Sept. 18, 2014, 7 p.m.
Just a Look: Chapter 8
E - Words: 4,713 - Last Updated: Sep 18, 2014 Story: Closed - Chapters: 8/? - Created: Sep 18, 2014 - Updated: Sep 18, 2014 147 0 0 0 0
I am working on the next chapter and I am honestly going to get it up as soon as I can.
Every drop of rain felt heavy against his skin. He was angry at himself for not wearing a heavier jacket, although he hadnt planned to be out this late. He hadnt really planned for any of this; to ice skate, to sing again, to laugh the hardest he had in months. And that was all because of Kurt.
He didnt even make it around the block before he heard Kurts voice.
"Blaine!" Kurt called after him. "Its not what you think!"
Blaine wrapped his arms around himself and tried to ignore Kurts words, keeping his eyes down at the wet sidewalk, his apartment only a few blocks away. "Just go home, Kurt."
"That would be an option if I had any money left for a cab," he raised his voice over the sound of the rain. "It will probably take me over an hour to walk home. And the rain…" Kurt sighed and began to turn around. "Ill just wait in the diner until the rain stops."
Blaine didnt want Kurt to be in the diner all night or to have to walk home by himself. "Here." Blaine stopped and took his wallet out of his pocket.
"Blaine, dont."
Blaine shook his head and forced himself not to make eye-contact. When Kurt caught up to him Blaine coerced the money into his hand. "Its the least I can do after what you had to go through tonight."
"Stop saying that!" Blaine was startled by the animosity in Kurts words and stepped back.
Finally looking up at Kurt, he saw something different in his eyes. Not the happiness hed seen throughout the evening, or even the sadness he saw only a few minutes before, but emptiness. "I didnt do all of this because I felt sorry for you," he whispered defeatedly.
"Then why did you? Why did you do all of this?"
"I was selfish, okay? I could-" Kurt bit his lip. "I could see what a wonderful person you were the moment I looked at you. And it wasnt from the way your bowtie was perfectly tied or how scared you were that I was going to jump." He looked down and his lips turned up into a smile. "It was your eyes." And within a beat the smile had disappeared. "They arent broken yet."
The rain sounded heavier than ever before. "I dont understand."
"You have so much bottled up inside. So many great things that you should show everyone but that you feel are unimportant. I wanted you to feel important, because you are. And its not because I feel sorry for you. Its because you still have the capacity to let people make you feel that way, and I envy that."
"Have you met people who dont?"
"I guess you could put it that way," Kurt said, avoiding Blaines eyes. "When you sang that song, I had never seen someone so happy. I just couldnt stop. But the way you looked at me in the stairwell..." Kurt shook his head. "I knew it had gone too far."
Blaines cheeks turned red. "I wish I could see everything about you too. At least wed be on the same playing field."
"No you dont."
The rain began coming down harder and Blaine shivered. "You really should be getting home," Kurt said, brushing his fingers over the back of Blaines hand fondly. "Youre freezing."
Blaine watched Kurts hand drop back to his side, missing his touch. Blaine believed everything Kurt had said, he just didnt understand why they couldnt be more. "But why exactly is this selfish?" Blaine asked, eyeing their hands.
"Because it has to end tonight."
Blaines eyes made their way to Kurts lips, which were shining from the rain. "Why does it have to end tonight?"
Kurt was hesitant with his answer. "I dont want you to get hurt."
"Why are you so sure that youll hurt me?"
Kurt bit his lip. "Because I-Im not-" he stumbled over his words. "I cant concentrate with you looking at me like that." The only thing Blaine could focus on was the fact Kurts eyes were now gazing down at his lips, pupils dark and blasted.
Blaine wanted Kurt. And there was no way to fake the way Kurt was looking at him, with so much want in his eyes. And Blaine couldnt help but revel in how incredible it was to feel wanted.
"If you want this to be over tomorrow then we should at least let ourselves be selfish tonight," Blaine whispered. "One night wont do any damage. It doesnt have to mean anything if you dont want it to." Blaine moved closer to Kurt until their bodies were barely touching. Blaine didnt even care that they were standing in the pouring rain in the middle of New York City at three in the morning. Blaine was running out of time, and he couldnt be nervous anymore. "Kiss me."
Blaine was caught off guard by Kurts lack of hesitation. He held Blaines face in his hands and found his wet lips, kissing him like the night would be over at any moment. Heat surged through Blaines body, making the cold, wet air around him feel like a sauna, relaxing and invigorating all at once. Time felt so slow that each raindrop was unique against his skin, and the clock that had been ticking in the back of Blaines mind finally stopped. Because no matter how long the night lasted or what happened from then on, nothing could compare to the feeling of someone actually wanting him.
"Come home with me," Blaine murmured as Kurt reluctantly pulled away. Blaine had never been this forward with anyone in his life, and something about Kurts shy smile brought him back to reality. "I mean- my place isnt too far away and we can get you out of these wet clothes...Not like that. I mean- If you want to. Wait." Kurt laughed as Blaine tried to make a coherent sentence. "Im not used to this."
Kurt brushed his thumb against Blaines jaw. "I know."
"Thanks," Blaine muttered.
Kurt kissed him lightly and Blaine smiled against his lips. "Its okay," Kurt whispered as they pulled apart.
And for a moment Blaine forgot that their kiss sealed the promise that everything would end by the morning.
"From what you told me I expected something a lot smaller," Kurt said as Blaine let them into his apartment. "This place is really nice."
"Thanks." Blaine hated his apartment. He didnt care what anyone said, he dreaded having to spend every single day in there. It wasnt small, but it wasnt nearly open enough, and it definitely wasnt big enough for a piano, which was one of the reasons he stopped trying to write music. He would move out if he could, but the problem was he didnt have enough of his own money to afford anything in the same area or even close to sanitary.
"Are you sure this is okay? For all you know I could be a serial killer who chose you to be my next victim."
"Plausible, but highly unlikely." They shared a smile. "I would feel awful if you had to walk home alone in the rain. Especially this late."
"Someday your selflessness will get you in trouble, Blaine Anderson. And Im sure thats the only reason you brought me home with you." Blaine tried to hide his sudden self-consciousness as Kurt took off his jacket. "Were going to get water everywhere."
"Its not a big deal." The apartment deserved it anyway.
Blaine stood next to the door and watched as Kurt walked around his apartment, studying the walls as if he needed to memorize every inch. "Why arent there any pictures out?" Kurt asked.
"I dont really…" Blaine hesitated, unsure exactly why he never got around to putting out any pictures.
"...like looking at what youre missing," Kurt completed his sentence.
"Maybe."
"Do you hate this place because its the only one your parents approved of or because it isnt big enough for your amusement?"
"My parents wanted something practical."
"To fit your practical school and your practical career path?" Kurt walked into the kitchen area and gasped overdramatically. "Look at that. A practical little stove and oven. And a fancy practical coffee maker with all the different types of coffee. That must have been a gift from your parents. Did you force yourself to start liking the coffee at the diner because you wanted to see Cynthia?"
"Why do you even ask if you already know the answer? Every question you ask me I feel like theres a right and wrong answer because you seem to know me better than I know myself."
"Because Ive learned over the years that I offend people really easily. Its actually a really funny story as to why I can do this. You know, observe." Kurt waited for Blaine to give him a confirmation to go on, so Blaine nodded slowly. "Well back in highschool I was bullied a lot because people didnt like who I was. I told myself that I wasnt going to let them get the best of me, that I was stronger than them. But after awhile I stopped fighting back. And thats when I started watching everyone. To pass the time, I created stories about them based on the little things they did, because speaking would mean my head in the toilet."
"How did you know they were true?"
"Once when a jock pushed me in a locker I told him that I was sorry that his parents didnt love him and that he should probably find friends other than his dog. I knew I was right because I got a bloody nose out of it."
"Im really sorry you had to go through all of that stuff."
"I know youve gone through your fair share."
Blaine didnt even bother mentioning Sadie Hawkins. Kurt didnt know any of the details of course, but something about Kurts expression just knew.
There was an awkward silence as they stood across from each other in the dark apartment. Kurt was absolutely drenched from the rain. So much so that his clothes were clinging to him in a way that left nothing to the imagination. Blaine didnt know quite how to say Id much rather see you naked right now so he remained silent.
"Is there anywhere I can change and hang my clothes to dry? Im pretty sure Im turning into a prune and I dont want my clothes to be totally ruined."
Kurt snapped Blaine out of his thoughts. "Oh. Yeah. The bathroom is through the bedroom. Just hang them up on the shower rod."
Kurt walked up to Blaine where he was standing next to the door and kissed Blaine softly. "Ill only be a few minutes," he whispered before walking the opposite direction into the bedroom.
While Kurt was in the bathroom Blaine found a t-shirt and pants he could change into.
Blaine walked over to the bathroom door, which was standing wide open. There was Kurt. All of Kurt. He was turned around and hanging his clothes over the shower, totally and completely naked.
Blaine couldnt look away. Kurts skin looked almost luminescent in the light from the city that came in through the window. Kurts shoulders were broad and toned, while his his waist was lean and slender, and as Blaines eyes traveled down his pants became increasingly tighter.
Heat rushed through Blaine when he realized how long hed been staring. He fumbled with the clothes in his hands and turned away, trying to regain composure. He cleared his throat to get Kurts attention. "I- Um- Brought you some clothes. And I can make up the sofa for you if you-"
"I wasnt really planning to sleep on the sofa tonight, and I dont think you were really planning on that either." Kurt was merely inches away from him. Since when was he standing there? "Blaine," his voice was soft and reassuring. "You make me nervous too, remember? Im just much better at hiding it."
Kurt was naked and so close to him that Blaine could feel the heat radiating off of his body. Kurt glanced down and most likely noticed Blaines all too evident erection. "Im not going to do anything you dont want me to," Kurt said, their bodies almost touching. "So youre going to have to tell me what you want."
Blaine tried to find the confidence he had outside the diner. "Cant you already see what I want?"
Their eyes met, and something about the way Kurt looked at him made him feel safer than he ever had before, even though he was about to put himself in the most vulnerable position possible. "I want you to have control this time."
Everything about the moment suddenly felt heavier than before. The first time, and the only time, someone had seen him bare and vulnerable as Kurt was standing before him Blaine didnt even know what was happening, and Blaine knew if he could he would have said no. Blaine lived every day trying to keep himself from reliving that night, and Kurt understood that. This time was going to be different, this was going to be the first time Blaine really should have had.
"Well I guess we should start with the fact I feel completely overdressed," Blaine blurted out.
Kurt smiled, nodded, and started working at Blaines bowtie. "I regret tying this on so tight," he said as he fumbled to remove it.
Blaine laughed nervously and quickly forced himself to stop. The monumental realization hit him that Kurt, the Kurt he had only met a few hours ago, was taking off his clothes, and wanted them off faster.
Kurt finally finished his bowtie with an exasperated huff and moved on to the buttons of Blaines cardigan, kissing him as he pulled it off. Blaine closed his eyes and ran his hand through Kurts wet hair as they kissed, something he had been wanting to do the whole night. "How many layers do you have on?" Kurt laughed breathlessly between kisses as he began pulling Blaines undershirt off.
Blaine readily lifted his arms and allowed Kurt to finish taking of his shirt. Blaine could feel his whole body begin to flush as Kurt looked at him with an expression Blaine couldnt quite read. Did he like what he saw? Was he disappointed? Should Blaine have just stayed home that night and forgone any embarrassment that was bound to occur in the next few seconds?
Kurt bit his lip and began running his hands down Blaines shoulders and arms, gripping his biceps as he pushed him back against the wall of his bedroom and crashed their lips together.
Well that answered those questions.
The heat from their bodies felt like a fever that only more contact could cure. "I want more," Blaine breathed anxiously, unsure exactly what to say.
Kurt replied by brushing his lips against Blaines neck. "Like this?"
"Yeah," Blaine let out with a shaky breath.
Kurt trailed his lips down Blaines neck and collarbone, sending what felt like electricity down Blaines spine. Blaine let out a surprised gasp when he felt the heat of Kurts tongue against his skin. "You like that?" Kurt whispered against his neck.
Blaine really liked it, and Blaine honestly wouldnt mind if that was all they did for the rest of the night, but Blaine was straining painfully hard against the fabric of his jeans. "Kurt, please," he cried softly, rocking his hips forward for some sort of relief, desire taking over all of his senses.
Kurt immediately began unbuckling Blaines belt, his lips never losing contact with Blaines skin. Kurt kissed eagerly down Blaines chest and abdomen until he was on his knees, stripping off every article of clothing Blaine had left on his body. "Is this okay?" He asked as he peppered delicate kisses down Blaines newly exposed thigh.
"Yeah," Blaine answered shakily. He was fully exposed and Kurt knew what that meant to him. Blaine didnt need to be nervous, he wanted Kurt.
"Kurt," Blaine whined as desire and the lack of relief began to overtake him.
"Hmm?" Kurt looked up and Blaine almost moaned at the image of someone on their knees in front of him. "What do you want me to do, Blaine?"
"Your mouth- I really want-"
Blaines head fell back against the wall with a thud as Kurt licked a slow, wet stripe up Blaines cock. "Like that?" He asked, almost innocently.
"Yeah. Please, Kurt."
Kurt repeated the action before taking Blaine into his mouth, which produced an embarrassingly loud moan from Blaine as a rush of heat ran through his body. Blaine didnt really know how great of an idea it was to be standing, because his legs began trembling at how incredibly amazing Kurts mouth felt around him. Kurt seemed to notice, gripping his hips to keep him steady. Blaine pressed his palms against the wall, not completely sure where he should put his hands.
When Kurt moaned Blaine looked down and noticed that Kurts hand was stroking himself slowly, which was probably the hottest sight hed ever seen. "Oh god- Kurt-" Blaine dug his nails into the wall as the intensity started to build and Kurt tightened his grip on his hips. "Im so close. Oh god-"
Blaines words only made Kurts mouth move faster. It wasnt much longer until Blaine was coming into Kurts mouth, moaning so loud he was afraid his neighbors could hear him.
"That was amazing," Blaine blurted out after they were again face-to-face.
Kurt huffed out a small laugh. "Ever charming…" Blaine could still feel Kurt hard against his thigh. "But," Kurt whispered, leaning in next to Blaines ear, "Tonight isnt over yet."
They were on Blaines bed within a matter of moments, Kurt on top of him as they kissed with urgency, like the night was chasing every action in a race only it could win. Everything was hotter, faster, more than anything Blaine had ever experienced, from the salty taste of Kurts neck to the feeling of Kurts body moving against his.
Kurts hands were gentle despite the urgency, roaming aimlessly across Blaines abdomen and chest. Blaines hands slid from Kurts back to his ass in one swift motion, pulling him down harder on top of him and against his newly hardening erection. "Jesus, Blaine," Kurt murmured against his lips.
"Sorry." Blaine moved his hands to the small of Kurts back.
"No, I liked it," Kurt said hotly against his ear. "I like your hands on me." His voice was low and thick between kisses. "Ive been imagining how theyd feel all night."
Blaine didnt know what came over him, but suddenly he was reaching for Kurts cock between them, stroking firmly and taking in Kurts immediate reaction.
"Fuck," Kurt gasped. Blaine had no idea how turned on he would be by Kurt swearing.
"Right drawer." Yeah. Lube and condoms. That would be the logical next step.
"Its like you read my mind." Kurt reached over to the nightstand and Blaine relaxed, gazing at Kurt as he returned to sit on his knees in front of him. Kurt looked up and lifted his eyebrow, "What?"
"Im not used to reading your mind."
"Well I hope its not difficult given our current situation."
"Do you want- I mean- Can you-"
Kurt settled himself between Blaines legs and mouthed at his neck. "What do you want, Blaine?"
"Fingers. I want you inside me, Kurt. Please." Blaine didnt even have time to be embarrassed by how needy he must have sounded, because Kurt was already lathering his fingers with lube.
Blaines heart rate steadily increased and he could feel his cheeks turning red as Kurt rubbed his fingers together. "Are you ready?" Kurt asked.
Blaine took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah."
Their mouths moved together as Kurt began adding fingers, slowly, working to make sure Blaine was fully stretched before adding another. Blaine had trouble keeping up with Kurts kisses, moaning and panting into Kurts mouth, but Kurt wouldnt allow for any loss of contact. Blaine knew Kurt was trying to be gentle, but Blaine was becoming restless, rocking down into Kurts fingers with labored breaths.
"Im ready," Blaine whined. "Please. I want more."
"Youre so hot, Blaine. I wish you had someone to tell you that every day. God, please know that."
Blaine whined at the loss of Kurts fingers and dug his own fingers into Kurts back, preparing for the feeling of Kurt inside him.
Kurt was about to push in when Blaine put his hand on his shoulder, "Wait."
Kurt searched his eyes. "Is everything okay?" He panted.
Everything was starting to remind him of that night, it was all starting to pan out the same. Kurt was going to fuck him and leave, just like before. "I-" Blaine struggled to find what he wanted. He didnt want Kurt to stop, because it wasnt the same, was it? Kurt cared, he actually gave him the preparation and control he needed. And as it had been before, control would be the ultimate difference. "Can I? I mean- Nevermind."
Kurt bit his lip, and within moments Kurt was on his back and Blaine was on top of him, staring down into Kurts incredibly blue, and incredibly wanting, eyes. The eyes that always knew.
"Thank you," Blaine whispered and leaned down to kiss Kurts chest and neck, before finally kissing him softly on the lips. It took everything in his power not to tell Kurt he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
He settled right on top of Kurt and slowly relaxed himself around Kurts cock. "Fuck," Kurt cursed again, his head falling back on the pillow.
Blaine began moving, slowly at first, but as Kurts moans increased in volume so did Blaines desire to be the reason for them. Kurt dug his fingers into Blaines thighs and rocked his hips up with Blaines rhythm. "Kurt," Blaine cried out as an amazing rush of pleasure washed over him. "Im so glad I went to that party," he panted.
And it was true, even if the night hadnt ended this way. Blaine wondered if they had met under different circumstances, maybe theyre adventure could have lasted longer than just one night. But it didnt matter, tonight was enough, because he would never give up his once in a lifetime chance to meet someone as amazing as Kurt for anything.
Kurt wrapped his hand around Blaines cock and it didnt take more than a few strokes for him to start coming across Kurts sweat-drenched chest, with Kurt following his lead not too long after, babbling what only could have been interpreted as obscenities mixed with Blaines name. And god, did Blaine want to make Kurt say his name like that again.
But it was over, and if Kurts glossy, orgasm hazed eyes told him anything, it was that every single moment that they shared together that night was worth it.
Later Kurt and Blaine found themselves lying on their their sides under the covers. Kurt had his eyes closed, but Blaine couldnt even think about sleeping. He moved a piece of hair off of Kurts forehead and smiled contently. Kurt opened his eyes and Blaine quickly pretended he was asleep.
"I know you arent asleep," Kurt whispered. "Youre breathing too fast."
Blaine opened his eyes. "Im sorry if I woke you."
"I wasnt asleep. Im not even tired," Kurt yawned.
Blaine sat up. "Well the night is still young, we could-"
Kurt laughed and pulled Blaine back down. "Okay Im tired."
Blaine smiled. "Its been a long night."
"So it has," Kurt said as he closed his eyes. "Im sorry about what happened at the club."
"Kurt...you dont have to apologize." Blaine figured Kurt was just overly tired, his words were starting to run together.
"I ruined the night."
"No you didnt," Blaine reassured him and placed his hand on Kurts cheek. "Tonight was amazing. Youre amazing."
"He just looked so much like him, Blaine."
Blaine swore to himself that he wouldnt ask, and he immediately regretted his next words. "Who did you think you saw?"
Kurts eyes squeezed shut harder and Blaine pulled his hand away. "Im sorry for asking, please dont feel like you have to tell me."
Soon Blaine was looking into a pair of sad, blue eyes. "He was the reason I went to the roof every night." Kurt rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "He was my boyfriend for two years, ten months, and eleven days."
Oh.
"He was my first boyfriend and we met the week I moved to New York. He was the first guy to tell me I was special...to tell me I was worth something. I fell in love with him so fast Im surprised I didnt break anything."
Blaine remembered Kurts face. That wasnt the face you were supposed to have when you saw someone you love.
"He hated when Id tell him things I noticed about him, though. I didnt think anything of it because most people do. And when I figured out how to tell when he was lying…" Kurt yawned. "I should have known."
"Kurt, you dont-"
"Shh," Kurt murmured sleepily. "I want to tell you. You trusted me with your past, now Im going to trust you with mine." Blaine remained silent as Kurt continued. "The first time I caught him lying was right after I moved into his place. It was something so stupid, but we ended up arguing about it for hours. I couldnt figure out why it made him so angry." Kurts eyes looked so far away that it made Blaine wonder where exactly Kurt was. "He started lying about where he was going and I pretended not to notice because I knew how much it upset him."
Kurt explained that his boyfriend had a temper and it was common for him to break things when he got angry, or worse. Kurt said he knew about it all along, even from the moment they met he could tell something was off, but Kurt could overlook it because he didnt think hed ever find anyone else who wanted him in that way. His friends started noticing things like how he never left the apartment except to go to class and how they couldnt hang out unless his boyfriend was present. When they confronted him about it Kurt wouldnt listen, and ended up dropping communications with them altogether.
It didnt become physical until Kurt started going out by himself, mostly to the roof. His boyfriend would ask where hed been and Kurt would tell him, but he would go off about Kurt seeing other guys. He didnt go into many details, the pain of the memories evident on his features.
They broke up the day after Christmas, when Kurt asked him if he loved him enough to never hurt him again. He said his answer was the biggest lie hed ever been told. Thats when he knew he had to leave.
Blaine watched as Kurt cried. Blaine felt helpless and he hated that he couldnt take the pain away. He couldnt believe anyone could do something like that to Kurt
Kurt sniffled and wiped the remnants of tears from his cheeks. "Its silly, really, the way I reacted at the club."
"Its not silly," Blaine whispered as he moved in to softly press his lips to Kurts. Kurt rolled back onto his side and Blaine pulled back to look at him. "I know I havent known you very long and probably dont have the right to any sort of judgement but…" Blaine wiped a tear from Kurts cheek. "I think you deserve someone who will make you feel important every day, who will make you feel special, and who wants nothing more than to cause the light in your eyes for as long as they possibly can."
"Blaine…" Kurt said as he rubbed Blaines arm. "We probably shouldnt have let you drink tonight."
"Im serious."
Kurt leaned in for a kiss, which lingered for a few moments, like Kurt didnt want it to end. "I know," he sighed softly, brushing his nose against Blaines.
There were a few moments of pure silence where Blaine wondered if Kurt was thinking about him. "Just promise me one thing, before we fall asleep," Kurt said, looking as if he was trying everything he possibly could to stay awake.
"Okay."
"Promise me youll start singing again."
Blaine nodded slowly. "I promise."
"And just...be careful, bluebird," Kurt said as he closed his eyes.
Blaine didnt want to move and he didnt want to sleep. He didnt want the night to ever be over. "Maybe if you dont have anywhere you need to be tomorrow I could make you breakfast or something?" He asked after a few minutes. When Kurt didnt respond he decided it would be better just to ask in the morning. "Goodnight, Kurt. Im really glad you went to that party," Blaine whispered before finally drifting off to sleep.