Week 8 Day 4 (Continued)

Kurt sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the wall, totally stunned and unable to move. Blaine had been in the hospital for almost three days by now judging from the time of the phone call. What if he was too late? What if Blaine was already dead? The thought of not being able to ever see Blaine again was unbearable. Even if he had considered it a few times that week, the possibility that it had become reality was just too much.

But what was he doing just sitting there? If Blaine was still in the hospital fighting for his life, sitting in his room thinking of worst case scenarios was just wasting more time. He needed to be with him, or at least try.

Kurt pushed himself off of his bed and darted into his closet. Once he found something acceptable to wear, he changed and ran downstairs, not wasting a second of time. Carole was up already watching TV with Burt in the living room, while Finn, as always, was still asleep.

"What are you doing up dressed this early?" Burt asked as Kurt moved through the living room to get to the front door.

"Im taking the car," he said, not even taking a moment to stop and look at his father.

"Whoa there," Burt said. Kurt stopped and turned around, obviously preoccupied. "Why do you need the car?"

"Im going out," he answered flatly.

"Okay, I would think you were going out if you took the car. Where exactly will you be going?"

There was no point in wasting any more time. "Im going to see Blaine, hes in the hospital. Now please may I take the car?"

Burt heard the urgency in Kurts voice and waved his hand for him to leave. "Be careful," he told him.

Kurt nodded. "Thank you, Ill try to have it home soon," he said, grabbing the keys off the key ring at front door and rushing himself to the car. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he was racing against time. He felt like each second was critical, and for all he knew, they were.

He definitely drove much faster than he was supposed to. He didnt even know what hospital Blaine was at. The only one he knew of was the one he went to after he almost drowned, so it seemed best to try there first. He secretly hoped Blaine wasnt there, because the hospital hadnt been extremely accommodating.

Once he was in the hospital he looked around until he found the front desk, who had a red haired woman with large glasses working at the computer.

He walked up to the desk and tried to get the womans attention, who looked like she was in her late twenties. "Excuse me?" He asked. When the woman didnt respond he asked again with a little more force in his voice. "Excuse me? I need to find someone—" She put her finger up, telling him to wait a moment without ever taking her eyes off the computer.

Kurt stood there in front of the desk and waited, rather impatiently as time persisted. The woman sat at the computer for at least five minutes while she chewed gum, and with each passing minute Kurt was becoming incredibly agitated. "Im still here," he said in an annoyed voice.

The woman finally looked up at him with an equally annoyed expression. "What do you want," she sighed.

"I want to see my boyfr—m-my friend." The woman lifted her eyebrow. "I came here to see my friend Blaine Anderson. He has cancer and I was wondering if you could see if hes checked into this hospital?" Or had been checked into this hospital.

"Visiting hours are from noon to four for non-family members. Maybe you should come back later if you want to see your friend." She swiveled in her chair and turned back to what she was doing on the computer.

"Could you please just see if hes at this hospital?" He pleaded. "I just need to know—"

The phone rang at the front desk and the woman answered it, not even listening to Kurt. "Hey Jenny…No, Im not doing anything…"

"Hello?" Kurt tried to get the womans attention again.

"Shh," she snapped at him. She covered the phone with her hand "Its an important call kid, Ill be with you in a moment." She the phone back to her ear. "Im back. I know! Did you see that episode of…wasnt it perfect?"

Kurt turned around and walked to a chair in the waiting room. They were wasting time, why wouldnt this woman help him? He was so irritated and anxious that he felt like steam would burst from his ears.

Exactly one minute went by before Kurt couldnt take it anymore. He clenched his jaw, stood up, and walked straight toward the desk.

"No, Jenny, I swear to you…"

"Excuse me?" Kurt said forcefully, slamming his hand on the desk. The woman flinched at the sound of his voice and put down the phone. Once he knew he had her attention he continued. "Now, I dont think it would be that hard just to look up one simple name to see if he is checked into this hospital. I dont care about whatever you and whats-her-name have to talk about, all I know is right now my friend might be dead. So what you need to do right now is to look up Blaine Anderson and see where in this freaking hospital he is so I can go tell him that I still love him—" Kurt covered his mouth immediately after he processed what he just said.

The red haired womans eyes went wide and she picked the phone back up. "Jen, Ill have to call you back." She slowly rolled herself back to the computer and started typing. "You said his name was Blaine Anderson, correct?"

Kurt nodded. "Yes, thats his name." He squeezed his arm as the woman kept typing, the pressure and anxiousness building.

"It looks like he was in room 57A of recovery…" She read off the computer screen. "But that was before…"

"Before what? What happened? Please tell me hes okay," he said, tears building in his eyes.

"Calm down," she groaned. "He was moved to the fourth floor yesterday, thats where cancer treatments located. It says…It says he came in for an abnormally high white blood cell count...They took a biopsy Saturday to see how much farther the cancer had spread…there were complications…"

"Complications? What kind of complications?" Kurt was relieved that Blaine was alive yet worried about what was happening to him.

"I would guess infection…great time to have extra antibodies, right?" She laughed. Kurt was not laughing.

"What room is he in?"

"Im sorry but you cant see him right now. Visiting hours are noon to four—"

"Does it look like I care when the visiting hours are?" He cut her off. "Is there someone who actually takes their job seriously who I could talk to?"

She scoffed. "Kid, I dont know who you think you are but you are going to have to wait until noon to see your little boyfriend. Got it?"

All of a sudden, everyone in the immediate viewing distance of their conversation was staring at them. Kurt gave the woman the biggest bitch glare and started out of the waiting area, he wasnt going to wait until noon.

He found the nearest elevator and was about to hit the four, before noticing it was already pressed. Only a woman with dark black hair and a white coat was standing next to him. "So youre going to four too?" She said, obviously trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, Im trying to visit my friend but I guess Ill have to wait until noon." Annoyance was obvious in his voice. Why couldnt this elevator move any faster?

"Whos your friend?" She asked.

"His names Blaine. I just found out he was sick a few days ago…"

"Blaine Anderson?"

"You know him?" He asked astonished. She smiled at him.

"It would be pretty awful if a doctor didnt know their own patients. Dont you think?" She held out her hand. "Im Dr. Martin."

Kurt took her hand and shook it. "My name is Kurt Hummel. Do you know if there would be any way for me to see him?"

The elevator doors opened on the fourth floor and Dr. Martin led him into the waiting room of the cancer treatment area. "I think it could be arranged," she said sweetly.

Kurt smiled for the first time that morning as Blaines doctor led him through double doors and into a hallway. There were so many different people. Some were just children, others were full growth adults. Many didnt have hair, others couldnt walk. Kurt wouldnt even allow himself to imagine what Blaine must have went through.

"Dont tell anyone Im doing this, okay?" She whispered to him. "But, I think Blaine could use a visitor. Hes never had one besides his grandmother…" She leaned in towards him. "Dont tell him I said this, but she can be such a prude."

Kurt chuckled. "I think he already knows that." Kurt paused for a moment. This was Blaines doctor, she might have answers. "Do you think there is anything that could help him?" he asked, although it didnt seem like she heard him. Before anything else could be said Dr. Martin stopped in front of a door. It must have been Blaines room.

"I can tell he doesnt like this room as much," she said. "He was moved out of the childrens part of the hospital a few weeks ago." She opened the door slowly and peered her head inside. "Hes resting right now, but I think if youre quiet…"

"Thank you so much," he whispered. Kurt knew he could never tell the doctor how much he appreciated what she was doing for him.

There was a loud beeping sound and Dr. Martin started backing away from the door. "I have to go, but it was great meeting you Kurt," she said, running down the hallway.

She was gone in a matter of moments, and all that was left was Blaines open door, which he hadnt yet looked inside.

He slowly walked in and shut the door, making sure not to make much noise.

The room was dark and curtains were pulled over the large windows of the hospital room. It was quiet, all except for the faint beating of a heart monitor.

And then there was Blaine, sound asleep in his hospital bed. Kurt had never seen him this way, even when he had become sick at his house that one day, he never looked as bad as he did right at that moment. He looked so much smaller lying in that bed, in the room all by himself. His skin was pale and blotchy, accompanied by large circles under his eyes. His lips were chapped and slightly parted, with a thin nasal tube running right above them. He looked so helpless.

Kurt couldnt look at him like that, it was just too hard.

He turned around and buried his face in his hands, tears starting almost immediately. He thought he would have run out of them by now, but yet they still fell. Seeing Blaine laying there made everything feel so much more real.

He stayed quiet, making sure that he didnt wake Blaine. Once he got the courage to look at Blaine again he turned around slowly, hoping it wouldnt look as bad as he remembered. But it still was.

Kurt pulled one of the hospital chairs close to Blaines bed, trying his hardest not to break down at the thought of how much pain he must have been in. He sat down quietly and made his movements slow to keep Blaine from waking up.

He just sat there for a few moments, afraid that if he did anything he could hurt Blaine. There were so many wires and tubes coming from Blaines body, and the thought that those things were the only thing keeping Blaine alive scared Kurt.

But even with the wires and the dark rings around his eyes, he was still Blaine. His Blaine. And in the end, Kurt still loved Blaine, even if he had lied or made him promises he couldnt keep. Yes, Kurt had been angry, mostly because he didnt understand why. Why Blaine had not told him. Why had Blaine said things he didnt mean. Why he couldnt have Blaine forever.

Kurt slowly lifted his hand and rested it on top of Blaines. His skin was cold, it wasnt like the warmth he usually had.

"Im so sorry," he whispered. He turned his head away and squeezed eyes shut, trying to keep more tears from falling. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to make sense of it all. How could everything change so quickly? His life used to seem so perfect with Blaine. And now he was here, sitting in a hospital room watching the only person who owned his heart sick and in pain.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut harder and tried to pull himself together. It was just so hard to watch him—

"Am I dead?" A voice croaked.

Kurt opened his eyes and looked at Blaine, who was looking at him with a confused expression. Kurt smiled at him weakly, choking on his own words. "No, you are perfectly alive."

Blaine took a deep breath, trying to wake up. "Then I must be dreaming, you cant be..."

"Youre awake…Im here…"

"Then I must be having a hallucination. Its probably the medicine…" He started to seem frustrated. Kurt took Blaines hand and squeezed it, letting him know he was really there. Blaines eyes drifted down to his hand and then back up at Kurt, tears forming in his eyes as shook his head. "But…How? I-I—" Tears started falling down his cheeks. "I never thought I would see you again," he choked out.

Kurt couldnt stand to watch Blaine cry. "Im so sorry I didnt pick up when you called. I was just…I was really hurt and I didnt understand. I still dont understand…"

"Dont be sorry. Dont ever be sorry." His voice was raspy and barely audible. "None of this was your fault. I was a coward, just like you said."

"Youre not a coward. That is far from what you are."

Blaines hand was trembling. "B-but I am. I was such a coward that I couldnt tell you my grandmother was making me hide us. I was such a coward that I told myself over and over that I was going to be alright, so much so that I started believing it." Kurt started hiccuping to keep from sobbing, everything was so wrong. Blaine held his hand tighter. "Please dont cry. I cant stand to watch you cry, especially because of me."

Kurt tried to stop, but it was becoming so hard to keep everything bottled in. "I was so scared that I wouldnt get the chance to say goodbye…That call…"

"Im sorry…I shouldnt have called you, I know. I was being selfish again."

"Please stop saying that," Kurt begged. "You arent selfish, and youre not a coward, okay?" Kurt took a deep breath. "Those few moments when I thought I could have lost you…I-I cant think of what my life would be without you."

"H-how did you find me?" He asked.

"Your doctor helped me after a horrible woman with an awful sense in fashion wouldnt tell me where you were. But I would have searched the whole place if I had to."

"I cant believe you came all the way here to find me…no ones ever visited me before…it kind of feels weird."

"Well, thats because no one loves you like I do," Kurt replied softly.

Blaine looked away from Kurt, almost as if he couldnt look at him, and started crying so hard he was having trouble breathing. "Blaine I—" Kurt started.

"How- how can you-" Hiccup. "s-still love me?" Hiccup. "You shouldnt still-still love me."

"Shh…Blaine…Please look at me," Kurt said. Blaine looked up at him, eyes red and puffy. Kurt had never seen him break down like this. "Im going to love you forever," he said without a hint of doubt.

"Even if my forever ends tomorrow?" Blaine hiccupped.

Your forever. Kurt remembered Blaine using that phrase often. "Your forever wont end tomorrow, or the next day, or the next week. And you know how I know?" Blaine shook his head. "Because you promised you were going to fight for me, and I know youre going to keep it."

"I am, Kurt. I really am." Blaine said, teary eyed. Kurt leaned over the bed and kissed Blaine right on the lips, like he had been wanting to for so long. Blaine seemed surprised at first, but then gently kissed Kurt back, lifting his hand and holding the back of his neck.

Kurt felt like a piece of himself that had been missing for the past few days had been filled, and it was one of the greatest feelings he had ever felt. They were together again, and the extent of it didnt really seem to matter.

They sat and talked for a while, mostly Kurt trying to convince Blaine they were going to be alright. Those four days they had apart really were all Kurt needed to be sure that if this was all the time he had left with Blaine, he was going to make the most of it.

An hour later found Kurt curling himself up beside Blaine on the bed, as Blaine relaxed, very tired. He tried not to move too much, afraid that he might hurt Blaines fragile body. "Is this okay?" Kurt asked gently.

Blaine nodded slowly. "The nurse might come in soon…" He yawed. "Not that I really care."

"Do you want to go back to sleep? I can leave if you—"

"No," Blaine interjected. "Please stay."

Kurt leaned over and kissed Blaines temple as a way of telling him he was not going to leave him. He watched Blaine slowly close his eyes start drifting off to sleep again.

There had been a lot to think about for the last few days, his immediate anger at Blaine for not telling him the truth, now turning into acceptance. In the end, maybe he wasnt so angry at Blaine, maybe he was more angry at the world.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked in a whisper.

"Mhm?"

Kurt closed his eyes, finally thinking through his final decision. He need to make sure Blaine understood what all of this meant. "I forgive you for not telling me that you were sick," he said. He opened his eyes to see Blaines reaction.

Blaine turned his head so he was looking at Kurt, half lidded with sleep. "I still dont think Ive forgiven myself…" he said. "You were already so broken…and I just made it worse…" He took a large inhale. "Did your dreams come back?"

Kurt looked away, not wanting to tell him that they had become so much worse. Although the loss of eye contact gave him away. "When I get out of here…" Blaine said, trying to stay awake. "Im going to hold you through them…okay? Make it all better…"

Kurt rested his head on Blaines shoulder and nodded. He watched as Blaine quietly drifted off to sleep again, the heart monitor beeping slowly.

After a few minutes Kurt decided it was best not to be in the bed with him if a nurse happened to walk in, so he rolled off the bed gradually, making sure he didnt wake up Blaine. He sat in the chair and watched him sleep, but this time he felt at ease, because he had forgiven Blaine, and for now that was good enough.

The nurse did eventually come in and Kurt was asked to leave, but not before giving Blaine one last kiss goodbye, because it still could be their last. Although there was something inside Kurt that told him Blaine was going to be alright. It probably had something to do with the light that came back into Blaines eyes. But for whatever the reason, Kurt knew the battle was far from over, nor impossible to win.