If I Could Use Your Love
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 7


T - Words: 3,443 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Hope you enjoyed! :)

Blaine checked his watch as he drained his coffee, noticing that the café would be closing soon.

“Do you need to be home any time soon?” He asked Kurt, fiddling with the sides of his coffee lid. 

“Not particularly, do you have plans?” Kurt drained the remainder of his coffee as well. Blaine shook his head and responded.

“Well my apartment is a little messy, but you could come back and watch a movie or something if you'd like…” Blaine shrugged.

“And pass up the opportunity to judge your interior decorating skills? Never!” Kurt laughed as he followed Blaine out.

“I wasn't the only one to decorate my apartment; just putting that out there.” Blaine's smile faltered a bit, but thankfully Kurt didn't seem to notice. 

“And who else am I supposed to blame for the either delightful or dreadful decorating?” Kurt quirked an eyebrow as they left the back entrance and made their way towards the parking garage.

“Uh… My old roommate.” Blaine had a sort of finality in his tone and hoped Kurt wouldn't continue to question.

“So… should I just follow you this time?” Kurt took the hint and dug his keys out of his pocket.

“Yeah, I'll see you there.” They parted and Blaine got into his car taking a deep breath. Bringing Kurt to his apartment meant pictures. No doubt Kurt and his bubbly and curious personality would ask. The thought of talking about his past with Kurt was something he found he was strangely okay with, just not yet.

When he arrived at his apartment, Kurt pulled in seconds after him and he waited on the sidewalk so he could lead the way up the stairs. 

“Sorry about the mess,” Blaine said as he turned the key in the lock once they got to his door. “I'm pretty sure there's sheet music everywhere. I've been writing a lot lately.” He gave Kurt a half smile and opened the door, holding it for Kurt as he followed in behind. Blaine dropped his keys into the bowl on the table near the door and led Kurt through the apartment, picking up sheet music and guitar picks as he walked around, doing his best to tidy up. 

“I'm actually impressed. It's cozy. I like it.” Kurt nodded, taking in his surroundings. He looked at the life-like painting of the cherry tree in full bloom that Blaine had hung on the wall. It contrasted nicely with the dark painted walls, but Blaine hung it there for a different reason. 

“Who's Chemp?” Kurt asked, pointing to the small, elegant signature blending in with the grass in the bottom left corner of the painting. Blaine closed his eyes as the memory washed over him briefly.

“Why do you always sign on the left side of the painting? Aren't you afraid you're going to smudge the paint?” Blaine had asked from his position curled up on the couch behind the man in front of him who was sitting on the floor bent over the canvas he most recently smeared with color.

“I've had enough practice to know I won't smudge it.” The man looked back and smiled a warm, calm smile that always made Blaine feel like coming home. “And I always sign on the left side because your heart is on the left side of your body.”

“It's C. Hemp. My old roommate… Casey.” Blaine shook his head to disperse the memory. He saw Kurt wander over to look at some of the pictures framed up on the wall. Something felt very wrong to Blaine all of the sudden. Kurt was looking at an old picture, but a very intimate one. Blaine was sitting side-by-side with Casey in the picture, both of them laughing and not looking at the camera, but you could tell both of their eyes were so bright and carefree. Neither of them knew that Kayleigh had snapped the picture, but it was one of Blaine's favorites. It felt wrong that Kurt was studying this picture, but Blaine wasn't sure why. It could be perhaps that Blaine felt like Kurt was interrupting something private, but something told Blaine it had more to do with the fact that Kurt didn't know who that other person was, or how important he was to Blaine.

“Is this him?” Kurt finally said, pointing to the picture. Blaine only nodded in response, afraid to speak. Kurt looked at the picture once more and a gentle smile spread across his face.

“I can see why green is your favorite color.” Blaine nearly choked on air when Kurt said that, but he simply cleared his throat and changed the subject.

“Would you like something to drink?” Blaine asked as he turned the corner to enter the kitchen. Once out of sight, he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a breath. He didn't know Kurt followed him. 

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.” Blaine heard from behind him. He dropped his hands and turned to face Kurt.

“Don't. It's natural that you would. I'm sorry; it's just kind of been a rough night. Kayleigh and I were talking earlier and…” Blaine trailed off, sucking in a breath.

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. We can just forget about it.” Kurt walked towards Blaine and ducked his head to look into Blaine's downcast eyes. Blaine glanced into those bright blue eyes for a moment, then he shook his head.

“I will tell you, I want to, just… not right now. I haven't… It's been a while since I talked to someone new about it.”

“Bad break up?” Kurt guessed, but his voice was compassionate.

“That's one way to put it, I guess.” Blaine glanced away, then back up to Kurt.

“Take your time. Let's get some water and talk about something else okay?” Kurt reached over and squeezed Blaine's hand gently, and Blaine was thankful for the comfort.


For the next few hours they talked mindlessly about anything and everything that stayed on light topics. Eventually Kurt found himself talking about New York again, and the time he spent there with Rachel and all the crazy things they did in the time they were there. Kurt mentioned Finn again and Blaine interrupted. 

“Oh, was Finn in New York with you guys?”

“Yeah, he and Rachel dated for a long time. He moved out to New York shortly after we did.” Kurt replied, smirking at Blaine's shocked expression. 

“Rachel dated your brother? That had to be a little bit weird.” Blaine commented.

“A little, but I'd gotten used to it. They dated on and off in high school, and got engaged our senior year. It took both of their parents and the entire glee club to convince them to wait. They would have gotten married right after he moved to New York but they decided they wanted to wait and get settled a little bit so they could save money and plan it out. They never ended up getting married, though. Rachel was… She was devastated. She still has her engagement ring in a box on her dresser.” Kurt spoke sadly.

“I—” Blaine didn't know what to say. He couldn't exactly say what he was feeling in that exact moment. Not without turning this onto himself. He wasn't ready for that, yet. “That must have been terrible for the both of you.” 

“We both kind of became this shell of ourselves. Rachel wouldn't speak to anyone for three weeks. I tried so hard to just forget about everything and we both just avoided each other until Santana—she was our friend from high school, and our roommate at the time—she dragged us out of our rooms and sat us down and we watched some old videos from glee club with Finn and… We couldn't stop laughing. We were up for hours talking about everything that happened with him in high school, from the time he broke Rachel's nose while dancing to when he decided that ‘Drizzle' would be the perfect name for his baby…” Kurt paused. “Sorry, I'm rambling.” He apologized and Blaine shook his head.

“It's okay; I really like listening to it.” Blaine shifted on the sofa to make himself more comfortable as he faced Kurt. “So… Drizzle?”

Kurt laughed and nodded. “There was a lot of drama in my glee club in high school. Finn's best friend slept with his girlfriend and got her pregnant but she told Finn it was his. He found out a few months later, but in the mean time he was doing his best to prepare himself to be a father. He was always so goofy and well, that was what he came up with for their baby.”

“That's… Kind of adorable. That he was trying so hard, I mean. Not a lot of guys in high school would take responsibility like that. I feel bad though… What happened with his friend? And the girlfriend wasn't Rachel, was it?” Blaine questioned, trying to wrap his head around something like that happening to him or one of his friends in high school.

“No, it wasn't. They were all still close after the whole thing blew over. There was always a lot of drama between the people in glee club. Most of it was because of people cheating on each other and stealing other people's boyfriends and girlfriends… that's why Finn and Rachel broke up and got back together so many times…” Kurt noticed Blaine's look of confusion and disbelief. “Sorry, I don't mean to bore you with the epic love stories and tragedies of my high school glee club.”

“It's not boring, just surprising. Were you never involved with this boyfriend stealing?” Blaine raised an eyebrow at him. 

“No, I was not. Other than my fruitless efforts of getting Finn's attention early on in my sophomore year—oh, shut up!” Kurt hit Blaine's arm playfully when he snickered. “Other than that I didn't have much luck with love in high school. I had to wait to get to the big city for that. I still found the time to meddle in some relationships though. Mostly just to make sure my friends were happy.”

“That's awfully sweet of you,” Blaine commented. 

“Well I can't help it. I've always been a hopeless romantic.” Kurt gave an innocent smile and shrugged lightly.

“Yet you're fake-dating me?” Blaine furrowed his eyebrows and smirked.

“It will make for a beautiful love story to the press. You just wait.” Kurt nodded firmly, and Blaine tried to hold in his shaking laughter in response. “I can't believe you're laughing! Come on, it's a classic romance tale!” Kurt defended.

“A celebrity dating a nobody to help him get famous? Very classic.” Blaine agreed with a hint of sarcasm.

“No, I meant the whole separate lives kind of thing. Nearly every classic romance has a couple that comes from two totally different backgrounds. You can't deny that.”

“True. All right, so let's say we create this ‘epic love story',” Blaine said, spreading his hands in the air as if he were imagining reading it from a marquee to emphasize his lack of seriousness. “What happens in the end?” Kurt's smile faltered for a moment at that, and Blaine quickly tried to save what could be an awkward conversation. “I mean, we never really talked about it and… Well, you don't have to be tied to me forever, that's not fair.”

“We'll talk about it when you get there, okay? We should probably start actually dating before we break up.” Thankfully, if Kurt felt awkward about Blaine's question, he didn't show it at all; their conversation remained friendly and casual. 

“Yeah we probably should. So… When are we going to actually start?” Blaine questioned. 

“Soon I guess. You think you're ready?” Kurt looked apprehensive and he reached for Blaine's hand. He didn't pull away as Kurt threaded his fingers through his. It felt just as warm and comforting as it had been every time before.

“As I'll ever be. I'm going to have to get used to the attention as it is anyways, right?” Blaine turned his hand so Kurt's wrist was at a less awkward angle and rested their joined hands on his knee, very much aware of the ease with which their fingers lightly gripped each others, as if they've been doing this for years.

“Right.” Kurt nodded. “Are you okay with starting sometime soon then?” 

“Yeah, that's fine. I mean I know you well enough and I'm surprisingly comfortable around you… No offense, I'm just not usually one to let anyone in so easily.” Blaine smiled apologetically.

“Honestly I wouldn't have guessed. You're shy, yes, but you haven't blocked me out very much.” Kurt left it off sort of as a question, like he might be expecting an answer. Blaine complied. 

“You're a lot easier to talk to than most people. I don't know why, but I don't even think twice about letting my guard down around you. It's a nice change.” Blaine replied truthfully. Normally people had to pry their way into Blaine's life, and not many people had taken the effort to do so.

“Well we can work on that a little bit, for other people.” Kurt reassured, then his smile faltered a bit once more. Blaine waited patiently for him to speak up again.

“Can I… ask for a favor?” Kurt bit his lip anxiously. Blaine's eyebrows furrowed at his uneasy expression.

“Of course. After everything you're doing for me? It's probably the least I could do.” Blaine tried his best to assure him, but that wasn't easy when he didn't know what worried him.

“Well… you know I'm really close with my dad and… I think he'd skin me alive if he found out I was dating someone without him even knowing I'd met someone that I really liked and honestly he'd probably think something was up if I never even mentioned you and then we just showed up in the tabloids…” Kurt rushed out.

“Where are you going with this?” Blaine figured he could guess, but it made him even more nervous.

“My dad and Carole are coming to visit this week and… Well I'd really, really like you to meet them. If you want, you don't have to. And I'll only introduce you as a friend so that there isn't as much pressure but… I haven't talked to him about you and if he all the sudden sees pictures of us holding hands and kissing he's going to suspect something and I'd rather not lie to my dad more than I have to.” Kurt rushed his words once more, very aware that the shy man in front of him might not take his request well.

“I… This week?” Blaine thought aloud. Kurt nodded silently and waited. Blaine knew he would be nervous on such short notice, but he owed it to Kurt. He took a deep breath and felt a gentle squeeze of his fingers. The reassurance of Kurt's grip was all Blaine needed.

“When did you have in mind?” Blaine asked as confidently as he could. He heard Kurt squeal and his fingers were torn from his grasp as Kurt threw his arms around his neck and hugged him.

“Thank you!” Kurt said happily as Blaine's arms instinctively wrapped around Kurt's back. “I know you aren't very comfortable meeting new people but I promise I'll keep the conversation light, okay?” Blaine couldn't help the swelling in his chest at those words. For the first time in a long time he felt a great surge of trust wash over him, trust that someone else would watch out for him and he wouldn't have to do it himself.

“Thank you,” was all Blaine could say. He whispered it softly in his ear as he held onto the embrace. It was heartwarming to see how happy and relieved Kurt was just because Blaine agreed to meet his parents.

“We'll just do something small and casual, all right? Is dinner at my place okay? Thursday night? Or would Wednesday work better for you?” Kurt asked as he pulled away.

“Wednesday. I'm at Gio's on Thursday.” Blaine replied.

“All right, Wednesday night then. Thank you,” he repeated, tangling their fingers back together.

“It's the least I can do,” Blaine replied softly. “Any requests as to what I should wear? I wouldn't want to disappoint.” He teased.

“Whatever you want to wear, just no animal sweaters. My dad will more than likely be sporting his customary flannel button down and baseball cap.” Kurt said in a sophisticated tone that did not match the description whatsoever. “He likes to take his ‘casual days' when he's not in D.C.,” Kurt rolled his eyes affectionately.

“D.C.?” Blaine thought for a moment, but then it clicked. “Your dad's name is Burt, isn't it?” It wasn't really a question, but Kurt nodded and smiled knowingly. “I should have known.” Blaine shook his head with a smile.

“Don't be intimidated, he's a big softie, even if he doesn't seem like it.” Kurt paused. “And the only thing you have to worry about with Carole is that she's very touchy-feely. Just a warning, she'll probably hug you like she's being reunited with some long lost relative when she first meets you. She's a sweetheart though.”

“I'm not really afraid of them, I'm just nervous that I'm not going to know what to say; I never really do.” Blaine looked down at his lap and noticed their hands so serenely intertwined. Funny, how quickly he forgot that it should be slightly awkward.

“Don't be. I'll save you from conversation if need be. I won't leave you to fend for yourself, that would be terrible of me.” Kurt gave his hand another reassuring squeeze and a smile spread across Blaine's face.

“It'll be a practice run for when we start getting asked questions,” Kurt continued. “That way we can figure out when we need to answer for each other. It'll be fine, I promise.” 

“Thanks.” Blaine finally lifted his gaze to express his gratitude when he noticed how close Kurt had gotten without him realizing it. He didn't pull away though; he wasn't even nervous, not really. Kurt's closeness wasn't unnerving; it was soothing. His nerves slowly disappeared as he stared into Kurt's eyes, memorizing every fleck of color throughout the iris. Neither of them spoke, they simply watched each other. Until finally Blaine surprised both Kurt and himself, and leaned in, capturing Kurt's lips in a slow, gentle kiss. It was calm, delicate, and a reassurance for both of them that couldn't mean enough when passed through a light squeeze of a hand. When they broke apart, their faces were still close, foreheads nearly pressed together. Blaine started to speak but Kurt cut him off before he got a chance.

“You don't have to apologize when you kiss me, Blaine. That's kind of the point of this relationship.” Kurt's breath ghosted across his cheek as he spoke.

“I wasn't going to,” Blaine whispered. “Thank you, for everything. For helping me and not making me go through this alone.”

“I know the circumstances are a little strange, but we're friends, right? I'll be here if you need me, I won't leave a friend on their own when they need some comfort. I had to deal with that enough in high school, I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.” Kurt rested their foreheads together as he comforted Blaine with his words. Blaine gave him a watery half smile as he blinked multiple times, trying to stop the sting behind his eyes.

“Sorry, I haven't been close to someone in this way in a while and it's… It's just been—a while.” Blaine confessed.

“Take your time,” Kurt kissed his cheek and looked at his watch. “I really should get going though. You're okay, right?” Kurt checked, just to be sure. Blaine nodded and smiled.

“I guess I'll see you Wednesday if not before?” Blaine asked, holding out a hand to Kurt as he stood from the couch to walk him out.

“Thank you for having me over,” Kurt said as Blaine followed him out to his car.

“Anytime,” Blaine replied as he kissed Kurt's cheek. “See you Wednesday?”

“Wednesday.” Kurt repeated. After a half second decision, Kurt kissed Blaine briefly on the lips before he climbed into his car with a smile and a wave, which Blaine returned before turning back to his building. He didn't go back into his apartment though; he took the elevator up to the top floor, then followed the hall to the back staircase that led to the roof, the place he always went when he wanted to think.


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