"Most people live and die with their music still not played; they never even dare to try.”

~

One Month Later

                Blaine moves to kiss Kurt’s collarbone, simple chaste kisses, only a little impatient as his boyfriend kept on sleeping. But he kept on going, whispering Kurt’s name softly until the other boy finally stirs, looking down at Blaine with sleepy eyes, mussed up hair, and a lazy, lazy smile. Blaine grins back up, the room still dark with the impending dawn, but Blaine thinks it was kind of nice like this, so early in the morning, knowing they had nothing to do but be together.

                “Mmm…” Kurt hums contently, nodding as Blaine comes back to his neck. He’s sure that he’ll have permanent marks there, as often as Blaine does this, but he doesn’t mind. He pulls Blaine back to kiss him on the lips, swiping his tongue inside, trying to kiss him more, without getting too heated, because jeez, they just woke up, and Kurt’s already turned on.

                He smiles, pulling away just an inch to breathe onto his lips, resting his forehead against his, nudging his nose just slightly against the other boy’s, grinning at the feeling inside him.

                And what Kurt says next is entirely not of his own doing.

                He swears he had no control over what came out of his mouth, even though inside, he did mean it. What Kurt says next tumbles out of his mouth sleepily, lazily, as if he’d been saying it every day forever. It rolls off his tongue and Kurt doesn’t realize anything’s different about what he’s said until a few seconds after, when the magnitude of what he’d just spoken hits him.

                “I love you.” He whispers, still holding onto Blaine, still incredibly close, as he’s basically talking onto his lips, and there’s that two or three seconds that he still thinks he didn’t say anything out of the ordinary, and then his eyes shoot open, searching Blaine’s gaze for his reaction, because oh my god, he just said he loved him.

                That wasn’t supposed to happen.

                Not at all.

                No, Blaine didn’t feel that way, he couldn’t, he wasn’t supposed to fall in love with this man. It was easy with Kurt, and what they had was obviously special, but it wasn’t supposed to be defined. Did Kurt really love him? Or when the second Blaine got a little sicker, would Kurt simply untangle himself from Blaine and be on his merry way without so much as a goodbye? Blaine’s mood shouldn’t have dropped as much as it did, but he couldn’t comprehend the fact that Kurt was already saying the three words that scared him the worst.

                “You …”

                Blaine couldn’t even say anything to Kurt, because Kurt’s eyes were alarmed, curious, and probably hopeful that Blaine would say it back. But he couldn’t—he couldn’t even think the words, much less say them to the man he’d been fooling around with for the past weeks. Blaine took a deep breath and shook his head.

                                “No, no you aren’t supposed to say shit like that. Did you really have to complicate things like this?” Blaine untangles himself from Kurt’s clutching body, maybe a little too forcefully, but he can’t think because the stupid emotions running through him are pissing him off. Blaine’s always had a little temper problem, but he didn’t want to hear any of it.

                “God, we were just fine and you had—to say—” Blaine cuts himself off. It’s not fair that Blaine can’t say it back. It’s not fair that he’s being an asshole. It’s not fair that Blaine would rather break things off before shit gets too serious.

                He knows he’s said some of the sweetest things to Kurt, made a few promises that were plausible to keep, but now, he kind of just wants to take it all back, pretend like it never happened. Like it should have never happened in the first place. And it should scare him that he’s thinking this way because Kurt has been nothing but kind and sweet to him and he’s angry at the pretty, sweet boy because he said a few words that expressed his emotions.

                Blaine knows he’s going to die, but the last thing he wants is to bring Kurt along with him.

                Blaine just can’t handle that level of affection. It’s where they were headed yes, and there were times Blaine thought about saying it himself, but it wasn’t—not yet. They weren’t ready for this yet. He couldn’t just sit and pray to a god that didn’t exist that things would be good for him. Up until a few months ago, Blaine had hated his life, hated the people that made his life miserable. He hated almost everything and Kurt just kind of weaseled his way into Blaine’s heart with his pretty blue eyes and his simple kisses, the strength of his body and the sweetness of his words, the promise of an escape.

                “I can’t Kurt. I can’t do this. I don’t—I don’t feel like that about you.”

                He’s probably just broken the best thing in his life, but he can’t help it. And no, he doesn’t stick around for tears because it will make him feel much more guilty that he already does for rejecting Kurt’s words. So he looks away from the boy still lying on his bed, and he pulls on a pair of jeans and shirt, and just walks out.