Because I Could Not Stop For Death
PrincessInTheRain
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Because I Could Not Stop For Death: Chapter 9


E - Words: 3,534 - Last Updated: Feb 22, 2012
Story: Closed - Chapters: 12/? - Created: Oct 30, 2011 - Updated: Feb 22, 2012
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AN: This is just a lot of Klaine fluff. There are cute, though (:

Kurt was shell-shocked. Ok, this was definitely not what he had expected. He swallowed audibly and was suddenly very self-conscious of himself.

“Blaine..”, he mumbled, trying to string together his thoughts. What did this mean?

“Let me just say it.. Kurt, I think I’m falling in love with you”

 

Kurt felt his knees turn into jelly. He didn’t realise it himself, but he was trembling. No one had ever said those words to him before. He knew it was silly and even though he had decided to stay single and alone for the rest of his life, he did occasionally dream about the day this would happen. He wondered if it would be romantic, embarrassing or a complete disaster. Turns out it was just scary. Yes, Kurt Hummel was scared. He was scared of Blaine’s words, of the assurance that Blaine promised. He was scared to believe those promises in case they didn’t end up being true.

Blaine bit his bottom lip, hoping that Kurt would say something.

“Kurt?”

Kurt snapped his head up to look Blaine in the eye. His eyes were filled with uncertainty, fear and… hope?

“You’re in love with me?”, he asked just to confirm that his ears were still working.

Blaine nodded slowly.
“I’m in love with you”

Kurt stared at him for a while. At first glance, he thought Blaine was super sexy, then he thought he was cute. When he got to know him better, he learned that Blaine was one of the most sincere people he had ever met. He learned that even he, a drug addict with a horrible attitude, could get a friend who cared about him. Blaine quickly became his best friend. Still, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he wanted more. When he kissed the doctor’s lips, he found that his perspective in live changed slightly. He had thought about Blaine’s parting words a million times the last week. He even entertained the idea of quitting drugs just for him. Just thinking the thought of quitting was something new for Kurt. Could it be? Could it be that Kurt Hummel had fallen for the doctor as well? Kurt didn’t know whether he wanted to fall for him. It would certainly complicate his lifestyle. But wasn’t it what Blaine was offering as well? An escape route from his miserable life?

“You don’t have to feel the same way about me”, Blaine rushed.
“I will help and support you anyhow. I meant every word I said, Kurt. I just felt that I should tell you how I feel as well”

Kurt turned his back to Blaine and closed his eyes. Why had this have to be so damned difficult? Wasn’t this what everybody wanted? Wasn’t this the whole point of life? Finding somebody to love who loves you in return?

“Kurt..”, Blaine repeated when he didn’t answer and put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

“Blaine, just shut the fuck up and let me think”, he muttered. Blaine quickly retrieved his hand.

Kurt didn’t want to lose his best friend because of some stupid feelings, but would he be able to stay Blaine’s friend when he knew he had these unresolved feelings that he barely admitted to himself? He was tired of struggling alone. He knew he came across as a loner who didn’t need anyone in his life, but he was just a normal human being. No, he was a broken human being, and he wanted someone to love him. He wanted that love that he had denied himself since his father died.

“I don’t know what this is”, Kurt started as he turned towards Blaine again. Blaine let go of the breath he didn’t even know he had been holding.

“And I won’t promise a single fucking thing, but all I know is that I feel good when I’m with you. Like I’m worth something. You make me feel like a whole human being again. And I want to kiss you, like all the time”, Kurt chuckled humourlessly before continuing.

“I’m going to be blunt. You know, before you came along and complicated my life, I wanted to be alone for the rest of my life. But now I find myself wondering what it would be like to have someone to share the days with. I find myself wondering what it would be like to be able to hold you hand. To be able to cuddle with you while watching a movie. To be able to kiss you. So yeah, if that what love is, I guess I’m in love. Or whatever”, Kurt shrugged, not wanting to show Blaine how much this affected him. Truth was that those were the most honest sentences he had said in a long time.

“So do it”, Blaine said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Do what?”, Kurt stared dumbly back at him.

“Kiss me, if that’s what you want”, Blaine smiled tentatively. They probably had a long way to go, but it was a start.

That was all the reassurance Kurt needed. He closed the gap between them by wrapping his arms around Blaine’s hips, and kissed him softly on the lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle, unlike the kisses Kurt usually had. It was cautious, as if they were testing the waters. It was in vain, as the two boys were quickly attuned to the other and before they knew it, the kiss had turned into something passionate and hot.

Blaine eventually pulled away, flustered and his hair in a disarray as Kurt had found it amusing to pull at it while they made out.

“Wow..”, Blaine breathed in awe.

“…I have junk in my fingers”, Kurt stated bluntly staring at his right hand that was smeared in the extensive amount of hair gel Blaine abused his curls with.

An awkward silence followed the statement. The boys made eye contact and suddenly the broke into fits of laughter. That was when they realised that it was not a mistake. Their friendship would not be sacrificed as it was something that was more natural to them than breathing itself.

“So.. What does this mean?”, Blaine asked softly, running his fingers over Kurt’s back as they were locked in an embrace.

Kurt brushed his nose over Blaine’s neck, wanting to snuggle close to him on the couch.

“That I get to hold your hand and kiss you, and you get to take me out on awesome dates, I guess”, he replied, afraid of putting a label on it. He wanted it to stay like this, natural and carefree.

“Sounds like a great idea”, Blaine chuckled. He didn’t want to press Kurt too much, though he would like nothing more than to call him his boyfriend.

They boys ordered in Thai food and watched The Lion King while they snuggled close to each other on the couch. Blaine learned that Kurt knew all the lines by heart and Kurt learned that the doctor’s singing voice could melt his heart. They both realised that it would be the first of many lessons about the other.

They knew that it couldn’t be this easy always. At some point, they had to address the hardship they were about to face. Blaine made Kurt a promise that he intended to keep, no matter what. He was going to help Kurt get rid of his addiction, but he needed Kurt to be on his side. He couldn’t do it without Kurt’s consent. When the movie was over, they both instinctively knew that they had to talk about the serious stuff.

“How often do you use?”, Blaine asked. He thought that might be a nice way to start planning. He had contacted an old friend from college who specialised in strong drug addiction cases, and the friend promised to help Kurt. In order to make a specialised plan for Kurt, Blaine had to give him all the details. He knew that they usually didn’t talk about the details of Kurt’s problem when they were together, but they had to start at some point.

Kurt just shrugged, unfazed by the question.
“Everyday, more or less. Depends on the day. Some days I get by with one dose, while other days I do two or three”

Blaine nodded in reply.
“Why do you take more than one dose some days?”

Kurt thought about it for a while.

“Sometimes I’m just bored, you know? And sometimes the craving just kicks in when I’m angry, depressed or stressed out”

“When did you start using?”, Blaine finally asked the question he had been dying to ask ever since he got to know the boy.

Kurt fixed his eyes on Blaine’s.

“Since the summer before senior year. It was only marijuana at first, but then it just got worst”, Kurt replied slowly, guarding himself for any unwanted reaction Blaine might have. Instead, Blaine wrapped his arms around him.

“I wish I knew you before that happened. We did live pretty close after all. I wish were friends back then”, he whispered, and Kurt felt a sense of safety. He pulled himself closer to the doctor and rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder, his favourite place to be for the time being.

“I could have needed a friend like you back then, too”, Blaine confided. He knew he had to tell Kurt about things that were hard to talk about for him as well if this was going to work. He couldn’t let Kurt be the only one to share things that were hard to talk about.

Kurt looked at him with his massive bluish green orbs with a questioning expression on his face.

“I didn’t know anyone my age who was gay. I wish I had someone to talk to, just so I would have stopped telling myself that it wasn’t ok to be gay. Someone to tell me that my dad was wrong when he constantly informed me that fags belong in hell, when he told me how much of a failure I was going to be because no one wanted to be around fags”, Blaine let out a dry chuckle that only indicated the bitterness he felt towards his father. Kurt rubbed Blaine’s back soothingly. He was new to this, the whole share and listen-thing, but it felt good to have someone confide in him. It felt good that Blaine wanted to share thing with him, it felt good to be needed. Sometimes it felt like Kurt was the only one needing Blaine, but he realised that Blaine needed him just as much.

“What about your mother?”, Kurt enquired.

“She didn’t dare say anything against my father, she was too much of a coward for that. Wonder if she realised that she was going to lose her only child by not standing up to that man, or if she simply didn’t care the day I left home for good”, Blaine huffed.

Kurt continued stroking Blaine’s back and didn’t know what to say. He really wasn’t used to this. Usually he just told people to suck it up and do another dose.

“But then I moved to New York”, Blaine added in a lighter tone. It was so typical Blaine to focus on the good sides, Kurt thought.

“I graduated from medical school as the best student in my year, and now I’m a doctor who loves his job”, he smiled.

“So take that, dad”

Kurt chuckled slightly at that.
“Does your dad know that you’re a doctor?”

From what Blaine had provided of information, it didn’t seem like he had any contact with his family. At least Kurt sent Carole an occasional letter or email stating that he was alive.

Blaine shrugged.
“My college bills were paid with the trust fund my grandfather left me, and I know that my dad can monitor the fund as an Anderson, even though he can’t take a single cent from it. Luckily my grandfather died before I came out. If my father ever bothered to take a look at the fund, he would see that I managed to do something with my life”

Even though Blaine wore a small smile, Kurt could see the pained expression in his eyes.

“Are you ever going to see them again?”, Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged once again.
“I don’t know. They haven’t exactly tried to contact me ever since I left”

Kurt sighed and pulled the younger man closer to him. Yes, Blaine needed him just as much as he needed Blaine.

--

The next day Kurt woke up in a strange bed, wondering where he was while he tried to fight of the feeling of déjà vu. There was no one sleeping beside him, but he had a hunch about who the other comforter that was curled at the end of the bed belonged to. Once the morning haze had cleared up, Kurt scrambled to his feet and followed the smell of coffee. He was wearing the same white t-shirt from yesterday, but the tight blue jeans were replaced by Blaine’s grey slacks that he had to borrow. As he walked into the familiar kitchen, he saw Blaine’s dark curls bouncing as the doctor tried to make toast. Kurt sneaked his way to him and wrapped his arms around the doctor.

“I smell coffee”, Kurt greeted and let his fingers run through Blaine’s ungelled curls. He couldn’t believe how natural it was for him to do this, act all couply with Blaine, even though they weren’t officially a couple. All they had done was kiss and cuddle. Still, it felt like it was the way things were meant to be all along.

Blaine smiled and offered Kurt a cup of steaming hot coffee.

“It’s only drip coffee, hope it’s all right”, he explained. He knew that the boy usually ordered a non-fat mocha when they were at cafés, but Blaine’s coffee-making skills stopped at manoeuvring the coffee machine.

Kurt simply nodded and blew on the hot liquid that smelled like heaven to him.

The boys ate breakfast together. Kurt read through Blaine’s last copy of Vogue while Blaine read the newspaper. The conversation was minimal, apart from Kurt’s small outburst of how outrageous some outfits were. After breakfast, Blaine’ checked his watch.
“My shift starts in an hour, but I’ve set up an appointment for you with a doctor I know who specializes in drug misuse. I hope that’s alright”, Blaine hastily added, afraid that he had overstepped.

Kurt quietly nodded, making a grimace. He knew that it was going to be hard, but just the thought of starting made it worst. But it was something he wanted to do, he reminded himself. Not something he was forced to do, but something he wanted for himself.

--

Blaine had only one hour left of his shift, but it felt like time didn’t want to pass at all. He had clinic duty today. It seemed like today was the day for child diseases as he just assured another mother that her child just had the flu. Nothing serious. Not the swine flu or mad cow disease, but just a normal flu. Another mother had a fit earlier that day when he tried to tell her that her son had chicken pox and that she would just have to wait for a week until it passed. She yelled at him for not being able to fix it right away, saying something about not wanting to stay home for an entire week with that brat. Blaine didn’t understand how people expected doctors to fix everything immediately. It was almost as if they expected doctors to have a magic wand that they could use to zap away everything. It didn’t really help that Blaine had convinced himself that he was madly in love with Kurt. Kurt, the magical, beautiful boy that just walked into his live at this very hospital. Had he known that day when he went to work that he would meet a boy with the most wondrous eyes? Had he known that he would meet the boy that he would finally fall in love with? He spaced out as the thought about the lovely boy that he was so lucky to have in his life, even though said boy didn’t want to call himself his boyfriend.

The mother looked at him expectantly and demanded medicine for her son as Blaine snapped out of his reverie. Blaine smiled goofily and scribbled down the right medication for the boy with the flu. He patted the boy in his head with a friendly smile. Just as the hypochondriac mother left, he found himself praying to god that the next patient didn’t have a toddler joint to their hip. 

Little did he realise that his prayer would be answered in the most unexpected way when a tall boy wearing a huge smirk waltzed into his office, as he was filling in paperwork on the computer.

“Doctor Anderson?”, the familiar, high pitched voice said.

Blaine snapped his head towards the direction the voice came from.

“Kurt!”, he gasped.

Kurt Hummel was sitting on his patient chair wearing knee-high leather boots, light blue jeans and a leather jacket, looking absolutely faint-worthy.

“What are you doing here?”

“The nurse let me in”, Kurt said, the smirk still on his face as he stated the obvious.

Blaine rolled his eyes.

“I can see that. But to my knowledge, you are not sick. Anyways, how did the appointment go?”

Kurt grimaced.

“Fine, I guess. We talked about a lot of things and made another appointment. He made me a plan to follow, for you know, reducing the dosing little by little so that my body won’t get a huge shock when I quit. According to him, I can try stopping it completely in two weeks”

Blaine smiled and squeezed his hand.
“I’m so proud of you”

“Don’t go all mushy on me”, Kurt stuck out his tongue.
“Anyway, I talked to your nurse and she said that you looked like you were about to break if you got another crazy mother with a sick child. So, I’m jailbreaking you”

Blaine eyes shone with confusion since he was not familiar with the expression.

“I’m jailbreaking you”, Kurt repeated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and shook his head in mock disappointment when Blaine still didn’t get it.

“We’re escaping! Come on”, he stated and got up from his seat. He offered Blaine his hand and Blaine took it cautiously.

“I thought I could cook for you”, Kurt flashed him a lovely smile and squeezed his hand.

Blaine hurriedly grabbed his things with the other hand and the boys stopped in front of the door. This would be the first time they held hands in public, but they both knew they were ready for this. With their heads held up high, they walked out of Blaine’s office. The nurse winked secretively at the two men. Kurt winked back and took Blaine grocery shopping before they went to Blaine’s apartment.

Throwing off his leather jacket, Kurt started to prepare the meal. He was a hell of a cook and he knew it. He loved the way Blaine’s eyes would pop when he ate the food Kurt cooked. The poor doctor had lived out of takeouts and mac’n’cheese for too long.

Blaine watched from the countertop as Kurt prepared the meal for them. He wasn’t allowed to help him with the food, so he played guitar for Kurt instead. He looked at the tall boy and smiled, remembering a song that he used to like in the past. He thought the song summed up their relationship quite well. As he looked at Kurt, he was filled with a sense that everything was going to be ok. Things were going to be rough, but they would be just all right. Blaine started to play and before long his melodious voice filled the kitchen.

“If you have a minute why don’t we go?

Talk about it somewhere only we know

This could be the end of everything

So why don’t we go?

Somewhere only we know”

 

 

AN: Hope you guys liked it :D Please leave a review! 


Comments

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i love how this is going!!!

This fic is fabulous...your writing amazing! I am in awe of your talent! The way you lay their emotions bare is so descriptive it blows my mind! If holding hands stirs these kinds of emtions in me, I wonder what your love making narrative will do to me...so looking forward to finding out!

Oh god I love this so much!!!!

SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW!! Gosh I seriously have loved that song forever and didn't think it was possible to love it more until I heard the first few words spill out of Darren's mouth. And I love it here, too. It really does fit this Klaine very well. Great job! Can't wait for another update.