Chapter 16: More Than Life

Belief in the breeze, the smoky morning haze
The sun on her face, and the touch of lovers' hands
The pain that comes today is here, then goes away.
And we are homeward bound, and I
I want this more than life.
To touch something real will help your wounds heal
Like the sun on your face, the dreams of starry nights.
And we are homeward bound, and I
I want this more than life.

-More Than Life: Whitley

Kurt was grumbling as Blaine delicately maneuvered his car into a tight space in the hospital parking lot.

"I don't know why we're doing this."

"We're visiting your father," Blaine said, as if that should be the most obvious thing in the entire world.

"No.I'mvisiting my father. I should have said, I don't know whyyou'redoing this. I don't need a babysitter Blaine." Kurt slumped down in the passenger seat, arms crossed over his chest and a pout on his lips.

"Moral support," Blaine offered.

"The best kind of moral support you could be giving me right now is a blow job. Other than that, I think I'm all set."

Blaine laughed, actually threw back his head and laughed at that, causing the scowl on Kurt's face to become even darker.

"It's so cute when you try to use sex to deal with your social discomfort."

"Oh fuck you," Kurt said, shoving open his car door and climbing out.

Blaine scrambled to get out after him. "Hey, hey slow down."

Kurt stopped as they began approaching the shining, glass double doors of the imposing building.

"I hate hospitals," he said with a shudder.

Blaine put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, knowing that Kurt's distaste probably went deeper than an inexplicable fear of sick people or a discomfort with the bright white hallways and rubbery, medical smell.

"Because of your mom?" he asked softly.

Kurt just nodded, not volunteering up any more information, so Blaine didn't press it. He knew Kurt's mother had died, when he was young, but didn't know the particulars of the situation. But it made sense that that would have had Kurt freaking out when his dad went into the hospital, as the last time a parent had entered one of these places, she hadn't come back out.

"Come on." Blaine offered his hand to Kurt in a gesture that was surprising, considering that they were in a public place and anyone could see and they weren't really dating anyway. Kurt regarded the hand with a cold, suspicious look as though it were something dead that he was being told to eat.

"It's not fanged," Blaine said with a laugh, closing the gap between their hands and simply grabbing Kurt's in his. Kurt's hand was stiff at first, but soon relaxed into the warmth of Blaine's hand, gripping back lightly. Blaine was starting to recognize that this was a pattern in Kurt and it encouraged him. Kurt just needed someone to fight for him and eventually he would surrender. Blaine wasn't about to give up.

Together the two pushed through the hospital doors. They only made it a few steps before Kurt shuddered and turned around, almost sprinting out of the foyer and back into the rainy haze of the late autumn Saturday. Blaine quickly followed.

"Kurt!" he yelled but stopped at the sight of the other boy, leaning over a small stone wall that hedged in some flowers and shrubbery and retching into the mulch.

Blaine jogged over swiftly and put his hand on the other boy's back, rubbing in small comforting circles, the way his mom used to do when he was young and sick. Wow. That was an unexpected memory. Blaine can't recall when his mother last did that but he suddenly realizes that shediddo it, he has quite a vivid picture of her doing it in his head, can actually remember the way it felt to have the gentle pressure of her hand soothing his little body. Yes, he must have been very young indeed when she did that.

"I just...I can't...I'm not...ready..." Kurt said, panting as he finished upheaving the contents of his stomach.

"It's okay," Blaine said softly. "You don't have to go yet if you can't."

"I want to," Kurt assured him, leaning back just the slightest bit into the support of Blaine's hand. "I do."

"I know," Blaine answered.

Kurt put his hands on his knees and took a deep, shaking breath, wiping the back of his mouth with his hand in disgust.

"I need some water."

"There are bottles in my car."

"And a bathroom." Kurt frowned, wrinkling his nose.

"Why don't we go to that little coffee shop over there?" Blaine indicated one that was positioned conveniently within walking distance of the hospital building. "Maybe get something to eat, relax a little."

"Well that's a classy first date if I ever heard of one Curly Q," Kurt answered with some of his trademark sass, which made Blaine sigh inwardly with relief, though the comment itself puzzled him.

"First date?"

"Well it'll be the first time you and I have ever really gone anywhere together, and itisan eatery of sorts, the typical venue of dates if I'm not mistaken, so yeah, that pretty much sounds like a first date to me."

"Huh," Blaine said and suddenly he had a brilliant idea.

"What's that look on your face?" Kurt asked warily.

"You say it's a first date?"

Kurt shrugged his shoulders, knowing Blaine was trying to trap him.

"Well, if it is a first date, then you have to answer first date questions. And not be stubborn or standoffish. But act like I'm someone who you've never really talked to you before and you want to make a good impression on."

Kurt scoffed. "As if I'd ever spend a first date worrying about making a good impression on somebody. Trust me, if someone has a date with me, it's because I'vealreadymade a good impression on them, and I'm just being generous enough to allow them the opportunity to return the favor." Kurt paused for a minute and then something struck him. "Wait a second. You're accepting that this could be a first date? That you could be on a first date...with me." Kurt had narrowed his eyes and was eyeing Blaine with mistrust.

"That's what you said, isn't it?"

"Yes but normally I say those things just to wig you out because it's so goddamneasy.You're such a homophobe Anderson."

Blaine looked at Kurt, his face genuinely offended. "I amnota homophobe. I'm just...careful about things okay?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Careful? Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Blaine huffed. "Do you want to go on a date with me or not?"

"Fine. I'll go. But I'm warning you now, I'm not the type to give it all up on the first date Anderson, I don't care how good of an impression you make." Kurt grinned and swatted Blaine's ass, winking.

"Uh huh," Blaine answered sarcastically as he followed Kurt toward the coffee shop. But if anyone had looked back, they would've seen that Blaine was smiling too.

x-x-x-x-x-x

"I- I had a boyfriend once."

They were sitting outside at one of the little metal tables arranged in front of the coffee shop, despite the fact that it was a chilly, drizzly sort of day, slowly sipping from their coffee cups, Kurt studiously avoiding Blaine's face as he simply opened his mouth and answered the question Blaine had never even managed to ask.

Blaine's immediate reaction was to be surprised but some part of him knew that Kurtmusthave had a boyfriend at one point, or some sort of relationship, to make him act so bitter and jaded towards the idea of them now.

Kurt didn't look like he was going to say anything else and well,fuck, Blaineneededhim to say something else. He leaned forward and grabbed Kurt's free hand that was picking at the design of the metal table and squeezed it, just for a moment, in a manner he hoped was comforting. Kurt stared at their entwined hands in surprise and then, in his careful, tentative way, squeezed back so desperately that Blaine's hand felt like it was trapped in a vise and he didn't mind. Kurt let go after a moment, fortified, and drew in a shaky breath.

"When I was fifteen.Dave,"Kurt said the name resentfully, shaking his head back and forth as he stared at the ground.

"It almost feels stupid calling him a boyfriend I mean- after everything- but I guess that's what he was. That's what we were. We were...together. I was actually stupid enough to date the guy, willingly. I was so fucking naïve back then, you know?" Kurt looked at Blaine for a brief moment, searching for some kind of understanding there. "I had no clue..." he trailed off, tearing his gaze away from Blaine's.

There was a long silence as Kurt kicked at the asphalt beneath his boots. He lit a cigarette absentmindedly and put it to his mouth, inhaling slowly. The smoke seemed to relax him. He picked at the cardboard sleeve on his coffee cup. The sound of the bell chiming as people walked in and out of the coffee shop throbbed distantly.

"I thought," Kurt's voice cracked and he cleared his throat and started again. "I thought that the way he treated me wasnormal.Nobody had ever told me. I mean, I knew abuse was wrong, but as far as I could tell he was never abusive. Just a little bit rough, maybe. But people had always been telling me I was too sensitive. And so I figured I was the problem and not him. I talked myself into the idea that gay relationships must just be different. I mean I had never seen one, so how should I know? It must just be the way we were supposed to act."

Kurt brought the cigarette back to his lips, concentrating very hard on a spot on the ground and when he spoke again, his voice was no longer broken, but cold and calloused, devoid of emotion, detached.

"But I uh," He laughed a sharp, short laugh. "I was at least smart enough to figure out that he wasn't supposed to fuck me after I told him I didn't want to."

Blaine felt his throat constrict, the corners of his vision begin to blur with white sparks.

"It gets better than that," Kurt continued with the sound of a sardonic smile still thick in his bitterly amused voice. "I mean, rape alone- that's tragic enough right? My 'first time' was- not really a first time at all. You know I had dreamt about it? I wasthat kid.I had these notions that losing my virginity was going to be this unbelievably romantic, fairy tale-esque sort of affair. I wanted candles, and flowers. Flowers." He spat the taste of tobacco from his mouth and onto the ground, as if to punctuate his own feelings of stupidity and disgust.

"What I got instead was the backseat of a car. It was sweaty and suffocating and made me nauseous and it hurt. I actually bled. Profusely. And afterwards, he beat me up because I was crying. And then he tossed me in the woods behind the bleachers at our school and told me that if I ever told anybody what he'd done, he'd finish the job."

Blaine was being was being assaulted by wave upon wave of nausea but he couldn't move from his seat. His hand felt glued to his coffee cup and if he tried to tear it away, he was sure it would peel the flesh right from the bone.

"I don't think he actually would have done it. He was just scared," Kurt said after a moment, almost thoughtfully. "Naturally, I didn't tell anyone regardless. I just said I'd been beat up by some kids who I didn't see and didn't know. Everyone suspected Dave but no one could do anything. For a while, it was awful. I would walk down the hallway at school and there he would be. I was terrified. Eventually, the guilt ate up at him so much that he turned himself in. He's in a correctional institution now. Or was, last I knew.

"Once they sent him away, I shaped up. Took boxing lessons, taekwondo, anything that would make me stronger and teach me some self-defense. And I dropped my foolish notions of romance and started fucking. And once I started fucking, even if I felt worthless, at least I was the one in control. That was all that mattered.

"But I never...I never stood up to him. If he walked in this room right now, I would fucking cower under this table like a kicked dog. He's the one person who ever got the better of me and he'll always have that control and I fuckinghatethat.

"But I feel sorry for him too. He hated who he was so much that it made him into a monster. And he took it out on me. And at least- at least I've never- I've always been okay with who I am. Even after what happened. I never wanted to be different. I wanted to be dead sometimes. But I never regretted being gay. And I don't think that's something he'll ever have."

For the first time during the story, Blaine saw tears glistening in Kurt's gorgeous, haunted eyes, and it felt like it did when he was thirteen and had been tackled during a basketball game and had the wind knocked completely from his lungs. Kurt was tearing up over his attacker's pain. He was still angry, yes, at himselfandDave, and it had turned him into a hard, disillusioned castoff of the boy he had once been. But he still knew how to feel sorrow for someone else's suffering. He still believed in who he was so passionately that it broke his heart to see someone else struggling with it so profoundly. And Blaine knew in that moment that the best gift he could ever give Kurt was to love him, wholly and unashamedly, with every part of himself. The best gift he could give to Kurt was to become naked for the other boy in every single way, to allow him to see parts of Blaine he himself hadn't really looked at in years or perhaps ever. To stop holding back, to stop hiding, being afraid. ToloveKurt and allow Kurt to love him back.

Kurt self-consciously broke the silence that had settled while Blaine was deep in the throes of these thoughts. "I don't really know why I told you all that."

"Yes you do," Blaine said softly and Kurt just looked at him, a startled, sharp glance at first, like Blaine had accused him of something. His gaze softened though as he looked into Blaine's eyes, the artic sea melting softly into lush, cooling waterfalls, spilling and brimming with all he felt and all he couldn't say and all that he wanted.

"Let's go home," Blaine said and the boys reached out and clasped hands, simple, sweet, unquestioningly, like two children on the playground. They walked together back to Blaine's car in a cloud of silence yet with more being said between them than had ever been said before.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Blaine had thought he was prepared. Blaine had been utterly and completely mistaken. Nothing could prepare him for this side of Kurt, combined with the sheer intimacy of what they were doing, overwhelming him over and over again and threatening to extinguish breath from his body entirely.

They got back to Kurt's house, emptied of Finn and Carole who each had engagements and had promised the boys to be at the hospital that evening. And so, in the quiet of an empty house, the only sound around them the gentle pitter patter of the rain caressing the roof, Kurt and Blaine touched.

It was as though it were the first time.

Every memory of what they had done before shrunk and faded and fell away. Those were two different boys in a past life. The boys standing here now, reaching for each other with trembling fingers had never touched before, had never loved each other before. It was the singular most intense thing either had ever done in his life.

They met in the middle of Kurt's bedroom, their faces dim, lit only in patches occasionally by the soft muted glow of a corner lamp. Kurt was standing there, every pore on his skin tingling, every appendage trembling furiously, paralyzed as he drank Blaine in. And so Blaine moved to close the gap between them, placing his hand on the back of Kurt's neck, rubbing slow circles just beneath his hairline with the pad of his thumb. Kurt lifted a shaking, cold hand to Blaine's cheek and pressed it, his eyes wide, conflicted with mingling emotions of fear and desire and something else that Blaine couldn't name.

Blaine had never kissed anybody so reverently before. His lips moved slowly, carefully and then pressed against Kurt's, so softly that he wasn't even sure if it had happened. Kurt's lips did not move.

Blaine kissed him again, softly, trying to draw life into the bloodless, trembling lips. He pulled back a breadth and saw Kurt in front of him, closer than he had ever seemed before, his eyes closed, face raised to accept Blaine, a perfection and innocence written on his cheekbones and eyelashes that Blaine had never before seen. He imagined that this was the Kurt from before Dave, before all the hurt and anger and bitterness. This was the Kurt who still wanted love and romance and sweetness, who still believed in fairy tales and who still clung to hope fearlessly, though it all seemed so impossible sometimes.

Blaine found that he did not love this Kurt more or less than he loved the Kurt he had met first, but that they were all simply aspects of one boy, one dear, beloved, perfect, precious boy that had nestled himself inside Blaine's heart and stalwartly refused to move, and Blaine loved and so desperatelywantedeach part of him as much as he loved and wanted the next.

Kurt raised his hands to grab each of Blaine's wrists, clenching them tightly for support and holding them in place where they bracketed either side of Kurt's face. And Blaine moved in again to take Kurt's lips and this time, Kurt was ready for him. Just as desperate and needy and aching and sweet as he was.

Blaine found himself composing poems in his head as his fingers mapped out the body before him like uncharted territory. Kurt was changing beings; Blaine saw each of them as he touched Kurt, kissed him, unraveled him, slowly dismantled him and then put him back together again.

Kurt was a young boy, clinging to the skirts of his mother and hiding from the thunder that always managed to terrify him.

Kurt was a rose in the rain, blushing and wilting with his fullness and ripeness, waiting to be plucked with flushed lips and cheeks, his hair falling onto his forehead like fragrant, bruised petals.

Kurt was a gracefully sloping, magnificent buck, standing on the forest's edge, frozen in a proud, elegant stance that portrayed exquisiteness and strength and an untouchable, ephemeral quality that made Blaine ache so much that he simply had to reach forward, had to touch, had to make sure Kurt was not about to disappear beneath his hands.

Kurt was a marble statue, a Greek portrayal of the one they called Adonis, handsome and beautiful and practically untouchable, looking carven and too perfect to be real.

Kurt was simply Kurt, as Blaine had first met him, as Blaine knew him now: a jumble of contradictory emotions and feelings, at once cocky and self-assured and broken and vulnerable and virginal and needy and adoring.

At some point Kurt had put his iPod on and Blaine would catch strains of it every once in a while, when the haze around his head momentarily cleared and he noticed things like the rain trickling down the glass panes of Kurt's bedroom windows. The lyrics drifted through the heavy air in the room and settled in his ears.

Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me in
Lie down with me
And hold me in your arms

Blaine drifted towards the bed, his lips still attached to Kurt's and ever-so-gently, he pushed Kurt, so that when the back of the boy's knees hit the bed, they gently crumpled and he landed spread out amongst the pillows, a cherubim nestled amongst clouds in the sky.

The pure perfection of this image was too much for Blaine and he had to pause for a moment to take it in and allow his breathing to steady somewhat before he crawled on top of Kurt and lowered himself gently so only an inch or two remained between their bodies. He continued to kiss Kurt, deeper into the bedclothes, until he pulled away and saw a question in Kurt's eyes, a prompting.

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now

Blaine took the opportunity to divest Kurt of his clothing, slowly, layer by layer, in a far more deliberate and awed and gradual way than he ever had before. Slowly, the rose shed his petals and there he was, naked and raw and beautiful. Blaine traced patterns across his marble chest, cupped his fingers and slid them down the soft indent starting between his pecs and gliding along his fuzz-dusted belly button, stopping at the top of his briefs. Kurt's legs, long and luxurious and also covered in fine golden-brown hair, stretched beneath Blaine, tangling with his own. Blaine placed kisses on every square inch of skin he could reach and when he felt he had paid homage as properly as he could without bursting to the available flesh, he tucked his fingers in the waist band of his briefs and slid those down, too, delicately, like unwrapping a gorgeously packaged present on Christmas morning, trying to save the paper and ribbons as well as preserve the precious thing inside.

Settle down with me
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady
I was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms

When Kurt was naked they locked eyes for a moment and the intense uncertainty in Kurt's made Blaine's heart twist painfully inside his chest. Kurt had never looked at him like that before, as though he were afraid of what Blaine might think, as though Blaine could break him or restore him and all the power rested in his small, strong, calloused hands.

"You're beautiful," Blaine whispered, remembering last time when Kurt had said it and it had felt like his childhood arrhythmia was coming back, but in a completely wonderfully frightening way. Kurt's eyes fluttered at the words and Blaine took the opportunity to kiss him senseless, never able to get enough of the taste of Kurt- sweet and smoky and lemon-tangy and sharply invading his senses and weakening him all at once.

Yeah I've been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you
So I hold you close to help you give it up

When Kurt opened his eyes again, Blaine kissed him once more for reassurance and then sat up and took in the full sight of him.

"What's wrong?" Kurt murmured.

"Nothing." Blaine shook his head, biting his lip. "I've just never...I've never wanted anything so much in my whole life."

Kurt smiled then, a sweet, happy smile, like he was genuinely surprised but so glad to hear Blaine say that. Blaine swallowed and moved his eyes back to Kurt's full, blushing cock, curved smoothly against his stomach, hard and vital and waiting. Blaine brushed his fingers against it and felt Kurt arch his back gently beneath him. He continued just to touch it, painfully slowly, not even purposefully, just because he was completely entranced by it, and finally when Kurt was begging and pleading below him, he snapped out of it and placed a wet, adoring kiss on the head.

Kurt gasped a little and so Blaine continued to kiss him, taking him briefly into his mouth before releasing him again, devouring him slowly as though he were a desert that Blaine was savoring every last bite of.

Finally Blaine pulled off, leaving Kurt thrusting up in thin air, and his eyes were black lust swimming in a shallow pool of hazel and honey and green.

He swallowed thickly. "Kurt. Do you want me?"

And Kurt knew exactly what he meant. "God please. Yes. Please Blaine. I can't take anymore...I can't...I can't," Kurt murmured achingly until Blaine covered his mouth with his own.

So kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love

From there, things blurred a bit; no longer were there separate actions in Blaine's mind, but everything was all pushed together into one, long, beautiful, exhausting event. His fingers were lubed up before he even knew what Kurt was doing and then, as if moving on its own accord, his index was inside Kurt and he was marveling, reeling at the tightness of it all, at the heat, at the way Kurt looked below him, panting, his nose scrunched up slightly, eyelashes dusting his cheeks, one strong hand clasping Blaine's shoulder, forcing him down, further, harder and working Blaine up to three fingers that he pumped inside of Kurt, twisting them experimentally until Kurt let out a high-pitched cry and Blaine continued with renewed fervor to keep on hitting that same spot and sending Kurt closer to the edge of oblivion.

"N-now. I need you inside me now," Kurt breathed almost unintelligibly and Blaine fumbled with a condom and lube until he found himself positioned at Kurt's entrance, it looking far too small, and him feeling far too inexperienced and scared.

"Blaine it's okay," Kurt said as if he had read Blaine's thoughts and that was enough to give Blaine the courage to move, flexing his hips forward and slowly, torturously, sliding himself inside.

"Oh my God," he groaned as he bottomed out, Kurt clenching and panting beneath him. "How-how does it feel?

"Good," Kurt managed. "Full. Just...wait."

"Are you okay?"

"Definitely okay just...shit...shut up for a second."

Blaine nodded his assent. At this moment and time he would do absolutely anything Kurt asked him to.

"Okay," Kurt panted after a bit. "Move now."

"You've done this before haven't you?" Blaine asked worriedly as he shifted to drag back out. "FuckKurt."

"Mmm. Haven't you?"

"Shut up," Blaine tried to sound dignified but it came out as more of a needy moan. Kurt was laughing at him.

"Nngh," Kurt grunted. "I just don't typically bottom."

Blaine's eyes widened at the realization.

"But it's...fuck fuckfuck- it's nice. I like it."

Blaine was increasing his speed slowly, trying not to go too fast so as to completely lose it way it too soon, but wanting so badly to just let go and fly.

"You can go faster, I won't break."

"Yeah but I might," Blaine groaned but he did increase his pace so it wasn't so torturously slow for both of them.

"Kurt, you're, God,so tight."

Kurt simply moaned in response and Blaine thought it had to be illegal to be able to make noises that devastatingly sexy.

And then without him even realizing it, Blaine's hips were snapping faster to meet Kurt, and Kurt's legs were wrapped around Blaine's waist, ankles hooking at his back, and Kurt was letting out animalistic cries every time Blaine thrust in, and Blaine had Kurt's torso angled a few inches off the bed and he had begun to slip Kurt's cock through his fist and Kurt was clutching at pillows and keening and Blaine had no control over his own movement anymore, he just kept thrusting because he had to hear more of the beautiful sounds and when he finally could not take it any longer he came long and harder and Kurt was coming too, it decorated both of their pelvises and when it was over Blaine collapsed because he could not remember ever in his life feeling more exhausted or more blissfully satisfied.

After a few moments of lying there, attempting to catch their breath, Kurt spoke, his voice a little ragged from the noises he had been making, causing Blaine's cock to want to get hard all over again.

"I think...that's what he was talking about."

"Who?"

"My dad," Kurt bit his lip, blushing and Blaine was amazed because he had never seen Kurt blush before, especially not after all they had just done together.

"When I came out to him, he gave me a sex talk. It just about killed both of us," Kurt said, chuckling softly. "He wanted to make sure I was educated though, and he did his best, even though he really had no idea. He got me some pamphlets to explain the logistics of things. But when he talked to me, he talked about how it felt, not to have sex, but to...to make love." Kurt bit his lip in embarrassment as he said the words. "I admit, hearing about my dad and mom sleeping together is not exactly something I enjoy, but still, it was...thewaythat he talked about it, like it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him in his entire life, like he could still remember every detail and he would never forget even when he was old and tucked away in a nursing home with Alzheimer's, like...it made everything better, stronger, sweeter between them...I never understood that. I used to...I used sleep with someone and thenhatethem afterwards, hate them for fucking me and hate myself for fucking them. It would only increase their worthlessness. But now I think...I get it. He was talking about this." Kurt leaned over and tugged Blaine's hand so that he could place a reverent kiss on Blaine's knuckles and then dropped their hands so that Blaine's was resting, entwined with his own, over Kurt's gently beating heart.

Blaine shifted so that he could kiss Kurt on the mouth because he never got tired of Kurt's mouth and Kurt rolled over and softly kissed Blaine back before putting his head down and resting it on Blaine's chest, his body draped across him like a shawl.

"So you never really answered my question," Blaine murmured, letting his fingers dance lightly up and down the aching muscles in Kurt's back.

"What question?" Kurt mumbled sleepily, apparently all talked out now.

"About you having done that before."

"I'm pretty sure you know I wasn't a virgin," Kurt answered wryly.

"Uhm yes but...bottoming?" Blaine bit his lip now, feeling awkward.

"Oh." Kurt became very still for a moment. "I...what the hell, I haven't bottomed since...Dave."

"Kurt oh my God you should've told me," Blaine said, sitting up halfway in concern.

"Hey. No." Kurt forcibly tugged Blaine back down onto the pillows. "That's why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to freak."

"But what if I- hurt you or brought back bad memories or something?"

"It was years ago Blaine. And I wanted you to top me, ok? I'm glad you did. I've never been able to bottom since him and now...I have and it feels good and I'm glad. I'm glad it was you."

Blaine felt his skin warming and a slight tingle run up the back of his neck.

"I'm glad it was you, too."

"So you were a virgin?" Kurt asked with a smirk in his voice.

"I was- well- I guess since we're being candid, I sort of...I mean I slept with Quinn one time. But I don't know if it really counts because I got sick and I had to...stop halfway because I uhm, lost my..."

Kurt threw back his head and laughed then, really laughed, and Blaine had to resist the urge to smack him. He settled for tickling him instead.

"It's not funny," he pouted as he scratched up Kurt's ribs making the other boy wriggle and squirm and shriek.

"Okay truce. Truce." Kurt fell back down against Blaine's chest, sighing. "I just...I can't believe that you still couldn't come to terms with yourself afterthat."

Blaine shifted uncomfortably. "I actually...that was the first night we ever...kissed." He said awkwardly.

"No way." Kurt tilted his head up to meet Blaine's eyes. "Thatnight was the night you flaked out halfway through sex with Quinn?"

"Basically." Blaine ran a hand through his curls. "I hadn't wanted to do it but she kept pushing it and you were really pissing me off and making me crazy so I decided to just...do it. That was the day that you told me we couldn't be friends, remember?" He said the last part sort of quietly, because it still hurt a little bit.

"I remember," Kurt said, his voice equally as soft. "You scared me." He looked up at Blaine. "You still scare me. But there was only so long I could keep pushing you away."

"Thank God for that," Blaine answered, smiling as he titled his lips forward to be kissed lightly by Kurt's. "God I can't get enough of your lips, they're like a drug to me."

"Mmm and I can't get enough of your body. Any of it," Kurt answered, trailing his fingers up and down the muscles in Blaine's abdomen, sighing contentedly when some of them jumped under his touch.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo," Blaine said out of the blue, running his fingers along the design that danced down Kurt's left shoulder blade to his back, only to disappear under the blankets that were lazily arranged over him. Blaine pushed the blanket down to make out the full picture.

"You are wildly unobservant," Kurt murmured, relishing the way Blaine's fingertips were tracing the tattoo with feather light touches.

"What does it mean?" Blaine asked.

"You don't see it?"

Blaine sat up and looked closer. What he had mistaken at first for simply a colorful picture was actually several intertwining designs, trailing intricately down Kurt's back. There was a picture of Peter Pan, swinging from the tail of the Chesire Cat who was grinning at Little Red Riding Hood who was running away toward the candy house from Hansel and Gretel. A mermaid swam playfully while above her Sleeping Beauty's dragon breathed fire. There was a pumpkin coach complete with mice for horses and a roaring Beast in a snowy forest. The more Blaine stared, the more little things he caught, like the pocket watch from Alice and Wonderland and even Willy Wonka's top hat. "Kurt oh my God...this is...amazing."

"Incredibly nerdy, really. But it uh. Well it means a lot to me. It reminds me of my mom. And the way things used to be. Before I had to grow up."

Blaine shifted so that he could kiss up it, softly. Kurt rolled his eyes from where he lay, his chin on a pillow. "It's sort of embarrassing really."

"Kurt shutup. This is seriously the coolest thing I have ever laid eyes on."

Kurt flushed a little bit. "I don't really show people it often. It's...personal."

"It's beautiful."

"My dad let me get it when I was sixteen, after everything with Dave. I had...a lot of scars on the left side of my body and I wanted to cover them up. And my mom always loved fairy tales, which is probably why I loved them. She loved stories. She would read them to me, even after she got cancer and she...well I just. I wanted to hold on to that innocence and to her." Kurt finished speaking quickly, seeming self-conscious.

"You're a pretty special guy Kurt Hummel," Blaine murmured.

"You're not so bad yourself," Kurt replied grinning and Blaine knew that coming from Kurt, the compliment was huge. All of this was, really.

"So I thought you said you don't put out on the first date," Blaine teased as Kurt settled back against him.

"Oh...you're right. I take it all back then," Kurt said grinning wickedly.

"There's no way I'm letting you take that back, any of it. I have elaborate plans for a repeat session in the near future."

"Oh you do now?"

"Yes," Blaine said around a yawn. "But I think we need to rest up first. Replenish our strength."

Kurt laughed softly. "Normally I'd be kicking you out of here right about-" he paused looking thoughtful. "Fifteen minutes ago."

"Mmm I know. I've been that guy with you before, remember?" Blaine replied.

"No, you were never reallythat guy.I wanted you to be. But turns out, you're not that easy to get rid of Mr. Anderson."

"Get used to it," Blaine said and smothered Kurt's lips again.

They fell asleep that way, wrapped up in one another, and for a few simple, peaceful hours they got to be blissfully unaware of anything but each other, though time and humans alike moved along outside of their sheltered little corner of the world.