If I Could Use Your Love
raeofultraviolet
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 24


T - Words: 3,245 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Yay! Im on time this week! No songs in this chapter, but more are coming a little bit later on!

 

Thanks for reading!

-Rae (tumblr)

"Are you nervous?" Blaine asked, unable to hide the shock and amusement in his voice. "Kurt, are you actually nervous right now?"

Kurt looked wearily over at Blaine from his seat by the window on the plane. They were headed to Ohio for Thanksgiving with their families, choosing to spend the day before the holiday with Blaines family and then going to Burt and Caroles in the early evening the following day. Blaine noticed that as the flight had gotten closer to its final descent and destination, Kurt became more twitchy and reserved.

"I just dont want to make a bad impression." He murmured in response. Blaine had never thought to expect that Kurt would be nervous about meeting his family. Kurt was always such a confident person, especially when meeting people. Seeing him look so uncomfortable was completely foreign to Blaine.

"Relax, theyll love you. Who wouldnt?" Blaine said, gripping Kurts hand reassuringly.

"What if they just think Im some stuck up celebrity who only cares about the lime light?" Kurts voice was still soft and full of apprehension, but at his words Blaine nearly doubled over.

"Seriously? Youre forgetting whom I have for a brother. If anyone is an attention-seeker, its Coop." Blaine continued when Kurt just shrugged and said nothing else, his demeanor unchanging. "Look, my parents... They care, they really do, but they just have a weird way of showing it. Theyre not affectionate like your parents are, but they love me and Cooper and always support us in everything we do. And I know that theyll love you. Youre the most down to earth person Ive ever met, and youre kind and caring and you always put others before yourself." Blaine stroked his thumb along the inside of Kurts wrist as he saw him start to visibly relax. "And in all honesty, Coops the one you have to worry about. Hell probably try to give you an acting lesson because apparently hes the greatest thing since James Dean."

Kurt chuckled a bit at that, his composure seeming to be almost back to its regular calm and collected state. "Well he certainly could compete with the classic Hollywood look." Kurt quipped. "You Andersons are quite the handsome bunch." Blaine blushed and squeezed Kurts hand.

"Well thanks," he said as they made their final descent. "But you really have nothing to worry about, I swear. I think I had more to worry about with meeting your family than you do meeting mine." Blaine brought Kurts hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of his wrist as the plane touched down. "Just relax. Coops picking us up from the airport and if you can handle a car ride with him you can handle anything."

"Ill do my best. And meeting my family wasnt all that bad." Kurt reasoned.

"Are you kidding me? Youre forgetting who I am. Im terrible at meeting people. Plus I had to make a good impression on your father and make sure he didnt think I was just using you. And on top of that, your best friend is a Tony Award winning Broadway star. Youre lucky I was even able to speak to any of them!" Blaine argued right back with a smile evident in his voice. After the fact, Blaine knew that it wasnt too bad, but all the while it was still very intimidating.

"Well if you think it went that badly you can redeem yourself this weekend." Kurt replied, unbuckling his seatbelt and stretching a bit as they waited their turn to get off the plane and into the terminal. "If nothing else, Im sure Carole would just love to have you as our personal in-house entertainment. Our piano is highly in need of a good playing." Kurt teased. Blaine just rolled his eyes but couldnt help his smile. Together, the two walked through Port Columbus, careful to avoid attention as much as they could, and waited outside for Cooper.

Blaine quickly turned to Kurt as he saw Cooper slowing to a stop not twenty feet from them. "I apologize thoroughly in advance, but I should warn you that my brother has absolutely no concept of personal space." He rushed out in a frantic voice as Cooper approached him and wrapped him in a hug.

"Blainey!!" Cooper greeted over enthusiastically. Blaine let out a defeated sigh as he hugged Cooper back.

"Must you?"

"This is the first time youve brought home a guy in years, Blaine. As your older brother, Im entitled to at least twenty-four hours of horrific embarrassment." Cooper replied with a widespread grin and a twinkle in his eyes that meant nothing but mischief. Blaine then cleared his throat and turned to place a hand on the small of Kurts back.

"Kurt, this is my dear old big brother, Cooper. Coop, this is Kurt."

"Its nice to finally meet you—oomph!" Kurt tried to offer a hand but Cooper quickly drew him into a bone-crushing hug.

"Handshakes are for business meetings. And its nice to finally meet the handsome man my brothers been screwing."

"Cooper!!" Blaine flushed a bright red and immediately pulled Kurt from his brothers grip. "Can you at least pretend to have the maturity of someone older than fourteen? For a day?"

"Twenty-four hours, Squirt." Cooper teased as he placed Blaine and Kurts bags into the trunk and slammed the door closed. "Twenty-four hours."

"Lets go back to L.A." Blaine turned to Kurt in a helplessly overdramatic fashion. "If we hurry we can get on a flight right now."

"I think its cute that he calls you ‘Squirt." Kurt replied with a playful smirk and opened the door to the front seat, gesturing for Blaine to get in. Blaine slumped into the seat and prepared himself for what he knew would be a torturous car ride.


Meeting Blaines parents, as it turned out, was not nearly as terrifying as Kurt would have guessed. Blaine was right, they were a bit overly polite when they had first met, very unlike his own father and Carole, who would greet anyone-familiar or not-with a large hug. Eventually though, Kurt warmed up to them with ease and natural charm, learning a little bit more about Blaine as he became engrossed in conversation with them.

Cooper was relentless every time Kurt and Blaine were left alone. He came bursting into the room loudly as if he were interrupting something (which, given their "relationship," he wasnt) and made suggestive comments with a wiggle of his eyebrows every chance he got. By the second day, Blaine wasnt made the least bit uncomfortable by Coopers constant commentary, but instead was just sorry that Kurt was also put through it. Just before Thanksgiving dinner, Cooper burst into the living room with yet another cheeky quip.

"Why? Why must you?" Blaine groaned after a particularly rude interruption from Cooper and threw his head back on the couch. Kurt was sitting next to him, trying and horribly failing to suppress his giggles. Blaine threw him a glare and mumbled, "Not helping," before turning back to Cooper. "Seriously. Im not fifteen. All these remarks and innuendos are hardly embarrassing and just plain annoying."

"Ive never had this opportunity! You never brought anyone else home other than Casey, and you guys had been dating for almost a year at that point! The sentiment wasnt the same!" Cooper argued with a wide grin on his face. He was currently leaning over the back of the couch while poking Blaine in the cheek.

"You know," Blaine grumbled as he swatted Coopers hand away, "youre really making a memorable first impression on the other TV star in the room. I hope that doesnt come back to haunt you."

"But see, now Kurt knows what a charming older brother I am. Im working a soft spot into his heart before he meets the go-getter Cooper Anderson of Hollywood." Cooper looked to Kurt expectantly, who raised an eyebrow in question.

"Yeah... thats one way to look at it I suppose..." Kurt answered, looking back to Blaine, who was currently pinching the bridge of his nose as if to will the moment away.

"Oh, come on. You should feel so loved that Im taking time out of my busy schedule to pick on you. Would I really pursue this so much if I didnt care?!" At this point, Cooper had his arms folded on the back of the couch, his chin propped up on his wrist, and his eyelashes were batting wildly as he looked between the two.

"Yes, Cooper. Im so honored you care. Thank you for that." Blaine drawled out monotonously. "Now would you mind caring somewhere else?"

"No, actually, I did have a reason for coming in here. Mom says dinner will be ready in ten." Cooper stood back up and walked off towards the dining room. Blaine sighed and turned to Kurt.

"And you were worried about my parents."

"Oh, hush! Hes not bad at all." Kurt laughed, "I like your family. Everyone is very sweet."

"Im glad you do. I know my parents arent especially affectionate like yours but..." Blaine trailed off and looked away, a little uncomfortable.

"Blaine, stop." Blaine looked over to Kurt. "I dont know why you keep saying that, but its very clear to me that you guys care a lot about each other. Your parents love you a lot." Kurt said sincerely, then added with a chuckle, "and clearly Cooper does too."

Blaine swallowed, trying to get past the lump in his throat. "Thank you." He whispered. "Its not—my parents had a hard time with it when I first came out... I guess that kind of stuck with me. I know they love me, its just... They were distant for a little while. My mom came around first, then my dad. They never really had a problem with it; it was just kind of a shock to them, and they didnt really know how to handle it. And when I had problems at school before Dalton, they basically were just upset about my being gay because other people were tormenting me for it, not because they had any issues. But that rift stuck with me I guess." Blaine murmured the majority of the story. It was very personal and he rarely told people about it, but he told Kurt everything.

"Well, of course it did. For such an emotional time, everything sticks with you. Trust me, I know. But that doesnt mean they dont love you. Just because theyre not as affectionate as other people doesnt mean they dont love you. I can see it Blaine. Theyre so proud of you, and they love you so much." Kurt smiled and wiped a stray tear from Blaines cheek. He stood up and offered his hand to Blaine.

"Now lets go get some dinner before we head to my parents for dessert."


Kurt sat cross-legged on the floor in front of his fathers ancient armchair and looked nostalgically at the framed photos on the mantel. It was late on Thanksgiving night, much later than his parents stayed up these days. If he were in high school, hed be waking up at this time to get ready to go Black Friday shopping. He hadnt bothered trying to catch the fantastic post-Thanksgiving sales in years, not since hed left New York.

An unpleasant feeling settled over him, though he couldnt quite place it. He loved his life, but being home almost made everything bittersweet.

"Are you still stuck three hours behind?" Blaine asked as he came into the room clad in pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt like Kurt was. His curls were dripping just a bit from the shower, but it appeared that he toweled them off as best he could.

"Maybe." Kurt said as Blaine came and sat down beside him against the couch. "Im just not very tired I guess." He glanced over at Blaine and couldnt help but appreciate how beautiful he looked in the dim lighting. Something about the way the light hit his face made his eyes shine like melted gold.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked suddenly, his voice full of concern.

"I—yeah, Im fine." Kurt replied a little too quickly. Blaine wasnt buying it.

"Will you tell me whats wrong?" he asked gently. Kurt hoped he could be convincing.

"Nothing. Nothings wrong, Im okay, really—"

"Kurt." Blaine murmured, placing a hand on Kurts knee. He looked directly into Kurts eyes and Kurt found himself unable to look away. He felt like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Please, tell me."

Kurt turned his gaze to his hand in his lap and let out a deep sigh. "Apparently Im not as good an actor as I thought." He muttered with a small, humorless laugh.

"You are," Blaine squeezed his knee, "I just know you." Kurt looked back up and saw Blaine looking at him with concern, but his expression was full of patience and warmth.

"Theres just something I miss about being home. And its not even my dad and Carole; I mean, I miss them, yes, but its just... looking around and being here..."

"You miss the familiarity?"

"Yeah, I guess thats it..."

"This has always been your safe haven. Whenever you had a hard time at school or just a bad day, this is where you could come home and relax. You could just be worry free and let loose. I bet you even put on sweatpants when you were here." Blaine teased with a glimmer in his eye.

"Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel does not wear sweatpants." Kurt said in mock disgust.

"Thats not even a little bit true. I see you wearing them at your house all the time." Blaine laughed.

"Guilty pleasure. That no one will know about."

"Sure, sure." Kurt rolled his eyes at him and turned back to the photographs on the mantel. There were two on the ends of Kurts mother and Finns father, two more of Finn with Carole and Kurt with Burt, and one of the four of them. None of the pictures were professionally taken; all of them were candid pictures with bright smiles full of love.

"Theres a little door in the back of my closet in my parents house that leads to the attic above the garage." Blaine uttered completely out of the blue. Kurt turned to him curiously, only just realizing that Blaine hadnt removed his hand from his knee, but he didnt mind. He was about to ask what the relevance of that statement was when Blaine continued.

"We used it for storage for old clothes that we werent really ready to get rid of, Christmas decorations, old Halloween costumes, stuff like that. I used to go back there all the time though. If I was having a bad day, or if I just needed to be alone, thats where Id go; it was my own little place. I used to do homework back there, or write music. I went into the attic as soon as I got home from school if it was a hard day with people harassing me." Blaine explained. Kurt liked hearing these little snippets from Blaines past. It made him feel like he knew him better, like he knew him back then.

"I was having a particularly rough week in my freshman year before I went to Dalton—I didnt transfer until halfway through—and Cooper found me back there. I just was tired of keeping everything in so I just let it all out. He was the first person I came out to." Blaine broke his somber nostalgia with a snort. "And yes, I realize how ironic that is."

"You came out to your brother while you guys were in the back of your closet?" Kurt laughed as well, feeling a bit of weight lift off his chest.

"Yes. And you can feel free to hold back all the jokes forming in your head because Ive heard plenty from Coop since then." Kurt couldnt help but continue to laugh as Blaine laughed along with him.

"Though I am happy to make you laugh, my original point to this story was that every time I come home thats the first place I want to go. Its my familiar safe place, and I miss the feeling of everything being okay when Im there."

"I get it now. Missing the familiarity. That actually makes a lot of sense." Kurt smiled at Blaine and scooted over next to him so they were hip to hip. "Thanks."

"For what?" Blaine rested his arm on the couch behind Kurts neck and massaged his shoulder gently.

"For making me feel normal. For keeping me grounded. For being an amazing boyfriend. For—oh, god, Blaine." Kurt groaned as Blaine dug his thumb into the tender flesh to work out a knot. "For that. Thank you for that." Kurt angled his head so Blaine could get a better grip and his eyes fell shut.

"Im happy to help," Blaine chuckled.

"Quit music and be my personal masseuse."

"Well that throws this whole thing off, then." Blaine joked, sliding up on the couch behind Kurt so he could work both of his shoulders.

"Fine. You can be my personal masseuse and pianist. That way youll still be getting paid to make music." Kurts words started to stumble into one another as he quickly became unwound.

"Oh? Im getting paid for this?"

"I figured its too much to ask you to do it out of the goodness of your heart."

"Should I be insulted?"

"No," Kurt grabbed one of Blaines hands and kissed the inside of his wrist, just as Blaine had done on the plane the day before. "I just dont want to take advantage of your kind-hearted nature." Kurt turned and stood up, offering a hand to Blaine and pulling him up. "Come on; we should get some rest."

"But Im not tired." Blaine whined and pouted as his demeanor changed to that of a toddler.

"You continue to prove to me that Im dating a five year old." Kurt chuckled as he dragged Blaine up the stairs to his old bedroom.

"Im not five; Im six now. Remember? I turned six two months ago. You insisted on making me a cake." Blaine reminisced on the weekend back in September when Kurt found out it was his birthday. He tried to bake a cake, but Blaine demanded to help, which led to a flour fight in Kurts kitchen.

"Im still finding dried cake batter on my countertops. I scoured that kitchen three times and I somehow managed to miss some of it." Kurt scowled at Blaine, but couldnt hold it when Blaine looked at him with wide-eyed innocence.

"Please, that was the best cake-baking experience youve ever had in your life."

"Youre right; it was." Kurt pushed open the door to his room and flopped down on the bed and then groaned. "I think you missed a knot." He mumbled, rubbing at his left shoulder.

"Youre the one who stopped me." Blaine mocked, pushing Kurt into a sitting position and digging his fingers into the spot Kurt was rubbing at. Kurt moaned at the touch and his eyes drooped shut.

"Forget white noise. This will put me to sleep faster." Kurt muttered, slumping a bit as Blaine continued to gently rub at his shoulders.

"Kayleigh tells me it works better than Nyquil."

Kurt didnt respond for a few minutes and Blaine figured he was asleep until he mumbled an affirmative. Blaine chuckled and patted his shoulders lightly. "All right, Sleepy; time for bed."

"Are you going to tuck me in and read me a story?"

"And you say Im the toddler." Blaine rolled his eyes and pulled back the cover while the two of them climbed into bed.

"You are..."

"...Kurt?" Blaine leaned over to find Kurt fast asleep on his pillow. He smiled fondly and kissed his forehead. "Good night, Kurt."


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