Week 5 Day 7

The two weeks following his close encounter with death Kurt had been having the same dream that would keep him tossing and turning all night, giving him little sleep. Now his dreams were producing awful effects on his mind and body.

And tonight, Kurt was in his bed having the same dream he had been having for three nights now. He would be drowning, and there would be a body floating in the water. Right before he could figure out who the body was, he would get pulled out of the water by Blaine. But the night of his first date with Blaine, the dream changed.

He was in the water, and like every other dream he never knew Blaine was going to save him, so he believed he was going to die at any moment. Once the body appeared he wasnt pulled out immediately, and the body started drifting closer. He couldnt make out much about the body, just that it was a woman. She was floating limply in the water, and then a light coming from out of the water shined directly on her face and honey-blond hair. It was his mother.

Once he realized it was his mother, he froze in the water immediately, gasping for air that wasnt there. He wanted to swim over and help her, but something told him there was nothing he could do. His heart started beating faster and faster and finally when he thought he was going to stop breathing a hand grasped his wrist firmly and pulled him out…

It was the third night he had this particular dream. But something was different, this dream cracked something deep inside of him.

Kurt woke up immediately and sat up. He looked around the room for a few moments, breathing heavily, trying to remember where he was. He was sweating profusely and his heart was beating quickly. It was raining hard outside, and a bolt of lightning illuminated the room. Once he remembered his dream, the tears came, and they wouldnt stop.

His mom didnt have anyone to pull her out of the water, why did he? Where was her Blaine when she was drowning? Why did she have to leave him, only to show up in his dreams motionless?

He didnt want to think about his mother drowning, and how it must have felt in those last moments of her life, unable to do anything. Knowing without a doubt that you were going to die, and then actually having to endure the pain of death itself.

A loud boom of thunder rang through the room and seemed to shake the whole house to its core. Kurt covered his ears, trying not to remember what had happened just two weeks before. It had been the first thunderstorm since that night, and Kurt soon realized he was afraid. Not just afraid, but terrified.

He felt sick, so he quickly slipped out of bed and ran to the hall bathroom. But when he leaned over the toilet to vomit, nothing came out. He didnt know why he couldnt stop crying, but no matter how hard he tried to stop the tears kept coming. So he closed and locked the door and looked around the dark room. He decided that the tub would be the safest place to go and sat down inside and started to rock back and forth, unable to control anything his body was doing.

Before his accident he would never have had a dream like this before. Whenever he dreamed about his mother it was always of her reading to him, or playing with him in the park when he was young. Even after she died he never dreamed about her actually dead or dying. He only dreamed about himself falling into the water again and again.

He pulled his knees to his chest, holding his hands over his ears so he couldnt hear the thunder coming from outside. Finally, after almost ten minutes of crying, the tears subsided and he finally just sat there while the storm quieted down. There was only one person on his mind at that moment: Blaine.

He wanted to call him. But he realized it must have been around three in the morning, and he really didnt want to wake him. So he sat for a few more moments thinking about their impending date they were going to have today.

They had gone out every day since their date at Blaines meadow, which Kurt liked to call it. The day after their date at the meadow, Kurt introduced Blaine to Carole, who seemed to like him very much. Kurt explained to Carole after Blaine left that no one was supposed to know that they were dating because of his grandmother. She understood, and told Kurt if Blaine needed anything, she would be there to help.

Blaine thankfully had come over when Burt and Finn were out seeing the new superhero movie that just came out that week. He decided to wait a while before introducing the family to Blaine at once because Kurt really didnt know how his father would react to meeting Blaine again as his first boyfriend.

The last three days consisted of going to the amusement park, walking on the boardwalk, and going bowling at a nearby bowling alley. Susies ice cream parlor had been closed for the past few weeks because it needed some renovations, but it was finally opening back up today and Blaine was planning on taking Kurt there for another surprise.

So today they were going to go to the amusement park again and then to the ice cream shop afterward. Blaine said as long as they didnt show any PDA at the park they should be okay. Before all of their public dates, Blaine told Kurt to make it look like they hardly knew each other, and Kurt hated it. He just wanted to hold hands with Blaine on the boardwalk, or have Blaine wrap his arms around him and teach him to bowl. But it was always the same, and it seemed even worse than when they were just friends. The most they had done on one of their dates was share a small kiss at the top of the Ferris wheel, when Blaine was sure no one could see them.

After getting lost in his thoughts about Blaine, Kurt realized that the storm had stopped and he felt like he could get back to sleep. So he pulled himself out of the tub and shuffled back into his room quietly, glad that he hadnt woken anyone up. He changed out of his sweaty clothes quickly and tucked himself back into his bed, pulling the covers up to his neck and tried to let his mind wonder about Blaine and how happy he would be once he saw him.

When Kurt finally woke up that morning, the night seemed to take everything out of him. He had an awful headache and his whole body ached from the lack of sleep. He looked at the clock and noticed that breakfast was probably going to be ready soon.

He practically had to use all his energy just to roll out of bed and brush his teeth. He didnt even bother changing his clothes or fixing his hair before walking downstairs to find his family, minus Aunt Annie, already at the table while Carole still finishing the last batch of pancakes.

"There you are Kurt," Carole said smiling. "I was just about to have Finn wake you up."

Kurt hardly acknowledged Carole before sitting down at the table in the empty chair beside Burt. "Are you okay?" Burt asked looking at Kurts glazed over expression. "Is there something wrong?"

Kurt slowly turned his head to face his father, who was giving him a concerned look. "Just tired, thats all," he said lethargically and distant.

"Dude, you really dont look okay." Finn said trying to help the situation. "Your eyes are all puffy and dark around them."

Kurt darted his eyes at Finn. "Thank you, captain obvious," he said bitterly. His headache was getting worse and all he wanted was to get back to sleep. "Wheres Aunt Annie?" He asked directed toward his father.

"Shes not feeling too well today, so she wont be having breakfast with us," Burt said. "Are you doing anything with Blaine today?" He asked trying to change the subject.

"Just another one of our dates. Or our were in public so we cant talk time." Kurt said sarcastically.

"Whats going on with that? Why cant you talk to each other?" Burt prodded.

"Can you just stay out of my personal life, okay?" Kurt snapped at his dad.

For the past few days he had been snapping at his family for things that werent even a big deal. Once he even snapped at his dad for changing the channel, when he wasnt even watching the TV in the first place.

He noticed how taken aback his father was and felt the pain in his head intensify. He pushed away from the table and stood up abruptly. "Im not really that hungry, I think Im going to go back to sleep."

The rest of his family stared at him as he walked out of the kitchen without another word. Once he got back upstairs he shut his door and fell onto his bed, not even caring to pull on the covers.

What woke him up for the third time that day was Your Song playing loudly into his ear. It took him a few moments to wake up enough to realize it was cell phone ringing. He knew it was Blaine calling because he had changed only his ringtone to that song after he sang it to him in the meadow.

He reached to the bedside table and answered his cell phone, "Hey," he said groggily.

"Hey Kurt, I was just calling to tell you Im on my way down to the lifeguard stand, and Ill be picking you up at 6:30 to go to the amusement park."

"Okay," he said drowsily, letting out an audible yawn.

"Were you sleeping? Oh Kurt, Im sorry…"

"Its not a big deal Blaine. Stop making everything a big deal," he muttered harshly.

"I—Wait, have you been asleep all day? Because its already two in the afternoon."

Kurt didnt even care what time it was. "Yeah…your point?" he said harshly.

"Are you feeling okay? If youre not feeling well we can always go another day—"

"Im feeling fine. Just some dreams have been keeping me up and Im just tired."

"Anything you want to talk about? I can help if there is anything—"

"I said Im fine." Kurt said cutting Blaine off a little more harshly than he had intended. He knew he didnt even mean it. He wanted Blaine to come and hold him in his arms and tell him everything was going to be alright. But what if he thought something was wrong with him? What if he didnt want to be with someone with so many emotional problems?

"Okay…So youre sure you want to go out tonight?" Blaine finally asked.

Kurt sighed and replied, "Yes. Im sorry I snapped at you. Ill see you at 6:30?"

"See you at 6:30." Blaine said before hanging up.

Kurt felt like a wreck. He didnt know what was wrong with him and he didnt like the way he was starting to act to the people he cared about. He especially didnt want to start lashing out at Blaine.

Blaine came to pick Kurt up that evening wearing his red lifeguard trunks and his gray Ocean City T-shirt. Kurt was about to get angry at him for not changing before realizing how stupid it was. It wasnt like they were going to a fancy restaurant, it was a casual date to an amusement park. He even convinced himself that he was overdressed and went upstairs to change while Blaine followed him.

"Kurt," Blaine said knocking on his closet door. "You look fine. I love what you were wearing," he said sincerely.

"Well youre biased because you love everything that I do," Kurt said mockingly while looking for something else to wear.

"And I also love sharing a seat on the Ferris wheel with you, which we arent going to be able to do if you take all night trying to pick out your clothes," he said chuckling.

Kurt stood in his closet and took in a large inhale through his nose and exhaled slowly. He opened the door without changing anything and walked into the middle of his bedroom throwing his arms into the air. "Lets go then, god forbid we miss walking through an amusement park pretending that we hardly know each other. Oh, and maybe well share a small kiss on top of the Ferris wheel. Would you like that Blaine?" he said sarcastically.

"Kurt was is it with you lately?"

"I just dont like not being able to show my feelings for you. I want to be able to hold your hand on the boardwalk. And I want to kiss you when you get a strike or at the off chance my ball doesnt go into the gutter when we bowl."

"Well you can kiss me now," Blaine said walking up to Kurt and giving him a tiny kiss, but Kurt quickly turned his head away. "Come on Kurt, you saw my grandmother. If anyone from her church group saw us she would know and—"

"She would know and do what Blaine?" Kurt said crossing his arms.

"She would kick me out of the house! Weve been over this." Blaine said raising his voice just a little bit louder than normal.

"Well you could come and live with Aunt Annie. Theres a pull out couch and—"

"Theres more than just sleeping arrangements when it comes to someone moving out and leaving the house. Theres money, which I have none of. And I just cant leave."

"But you told me on many occasions that you would leave that hell hole if you could. Im offering you a way to leave. Why dont you just leave?"

"I cant, okay? I just cant."

"Why?" Kurt persisted. He had no clue why Blaine couldnt leave. He wanted to be with him, and the only way to truly be with him would be to get him away from his grandmother.

"I—I need her for things—its complicated."

"Why cant you just tell me why you cant leave? Why cant you tell me the truth?" Kurt let out an emotionless laugh. "Do you feel like you can keep things from me because saved my life? You know what? If you really cared about me as much as you say you do you would tell me." Blaines facial expression changed into something Kurt had never seen before. It wasnt anger, but total hurt that spread across his face.

As soon as he said it Kurt regretted the entire conversation. Now he just accused Blaine of not caring about him, but he knew he was the person Blaine cared about the most. He also knew he was probably one of the only people who cared about Blaine.

"Blaine—I—I dont know whats wrong with me—Im s-sorry—"

"Ive never felt like you owed me anything, Kurt. Do you feel like you owe me something? Like you have to be with me because I saved your life?" Blaine asked coldly, looking straight into Kurts eyes.

"What? Why would you ask something like that? Blaine, I lo—"

"Dont say it. Not like this." The hurt in Blaines eyes made Kurt feel like the worst human being on the planet. "When you figure out what you want you can call me. And if you dont Ill understand," Blaine said walking out the door of his room.

"Blaine, please!" Kurt yelled with tears in his eyes after a few moments of standing in shock. Once he made it downstairs, Blaine had already left, and Kurt was alone.