April 30, 2015, 7 p.m.
If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 35
T - Words: 2,783 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014 111 0 0 0 0
Music:
Let Her Go - Passenger (I really like the acoustic version)
Wake Up With Me - Gabrielle Aplin
Go ahead and check out my 8tracks playlist, which now finally has some new music!
I will try my hardest to finish up this fic and post the final chapter (I can hardly believe this is almost done!) within the next week or two! Hopefully I have a little bit more of a break coming up!
As usual, thank you so much for reading!
-Rae (tumblr)
"Im in love with him."
"Well I could have told you that. Thank you for finally getting your head out of your ass." Kayleigh replied sarcastically. Blaine rolled his eyes as he shuffled through his music room, pushing papers around and tossing books carelessly as he looked for some blank sheet music.
"Youre welcome? I guess." Blaine wasnt entirely focused on the conversation as he pulled apart his music room.
"What brought on the sudden epiphany?" She asked.
"Its a long story. I kind of feel like Ive been slapped in the face by something thats been standing right in front of me forever." Blaine tried to explain.
"Was that something Kurt?"
"No. Well kind of. I just never looked at it a certain way and... I never let people in, Kayleigh. I cant get close to people."
"Well, yes, I am well aware of that." Kayleigh listened patiently.
"But thats the thing, isnt it? I did. With Kurt I did and I didnt even realize it until I figured out just how well he knew me. Is it supposed to be that easy?" Blaine felt breathless as he spoke, partially due to his frantic searching for his blank sheet music—God, where did he put it?—and partly because of what he was saying to Kayleigh.
"Trust me, Blaine. You didnt make this easy for either of you." Kayleigh said pointedly.
"I know, I know. But that came after. Did you know that Cooper doesnt even know what happened to me after Casey died? You were the only one and yet I could tell Kurt after I knew him for what, a month? What does that say?" Blaine pulled open a box on the shelf and finally found the blank pages, letting out a silent expression of triumph.
"It says that from the very beginning you were too stupid to realize how much you love him." Again, Kayleigh sounded as if she was pointing out the obvious, but Blaine could hear the delight in her tone. "So what now?"
"Right now, Im going up to the roof. But I need your help with a plan." Blaine grabbed a pencil to go with his stack of blank papers and slung his guitar over his shoulder.
"What do you need me to do?" Kayleigh asked.
"Get Kurt to Gios. Not this week, next week. My last show there. Just... do whatever you can to get him there. In the back though, I dont want any issues." Blaine muttered the last part as he jogged up the stairs that led to the roof of his building.
"Ill do my best, but I cant guarantee anything, B. I dont know how hell feel about it." Kayleigh said uncertainly.
"I know, but Im going to work on it too. Ill explain it all later—I gotta go right now." Blaine felt like he could fly; he was full of nerves and excitement and it was overwhelming in a good way.
"What are you doing?" Kayleigh was confused and skeptical.
"Youll see. Bye, Kay!" Blaine hung up and set his phone on silent before placing it down next to him where he sat on the roof. His guitar was in his lap with the blank sheet music resting in front of him.
The song that took him years to figure out was finished in less than a half an hour.
Well you only need the light when its burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know youve been high when youre feeling low
Only hate the road when youre missin home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day youll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day youll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
Blaine hoped his plan would work. He carried on as if nothing had changed, just continuing his work and going on about his business. After this show at Giovannis, he only had one left. He just hoped Kayleigh could get Kurt to come to it.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep
Cause you only need the light when its burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know youve been high when youre feeling low
Only hate the road when youre missin home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Blaine knew people would be recording his performance. It was one of the last ones, after all. He gave it his all (as usual), and even though he had to hold back the tears from his eyes, he finished his set with a smile before turning to return to the break room. After a short conversation with Gio, which ended with an emotional hug and a promise to come back to visit every once in a while, Blaine turned to Kayleigh, who waited patiently on the couch.
"That was... Blaine you made me cry with that one." Kayleigh confessed. "Thats going to get someones attention, for sure." She let out a small laugh and she stood to join him.
"Thats not exactly what I was going for, but Im sure it wont hurt," Blaine quickly packed up his guitar and grabbed the case. "Have you talked to Kurt at all yet?" He treaded carefully.
"No, I left a message, just asking how he is and if he wanted to meet for coffee. I didnt think it would work if I tried to ask him over the phone." She explained.
"Okay. Good, thats good. Progress." Blaine hadnt stopped feeling jittery since that night.
"If he doesnt come, Blaine..."
"If he doesnt come then Ill go to him. But... its my last show. This is where we met. I want him to be here." Blaine felt sentimental and nostalgic, but that only fueled his determination. "Just let me know, okay?"
"I will; Ill keep you updated." She promised; her blonde bob shook as she nodded her head.
"Thanks, Kay. Youre the best." He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then gestured for her to lead the way out.
"I know; I really am." She preened. "You are just so lucky to have me."
"You have no idea how true that is," Blaine laughed as they left together.
[Video: Blaine Anderson-Let Her Go (Cover) at Giovannis]
Okay, dont even tell me that hes not still in love with Kurt. Look at the tears in his eyes
Well its his fault for using him
No way. You dont just use someone you love that much. Look at his eyes! He totally means every word
Maybe it started out that way but he definitely loves him
Theres no way someone that sincere could ever use anyone, especially someone he loves
KLAINE GET BACK TOGETHER YOU LOVE EACH OTHER
Blaine laughed at some of the comments; for once the (albeit few, they were there) hateful words didnt bother him. He knew how he felt; who cares what anyone else thought? The only opinion that mattered was Kurts. Blaine was just hoping he wasnt too late with that one. It had been nearly three months since they had "broken up" back in February, and if Kurt could still have deep feelings for him after that time, hopefully he could wait one more week.
"Hey! Howve you been?" Kayleigh asked Kurt as they sat down in the back of the coffee shop.
"Ive been okay," Kurt said confidently. "Not my best, but better than I have been in the past few months. Im getting there."
"Im glad youre okay," Kayleigh smiled cheerfully. "I really did mean it when I said I was concerned."
"I know, Kayleigh. Im glad you care." He gave a genuine smile and sipped his coffee. It was quiet as the two of them drank, and eventually Kurt broke the silence with, "I take it Blaine told you that I went over?"
"Barely. He told me that you were there but I really dont know anything that happened. He was very vague when I asked him about it. He hasnt said much about it other than that." Kayleigh shrugged. It was true, Blaine hadnt even told Kayleigh what Kurt had said, just that he was there. She couldnt get anything else out of him.
Kurt went quiet again and Kayleigh took that to mean that he thought Blaine kept it to himself because he didnt care for him. "Hes been really busy lately." She added lamely, and Kurt just nodded solemnly.
"I poured my heart out." Kurt murmured. "Thats what happened when I was there." He looked at her and though he put on a good mask, Kayleigh could see the pain in his eyes. She tried to think of something to say to lighten the mood, but decided it would just be best if she cut to the chase.
"Hes got his last show at Gios coming up this week," She said, trying to pretend she didnt see him swallow thickly. "Why dont you come by? You can sit in the back again so that theres no... trouble." She flashed a bright smile, hoping that would encourage him.
"I dont know if thats a good idea, Kayleigh..." Kurt looked about as apathetic as she predicted he would be.
"Come on, Ill be there! Itll be fun. Were kind of treating it as a going away night for him. Hes been there for a while, after all." When Kurt still looked reserved, she decided to strike a chord. "You should come, Kurt. Its where you guys first met, isnt it? Just... one last hoorah. If it doesnt work out, well... then I guess you have an answer? Just give it a shot. Please?" Kayleigh pleaded and watched him as he seemed to debate with himself in his head.
"Ill... Ill think about it, okay? I dont know if I can... Ill think about it." He said with finality, and Kayleigh knew that was the best she could do.
"I hope you can make it." She acknowledged. "Just so you know... He wants you to be there." She hoped that information would help the situation and not hurt it, but all she could do now was wait and see.
"Do you think hes coming??" Blaine asked as he paced the back room.
"I told you, I dont know, Blaine. I left it up to him. Its not like I could force him." Kayleigh watched as he frantically walked back and forth, wearing a path in the carpet. "Blaine if he doesnt come, its not a big deal. You can just go to him."
"I know, I just... I want him here. I feel like he needs to be. Does that make sense?" He finally sat down in an armchair and rubbed his temples.
"It makes perfect sense. Just calm down though, okay? Its your last show!"
"Thats right, it is! And I cant express how melancholy that makes me." Gio said from the door to the little room. Blaine stood up and crossed the room with a smile, meeting Gio halfway only to be pulled into a fierce hug.
"I wish I could stay, Gio." Blaine divulged honestly.
"Nonsense, Blaine. Youre closing a chapter and moving on with your life. I couldnt be more proud of you, Blaine. Just in the past year alone youve grown so much." Gio had unshed tears in his eyes and it caused Blaine to choke up a bit.
"Aw, Gio, dont get all sentimental on me; Ill come back to visit, I promise."
"You better. Now come on, youve got a show to perform! No tears!" Gio laughed boisterously and patted Blaine on the shoulder. "Its your last set here, make it a good one."
"Of course," Blaine agreed as Gio nodded and left the room. Kayleigh smiled brightly.
"You ready?"
"I guess. Is it bad that I dont want to leave?" Blaine asked.
"Of course not. But youll be okay." She gave him a hug and handed him his guitar. "Break a leg."
Blaine sighed and looked around the otherwise empty room. "Hes not coming, is he?" It wasnt a question.
"Now youll have something to look forward to when youre done." Blaine nodded and took a deep breath.
"I guess I better get on then." With that, he took his guitar and headed out to the stage. Kayleigh peaked into the restaurant from the door, which gave a good view of the stage and most of the restaurant, and was surprised to find it packed. Gio must have advertised the event. She smiled to herself, incredibly proud as Blaine introduced himself.
A soft knock on the doorframe sounded behind her and she snapped her head to see who it was.
"Im not too late, am I?" Kurt asked as he nervously stepped into the room. Kayleighs face split into an excited smile.
"Its just starting. Come on and watch," Kayleigh encouraged as he joined her.
"I wasnt going to come, but I couldnt miss it." Kurt confided. Kayleigh said nothing in response, just laid a hand on his shoulder in comfort as they watched.
Blaine was very casual as he played, talking to the audience and becoming the very enigma of a performer. He played a lot of Gios favorite songs and a few of his own. As his set was winding down, he announced that his final song.
"I just wanted to say thanks to Gio, and everyone here whos supported me so much, especially after this past year. You all mean so much to me, and I cant thank you enough. And I especially need to thank someone who never let me fall, and pushed me to be who Ive become. So again, and a million times more, thank you." Blaine paused for a minute, observing the audience with gratitude, completely in disbelief that hes made it to where he is.
Its hard to make a change
Think of all the lies that weve been told
Everything we have can all be gone before you know
And all I wanna say
Is that weve been asleep for far too long
I hope that we can find another place to belong
So dont go
Come close
And wake up with me
Open up your eyes
Breathe easy
You and I can make our escape
And give the pain to yesterday
Feel a fresher light on your face
Kayleigh heard Kurt clear his throat roughly from where he stood next to her. A few tears slid down his cheeks and he had a hand covering his mouth as he stared out at the stage, eyes glues to Blaine. Kayleigh said nothing, only wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulders as he cleared his throat and used his shaking fingers to wipe the stray tears.
Remember when we thought
Anything would happen if we tried
Remember when the world was just as big on the inside
But friends with vacant eyes
And cynics with a smile
Change you til your world was undermined
So dont go
Come close
And wake up with me
Open up your eyes
Breathe easy
You and I can make our escape
And give the pain to yesterday
Feel a fresher light on your face
You and I can make our escape
And give the pain to yesterday
Feel a fresher light on your face
Blaine ended his set with a small bow and said thank you to Gio once more before leaving the stage. Gio caught him just before he came back to the break room and congratulated him, making sure he promised to come back. After accepting all of Gios compliments, he finally returned to the break room.
"I still cant believe that was my last—" Blaine started to speak to Kayleigh when he noticed someone else in the room. "Youre here."
Kurts hair was mussed, as if he ran his hands through it, and his eyes were red-rimmed as if he had been crying. Blaine thought he looked absolutely beautiful.
"...Hi." Kurt said lamely, unable to look away from Blaine, despite his nerves. The two of them stood frozen for a moment, and then Blaine rushed over to Kurt, babbling.
"Come with me. Please? I need to talk to you. I just. You can leave after, if you want to. I dont want you to, but I need to show you something and I just want you to listen. Please? Come with me? Just give me an hour. One hour? And then you can decide whether or not Im worth it."
"Youre always worth it, Blaine," Kurt whispered, cutting off Blaines rambling.
"Then give me an hour. Please." Blaine begged, holding Kurts hands in his. He could tell Kayleigh watched them as she put Blaines guitar in the case for him, but he paid no mind. He could apologize to her later. She expected this anyway. Blaine continued to search Kurts eyes desperately as he waited for an answer.
"Okay."