"What the hell is this?"

Blaine clutched the scarf looped around his neck self-consciously and felt his cheeks grow warm. He ushered Luke in through Kurt's door, slapping his hand down from where he was grabbing at the scarf.

"If you can't figure out what a scarf is then not even Kurt can help you out in the fashion world," Blaine retorted.

"That's not what I meant, my marginally gay little friend," Luke grinned. "I was referring to the enormous red spot you're attempting to cover up with it. Man, Kurt sure did a number on you."

Jared covered his mouth with his hand from where he was leaning up against the counter, trying to hide his laughter. He had noticed the exact same thing when he'd entered the apartment moments ago, but had discreetly kept his mouth shut.

"Dammit," Blaine huffed, eyeing them both with a glare as he whipped off the scarf from around his neck. "Well, if it's that obvious then I might as well forget it. It's gonna be too hot in the bar for a scarf anyway."

"Hey, guys," Kurt smiled, gliding into the room as he buttoned up his vest.

"Dude!" Luke exclaimed, throwing his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Nice work! That must have been some epic sucking!"

Kurt's eyebrows drew together in confusion for a moment until he noticed the scarf dangling from Blaine's hand and the exposed hickey.

"Sorry, honey. Scarf didn't quite work, huh?" He scrunched his nose up apologetically before turning to Luke, playfully pushing his arm away with a grin. "Stop it."

"Not so much," Blaine sighed, stroking over his neck regretfully. "It's okay though. It'll be dark in the bar I'm sure, and if anyone notices I'll just tell them you marked me so no one would try to steal me away."

"They won't have a chance," Kurt's eyes narrowed and he pulled Blaine in for a kiss. "I'm gonna have my hand on your ass all night, remember?"

Luke bounced over to Jared and rested his head on the shorter man's shoulder, batting his eyelashes.

"Will you put your hand on my ass, too, pumpkin? So a leather queen won't try to take me home again?"

"Depends on how drunk I get," Jared winked before pushing his head away. Luke blinked in surprise, looking like he had no idea whether to feel flattered or uncomfortable.

"Stop flirting with my best friend, ass," Blaine punched him in the shoulder with a grin.

"He was flirting with ME... ass!" Luke shot out indignantly as he punched Blaine back. "Stop STEALING MY best friend!"

"Oh, lord, children," Kurt rolled his eyes. "Can the fighting, will you? We haven't even left the house yet."

Blaine shoved Luke when Kurt turned to grab his wallet and Luke stumbled with a grin toward the counter.

"Hey!" He exclaimed when his hand came to rest by the cheesecake box. "You got it! How'd you like the card that your straight yet pooftahesque boyfriend wrote for you? The one that wasn't even remotely written by me?"

Kurt smirked, nodding toward where the card was sitting on the counter.

"It sounded shockingly like you. How very odd. But thank you for doing that, Luke."

"Yes, Luke," Blaine grinned with a roll of his eyes. "Thank you for ordering the cake. We will now bow down and worship you, you perfect human being."

"Score!" Luke threw his fist into the air in excitement.

"What?" Jared asked in confusion, looking between them.

Blaine grabbed the card and handed it to his friend. Jared read it silently, biting his lip and nodding slowly.

"You didn't circle one of the options, honey," he smirked. Kurt put his face in his hand, snorting a laugh, and Luke howled in laughter. Blaine snatched the card away with a glare.

"You're supposed to be on my side and not prying into my sex life, Jar."

"I am on your side," Jared laughed. "I didn't think you'd be so secretive about it. You've never been in the past."

"That's because I was always talking to you about sex with women," Blaine blushed. "My stories were more or less theoretical to you. Now if I share the details you'll be able to picture things vividly and I am not down with that! Best friends are not supposed to think about their best friend's cock!"

Jared threw his hands up in the air in surrender, still laughing. Luke was having none of it though. He stepped up in front of Blaine, peering at his neck suspiciously.

"Hmmm, let's see. Kurt could have done this with you facing toward each other, and mostly likely you'd have to be the one doing the fucking for him to have the right angle..."

Blaine stared at him, mouth hanging open in disbelief. Luke moved around behind him, observing him as if he were a puzzle to be solved.

"He also could have done it from behind, which would mean he'd be the one fucking you," Luke circled back around front, tapping his chin and furrowing his brow. "Yup, it's a pickle."

"Oh my god," Blaine yelped, trying to look indignant but unable to help an amused little snort of laughter. He punched Luke hard in the shoulder, however. "Stop picturing us having sex!"

Kurt and Jared were leaning in against each other, laughing hysterically.

"Ow," Luke laughed, gingerly rubbing his arm. "Geez, dude. It's not like I'm mackin' on you! I'm just curious! I know Kurt's versatile so you're the unknown factor here. Let's see, you'd only ever been with women so I can see you-"

"Holy shit! Stop it," Blaine squeaked, "I don't want you to be able to see anything!"

Luke was grinning and moved to open his mouth once more but Kurt quickly intervened and grabbed his hand pulling him toward the door.

"Oh my god," he laughed, and shot a glance at Jared. "Let's separate the children before they start hitting each other again. I'll take the big one, you take the little one."

Jared grinned, grabbing an indignant Blaine's hand and following along.

"Yes, let's go fill them with alcohol. They'll be much more rational and mature then."

"Luke!" Blaine whispered in a tight voice as they headed for a table while Kurt and Jared went to the bar.

"What, dude?" Luke asked with an amused grin.

"There's porn playing on every TV in here!"

Luke burst into laughter, maneuvering through the crowd.

"What did you expect?"

"It's football season," Blaine shrugged. "Football, like every other bar."

"Dudes don't come here to watch football," Luke smirked, choosing a table off to a corner and taking a seat.

Blaine sank down, watching the room nervously, losing himself to his own thoughts.

"I am so fucking out of my element here," he muttered.

Luke eyed him carefully for moment, growing uncharacteristically quiet.

"Can I ask you something?"

Blaine glanced back at Luke, surprised enough at his serious tone to be pulled from his musings.

"Absolutely."

"Are you, like, struggling with some homophobia or something?"

"What?!" Blaine shot out, looking shocked and angry. "Of course not! I'm dating a man, Luke! My best friend in the whole world is gay! Why in the wo-"

"Whoah!" Luke held up his hands, chuckling lightly. "Dude! Take it down about six notches, okay? I'm sorry, that came out kind of wrong. I didn't mean it how it sounded and I certainly didn't mean it as an attack. I just meant..." he sighed, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms. "I just meant that this is such a huge change for you and I can imagine that it's gonna take you a while to be completely comfortable in your own skin. I mean, it's like you didn't actually change who you are, not really, but the entire world around you probably expects you to be this different person. You've always been straight and then, overnight, you're expected, for all intents and purposes, to be gay. That's some rough shit, man."

Blaine soaked all of this in with wide eyes. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. Luke had this way of constantly surprising him. He came across as this loveable, asshole buffoon who meant well but constantly messed things up. Then, out of nowhere, he would spout off something so incredibly insightful and wise. It was jarring. Blaine didn't really know what to say, so he simply nodded. He could deny nothing Luke had just said. It was actually pretty spot on.

"Look, what I was trying to ask was..." Luke hesitated, then looked at Blaine in concern. "Are you struggling with the concept that it's okay to be with a guy? It's just, a lot of people can say that they're one hundred percent on board with same sex relationships, but to actually be put to the test, to be in that kind of relationship yourself, that's something different. I see you looking around this bar and you look so uncomfortable, it's hard for me. You deserve to be happy and you need to know, deep down, one hundred percent, that there is nothing wrong with your and Kurt's relationship, even though there's about a million dipshits in the world who would tell you otherwise."

Blaine stared at Luke for a moment, as if seeing him for the first time. He glanced down at the table before looking back up with a smile, crossing his arms.

"That was awfully wise and supportive for a self-professed obnoxious ass."

Luke just grinned, winking with a self satisfied expression. Blaine laughed and shook his head.

"Look, man... first off, just, thank you for that. I'm not exactly overflowing with support from people right now, so that means a lot. I want you to know, though, that I'm not struggling with those particular issues. Yes, this whole thing is hard, you're right about that, but I'm not struggling with whether it's 'right' for me to be with him. I'm just... off tonight."

Luke rolled his eyes, huffing out a sigh.

"Cut the shit. You've been so jumpy and uncomfortable looking ever since I showed up at Kurt's apartment I'd wonder if you had crabs if didn't know any better. Wait... you don't have crabs do you?"

"Oh my god," Blaine groaned, "aaaand you're back. No, dillhole, I don't have crabs."

"Then what's your issue?" Luke questioned, obviously not ready to drop the matter. "Why are you so uncomfortable, especially since we walked into this bar?"

"I... I don't..." He swallowed roughly, staring across at Luke who was turning out to be much more insightful than he had anticipated, and suddenly realizing that trying to hide what he was feeling was just plain stupid.

"Look around you, Luke!" He snapped. Luke blinked in surprise, glancing over his shoulder cautiously then back at Blaine in confusion.

"Am I supposed to be noticing something other than a bunch a gay dudes?"

"No!" Blaine exclaimed, running a hand rough his hair and causing his curls to stick up on end. "That's exactly what you're supposed to be noticing! Gay, Luke! Gay! They're all gay, just like Kurt!"

Luke stared at him blankly.

"I'm totally lost, flexy."

Despite his extreme agitation Blaine couldn't help but laugh a bit at the nickname.

"They're all gay, Luke," he sighed, pulling a bowl of peanuts toward him and picking at a couple of them idly. "Just like Kurt. They have things in common with him that I never could. Never! Setting aside my extreme attraction to this one man, I'm about as straight as they come in every possible way. Kurt literally dressed me tonight. I thought he was going to have an aneurism when he realized that I was actually planning on leaving the house in a t-shirt that said, "Get me drunk and enjoy the show". Also, I live for sports. One hundred percent. My seasons don't go fall, winter, spring then summer. They go football, basketball, baseball then golf. I'm forgetful and oblivious and I wear the same socks two days in a row sometimes! Then there's the fact that I know nothing about what it was like for him to grow up as a gay teen, to come to terms with something so huge at such a young age. I can't relate to any of that. All these guys here can! I could literally toss this peanut in the air and it would land on someone in this room who would have more in common with my boyfriend than I! How am I-"

He stopped, glaring, when Luke burst into laughter, almost falling from his chair.

"Nice, I'm glad I decided to bare my soul to you," he huffed.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Luke laughed, wiping his eyes. "Kurt's right! You are a total drama queen!"

Blaine's mouth dropped open and little unintelligible noises came out while he tried to find some way to respond.

"He didn't say it like that," Luke rolled his eyes. "He said it in some lovesick way, like how fucking adorable you are when you get all dramatic, and that's entirely my point, you idiot!"

Blaine slowly closed his mouth, then glanced down as a little smile tugged at his lips.

"He talks about me like that?"

"Yes!" Luke blurted out. "All the fucking time! It's annoying as shit."

Blaine bit at the inside of his lip, squirming in his chair as a blush crossed his cheeks and a ridiculously happy smile spread across his face.

"Look, Blaine," Luke sighed, sending him an understanding look. "First of all, most of what you named off, those are just some surface, stereotypical characteristics of SOME gay men. Things like that say nothing about who a man truly is, inside. Yes, the honest truth is that when it comes to that stuff, Kurt could most definitely find at least twenty guys in this bar who could match him, tit for tat, when it comes to answering questions about Project Runway or couture's new fall line."

He leaned over the table, and spoke in a loud whisper.

"Here's the secret though. He. Doesn't. Want. Any. Of. Those. Guys. He fucking wants you."

Blaine sucked in and let out a deep breath.

"He just wants me, huh?"

"Yes, Einstein," Luke tossed a peanut at his head. "If you can't see the hearts in his eyes when he looks at you then you're blind. Look, I'm sure that this particular issue is just a drop in the bucket to everything you're gonna need to sort out together, but put those fears aside if you can and just enjoy your man and this night out. He's not looking for someone who's gayer than you, if anything he's afraid that one of those guys will try and snatch you out from underneath him. He's glanced over here no less than forty times since they've been waiting for our drinks to check on you."

Blaine bounced in his seat to turn around and look toward the bar. As if perfectly timed, Kurt was craning his neck anxiously to get a glance at his boyfriend. Blaine smiled brightly and waved. Unfortunately a man next to Kurt mistook the wave as an attempt to flirt across the room and waved back. The man smirked and winked in Blaine's direction. Blaine's face paled and he snatched his hand away, frantically shaking his head. Before anything else could happen though they watched as Kurt and Jared grabbed up their drinks from the bar and Kurt leaned his head in to whisper something to the man as he passed. The man's eyes went wide and he stared as Kurt sashayed his way across the room, immediately plopping himself into Blaine's lap and kissing him deeply.

"Dudes!" Luke threw a handful of nuts at them. "I didn't propose a guy's night to watch you make out!"

"Just staking my claim," Kurt smirked, patting Blaine's cheek and then moving over to his own chair.

Luke looked at Blaine pointedly with an "I told you so" look and Blaine shook his head with a grin as they bumped fists under the table.

Kurt and Jared were slightly drunk. Their heads were floaty, their inhibitions were lowered and their balance was just a tad off. They were still in control though, and knew that should the need arise, they would be able to immediately sober up and think clearly.

Good thing, too, because Luke and Blaine... well, they were fucking shit-faced. Luke had worked especially hard to get Blaine drunk, wanting him to forget his fears and enjoy himself. It had worked, only Luke had drank everything Blaine had in order to encourage him. He hadn't necessarily thought that through. Both men were laughing hysterically, tripping over their own feet, and having the time of their lives. This led to Kurt and Jared having the time of their lives, just watching their "straight" best friends with absolutely zero filter... in a gay bar.

They were all four currently on the dance floor, switching partners at will; jumping and laughing and dancing to the music.

The best part about the evening was the fact that, for some reason, Blaine seemed to be freaking catnip for every gay man in the place. Well, no, that actually wasn't the best part. The best part was that he was insanely clueless about it.

Every twenty minutes or so either Kurt or Jared had to yank him from the clutches of someone intent on claiming him as their own.

The most memorable incident was when Kurt and Jared were dancing together, Luke and Blaine dancing separately but next to them. Kurt watched carefully as a man came up behind Blaine, dancing up against him and rolling his hips towards Blaine's ass.

"Hey there," the man spoke in Blaine's ear. "You've got some pretty great moves."

"Thanks!" Blaine chirped happily, spinning in a circle and accidentally tripping over his own feet, falling against the other man as he tried to right himself.

"Oops! Sorry," Blaine laughed.

"No problem," the other man smirked as he gripped Blaine's waist. "So listen, cutie, how'd you like to lead the way back to the bathrooms? We can get a little relief."

"Oh, sure!" Blaine smiled brightly, immediately bouncing toward the bathrooms. "I been five times! I know zackly where they are. Words to the wise. Use the far left stall. Izz the cleanest."

"Five times?" The man looked at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Blaine shrugged. "I mean when ya gotta, ya gotta. Ya know?"

"Hell yeah, do I know," the man grinned, grabbing Blaine's hand.

Fortunately, Kurt grabbed Blaine's other hand at the same time and pulled him to his side. He pulled away from Jared and took Blaine's face with his other hand.

"Sweetheart," he said calmly. "You're not heading to the bathroom to pee. You're heading to the bathroom for sex."

Blaine's eyes widened.

"No m'not! I'd never have sex with 'nother guy, baby!"

The other man immediately let go of Blaine's hand, looking between the two in confusion.

"Hey, man," he spoke to Kurt defensively, holding his hands in the air. "I wasn't forcing him into anything. He was all for it."

Kurt smiled and shook his head, glancing over at Jared who was laughing at the confounded expression on Blaine's face.

"It's all good," Kurt shook his head. "He's just incredibly drunk and incredibly innocent and clueless. He's also my boyfriend and we're not in an open relationship. Sorry."

The other man laughed then, shaking his head in amusement when he realized their miscommunication. Blaine pulled away from Kurt's hand, looking mortified as he caught up somewhat with the situation.

"Duuuude!" He exclaimed. "I'm ssorry. I's totally leading you on. Iswear I din't mean to!"

"I'll get over it," the man laughed, moving away as he spoke with a wink toward Blaine. "Keep yourself safe, sweetheart, and don't volunteer to take any more strange men to the bathroom."

"Okay," Blaine called with a merry wave.

Luke looked on with wide, wounded eyes.

"No fuckin' fair! How come Blaine's the only one gettin' hit on?!"

Blaine cheerfully stuck his tongue out as Kurt yanked him into his arms for a dance. Jared rolled his eyes and grabbed Luke's hand, wrapping his arms around his neck and moving to the music as he pressed up against him.

"Come on, cupcake. Don't be jealous of our little Blainey. I'll dance all sexy with you. Does that make you feel better?"

Luke pouted, but looped his arms around Jared's waist and moved with him.

"You're just dancing with me out of pity. You're not really tryin' to get in my pants."

"If I didn't already know you, Luke. I'd totally want to tap that ass."

"Really?" Luke perked up. Jared snorted a little laugh and smacked Luke's backside playfully.

"Really. Only I know that not only are you straight, you're a bit of a dick, so no dice."

"But a loveable dick, righ'?" Luke asked hopefully, wiggling his ass up against Jared's hand.

"Yes," Jared smirked, giving him one last pat. "A loveable dick."

"But what's flexy got that I don't got?" Luke pouted again. Jared glanced across the room and a slow smile spread across his face as he caught a glimpse of his best friend dancing with his boyfriend.

"Look at them, Luke," he prodded Luke's cheek in the direction of their friends, and they both watched, feeling something inexplicably warm and endearing at the sight.

The music playing now was a slower, intense dance mix with a heavy bass rhythm that permeated the air and pulsed through the veins of the dancers. Everyone in the room was affected by it, whether they were dancing or not, and for two lovers, it was obviously intoxicating.

Kurt was leaning down just far enough so that their foreheads were pressed together. Blaine was gently mouthing against Kurt's ear, and the model's mouth was open, jaw dropping just the tiniest bit every few seconds as he appeared to let out soft gasps.

Blaine's arms were draped over Kurt's shoulders, fingers hooked together lightly behind his boyfriend's head. Kurt's hands were sliding up and down Blaine's back to the sensual rhythm of the music and finally ended with one hand in the back pocket of the shorter man's jeans, while the other hand grasped and kneaded at his ass.

It was Blaine's turn to stutter open his jaw as he let out a tiny gasp, and he slid a thigh up in between Kurt's legs, pressing firmly against him. Their hips were connected and moving together as one, and every inch of their bodies seemed to be attached as they fluidly swayed to the deep rhythm.

Kurt's massaging hand slid slowly and deliberately down the seam of Blaine's jeans, his middle finger pressing in and moving in slow circles, showing clearly what he'd love to be doing were those damn pants out of the way. Blaine's head tossed back suddenly and they could almost hear the groan.

They smirked at each other with knowing glances.

"Hmmm," the both exhaled at the same time, feeling as if they had been let in on a carefully guarded secret.

Before they could say anything else though, Blaine dropped his hands from around Kurt's shoulders and let them slide to the model's ass. Apparently he had decided to take things one step further. One hand grasped firmly at Kurt's hip while the other reached behind and squeezed gently in between Kurt's tight jeans and his skin. It was fairly obvious that he was going commando. Nobody could wear pants that tight and thin without an undie line, unless there were no undies to be seen.

Both Luke and Jared's heads slowly cocked to the side, almost in unison, and one of Jared's eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline as he watched Blaine's wrist move up and down, in and out. Kurt's back arched and his head thrust forward onto Blaine's shoulder. This time they were pretty sure they could actually hear a groan, even over the music.

"Ahhhh," they both breathed aloud, glancing at each other and beginning to giggle like little girls.

"I suppose we have the answer to our question," Jared chuckled.

"Fuck, yeah!" Luke exclaimed excitedly.

"But that right there was what I was trying to say, Luke," Jared shrugged. "They have this magnetic, powerful connection. Even just looking at them... I don't know... you feel a pull towards them. What Blaine has is Kurt. I mean, he's new here, which makes him the toy every toddler in the sandbox wants to play with, but mostly you can't help but watch a connection like that and not want to be a part of it. It's no wonder so many guys want to try and get with him."

"And boink that fine lil' ass," Luke supplied with a grin.

"Yes," Jared snorted. "Boink that fine little ass. That was the very classy point I was trying to make."

"But what abou' MY ass?!" Luke wailed

"Oh, god," Jared groaned, thunking his head against Luke's shoulder.

"Seriously, P!" Luke sighed in frustration. "I've got a fine ass! Why doesn't anyone else in this bar wanna tap it? I gots the goods and no one's tryin' to claim me! I feel very undesirable. A girl just needs to know she's wanted, boo!"

"Then show those goods off,"Jared groaned in amused exasperation. "You've been clinging to me or Kurt all night! They think you're taken. Show that fine ass off and see if any of these bitches want to take you home and make you scream!" He immediately spun Luke by the hand, pushing him out towards the center of the dance floor.

Luke dizzily spun in a circle for a moment before glancing around warily. Jared crossed his arms, shooting him an "I dare you" look. Luke grinned and shrugged, and began to dance.

Jared watched, shaking with laughter as Luke closed his eyes and started doing what he apparently considered to be a sexy dance for the entire room. He moved his head from side to side in a manner that vaguely came across as a bobble head, lips pursed and brow furrowed. He started moving his hips in a slow, circular motion to the beat, and let his hands trail over his body, eventually coming to rest over his nipples and rubbing in sensual little circles. He made an "Oooo" face for a moment, then quickly held a finger up in front of himself, wagging it back and forth, mouthing "No, no, no."

Jared doubled over in laughter at the ridiculousness of it all.

Fuck this! Any minor attraction I had for this man has just miraculously been wiped away!

With a decidedly ungraceful spin, he turned so that he was facing away from most of the crowd and stuck out his backside. He started his little circular hip motion again as his hands floated over his body and began caressing and grabbing his ass.

Jared wished he could have been facing Luke so that he could see the expression on his face when a man stepped up behind him, kissing him lightly on the neck as he covered Luke's hands with his own. The man then spun Luke around, holding him by the hand, and Jared had to work to not pee himself from laughter at Luke's shocked and bug-eyed expression. He quickly moved to Luke's side in order to take it all in.

"Look at you, presenting that ass," the man smirked, trailing a finger down Luke's chest, coming to a stop just short of his belt buckle. Luke swallowed roughly.

"Yeah," was all he managed to squeak out.

"You know," the man spoke in a wispy voice, letting his hands trail gently up Luke's arms, caressing his muscles. "I'm pretty much exclusively a bottom, but I feel like being crazy tonight. You're obviously desperate for some dick, and anyone with an ass that fine deserves to be given the ride of their life... at least once anyway. Wadda ya say, hot stuff?"

Luke glanced over at Jared desperately, but Jared just smirked, shooting him a look that clearly said, 'You got exactly what you wanted, dickhead.'

Luke laughed nervously, playfully punching the man in the arm.

"Wow, thaz, um... I'm flattered, really. I jus, I waz, um..."

Jared rolled his eyes, taking pity on his complete moron of a friend. He yanked Luke into his arms, caressing his ass and kissing him on the cheek as he eyed the other man apologetically.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but he's my boyfriend and that dance was meant for me."

"Ooo," the other man's eyes brightened, eyeing them both eagerly. "You're quite the little hottie, too. Let's make this fun. I'll take his sweet ass and I'll let you take mine. Come on, let's live a little!"

Jared looked the man over appraisingly and turned to Luke, tracing a finger along his jaw.

"What do you say to that, my little sugar frosted cupcake? Could be fun!"

Luke's mouth dropped open in dazed disbelief, and he stared back and forth between the two men eyeing him hungrily. He tried to speak but only managed to squeak out some incoherent sounds.

"Oh," Jared smiled patting him on the cheek. "Look at you, all nervous. It's okay my little fluffernutter. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

He turned to the man before them apologetically once again.

"I'm sorry, looks like my precious pumpkin butt is getting some stage fright tonight. Raincheck?"

The other man sighed in disappointment but smiled at them.

"That's really sweet that you're watching out for him," he nodded to Jared. "Most guys would just try to push their boyfriends into it. You're a lucky boy," he leaned in to kiss Luke on the cheek with a wink before moving on to the next free man.

Luke sighed in relief and sagged against Jared with a dopey smile on his face.

"You DO love me! You DO love me! You really, really do!"

Jared snorted and shook his head as he looped his arms around Luke's waist.

"Yeah, my sugar frosted little dickhead. God help me, I guess I kinda do."

By 2am Luke had been talked down twice from doing a strip tease on top of the bar, Coyote Ugly style, and Jared wisely decided that it was time to call a cab. He and Kurt switched partners on their way out, as Luke was starting to need a little more help walking and Jared was smaller than Kurt.

The model propped his friend's arm over his shoulders, stumbling a bit himself and thanking his good sense that he had said no to that final shot of tequila. There was no way he'd be able to help Luke walk had he been any drunker than he currently was.

He realized that the same was true of Jared and Blaine when he saw them stumble off the curb together, giggling hysterically as they tried to hold one another up.

They stumbled into the back of the cab, all four of them smooshing together and not even considering the fact that one of them could sit in the front. Kurt and Jared were in the middle, with Blaine and Luke on the outsides. Blaine, being the smallest, happily scooched up, half onto Jared's lap and half onto Kurt's as the cab took off and leaned over, beckoning to Luke.

"Shhhhh, Luke, shhhhh, I gotta secret."

Luke propped his head on Kurt's shoulder, grinning sleepily.

"Whazzit flexohetible?"

"I think," Blaine held his hand up in the air and paused for dramatic effect. "I THINK... I'm the only straight man alive who likes... nonononono, LOVES, to be fucked up the ass by 'nother man's dick."

"Oh my god," Kurt muttered with a grin, sinking his head down on Jared's shoulder, who was giggling madly.

"Whazzit like, hetofoxible?" Luke bounced excitedly.

"Duuuude," Blaine threw his head back. "You've not had an organism till you've had your prostrate stim... stim... stim..."

"Simulated," Luke filled in knowingly.

"Thank you," Blaine sighed with a smile.

"Oh my god," Kurt gasped. He and Jared were laughing so hard that they were clutching their stomachs in pain.

"What 'bout the other though, man?" Luke asked in a hushed voice. "Is fuckin' a virginia the same as the butt?"

"Shhhh," Blaine waved a hand, whispering loudly. "Shhhhh! Dude! Butt sex is fucking awesome! Sooooo much tighter! I love fucking Kurt's butt!"

"Oh gosh, sweetie," Kurt breathed through his laughter, pinching Blaine playfully. "Thanks for that."

Luke sighed heavily, shaking his head regretfully.

"Too bad'm straight."

"Well I am, too!" Blaine sighed happily, leaning down to place a sloppy kiss on Kurt's mouth. "Bu' lookit me! Happily havin' butt sex wi' the love of my life!"

Silence fell over the cab as they all absorbed what Blaine had just said.

"Dude!" Luke sniffled out of nowhere with a happy sob, drawing in a ragged breath as he wiped at his eyes. "Don't fucking make a girl cry!"

"Love of your life, hey there, B?" Jared said softly as he lovingly squeezed Blaine's side. Blaine gently patted Jared's hand and nodded silently, all the while gazing down at Kurt.

The model stared up at him, laughter gone, his expression soft and serious. His eyes suddenly sparkled and a slow smile spread across his face.

"Yeah?"

Blaine grinned.

"Yeah."

Their breathing quickened and they were just leaning in to kiss when Jared smacked Blaine on the backside.

"Don't make out while you're on my lap!"

"Sorry, Jar," Blaine snickered. He leaned his head down onto Kurt's shoulder then and closed his eyes as the spinning in his head began to overwhelm him. When Luke did the same thing on the other side, and Jared added his weight by leaning against Blaine's back, Kurt laughed to himself at the thought that he was currently holding up their entire group.

"Hey, Kurt," Jared spoke up suddenly.

"Hmmm?" Kurt asked sleepily.

"I've been meaning to ask you all night, but I kept forgetting. When we were first at the bar, there was that guy who was checking Blaine out, and you whispered something to him. He looked shocked. What the hell did you say?"

Both Blaine and Luke perked up at the question, having wondered the same thing, but also having forgotten until that moment. They all peered at Kurt in the dark and watched curiously as his lips twitched into a smile.

"I said..." Kurt bit at his lip, hesitating for a brief moment. "I said, 'Trust me, honey, you couldn't handle that cock."

Silence fell over the cab once again as they absorbed what had just been said. This time it was broken by the cabbie, whose shoulders were suddenly shaking as he snorted a laugh.

All four men threw their heads back and laughed, clutching at each other as they gasped for air.

"Please tell me we're gonna make this a thing," Kurt whimpered, desperately trying to catch his breath as he pulled Blaine back against his shoulder. "Cuz, god... I haven't laughed this hard in so long."

"Pinky swear!" Luke practically shouted, holding his pinky in the air in front of them all.

They snickered and slapped at each other as they tried to find a way to hook their pinkies together.

"Pooftah number one, pooftah number two, straighty and flexy! BFF's forever, dudes!"

"I'm gonna be so mortified over this when I'm sober," Jared groaned with a chuckle.

Luke burst out laughing again.

"You think you're gonna be 'barrased?" He leaned over to peer into Blaine's face, who had suddenly passed out cold on Kurt's shoulder.

"Wait'll B 'members that he gushed and gushed about the joys of butt sex. Lord love him! I can't wait to see what he spills next time!"