043 - Nowhere left to hide, part 1

Blaine is asking all these questions and Kurt knows he has to answer, he knows he has to talk about these things, but he really, really doesn't want to. Looking at those photos from yesterday makes him feel sad, because it looks like a lie, Kurt is not like that and has never been. He has never dared to fight, he has always just hidden and run, and when that didn't work, just taken it all in silence. That one time he dared to fight for himself was also when he was shown how big a mistake standing tall was. Karofsky. Karofsky had taught him two lessons: just how worthless he was and also how he really should never believe people can't be any worse than they seem.

But already before that there was Jacob. Jacob who he once had though was his one and only friend. Jacob, who in middle school was just as pathetic and lonely as he was, teased for his mob of unkept curls and huge eyeglasses. Jacob, who he had never really liked, but who had been equally bullied and teased. They had bonded over it, and Kurt had made the mistake of trusting his biggest secret with him. He had really thought Jacob was the one person who understood, but really, who would ever pick Kurt over themselves? And when high school came and they got a whole new set of bullies with a whole new level of nasty, Jacob had seen his way out. He started his blog to dig all the best gossip and publish it, making him at least valuable enough an asset for the popular kids that nobody bullied him. And Kurt was the best and biggest gossip to start the blog with. Gay. The new, shy, pathetic new freshman kid, who dresses weird and acts even weirder, is gay. It really had been the one hit to get Jacob his fame. And Kurt his position at the very bottom of the food chain.

That had been the moment, when Kurt had written this particular dream. He was never a fan of violence, but having his only friend turn on him, bringing the rest of the school with him, felt the deepest kind of hurt and betrayal he had ever experienced. That had been the time Kurt had really learned not to trust anyone. Rachel had gotten through to him, but she was the lone exception to the rule.

And Now Blaine is asking about it all, wanting him to tell the worst story of his life. He knows he has to say something, but it's just hard. Then Blaine goes and tells him he was brave to be out in high school. The surge of anger is fierce, because he had just forced himself relive through the memories of his outing and how it was the most pathetic he had ever felt himself. How much he hated himself of ever trusting anyone with his deepest feelings. So he shouts all his anger out, anger towards Blaine but mostly towards himself, and just like that the story slips out and it's too late to take it back now. Blaine is looking horrified and saying he is so sorry, and God, it really isn't Blaine's fault. It's all him, he is such an idiot, such a fool. The biggest loser on the planet, literally. He really hates himself in the moment, and he hates that Blaine is there to see this. He tried to protect Blaine from it, and protect himself from Blaine, putting up this act, but Blaine always sees through him. Reads him like an open book.

And Blaine is still not giving it up, asking him if he wants to talk about it. He can't. He tells Blaine so, but Blaine still starts to speak again. And he can't do this, can't let Blaine see this part of him. This pathetic, stupid part that even he himself hates. The part that would take all the control Kurt has left away, if he let Blaine see it, that would give Blaine all the ammunition he needed to completely evaporate him. And he needs to be in control, he fears so much what could happen if he isn't anymore. He looks up and sees Blaine, head ducked low, and he has only one idea, one thing he still could give Blaine without losing control of himself. Who cares, if the idea makes him scared shitless, because at least his own body is still his, he can do what he wants with it, and if he gives it up to Blaine of his own accord, then at least he made the choice and he's not so vulnerable and defenseless. Maybe this way he can protect his mind and heart, which he fears for much more than for his body, even if he's not sure which he fears more, Blaine of himself.

So he kisses Blaine, pushes him down and the exhilarating feeling of power and control is so perfect at first. At least he can do this, he can make his boyfriend feel good like this, make him breathless and dizzy. He knows he's not ready for this, and that this is exactly what his Dad warned him about when he told him that he mattered, but he can't care right now. It's all an act, there is no way he could ever really be this sure about something as openly sexual as this, but it feels good to act, because at least that way he can give Blaine something he wants and expects in a relationship. At least he can be a good boyfriend in this way. So he mimic the things he has seen in movies, and he thinks he really would have made a great actor, if he wasn't so socially awkward.

And then his hand is on Blaine's crotch and he hasn't really even realised he was doing that, but then Blaine moans and thrusts against his hand, cock fully hard, and Kurt suddenly realises how real this all is. What he is doing. And he realises where this is going and that he really can't act through that. The fear gets to him so, so fast, because the act has been changed into reality, the desperate actor has changed back to the boy who is so afraid to trust anyone, and he can't do it anymore. He just can't, definitely not now, and the realisation hurts just as much as the panic from the situation itself does, because he is such a failure, in every single way. He can't even do this, he can't even have sex with his boyfriend. He tells Blaine to go, to protect him and to protect himself. it hurts to see him leave, but it's also a relief, because at least he doesn't have to face any of those things now, even if he's left alone again.

When Rachel returns, Kurt is already in his bed, faking sleep that doesn't come for a long time.

/

The next day he thinks how Blaine is on the airplane and then stops thinking about it, because he doesn't think he can handle thinking about Blaine or the what is going on. What it all worst isn't that he got a panic attack or that he pushed himself too far, the problem is that Blaine saw all that and now he knows exactly how damaged and broken Kurt is. No matter how much he tried to act and be the boyfriend he wanted to be, it all fell apart in the end, just like he knew it would, and he doesn't know if there is a way back now. He can't go back to acting the perfect boyfriend, he couldn't do it to himself anymore and he couldn't do it to Blaine, and Blaine wouldn't believe it anymore anyway. And there he goes, thinking about Blaine again. He shouldn't do that. Not as long as it still brings out this much fear and confusion and pain and no way out to be seen. And he knows, he really knows that this what he always does, he escapes things he fears instead of facing them, but he doesn't feel the strength to change the habit now.

Instead, he throws himself into planning Thanksgiving. He cleans the already pretty neat apartment thoroughly, he plans the greatest dinner he can with their humble budget, goes around the shops to find the cheapest prices for the ingredients, plans all kinds of games they could play. Rachel sees something is wrong and she knows it's about Blaine, but she, bless her, seems to realise Kurt needs his escape, and for once doesn't try to make him speak about it, instead just making sure he sleeps and eats between all the planning.

Finally Thursday comes, and he's cooking and baking, and cleaning even though there is nothing left to clean, and he still hasn't contacted Blaine. Blaine hasn't tried to contact him either, but he knows it's because Blaine is honouring his promise to let Kurt run. God, how pathetic that is. And he's thinking about Blaine again, so he goes back to decorating the cheesecake like it's the most important thing in the world. It is, everything is, as long as it's keeping him not thinking.

Eventually, the guests come and he's faced with a dozen enthusiastic and vocal NYADA students, and Aino, who instantly sees something is wrong with Kurt but doesn't ask, instead just talks about Thanksgiving traditions and keeps Kurt company so he's not left alone with all the broadway-actors-and-actresses-to-be. Kurt is again so grateful for the non-existing fate that sent her to him, because she's the best kind of friend Kurt could ask for: she just is there and accepts him without pushing for anything he's not comfortable with, giving him all the space he needs without being the least bit unfriendly or cold. And somehow, after a few hours, Aino gets him out of his inner panic, not fully but at least enough for him to feel like he could think about what happened without running again.

Aino seems to notice the change, and they go the the ratty balcony together, leaving the noise of the party, to stare at night lights of the city. One of the street lights is flickering, going on an off. Broken, like he feels. They are quiet for a while, just standing side by side in companionable silence. In the end, Kurt starts to explain what happened, not everything, but just enough for Aino to get the gist of what happened on Monday. And then Kurt tells vaguely about his acting, and how he doesn't even really know what is wrong with him, and how he doesn't know what to do. Aino is silent, doesn't ask any questions and just listens. When Kurt is finished, she finally turns to look at him.

"I'm glad you felt you could tell me." Her voice is gentle but there is no pity or anything else Kurt might have feared. Just acceptance. "I know you didn't tell me everything, and that's completely ok." No accusation, just a statement of fact. "But I think you really should talk about this to someone you can really trust, someone who you can tell absolutely everything to. Because this is something big, something you can't simply ignore anymore. You need to face it, no matter how difficult it is." Aino's voice sounds like she's speaking from experience, and Kurt wonders what has there been in her life to have this calm girl hide from her emotions. But whatever it is, he can't help hearing the truth in her words. He's come to the end of his escape, there's nowhere to hide anymore, and it's time to turn back and face what's chasing him. And he knows there is only one person who he could trust the way Aino described. His father.

044 - Nowhere left to hide, part 2

Next morning, when Rachel leaves to have brunch with her slightly hung over friends, Kurt finds his dad's number in his phone and presses 'call'. After the talk with Aino last night Kurt had gone to join the party for a while and then slept when the others left. When he woke this morning, he felt all the words Aino had said like shining neon lights that he couldn't ignore. He needs to talk to someone. This is something he can't ignore. It takes a while but then he hears his father's gruff voice on the other end of the line, and he already feels like so much weight is off his back. He knows this phone call is going to be hard, but he needs it, too. So much.

"Morning, kiddo," his dad says, voice rough like he was still sleeping but a definite smile in it.

"Morning, dad. How are you still sleeping, it's already eleven?"

"Carole ordered me to rest, and she's stubborn when she wants to be," Burt chuckles.

"Thank her for me, will you?" Kurt lets out a laugh. No matter how bad he feels, family is always a comfort.

"I knew you'd be on her side," Burt mock grumbles. "So why are you calling?" he asks then, completely serious.

"Can't I just call my dad to ask how he is?"

"I know my son, and I can hear there is something important you want to talk about. And I'm always here to listen. So spill." Kurt feels like he wants to cry already, and it's really too early for that, but the reminder of how well his father knows him and how much he cares about him is so needed right now.

"Yeah, there is something. Something happened, with Blaine."

Burt hums, telling Kurt he's listening. He has told his dad a lot about Blaine, about how nice, and kind, and handsome, and wonderful Blaine is, first as a friend and later as a boyfriend. The boyfriend part had come as a surprise, because before Kurt hadn't told him how much he really likes Blaine or how much it hurt when Blaine didn't like him back, as he didn't want to worry his dad. But when Blaine had kissed him and they'd decided to try something together, Kurt thought his dad really needed to know. And he wanted to share the wonderful feeling. Although, he had still downplayed the insecurities and misunderstandings a lot. Burt had been cautious at first about Blaine and their relationship, because he knew his son could be so easily hurt with stuff like this, and he still was, albeit being less vocal about it, because his son sounded happy and that was the most important. Kurt felt anxious, thinking about it now. He had glossed over the problems and doubts and insecurities he'd had during the last weeks, the stuff he had done his best to hide from himself too, just telling his father all the great parts of the relationship, and now he would need to let all that out too.

"Something - bad."

"I thought you said you were doing well?" Burt sounds a little confused and a lot concerned.

"We are! I mean, we were… Or, at least I wanted to believe we were," Kurt lets out. And then he proceeds to tell his dad all about how insecure he had felt, not knowing what was expected of him and how much he was scared that Blaine would get bored waiting and realise he wanted someone else instead. And how that made Kurt want to be a better boyfriend than he was, being brave for Blaine and daring to do all the scary stuff, and that it had been a good thing in most cases, because it felt good to win his fears. But then it had slowly gotten way too far, he had pushed himself to do things he wasn't ready for, ending with the fiasco of Monday night, when he hadn't been able to go further anymore, gotten scared and told Blaine to leave. At this point the tears start to fall. And then he tells his dad how alone he feels, and how much he fears that he won't be able to be with Blaine anymore, that Blaine won't want him anymore now that he knows how damaged goods Kurt really is, and how he doesn't even know if he could even do it, either. When he stops to take a breath, his father interrupts his monologue.

"Kurt, buddy, what are you really afraid of?"

"Afraid.. What do you mean, dad?" he asks, shocked out of his thoughts.

"You just told me all about how you were acting out this definition of a 'good boyfriend' that you've created in your head. And I know you are afraid of Blaine leaving you. But that's not really the problem, is it? You said how the acting let you be in control, and you liked it. That it made you scared when you had to tell or show Blaine the parts of you that made you feel too vulnerable. And I know how hard it is for you to let anyone in all the way. So what are you really afraid of?"

Kurt takes in a shuddering breath. The question takes him completely by surprise and it hits him hard in the chest. It makes him realise something he hasn't even really thought about. The pieces have been there, enough so that his father has been able to build the real picture from what he's said, but he himself has only looked at the pieces that are easier to handle.

"Oh God," Kurt let's out after a long silence.

"Just tell me, buddy. It will help." Burt's voice is brimmed with affection and compassion.

"I… I-I guess I'm just really afraid to trust Blaine. To give him a chance to hurt me." Trusting people had always gone wrong for Kurt. Trusting people made him hurt. He had trusted her mother, when she said that she would always be there for him, and even though he knew it wasn't her fault that she died, it had still hurt. He had trusted Jacob and that trust had earned him the hate of the entire school. He had trusted his teachers to do something about it, when he went to tell the principal and some of his teachers, and they had told him they would try to handle it, but really they hadn't done anything, just turning to look the other way. He had trusted it, when their Glee club teacher had told them about the healing power of music and their unity as a group that cares about their own, but the club had been taken down fast and none of those so called friends had stuck with him, going back to their more popular and accepted friends instead. (Except Rachel, but she had had no one else, either.) And then Finn, who was supposed to be his brother, but who still didn't dare to defend him in school, fearing for his own popularity. Finn had apologised later, promising to do better, but it didn't diminish the feeling of betrayal.

And Karofsky. He had never trusted Karofsky, but he had also never believed how evil he could be, either. When he kissed him and then told him he would be dead if he ever told anyone, and he was left so utterly alone with that fear and pain, he was also truly faced with the fact that he could never trust anyone to not be worse than what they looked like, even if what they looked like was already really bad. People could always be worse.

"I guess, I couldn't let all the insecurities and vulnerabilities show, because I was so afraid he would hurt me. But Dad, I really thought I already trusted him completely. I didn't think- I really didn't realise what I was doing." He's crying now, because the realisation of what he had been doing was really painful. It wasn't just about not being enough or being insecure. It wasn't about not being ready for sex or PDA either, not really, because what really made it so scary was how all of that made him defenceless. Defenceless against the world, but even more importantly, defenceless against Blaine. And he knows, he really does know, how scared he is of all people and how much he fears to be hurt by all of them. But he had really thought he had gotten past that with Blaine. And now, he is faced with the fact how much he really hasn't.

"Kurt, son, I know. I know it's hard for you and I don't blame you for trying to protect yourself, not one bit. But you can't continue like this. Being with someone, being in a relationship is all about trusting each other. Trusting them to not hurt you and trusting them to understand you, and trusting them to care about you even when they know all the worst sides of you, too. It's always scary but that's the deal. Acting to be something you aren't, not letting Blaine in, that way you are only hurting yourself, and him." That made Kurt start.

"H-hurting Blaine?"

"Yeah, Kurt. Hurting him. From what you've told me, he sounds like a pretty nice guy, who cares about you a lot. Don't you think he would feel bad when you feel the need to act something else for him, pretending to be ok while not trusting him enough to really let him in. Not telling him what's wrong, leaving him to guess?" God. Kurt honestly hadn't even thought of that, but he can't not hear the truth in his dad's words, and it hurts. Because the last thing he wants to do is to hurt Blaine, who has done everything to make Kurt feel good, who has dedicated so much time just to build his confidence and make him happy. Blaine, who has always been there to comfort him and tell him how strong and brave he is, even before they became boyfriends. The caring, gentle Blaine, who has never done anything to hurt Kurt. And he still couldn't trust him enough to be real with him.

"Now, Kurt, I know you are blaming yourself, but don't, ok? I understand why you did it, and you can't blame yourself for something you did to protect yourself. But you can't go on like this. You need to figure it out, for both of your sakes."

"What should I do, Dad? What can I do?" His voice is small.

"Stop blaming yourself, for one. It's how things went, and it was what you felt you needed to do. Now, I think you have two options: You can tell Blaine that you need to break up, and then you go back to figure things out alone. Because no matter what you do, you need to face your fears, you can't just ignore them forever. Or, you can go to Blaine and tell him everything you just told me, stop pretending and really try, facing your fears dead on and letting him in all of it."

"And what do you think I should do…?" Kurt would hate how insecure he sounds now, but it's his dad.

"I can't tell you that. It's your decision and you need to figure it out yourself, what you want and what you feel ready for. But take your time to really be sure, before you do anything. You owe it to yourself, and to Blaine. You matter, Kurt, just remember that."

"I love you so much, Dad."

"I love you, too, kiddo. Now I think you have a lot to think about, so call me about the everyday stuff later. And remember, I'm always here for you, if you need me, ok?"

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

And then his dad's voice is gone and he's left alone with his thoughts. He doesn't know what he should do, yet. Both of his dad's options sound so scary. But he thinks, maybe he would regret it more if he lost Blaine without fighting, than he would if he lost him while really trying. He still wants to hold on to Blaine. If Blaine just still wants him back.

045 - The perfect son

Blaine's Thanksgiving holiday isn't going so well. The night after leaving Kurt's apartment and the flight back home the next morning went in a kind of haze - he slept and then packed his bags and got himself to the airport, all the while not really thinking anything. In the plane he watched a movie without really seeing it and then, after landing, went to collect his luggage, because that's what you do when you step out of an airplane. He was shocked out of his trance only when his mother ran to him and hugged him tight, telling him how much she'd missed him. Then was the trip back home, his mom asking him all kinds of questions about Blaine's life, mostly about his studies, and Blaine was glad to avoid any discussion about Kurt or his love life. He didn't think he could do that right then.

And now he's sitting on the living room sofa, looking around the immaculately clean house that never truly felt like a home, and he's again reminded of how much he always has to work for his parents acceptance. The need to be valued and important and good enough is easier to forget when he's with his friends in New York, when he's with Kurt, who is grateful for his caring and help -and don't go there yet, Blaine, now is not the time - but here, faced with his parents, all of his ways of trying to make then proud comes back. The white lies to make him look better in their eyes, the only telling of those parts of his life that he knows his parents will be impressed by, the acting of being happy and having no troubles in his life, the being oh so interested in their life and their work and the country club, it all comes back like another skin, and Blaine is almost scared by how unconscious and natural the change is.

It's suffocating. Sitting there with his parents, who keep telling him that they love him and have missed him, and then in the next moment remind him of how much they expect of him, to have good grades, to succeed, to make it big and famous, even though how many 'big and famous' photographers do they even know?

"We know you can make it, Blaine, you have always been so ambitious," his mother beams, and Blaine just smiles and nods and hates himself for how much he eats up the praise of his parents and how much it makes him want to work to be even better, so that they would continue to care for him. How much a few words are able to make him feel so important, until…

"Just remember that college grades are important and keep working hard, you don't want to cut any slack at this point, even if it seems there's a lot of time left," his father points out seriously, and Blaine nods again, and can't help but hear the echo of his father's drunken words from years ago, how they don't need a son like him if he can't do better, and he wants to just run and hide. He wants to call Kurt and hear the voice of someone who cares and needs him, but then he remembers he can't do that either, and he just sucks a deep breath and pulls out the image of a perfect son again. He can do it for a week, after all he managed to do it daily for so many years, already.

Later that evening, when he lies in his old bed, watching the room that was always a little to neat just like the rest of the house, he finally lets his thoughts return to Kurt and yesterday evening. He still doesn't know what happened, but he can see the connection between how strange Kurt had acted during the days before, the small signs he kept seeing but didn't understand, and then the small but so significant incident after the photo shoot. And now, because Blaine hadn't confronted Kurt about it soon enough, it had all gone too far and he doesn't even know if it's all over or not. And he doesn't even know what the real problem is, even though he has a pretty strong hunch that it has to do with Kurt's hesitance to really let anyone in, and he hates the thought that after all this time Kurt still doesn't feel like he could confide in Blaine and talk about what is troubling him. Looking back now, he can see so clearly those moments, when Kurt's newfound confidence had only been an act - it wasn't always, just at some moments - even if he didn't want to see them then. After all, he is a master of hiding his problems from people, even if it's for completely different reasons. A con man can't totally fool another.

He feels so alone, and so helpless. There is nothing he can do but wait, to endure this week in their illusion of happy family, trying not to let the defence mechanisms and weaknesses of his old self get too much control over him while still protecting himself, until he can go back to New York again. There is nothing do but wait in regards to Kurt either, because he promised Kurt to let him run, and in his mind that means he needs to let Kurt have space and time, leaving him alone to figure things out. Hide if he wants to. The worst is that he feels it's partly his fault for not reading the signs better, for letting himself believe what he wanted to believe, that nothing is wrong and they are completely happy. But they had been, and he knew Kurt had been too, most of the time, because Blaine can still make a difference between faked and real happiness. But he should have known that a thorn in the flesh doesn't disappear by letting it be - even if he hadn't actually noticed how thick and how deep the thorn had been.

He also feels helpless, because he knows Kurt is probably feeling alone and hurt right now as well, and he has no way to help. The best he can do is not bother him at all, and that really isn't what Blaine wants. He curses himself for making the promise, but he also hates the fact that if he is really honest, he knows this is what Kurt needs. He doesn't need pressure from Blaine, because he obviously has something really hard to think through. Blaine just really hopes that Kurt is thinking about it and not pushing it away again. And he also really hopes that, when Kurt's done, Blaine will still have a part in his life. Kurt had promised to come back, and Blaine knows he can trust Kurt to keep the promise, but it was never a guarantee to return back to how they were. The promise is only to not leave without an explanation, or a goodbye.

/

A few days go by, and suddenly the Thanksgiving dinner is there. It's a controlled chaos of distant relatives, pretty clothes, polite conversation and excellent food. A night of acting for Blaine, as he is the golden boy, who has no imperfections. He had hoped his brother would be there, partly because Cooper was really good at stealing attention from him, which Blaine would have found a relief at the moment, and partly because he thinks Cooper could have maybe been the one person at home, who Blaine could have really talked with. But Cooper has another audition and there was just no way he could have left California for the holidays. His parents are so understanding, because Cooper is going to be successful actor, and even if he's not there quite yet, sacrificing things for making it big one day is something his parents have always understood. And that leaves Blaine alone to play the perfect son, answering the questions of relatives he hasn't heard of since last year, explaining over and over what he does in college and avoiding the questions of his love life.

For what it's worth, him being gay has never been the issue. Not for his parents and not for his relatives, or if it is, at least they aren't open or vocal about it. He tells a few insistent aunts that there is a guy but he doesn't know if it's going to last yet, and they seem to be satisfied with the answer. Blaine, on the other hand, feels mildly sick for saying that, because while it's technically true, it makes it look like he doesn't care about Kurt, and he does. He really does. And it might not last, because Kurt might decide he doesn't want to be with Blaine.

And suddenly he feels almost angry. Or scratch the almost. Feeling this bad, not knowing what to tell anyone about him and Kurt, because he doesn't even know what the answer is himself, not being able to do anything just left here to wait, and he needs Kurt too, he has his problems too and he wants to be able to tell Kurt and hear his reassurances, but now he doesn't have that, because Kurt sent him away and made him to wait without any explanations.

He excuses himself and goes upstairs, finding his phone and almost pressing call, before he stops himself. Kurt needs to come to him. And when he does, they need to talk and Kurt needs to be honest or it will really be over. He can't continue being in a relationship, if he can't trust what his boyfriend says he's feeling to be true. He doesn't want to just let Kurt do whatever, because it's not healthy, not for him and not for Kurt either. Kurt needs to come to him, and he needs to stop keeping Blaine out, if he wants to keep going, because even though losing Kurt sounds like the most painful kind of thing he can imagine, continuing this way means he never would really have Kurt either. He needs to stop trying to be anything and everything his loved ones want him to be, or at least what they seem to want of him to be happy, because he is a person too and he deserves to receive as much as he gives. If he is willing to be the perfect son, his parents should be working to be perfect parents as well. And if he is willing to trust his boyfriend completely, he wants the same trust and care back.

And it doesn't mean he wants to let go of Kurt. Or that he thinks Kurt has been evil or bad. He knows how Kurt is and he understands. But he also really doesn't want to keep doing this, keep compromising himself just to make others happy, especially because he's pretty sure that letting Kurt get away with his problems, whatever they are, is not going to make him happy in the long run. He's pretty sure it's only going to make things worse, not only for them as a couple, but for them both individually too. And, now that he has a plan, he feels more like himself again, and it's surprisingly easy to shut the thoughts up and fall asleep.

/

Early Sunday evening, just after he has gotten back to his dorm room, his phone rings. He looks at the screen and sees a photo of Kurt flash on the screen.

"Kurt?"

"Blaine…" he can hear how insecure Kurt is, his voice almost faltering, and Blaine almost, almost tells him everything is fine. But then he stops himself, because they're not, not yet. "Can we… can we meet?"

"To talk?" Blaine asks, pushing down the desire to let all of the problems go and just tell Kurt he wants to kiss him and forget it all.

"To talk.." Kurt confirms, still breathing a little irregularly.

"Ok. Can you come to my dorm?" he asks, and his voice softens a bit. It's still Kurt and he still cares about him so much.

"Yeah.. I can come. I'll be there soon."