Kurt was happy. He really was. “I’m engaged!” Rachel had said, practically squealing over the phone. He truly couldn’t be happier for his best friend. He really couldn’t. He could hear Rachel bustling excitedly; sure that she was jumping up and down like a little girl.

Even though he knew she couldn’t see him, he smiled – though it didn’t feel very genuine. “I’m really happy for you and Blaine, Rachel,” he confessed halfheartedly.

She let out an excited scream and he had to pull his phone back from his ear. “I’ll call you later, ok? We’re going to call Cooper.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll do lunch tomorrow. I want to hear all the details,” he said, pushing back the tears pooling in his eyes, not knowing why they were there in the first place.

“Ok, bye!” he heard the phone click before he could reciprocate.

Kurt sighed and threw his phone on the couch. He never understood why he always felt like this when it came to Rachel and Blaine’s relationship. Rachel was his best friend, and he and Blaine had been very close friends since high school too. Sure, he had had a crush on Blaine back in junior year, but those were just silly schoolboy crushes like Sam and Finn. Blaine was straight, as he had proudly announced that day years ago at the Lima Bean after his and Rachel’s second kiss. He also loved Rachel, and was going to be happily married to her soon. Happily married. It seemed like a looming death sentence. Something you could never get out of.

Kurt shook himself. This was all probably in his imagination. He was totally capable of being happy for them, right?

A soft knock broke Kurt out of his troubled thoughts.

“Hey, babe,” sandy blonde hair, harm green eyes and a cheeky smile greeted him at the door of his apartment.

“Hey, Seb,” he leaned up and kissed his boyfriend chastely.

Sebastian followed him into the living room, plopping down on the couch and bringing Kurt down with him. Kurt sighed, crossing his legs over Sebastian’s lap and letting him trail the column of his throat with warm, wet kisses.

“So what’s the game plan for today?” he murmured against Kurt’s skin, biting below his jawline.

A moan escaped from Kurt’s lips. Sebastian had always had a very talented mouth. “I have no plans today,” he told his boyfriend as he threw his head back, moaning yet again.

The other male chuckled conspiratorially, breath tickling the soft skin behind Kurt’s ear. “Well, I can think of a way to preoccupy our time,” he whispered, his breath warm and moist against Kurt’s ear. He made his way to Kurt’s lips for a slow kiss.

Before he knew it, Kurt’s mouth was being invaded by Sebastian’s tongue, moving together in a practiced familiarity. Kurt pushed at Sebastian’s shoulders, pinning him against the couch. “We can’t, baby. Tina and ‘Cedes are going to be home soon,” he panted, out of breath as Sebastian rubbed his hand on the inside of his thigh.

“Then we better get started, shouldn’t we?” he said with an evil grin, pushing Kurt down on the couch and ducking his head for a heated kiss.

Like every time they had sex, –mind-blowing, no doubt – Kurt felt like something was missing. He could never put his finger on it, but he just didn’t feel quite all there. As Sebastian thrusted into him, kissed him and worshipped every inch of his body, Kurt felt like a spectator. He felt like he was watching the whole act, as always; just like he was watching his life pass him by, living on the sidelines.