August 2009

Shit, shit, shit. What if I don’t make friends? What if I become a huge loser? What if I am shunned and forced to eat lunch in the bathroom?

These are the thoughts that plagued Kurt’s mind as he wandered into his new school McKinley High. It was the first day and Kurt was terrified. He didn’t know anyone and wasn’t particularly good at making friends because he was too quiet. He just hoped that someone would take pity on him and take them under their wing. While worrying about all the negative things that could happen, he was also excited by the possibilities that high school could bring: parties, boyfriends, friends that he would keep forever, experiences he would never forget. He thought that this will be the time of his life and he couldn’t wait to get started.

McKinley High was very different to what Kurt imagined. More windows, larger rooms, dirtier rooms and so many people. His mother and father home schooled him for most of his life but when they divorced his mother decided he needed to be social and make friends, have a school experience before he grows up. And so here he is. First day of freshman year. Kurt wanders into his homeroom and looks around discretely. ‘Where I sit could determine whom I sit with for the rest of the year, better make it count’ thought Kurt, scanning the room still from the door. He decided, finally, that a perky looking girl with a wide smile and brown hair was a safe bet. She looked friendly and social. Kurt tended to choose outgoing people as friends so they would do all the talking and he wouldn’t have to. Kurt slid into the old stool beside her cautiously. Kurt gave the girl next to him a hesitant smile to which she replied with a beaming one of her own.

“Hi, I’m Rachel Berry.” The girl, Rachel, stuck out her hand for Kurt to shake, which he did quickly before sliding his hand back into his pocket.

“Kurt Hummel,” He replied. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Kurt scanned the classroom, looking at the other people around them, who he would come to know in the next four years together. Maybe some will change him, some he will laugh with, and some he will cry about. Kurt didn’t know who would take on what role and the prospect of the future excited him. While looking around the room he noticed a guy in the front left corner of the room chatting with some other people. This guy in particular stood out for some reason that Kurt wasn’t sure of. Maybe it was his beautiful twinkling eyes; maybe it was his unruly curly hair. He already looked fed up with school and it was only beginning. He looked at him for a moment too long, the guy noticed and raised his eyebrow in response. Kurt blushed a very obvious shade of red at being caught at his people watching and looked down at his lap. Rachel noticed the exchange and leaned over to whisper to Kurt,

“That’s Blaine.”

Kurt looked at her in shock, how did she know his name? It was the first day!

“We went to middle school together,” Rachel answered his unspoken question. “You might have a chance with him, he’s bisexual. But I think he’s got a girlfriend right now…” Rachel trailed off, thinking. Now Kurt really looked at her in shock. His mouth was open and the embarrassment still hadn’t washed off his red face. She said it so matter of factly, like it wasn’t a big deal. For Kurt, being gay was a big deal. Something that he neither asked for, nor wanted. He had come to terms with it recently but it certainly wasn’t something that he wanted to be common knowledge. Did Blaine know or care that everyone knew his sexual orientation? Kurt was intrigued. And did Rachel guess he was gay? Was it that obvious? Maybe he should stop looking at men altogether. “Oh, um, good for him.” Kurt stuttered out as a lame response. Rachel giggled at his shyness. She found it endearing.

After a super boring few hours of icebreaker and ‘getting to know you’ exercises, they were released for lunch. It was then that Kurt started panicking. Where would he go? Who would he sit with? Him and Rachel had chatted a bit but she couldn’t invite himself to have lunch with her and her friends and he hadn’t talked to anyone else. So it was with resignation that Kurt grabbed his food and sat outside the classroom on a bench. He felt isolated, alone. He saw the groups of people around him, ignoring him. He wasn’t brave enough to talk to them. Far too intimidating. This was the routine for about a week. After class he would slowly pack up his things and sit outside with his lunch and a book. Eventually, he came to like his own company. He didn’t need to be pulled into small talk; he could do what he wanted. And so he read, catching up with his old and favourite stories. The next Monday he was in his spot with a sandwich and Harry Potter when Rachel walked past. She was obviously headed somewhere, Kurt could tell, by the purposeful set in her steps but they faltered suddenly when she came across him. He felt his cheeks flame with embarrassment. God, she is going to think I’m a total loser. He was beginning to like Rachel, they just as similar as they were different. The only problem was she was his only friend so far, Kurt was yet to talk to anyone else and no one had bothered to approach him. He didn’t want Rachel to feel like he was bothering her by being around her all the time so he kept his distance in some classes and let her come to him.

“Kurt,” Rachel began, “What are you doing?” Her tone was demanding, slightly angry.

“Um, reading?” Kurt answered. There were many sarcastic answers he could of used and his mind flitted through many of them before he decided not to be a smart ass and answer her question properly. You don’t make friends by using sarcasm.

“Do you always sit alone?” Rachel hesitated then walked over to him, taking a spot beside him on the bench cautiously. Her nose was wrinkled, obviously the bench was too dirty for her liking.

“Well, yeah. I don’t know anyone yet.”

“Oh! You should have said something sooner! Come with me!” She grabbed his hand excitedly and pulled him up. Kurt packed away his things quickly and followed Rachel.

She brought him over to a group of people sitting in a circle on one of the football fields.

“Ladies and gents, this is Kurt. You know him from class!” She introduced them but the names were all a blur. Kurt smiled politely and waved at them in greeting before uncomfortably sitting cross-legged between Rachel and another girl with long blond hair. For the rest of lunch Kurt sat quietly listening to the group’s conversation. He didn’t feel comfortable enough to join in but was happy to sit quietly and observe. Once the bell rang for the next period to began, he followed them back to the classroom.

It was science, an awful class Kurt hated and today they had to pick lab partners for some research task they had to complete. Kurt was absolutely dreading it, he would much rather work alone. He sat behind his desk, hunched over and pulled out his book while waiting for the teacher to begin. She began calling out names and Kurt could feel his anxiety rise as she went down the list. Maybe there would be an odd number and I could work independently Kurt hoped. But it was in vain as he heard his name and then… “…Will be paired with Blaine Anderson.”

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 A shot of excitement went down his back and turned into butterflies sitting in his stomach. Kurt was thrilled to work with the handsome and mysterious boy he couldn’t take his eyes off of on the first day. There hadn’t been any interaction between the two between them since then but now was Kurt’s chance to make a new friend.

“Hi” Kurt said nervously as Blaine took a seat beside him. Blaine smiled in response and put his earplugs in. Kurt could hear the music blearing from where he was seated.

“Um, so do you like Fall Out Boy then?” Kurt asked in an attempt to make conversation with the other boy.

“Pardon?” Blaine took one earplug out to listen to him.

“Do you like Fall Out Boy? I can hear them playing through your earphones.”

“Oh, yeah I do!” Blaine replied, his usually bored faced suddenly turned animated at the mention of the band.

“They’re my favourite. Do you like them?”

Kurt nodded shyly. He felt proud that he started a conversation between them.

“Here, do you want to listen?” Blaine took one of his earphones and gave it to Kurt to put in his ear. They stayed like that for the rest of the lesson, working quietly and listening to music together. It was thrilling to Kurt and as left the classroom at the end of the day Kurt couldn’t help but notice his stomach doing flips. A smile plastered on his face, he couldn’t wait to get to know Blaine better.