Kurts head hurt.  He was tired from another tedious day at school and long afternoon interning at Vogue.  This was his third year at NYADA, but hopefully with the full course load he had and summer classes he been taking, that he hoped to be finished with school earlier than the four years expected.  With Rachel gone, following her dreams and YOLOing her days away, he and Blaine had to cover the rent alone and lets face it, Blaine could only bring in so much waiting tables at Callbacks and playing a few nights a week at Hannigans Bar. Between keeping up with all his classes and picking up as many hours at Vogue Kurt was constantly irritable and exhausted.  And now, Blaine was late again.  God forbid he picks up a phone to call him to tell him that he was running late.  No not Blaine Anderson.  Hes probably climbing some damn tree saving a cat or running into a burning building to save a sweet old lady.

Like on cue, soon as Kurt was reaching a height in his inner ranting, Blaine comes waltzing in, with an upbeat mood, humming a song.

"Hey love, how was your day"? 

Blaine looked at his boyfriends growing red complexion and knew it was going to be one of those days.  Its been like this for weeks.  Every time he blinks, Kurt is grumpy and has his bitch face on ready to go off about this or that.  Blaine knows his boyfriends bitching and ranting when he is wand up comes with the territory, hell his fiery nature is one of the things Blaine loved most about him. Its just that before Kurt would get mad and rant, you could always catch a glimpse of him understanding that he was being a bit much. Blaine would be patient and knew it was just a release of pressure.  Within a few minutes, Kurt would lose steam, and Blaine would say a few words to sooth the situation and he would have his nose nuzzled in that safe nook under Kurts ear, in between his neck and shoulder, breathing in his lavender and whatever other fragrance that made up his scent that he has come to know was the smell of coming home.  Kurt would lean in and take in Blaines scent as well and let himself feel relaxed.  It was funny, their ritual.  He knew all was right in the world and that Kurt was Kurt again when he noticed him breathing him in.  It was almost primal the way Kurt would kind of sniff him.  Like he was identifying his mate.  When they would cuddle he always told Kurt that he felt that they were two lions just nuzzling each other as they grazed in the grass.  For weeks now its been different.  Kurts grumpy demeanor just doesnt seem to break.  He cant remember the last time that he had his head in his special Kurt spot where he and Kurt could both just let go and bask in being at rest in each others arms.

"Ah, I see its going to be one of those days" Blaine says hoping to lighten the already tense atmosphere.

"Do you have any concept of time Blaine. No really, do you ever give a shit?"

Blaine took a deep breath.  If Kurt was using foul language it was a bad sign.  This time Blaine really did not feel like being understanding of Kurts tantrums.

"Come on Kurt, Im only about fifteen minute late, I was giving Gertrude the notes from the class she missed when she had to go up to her sons school"

Kurt took a deep breath in and rolled his eyes.  Of course, Gertrude.  Really, only Blaine would befriend the only middle aged struggling single mother in his history class and become besties and offer his help to her whenever she needed.  I mean her name is Gertrude for goodness sakes, is she 90?! Last week he came home late from fixing her computer at home. He is really tired of Blaines hero complex.  Always a gentleman, except for the fact that when their laptop is acting up Kurt would have to be on the freaking phone with tech support from some foreign land pissing him off.  And god forbid he gets angry as Blaine gallivants around saving the world, then he looks like the insensitive asshole.

"So, you cant tell Gertrude this one time that you have another commitment and you need to be home.  Is it so hard to tell her youll give her the notes later or at least stop to text me?  Does Gertrude even know you are gay?"

"First of all, I did not text because, it really did not take that long and second of all what does me being gay have to do with anything?"

"You know these single moms are always on the prowl, sniffing out their next baby daddy, you are just prime meat to her!"

"Really Kurt, "Baby Daddy" no more reality TV for you. Gertrude is like in her late 30s and is a god fairing women.  You would know that if youd ever take her up on the dinner invitations she has given us so you could meet her.  And yes, I am gay by the way, there is no reason to be jealous"

"Oh, please, Im not jealous, but I did not appreciate the fact that you have pics of her on your phone from one of your lunch "dates".

"She asked me to take those because her phone was dead and she wanted to send a picture of herself to her daughter that is away at school in Hawaii."  Kurt would have laughed at any other time because this was such classic Blaine and truly innocent, but he just couldnt shake his anger that Blaine did not get why he was angry.

"We are going to be late for dinner with your parents" Kurt said as he dashes around the room looking for something.  "Did you move my scarf, how many times do I tell you not to touch my stuff!"

"I dont know where your scarf is" Blaine says, now aggravated.

"Well I did not move it, if I did it would be on the coat rack where it belongs, things dont go missing when I put them somewhere. Things only go missing when you touch them!"

Blaine just keeps his mouth shut and watches him as he tosses things around looking for the scarf.  Hell come across it eventually.  He always does.  What he really wants to tell him is that for a person with OCD tendencies, he really is a mess and thats why Blaine has to pick up after him and put away his stuff.  Blaine is not particularly a neat person himself, but he knows Kurt likes order and being busy as he is, Kurt just leaves things around lately and Blaine takes care of putting things away and handles all the domestic upkeep of the apartment, except for cooking where Kurt is master and commander, though his majesty never does seems to want to wash a dish.

Once Kurt finds his scarf under the bed, Blaine speaks up, "Kurt, we are always late, its not a big deal, my mother knows that we are always running late, plus we are meeting them at their hotel room before we go for dinner, its not like we have reservations"

"Yes, I know we are always late and I dont want to be always late"  "We" are always late, I am never late and I hate having that reputation, not to mention your parents already dont like me."

"My parents like you just fine.  You hardly know each other.  You know my parents just got over the fact that you are not a girl and that I am not going to "get over" being gay.  They want to discuss venues for the wedding so that mother can start making some calls.  Its already going to be hard enough since you refuse to discuss location, let alone set a date."

And there is was, the topic that Kurt avoided like the plague.  Blaine knew he had to approach the topic gently, but he is tired of tip toeing around the subject and it was going to come up at dinner anyway.

"Blaine, isnt it enough that I am busting my ass to take as many classes as I can so that we can get married with at least one us out of school.  Plus, how the hell can we set a date when we hardly have any savings to pay for the damn thing?"

"I told you that my parents will cover most of the expense, plus your parents offered to help."

"Yeah, and I am supposed to feel comfortable with your parents covering most if not all the bill themselves and you know that I dont like asking my parents for money, things have been tight since the funeral and the loss of help at the shop."

Blaine cant help but notice that Kurt still cant say Finns name. Since Finn has passed a year ago, Kurt has never really talked about his feelings about his unexpected death.  Blaine knows Kurts guilt for not keeping in much contact with FInn around the time of the incident.  Kurt being the more mature of the two, felt like he could have somehow prevented it.  Every time Blaine tries to get Kurt to open up about his feelings, Kurt just brushes it away, like he brushes off any topic that is personal or pertains to his family.  Especially his fears about his Dads health.

"Listen, you know that your parents dont have to pay a thing.  Father has said he will cover everything, you know that they are well off and really, he owes this to me.  Other than school, I never asked them for anything and have refused their help.  We have had to take years of their indifference towards our relationship, especially my father.  I am glad that he has to foot the bill.  At least it will be a clear acknowledgement that his son is getting married."

"Damn wedding, I am so sick of having to worry about this."

Kurts words felt like a punch to his stomach.  "We hardly talk about the wedding, and its already "damned to you"?

Kurt exhaled deeply and ran his hands through his hair, an act he only does when he is exasperated and looking for words to express himself.  "Listen, I live with the weight of the wedding on my shoulder on a daily basis.  You are a dreamer and romantic Blaine.  You never have realistic expectations. I mean, we are still in college Blaine.  People our age are worried about not fucking up their grades so they get kicked out college, not figuring out how they are going to afford a wedding."  At this point, Kurt is flaying is arms up in the air and pacing back and forth like hes trying to make a point that should be obvious to Blaine.

Blaine felt sick to his stomach.  He knew Kurt was not comfortable marrying young, but hearing it finally out of his mouth really made his insides sink.  Despite his nausea, Blaine allows his anger to finally tell Kurt how he felt. 

"I am so tired of you acting like our wedding is such a burden to you when you dont even talk about it. I have had to deal with your negativity about the wedding for months, not to mention your bad attitude and tantrums you get on a daily basis. You know, I may be a dreamer, but at least I dare to dream, to look forward to the future and not be fearful of it because things are not all certain." Blaine knew that bringing up Kurts fears about talking about the future was a sore spot, but he had enough.  "Do you even want to marry me?"

"Maybe I dont Blaine."  Kurt knew that this was Blaines biggest fear, but he was so angry at this point he just let the vile words and thoughts pour out which is his "never failed defense mechanism." 

"You dont mean that" Blaine says, already trying to fight back tears.

"We fight all the time Blaine.  We havent even fucked for weeks.  We are hardly even friends anymore!"

Kurts words cut Blaine like a knife, so much so that Blaine was surprised that blood wasnt pouring out of his mouth the way the pain was like fire in his stomach.  Just the way that Kurt said "fucked" made him cringe.  Kurt hardly ever used foul language.  Between the two of them it would be Kurt that would in rare arguments.  Blaine would do so only during more intense passionate moments, which he didnt realize until Kurt pointed out to his embarrassment.  The only time Kurt used the word fuck to refer to sex was when he whispered it in Blaine ear when he wanted to be dirty in a sexy way. He knew how it would get Blaine fired up. Now the way that Kurt hurls it at him like an accusation just makes him feel raw and exposed.

"Its not my fault we havent been intimate.  You have been in a bad mood since the anniversary of Finns death and since Burts heart attack.  Dont put all the stress you are under on our relationship Kurt!"

Blaines words really felt like fighting words to Kurt as he pulls his feelings further within and put forth more of that cold demeanor which he come to trust and wears like armour".

"You know what Blaine, its no wonder that I dont want to be intimate, with all the work I have to do just to keep us afloat, how do I know you wont just go fucking around again because youre feeling insecure".

There it was, Kurts weapon that he pulls out whenever things get tough.  Blaines kryptonite.

"Kurt, I cant keep apologizing for the past.  You know I would never do that to you again.  The tears were now freely falling as he spoke. I am sorry that I can be insecure.  You know I am working on that.  Its been hard ever since you moved and all the events since then.  I have been racing to keep up and make up for my mistakes for over a year now.  I just dont understand how you can be so cold, I mean, dont you love me....?"

Kurt knew what Blaine needed to hear, but the ice he had built around his heart during these short few minutes just could not melt fast enough for him to find the words that are forever encased in his heart.   He just stands there unable to speak as Blaines tears fall.  Even though the thought is ridiculous and his heart is starting to ache at the sight of Blaine he is still in awe at how beautiful Blaine looks when he cries.  So open and vulnerable despite all the pain he feels.  That was Blaine, wearing his heart on his sleeve and Kurt was just hacking away at it.  Every second that passes in silence he is pushing Blaine too far.

Blaine feels like his soul is slipping away.  He looks down and shake his head as he comes to the only conclusion that is left.

"I cant take this anymore.  I dont think Ill ever forgive you for this.  Ill be going home with my parents.  Ill have my part of the rent sent to you and have my things packed up and out by the end of the week."

Blaine tears has stopped now.  He wont give Kurt any more of his tears, at least not in front of him.  He quickly grabs his bag, and leaves the apartment with the strength he never knew he had.  Walking away from Kurt was something he never thought he could do, even though Kurt did everything he could to push him out.  Kurt could hear the blood pumping in his ears from the moment Blaine opened his mouth after he failed to say he loves him.  Kurt knew this would be Blaines breaking point, but he could not help but tip himself over the edge hes been teetering on for weeks and finally break them beyond repair.

Soon as the door closes Kurt knows he has made the biggest mistake of his life.  His legs cant hold him any longer and he slowly buckles to the floor.  "What have I done" he whispers out in a weak voice before he covers he mouth as the tears and the pain come bubbling up and erupts.