Found this when I opened our paper today. �It gives me a really weird feeling to know that whoever this is has followed me here, to Blaine's. �I talked to a guy I know at the police department and he said there isn't really anything that can be done since I don't know who it is and the messages haven't really been threatening. �They feel threatening to me though. �I can't shake that feeling.
-K

**

TO: Nana (1nanadot@gmail.com) & Cooper (actorcanders@gmail.com)
FROM: Blaine
SUBJECT: Wedding Invitations

Nana & Coop,
So Jessica has been graciously running around for me this week, and she picked up the 2 final invitation designs. �I know everyone is not going to be able to make it on such short notice, but it was the only Saturday the boathouse had, and that was because someone else cancelled their event. ��Let me know which one you like most by tomorrow that way I can have them printed, and get them mailed out ASAP.
Thanks,
Blaine

�Attachment 1�

**

This was on the mirror of my dressing room. �I don't want to add stress to Blaine's life right now, but this is terrifying. �He or she is watching Blaine now too.
-K

**

TO: Blaine (banderson@gmail.com)
FROM: Kurt (khummel@gmail.com)
SUBJECT: List from Chinatown

I made an informative stop in Chinatown today. �I have no idea if you will be up for any of this, but I picked up some things there and they sent me to a regular health food store for a couple of other items. �You'll probably need the okay from your doctor but I thought it couldn't hurt to try.

1. Ferrum Phosphoricum - the homeopathic form of iron, which can be taken during chemotherapy. To help bring up the red blood cell count.
2. Fresh Ginger - to fight nausea.
3. L Glutamine - to restore the intestinal lining damaged by chemotherapy drugs.
4. Maitake Mushrooms - have immune enhancing properties and are useful for restoring immune function impaired by chemotherapy drugs.
5. Nux Vomica - helps with nausea and helps drain the liver.
6. Quercetin - known as the most effective anti-tumor flavonoid.

**

Blaine: �I just got your email. �Thanks for picking up those items. I am up for anything at this point. I am taking the list to my doc today, and making sure it's all safe and not going to interact with anything. Love you.

Kurt: You're welcome! �I've been thinking a lot lately about it, there's just never any time to sit and plan all these things out, so I thought, you know, it wouldn't hurt just to bring a bunch of things home and see if any turned out to be useful. �I'm glad you're going to show your doctor the list. �I was just reading this morning on the way in to rehearsals about sore mouths and really a lot about sores inside the mouth... anyway there is a lot of conflicting information but ask the doc about L-lysine too and if it's safe to take. �I'll pick you up some special toothpaste and a soft toothbrush on the way home. �Try to avoid caffeine and drink lots of water today. �(sorry I'm so bossy this morning!) Love you! �

Blaine: I'll ask. �Today just sucks. �I can't even think straight. �Imagine one canker sore times a million, and that's what my whole mouth feels like. �I can't even really talk. �Thanks in advance for getting the toothpaste and toothbrush. �I'm going to ask the doc about the L-lysine, and see if he can also give me more Magic Mouthwash. �That stuff really works, and I went through a whole bottle last cycle. �I have a giant bottle of water. �(It's okay. �Sometimes I just need the push.) �Love you too. �Also, just to warn you I'm feeling extra paranoid. �I kept feeling like I was being watched all through treatment.

Kurt: �I think we should talk. �There's something that I need to tell you, because I think I know why you've been feeling that way.

Blaine: It shouldn't be anything. �I think it's just the meds causing paranoia.

Kurt: It might be though. �Hurry home.

**

Kurt felt a huge rush of guilt. He should have told Blaine all of this last week, or before that even, back before it even started up again. There were still so many holes they'd yet to fill in about their time apart, but this was happening now, and it was happening to both of them. Kurt felt terrible. He sat down on the couch, gently, his hands wringing in his lap. "I think it is something, though, something I should have told you about before now," his voice was soft, but still steady at that point.

Blaine looked over at Kurt with a confused look as he watched the other man and sighed. Kurt was a nervous wreck his hands were ringing and it looked like he was about in tears. He wanted to know what had brought this on. He said he thought he knew why Blaine might be feeling like he was being watched, but Blaine doubted it was anything that Kurt had done or said that would be the issue. He figured it was just the chemo causing paranoia or hell even the weed that he was smoking nightly with the exception of tonight since his mouth was on fire. He picked up the cup of crushed up otter pop again and sighed, "babe you okay? What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry, Blaine," Kurt whispered. It was hard to look right at Blaine, so he focused instead on the cup in his hands, the crunch of the flavored ice inside. "I have a stalker." Just saying it like that made it sound so ridiculous, but it wasn't even the tiniest bit funny. "I've had him ever since I started Son of a Witch. He would leave these little notes around that just said, 'watching', but it dropped off and stopped. It hadn't happened in several weeks when you came back into my life, so I sort of thought it was over. But it wasn't." He looked back up into Blaine's eyes with a tremulous sigh.

Blaine took a spoon and began crushing the flavored ice as Kurt spoke. His face turned serious as he took a bite allowing the ice to numb his mouth for a few moments before he put the cup down and looked at Kurt, "you have a stalker and you are just now telling me?" He could feel the heat beginning to rise across his neck as his voice went up a bit, "do you want to know how many times Jessica has been here and left the apartment late at night, how many times you've been walking in late after your shows? Kurt with how sick I've been what if anyone tried to hurt you or any of our friends? �I wouldn't be able to help you or any of them. I'm the first target to get to you. Shit." Blaine hissed in pain as he took another bite of the ice and tried to breathe, "you need to call the cops. It's not a request it's a must."

Kurt began to tremble. He knew Blaine was right! He should have been more responsible, he should have put his own fears aside in order to keep the people around him safe. "I know. I know all of that, and Blaine I did talk to the cops. I went in the other day, after rehearsal. I showed them some of the notes, and they told me there wasn't anything they could really do. Famous people have crazy fans sometimes." Kurt was outright shaking now. "They said, he or she hasn't threatened me, and I don't know who it might be, so..." Kurt squeezed his eyes shut.

"Did you tell them you have a partner at home that's for all intents and purposes dying, and that you were afraid for your life, and for the others around you," Blaine spat out before getting up and walking into the kitchen. He grabbed some more of the flavored ice from the freezer before throwing it onto the counter and sinking to the floor as hot tears pooled in his eyes. This was the first time in a very long time that he actually felt scared for his and Kurt's lives.

Kurt just stared after Blaine for a moment. He couldn't stop the tears that spilled over. Blaine was so angry and he had every right to be. He also said the word that Kurt hated at that moment more than any other, 'dying.' It was too frightening, all of it was. When he realized Blaine was sliding to the floor, though, Kurt hurried to the kitchen. He dropped to his knees, afraid to make Blaine angrier by touching him, but just needing to see that he was okay, physically at least. "Maybe there is someone else I can talk to, that we can talk to, Blaine, I'll do better, I know I screwed up," Kurt's words were running together.

"Kurt...," Blaine paused as he collected his thoughts a moment and sighed, "just...not right now." He stood up and ripped open a few of the popsicles, poured them into a cup before going back the couch and crushing the ice with a spoon. He sat like that for a long while before finally speaking back up, "maybe we should see a P.I."

Kurt let Blaine go. He didn't follow him back into the living room. He didn't know if Blaine saying not right now, meant he didn't want to make any plans right now or if he didn't want to talk to Kurt, or forgive him, or even see his face. Kurt slumped against the cabinets, just breathing, because that was what he could control. Almost. Eventually his tears dried up and he just felt sore and achy everywhere. Blaine needed him to be doing better, but it felt like he continued to fall short of better. This was just the latest in a long line of missteps. Here Blaine was trying to stay alive and Kurt kept dropping the ball. It made him feel sick. It made him feel tiny. When Blaine finally spoke up, Kurt pulled himself to his feet and began looking for some tea, just to keep his hands busy. "I agree," he said carefully.

Blaine sighed again and shoved ice in his mouth before standing back up and moving back into the kitchen. He walked up behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around him and sighed as he took in his sweet scent, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped," he took a deep breath, "last night I literally didn't sleep but maybe 10 minutes. I sat out here on the couch eating otter pops and flipping channels. My mouth hurt so bad, and I just felt so anxious and nauseas, and on top of that feeling like I was being watched everywhere I went today then hearing that just...I love you."

One hand stayed on the tin of chai tea, gripping it hard, because he so very desperately needed Blaine to forgive him, but at the same time, he felt very sure that he needed to suck all of this up somehow and get back to making sure that Blaine was okay. This week was taking a huge toll on him, between the lack of sleep, the upset stomach, and now the mouth sores, He didn't need any more to deal with. Kurt was going to be a mess in group he could just tell, and actually part of him wished suddenly that he'd been much more straightforward with Sebastian because he really needed someone to talk to. "It's okay, I'm afraid of all of this too. I want to talk to a PI. It's not safe, you were right."

Blaine sighed as he slumped slightly against Kurt, physical exhaustion and mental fatigue sinking in and taking its toll. He needed sleep, sanity, and Kurt. He unwrapped his arms from around his waist and sighed, "Kurt, look at me please." He placed a hand on his shoulder and motioned for him to turn, "let me see your face."

Kurt nodded slowly and then turned around. Kurt's lips turned down, his face crumpling slightly as he looked into Blaine's eyes. "I wish I could do something," he admitted softly. "I can't do anything."

"You being here every night no matter how late you get in is more than enough," Blaine sighed and pressed their foreheads together as he wrapped his arms back around him. "Your presence, your scent," he touched his swollen mouth to Kurt's, "even your taste, baby does more for me than anything else, but in order for you to keep being you I need you safe, and I need you to keep going to group, and surviving this crazy life with me."

Kurt's fingers came up to slide across Blaine's jaw, gently. He nodded in understanding. "Okay," he whispered. "I can do that." He tried a little smile. "Do you have any idea how good you are for me?"

Blaine relaxed into his touch and sighed. He linked his fingers with Kurt's and took the tin of tea from his hand, "why don't you tell me? I have an idea but it would still be nice to hear."

That made Kurt's smile just a little more relaxed and genuine. Kurt let the tin of tea go and he laid his hand against the small of Blaine's back, fingers splayed. "You," he whispered, "make me remember that no matter what else is going on, the important things are the smallest ones. Like who is there to say goodnight to, whose hand is there to hold. You always make me want to be better and do better. You've taught me how to love and what that really means, but Blaine, when the whole world is coming down around my ears, you still me, inside. You make me feel safe like nothing else can. I love you so much, baby."

"And that's why we're perfect together," Blaine sighed and pulled Kurt close to him, "and I'm sorry I used the dreaded D word. I'm not giving up on us, or our future. I was frustrated and scared, and should never have said that." He looked him in the eyes again and sighed, "I really wish I could kiss you right now."

"Please don't. Don't ever give up, okay? You're my future," Kurt told him. He stepped just a tiny bit back from Blaine. Then he picked up their linked hands and pressed his lips gently to each of Blaine's knuckles. "I'll have to do the kissing for now, I think," he said.

"I'm still here, not giving up, and eating ice pops," he smiled as Kurt's lips pressed to each of his knuckles, "promise me something."

"Anything," Kurt said, sincerely. He squeezed Blaine's hand gently.

"Talk to Sebastian about all this. You're both in that group for a reason," Blaine said.

Kurt nodded again. "I'll do that, I promise," he said.

Blaine took in a deep breath and sighed, "how can you possibly still love me when I'm falling apart."

Kurt smiled, just a little. "I could ask you the exact same question."

Blaine smiled, "because even when you're crazy and off on some wild moment or sobbing in a corner you are you, and I can't see my life without those 'Kurt's going crazy I need a beer' moments. They make life interesting, fun, and exciting."

"Well, since I don't think beer would feel very good to you right now, let's make it a 'I need a snow cone moment' because watching you crush those pops up made me realize we could probably do it in the vitamix I brought over and they'd be so much smoother."

"I didn't think of that," Blaine laughed, "My mouth never got this bad last time though so I figured the spoon method would work just as well."

"Let's give it a try!" Kurt said, he was feeling better and they sort of had a plan and on top of all of that, Blaine loved him. Just as he was.

"Sounds good," Blaine said as he sat down at the bar and put his head down

Kurt reached under the cabinet and pulled out the blender and got it all set up. "Do you care which flavor?" he asked Blaine. Blaine looked like he needed to be in bed, maybe he could convince him of that next.

"Cherry" Blaine whispered as he closed his eyes and listened to the kitchen sounds.

Kurt pulled a couple of cherry pops out and promised himself he would look into ways to flavor the ice in very mild non artificial ways tomorrow. Blaine would run through the pops quickly enough and then maybe they could try something mild and also somehow beneficial. Or not, but he was going to google it nonetheless. "Here you are," he said softly. "Do you want to take it to bed?"

Blaine breathed in softly and rhythmically the whirring of the blender calming his thoughts as he dozed off only to be awoken by Kurt's voice, "sleep is good"

"Okay, let's go," Kurt said gently. He held onto the slush in case Blaine woke up later, it would probably stay cold a while. He tucked Blaine into bed and then quietly made his way back out to the living room where he carefully closed all the curtains. Once he was satisfied that no one could see in, he grabbed a book and climbed in the bed, even though it was still a little early. He just needed to be near Blaine, sleeping or not.