out around James, who actually was gay. It didn’t bother him much that people had aggravated him about it, but his friend didn’t take it nearly as well…I need to stop thinking about it. How could he though? He had spent nearly five years bottling up every single last emotion and feeling he had from his time in high school, especially his junior year, just because he didn’t want to think about it or have to deal with it. And Kurt just reminded him so much of the other.

When Kurt took another step away from him he thought he knew that he had really messed up this time, because the space between them had created nearly too much tension for him to handle. He fought back his own tears as his eyes began to sting and turn the slightest shade of pink. Looking off towards the side he tried to compose himself, to reign-in everything and push it all back down beneath the surface. His eyes automatically turned back to Kurt, subconsciously knowing that he had been psychologically abused in high school…somehow. But the look on his face when he said it, and with such a hurt and quiet voice, well it didn’t help in the whole holding-back-emotions dilemma. Hesitantly, he made his way over beside him and slid down the wall. He sat next to Kurt, far enough so that their was breathing room between them, but close enough so that their shoulders nearly touched. Blaine turned to look at the actor, listening carefully to what he had to say because he knew how difficult it was to open up about something as painful as what Kurt had to tell him. When he had finished with his confession - of sorts - he met his gaze easily and smiled the lightest bit, once again not sure of what to say.