If I Could Use Your Love
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If I Could Use Your Love: Chapter 17


T - Words: 3,148 - Last Updated: Apr 30, 2015
Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/? - Created: Jun 23, 2014 - Updated: Jun 23, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Songs used:

Maybe - Yiruma (this is the piano song thats mentioned and its super pretty)

I Should Go - Levi Kreis (My personal theme song for If I Could Use Your Love)

 

Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated! :)

-Rae (tumblr)

With Kurt now back at the studio filming for the next season, Blaine barely saw him except for a few hours on the weekends. Kurt promised it would slow down after a few weeks since the first weeks getting back into the show were always hectic, but Blaine missed his company. A lot of his free time was spent in his music room or with Kayleigh, and sometimes he could only take so much of her enthusiasm.

"Oh! Did I tell you that some girls came to Gios the other day asking about you?" Kayleigh informed him. She was lounging on the old, plaid couch in the music room, browsing the internet on Blaines laptop once again while Blaine absently played the piano.

"No, you didnt tell me that. What did they want?" Blaines hands flew over the keys, desperately trying to find the ending to an unfinished melody but unsuccessful in doing so.

"They were wondering about your schedule. I think youve gained some fans," she finished with a wink. Blaine rolled his eyes and joined her on the couch, wondering just what was so fascinating with her gossip sites.

"Well its a start I guess," he looked over at the screen to find a website with a very bright background and a lot of links scattered along the sides. "What website is this?"

"Ooh, are you falling into the hands of the gossip lovers?" Kayleigh asked scandalously. Blaine raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed. "Actually, if theres a site you should follow, its this one." She pointed to the top of the page to show the title of the website called "Been&Done."

"What is it?" Blaine asked, scanning the links to the articles on the side.

"Its a fan site, but its a little more... screened than others. Its mostly just a ton of celebrity gossip, but its got a good balance between media and fanbase stuff, so its not really influenced or weighted one way or the other. Most of it is pretty accurate, but its interesting to keep tabs on whats going on here. Its where I find most of the stuff I see about you, seeing as youre not fully in the medias eye yet and there are only so many fan blogs I can go on before I become scarred for life."

"Scarred for life?" Blaine was slightly alarmed.

"Its... intense, well put it that way. Ive been on a few and well, some people have strong and unrealistic opinions." She shrugged and continued to scroll through the page while Blaine looked over her shoulder. He saw a picture of Kurt and his costars on the side with a caption about their filming for the upcoming season of Far From the End, along with other various pictures of celebrity scandals and gossip that Blaine never really cared much about.

"I guess Ill have to keep an eye on this, then." Blaine said finally, glancing at the website one last time before returning to the piano bench. He sat there frustrated once again as he tried to figure out the hollow melody that had been haunting him for so long now.

"What are you playing?" Kayleigh asked as she sat beside him on the bench.

"Ive had the chorus to a song written for over two years but I cant write anything else. Its just... nothings coming to me." Blaine let out a frustrated sigh and plucked out the melody once again, only to stop abruptly when it didnt sound right. "I dont know why, it just seems like nothing fits."

"Youll get it," Kayleigh said encouragingly while rubbing his shoulder.

"Maybe. Its just frustrating; Ive written so many songs since I started this one, but every time I go back to it, nothing works." He ran a hand through his hair and slumped his perfect posture.

"Whats wrong?"

"What if Im kidding myself? What if Im not cut out to do this music thing?" Blaine had, as of late, some serious self-doubt. It was nothing if not confusing for him, since he had come so far with his confidence since hed met Kurt, but over the past few days he kept wondering how far he would actually make it.

"Oh, B, come on. One song isnt going to make or break you. I know how talented you are. You can do this, and now youve got Kurt to give you a little push in the right direction, too." Blaines head snapped up at that, but Kayleigh quickly rushed on. "Not that—no, I know thats not why youre dating him. I would never accuse you of that, and I know thats something you would never do." Kayleigh wrapped her arm around his and held tightly, comfortingly. "I just mean that whether you realize it or not, he gives you a lot of confidence. And you seem so comfortable when hes around. Its nice to see you like that again."

"Again?"

"Im not trying to say you rely on other people; youre one of the most independent people I know, but you just seem more calm and sure of yourself when you know someone you love is there to support you and believe in you no matter what. You were that way whenever Casey was with you and Im noticing it now with Kurt, too." Kayleigh reasoned. "Maybe its just because theyre both like muses, or something, but you almost never stop smiling when Kurts in the room."

"Kay..." Blaine pleaded.

"I know, I said I wouldnt push it and Im not. Im just saying that when hes around, you look happier. Youre more open to other people when hes with you, too. Dont think I havent noticed." She supplied with a knowing look in her eyes. "I know its not the music youre not confident in, youve always been so sure when youre playing. Youre just nervous because youve never been outgoing, but you are confident when you know you have someone who will be there for you."

Blaine took in her words as he continued to play a different, more familiar tune. He never thought about it before, but maybe he really was more confident around other people when Kurt was there with him.


Blaine was headed to the coffee shop around the corner during his lunch break when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He didnt bother to check the caller ID before he answered it, figuring it was Kayleigh with the latest gossip, if her recent texts were anything to go by.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Squirt! Hows your summer been?" Said a voice that was all too familiar, yet he hadnt heard in a while.

"Coop?" He stopped in his tracks, curious as to why his brother had called him so out of the blue.

"Yeah, who else would it be? How are you?" Cooper laughed cheerfully and Blaine picked up his step again while he responded.

"Im... Im good." Blaine replied cautiously.

"I bet you are! So tell me, when were you planning on telling your loving big brother that youre currently dating one of Hollywoods hottest TV stars, hmm?" Cooper accused in a light tone. Blaine knew this would be coming sometime soon.

"Um, well I was... it just sort of—wait, how did you find out?"

"You guys werent trying to keep it a secret, were you? Because you kind of screwed that up with the press interviews. Theres gossip about you all over the place, you know."

"Well... We werent really trying to keep it a secret, but I just didnt... theres gossip about me everywhere?" Blaine questioned, just registering Coopers last statement.

"Yeah, I just saw a video of you playing at Gios from the other night and some of the comments said something about your dating Kurt and being so cuuuute and in looooove." He exaggerated the words enough to tease Blaine and push his buttons, but Blaine was thankful Cooper couldnt see him blush.

"We only started dating a few months ago, Coop."

"So what? You still could have told me!"

"I—yeah, I should have. Im sorry, Ive just been busy with work and Giovannis and—"

"And Kurt?" Blaine could almost hear his brother smirking.

"Well hes really busy filming and stuff right now, so—"

"And Kurt?" Cooper persisted, knowing Blaine would eventually give in.

"I—yeah. And Kurt." He said rolling his eyes and deciding it was best not to try to argue.

"Good. Im happy for you, Squirt."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Blaine sighed.

"Doesnt matter how many times you tell me not to, Im still gonna do it." Cooper laughed, and then added. "You sounded really good in that video, by the way. I watched it a few times. Im so proud of you."

"I... Thanks, Coop. That really means a lot." Blaine had to force himself to breathe and not start getting choked up. He didnt get a lot of praise from his brother on a regular basis. It only came once in a while, but when it did, his heart swelled in his chest.

"Dont go and get a big head, now!" They both laughed over the line but Cooper had to cut the conversation short due to an appointment. "Ill talk to you soon, okay? Keep me updated on your Hollywood romance, you got it?"

"I will, Coop. Talk to you later." Blaine hung up and stared at his phone for a minute. He loved his brother, even if they werent particularly close, and he felt guilty for not telling him, but at least he was understanding about it.

Blaine pocketed his phone but it started buzzing again seconds later, this time signaling a text message.

New Message From: Kurt
My pianos getting dusty.

New Message From: Blaine
You should play something for me, then!

New Message From: Kurt
I was hinting that *you* should come play for *me*

New Message From: Blaine
I always play for you. You should play for me until were even.

New Message From: Kurt
I doubt I know that many songs. Might as well build up your quota until I learn enough, right?

New Message From: Blaine
Nice try.

New Message From: Kurt
Please?? (You cant see, but Im making a puppy face)

New Message From: Blaine
I thought we had a rule about no puppy faces?

New Message From: Kurt
I said *you* couldnt make a puppy face. You never made that rule.

New Message From: Blaine
Well, Im making it a rule now.

New Message From: Kurt
Youve broken the rule before, and so can I. My puppy eyes are big and round and pleading.

New Message From: Blaine
Not fair.

New Message From: Kurt
Ill see you at 7?

New Message From: Blaine
NOT. FAIR.

New Message From: Kurt
:)


"I hate you." Blaine said with a pout when Kurt answered the door later that evening demonstrating the perfect puppy look. That was immediately replaced with a laugh as he let Blaine in.

"No you dont!" Kurt chuckled as Blaine toed off his shoes. "I made a caprese salad, is that okay?"

"Sounds delicious!" Blaine enthused as he followed Kurt into the kitchen. They spent their evening catching up, Kurt telling him about the crazy antics that happened on set with his costars (which involved a cake fight that the wardrobe department was none too pleased about) while Blaine filled him in on the latest happenings in his life, including his brothers phone call from earlier.

"It must have been nice to hear from him," Kurt commented. "Howd he take the whole relationship thing?"

"Really well, actually." Blaine thought back to the conversation. "He was a little upset that I wasnt the one to tell him, but hes... he said hes happy for me. And he said he saw a video of me from Gios and thought I sounded really good." Blaine wouldnt admit it, but he took a lot of pride in that compliment from his brother.

"Well Im sure you were fantastic as always," Kurt smiled and got up to grab his laptop from the kitchen counter and brought it back to the couch where they were sitting. "Did he say where he found the video?"

"YouTube, probably, but Im not sure," Blaine watched the screen as Kurt typed his name in the search bar. Several videos of his recent performances popped up and they scrolled through, looking through the comments on a few of them. Most of them were positive comments about his performances, and it gave Blaine little flutters of delight as he read them.

"I wish I could come to Giovannis as often as I did in the summer," Kurt sighed. "I miss watching you play." He nudged Blaines shoulder and shot him a hopeful look.

"Well, look! Now you have the convenience of YouTube to watch me!" Blaine teased, but Kurt was already pushing him off the couch and steering him towards the piano bench, plopping down right next to him.

"Pretty please?" Kurt whispered with a shy smile looking up at Blaine through his eyelashes. Blaines breath caught for a moment before his hands found the keys and he began to play a familiar song that had no lyrics attached. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Kurt watching him closely, but he didnt mind. He didnt mind even as Kurts weight leaned into him and his chin rested on his shoulder as he played.

"I dont think Ive ever heard that song..." Kurt whispered as the tune faded out.

"Its just a piano song, there arent any lyrics." Blaine breathed back, afraid to break the silence more than necessary. "Its called Maybe by Yiruma. I like playing his piano songs a lot. Hes... they were always Caseys favorites."

"Its beautiful." Kurt looked up at him again and asked, "Will you play another?"

"Thats your real reason for getting into this relationship, isnt it? Free piano concerts in the comfort of your own home?" He teased lightly.

"You caught me. Now play?"

"So bossy. But no, Ill save the piano songs for when I can use them to my advantage. Is something else okay?" He asked as he began playing without thinking about it first. The song just came to mind, really.

"Of course," Kurt got comfortable by his side once more as he listened to the melody. The tune was unfamiliar to him, but as Blaine sang the lyrics he was hooked on every word.

Here we are
Isnt it familiar
Havent had someone to talk to
In such a long time
And its strange
All we have in common
And your company was just the thing I needed tonight
Somehow I feel I should apologize
Cause Im just a little shaken
By whats going on inside

Blaine knew Kurt was paying close attention as usual, but something felt... different. More comfortable than usual, perhaps. His mind floated back to the conversation he had with Kayleigh as he continued to play.

I should go
Before my will gets any weaker
And my eyes begin to linger
Longer than they should
I should go
Before I lose my sense of reason
And this hour holds more meaning
Than it ever could
I should go
I should go
Baby, I should go

Kayleigh was right, Blaine realized. He missed this, the comfort he felt with another person around, knowing he supports him, no matter what. Even if their relationship was a lie, their friendship wasnt. And he could let himself have that. He wouldnt push anything else. Kurt wanted to help him with his career, so anything but friendship could wait.

Its so hard
Keeping my composure
And pretend I dont see how
Your body curves beneath your clothes
And your laugh
Is pure and unaffected
It frightens me to know so well the place I shouldnt go
I know I gotta take the noble path
Cause I dont want you to question
The intentions that I have

He continued on with the song, playing softly and singing along in a tone that could barely hide any emotions he had. He couldnt look at Kurt while he was playing. Not with this song. He knew that Kurt would be watching him, watching his face, no matter how much he tried to cover it up by glancing at his fingers on the keys every now and then. Blaine wasnt sure what prompted him to sing this particular song, but it forced its way into the front of his mind and he couldnt get it out. Perhaps because it hit a little too close to home when he was around Kurt.

Oh, but now I dont mean to leave you with a trivial excuse
And when you call tomorrow, Ill know what to do

I should go
Before my will gets any weaker
And my eyes begin to linger
Longer than they should
I should go
Before I lose my sense of reason
And this hour holds more meaning
Than it ever could
I should go
I should go
Baby, I should go

It was strange, the revelations he could come to when he was sitting on Kurts piano bench. But whenever he got lost in music, he got lost in his mind as well.

"Too much?" He asked when he met Kurts eyes tentatively.

"Never. It was actually kind of perfect." Kurt looked up at him through his eyelashes for a moment before adding, "I love listening, no matter what youre playing," Kurt pressed a fleeting kiss to his cheek and sat up, placing his hands on the piano.

"Are you going to play for me?" Blaine asked hopefully.

"Ive been working really hard on my nursery rhymes," Kurt smirked as he plucked out the unmistakable melody of Mary Had a Little Lamb.

"One day you will play a proper song for me. I know it." Blaine sighed, reaching over to cover Kurts right hand with his own. He lined up their fingers and pressed down on the keys, playing a simple tune over Kurts hand with his own practiced fingers. Kurt laughed every time he moved his hand in the wrong direction, but still watched in fascination as Blaine helped him play.

"Is this your way of getting me to play for you?" Kurt asked with a small chuckle.

"No, Youre still going to play for me. This is my way of making you comfortable with playing for me. Or at least, Im hoping that my method is working." Blaine removed his hand from Kurts and looked over at him in question.

"Hmm, it may be working. I still never agreed to playing for you." Kurt reminded him.

"But you will, Ill guilt you into it if necessary." Blaine shrugged with a smile. Kurt rolled his eyes and glanced at his watch with a sigh.

"I really hate to kick you out, but I have an unreasonably early call time tomorrow." Kurt scrunched his nose in distaste and Blaine laughed, kissing Kurts nose to smooth out the creases.

"Its okay; you should get some sleep." Blaine smiled as he stood up and headed towards the door, Kurt following closely behind. "Ill see you sometime this weekend?"

"Probably. Ill let you know what my schedule is." Kurt leaned against the frame of the door and crossed his arms. "See you soon?" He asked as Blaine fished his keys out of his pocket.

"Yeah, Ill see you soon," Blaine smiled and kissed Kurts cheek. "Good night, Kurt."

"Good night, Blaine."


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