Nov. 17, 2012, 6:45 a.m.
Faded memories.: Chapter 10.
E - Words: 1,931 - Last Updated: Nov 17, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 17/? - Created: Jul 07, 2012 - Updated: Nov 17, 2012 712 0 5 0 0
Blaine was pacing the floor of the living room. He had been for two hours now, and throughout those two hours he could hear Kurt crying softly next door. It was driving him insane. Every single sob, snivel or whimper struck him in the heart. He had made Kurt cry, he had put that pain into the one man he truly loved.
The doctor had specifically said not to let Kurt get upset, the trauma to his head could be made worse by it. What if he gets ill? What if he forgets everything? What if he died? It would all be my fault! Shit! What if I'm killing him? Blaine knew he was probably over reacting, but he'd lost Kurt once, and that was just a breakup, so his mind was running through all the worse scenarios.
He kept trying to master up the courage to at least knock on the door, ask him if he was okay, ask him for forgiveness, hold him until he believed everything was alright. But no, Blaine found himself too afraid of having to look into Kurt's eyes knowing that he had upset him. He continued trying to think of things that he could say or do to make this better, but nothing seemed good enough.
How could anything make up for the fact that he had promised Kurt that he'd stick by him through this, and then gotten annoyed when he couldn't remember some things. In comparison to what he hadn't remembered, he had come so far, he was doing so well, and now Blaine had gone and walked all over that.
Blaine's mind shot back to the place he never wanted it to go. He remembered the yells, the taunts from his father over the exact same situation Kurt was in.
Snap out of it, Blaine!
It's been 3 month's!
You're faking it, Blaine!
You deserve this you fucking faggot.
Just remember already, this is getting fucking old. You dumb little piece of shit.
He remembered how all of those words hurt him. They stung right at his heart, and that was coming from his Father a man he despised. How much would it of hurt Kurt to hear it from someone he loved? I'm my Father. Screw that, I'm worse than him. Blaine was shaking as he sat down, trying to block out thoughts and memories. He took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure.
Around half an hour later, he heard the crying dissolve into slow breathing and he figured Kurt had cried himself to sleep. Just the thought of Kurt being alone broke his heart, but crying himself to sleep, alone, in a double bed, now that was just horrible. Knowing Kurt would be fast asleep, Blaine creaked the door open slowly and walked inside. The sight that greeted him tore him apart even further.
Kurt was curled up in ball like position on top of the covers. There was a clear wet patch on his pillow, which he had his head on. Blaine's pillow however, was clutched to his chest and he was holding onto it like a lifeline. There were still tear tracks on his cheeks, and his shirt was also soaked at the neck from tears.
Without another thought on the matter, Blaine went to the bathroom and got washcloth, he slowly wiped the remaining tears from his face. Then he removed his trousers and shirt (whilst silently thanking the stars Kurt was a deep sleeper), replacing them with pyjamas and brought in the spare duvet, that he had needed to sleep on the sofa, and laid it down over him.
Blaine then got himself changed and lay down on the sofa to sleep without a blanket or pillow, but he didn't mind, because knowing he had done something, even small, to make Kurt feel better, was enough to slightly put his mind at rest.
He didn't sleep much though. Thoughts of Kurt becoming ill because of him plagued his mind. He couldn't get the thought out of his brain that Kurt might not wake up the next morning. Or, maybe Kurt would wake up and not remember him.
-
Kurt woke up the next morning comfortably in bed and in pyjamas. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Why am I lying on a duvet and under a duvet? He wondered, and then seeing the clothes he had fallen asleep in on the side, he figured that Blaine must've tried to make him as comfortable as possible. He smiled inwardly, as much as he was upset with Blaine, the sweet gesture reminded him of the exact reason he'd come back home instead of going to Finn and Rachel's house. As utterly stupid and heartless as Blaine had been in that moment, the fact he was so upset with himself immediately after, the fact he'd tried to call to make sure Kurt was okay, and now this, showed him just how much he was loved.
But then, there was still that part of him that ached, that was crying out. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be able to remember absolutely everything, and it physically hurt him that he couldn't. Blaine knew that. Blaine was the one person who he could rely on to be a comfort through all of this, but Blaine had been the only one to be annoyed with him over it, which was exactly what he didn't need.
He went to get out of bed and walked into the living room, only to have Blaine's arms thrown around his neck and the man sobbing into his shoulder. He jumped slightly at the sudden display of affection and pulled away from the hug. As much as he loved Blaine, the middle of a fight wasn't the best time to be hugging.
"Whoa! Blaine!" He exclaimed but then his heart broke. "Blaine! What's happened? Are you okay?" He asked after taken one look at Blaine's tear stricken face. His deep brown eyes were puffy and red, and he had tear tracks running down his face.
"You're alright." Blaine chocked out. "It's after 12, I thought...I thought I'd...you were asleep for so long, I thought the stress had..." He let out a choked sob as tears began pouring from his eyes again. He fell into Kurt's arms the minute he opened them and continued to cry into his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry. Please forgive me. Please. I'm so sorry. I thought I-I-I-I'd... I thought the stress had...I thought you'd never w-w-w-wake up again, Kurt. I tried waking you up twice before this, and you were c-c-c-cold out. I called the doctor and he said to wait until it had been fourteen hours, and it had been thirteen b-b-but you woke up! You're alive! I love you, I'm so so so s-s-s-sorry. I should never have ever said that. I don't care what you can remember as long as you l-l-l-love me. Hell, as long as you're alive I'll be happy. I thought I'd never get to speak to you again, I'd never get to hug you again, I ‘d never get to kiss you again. I thought you'd die h-h-h-hating me! I thought was responsible as well. I'm so sorry. So sorry."
Kurt was completely taken aback. He held Blaine tightly to him. "I'm here. I'm completely fine, okay. I'm here. Shh. Please don't cry, Blaine. You know t breaks my heart to see you cry."
"I'm sorry." Blaine chocked out in response and clutched even tighter onto Kurt. When Blaine's sobs had finally subsided Kurt pulled out of the hug and placed his hands on Blaine's shoulders so they were standing opposite one another.
"Blaine. Firstly, I could never hate you. I'll love you forever. So I wouldn't of been able to die hating you. Secondly, I know you're sorry, and I forgive you. I was going to anyway, I just want to let you know why it hurt so much. Blaine, you're the one person who's been there for me every minute of the way through this, and you've said many times that you'll wait for me to remember. But, yesterday, you were upset because I didn't remember something. Now, I just feel pressured to remember, and I can't, I want to so much, but it's not there." Kurt was almost in tears himself by the time he finished, but when he looked up from the floor at Blaine, he was full out crying again.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do to make you know just how sorry I am. I-I really wish I hadn't said it. I love you so much...a-a-and...I'm so sorry."
"I know you are. I forgive you." At those words Kurt found Blaine's arms thrown back around his neck and this time, he squeezed back just as hard.
"I know how it feels, Kurt. I know what it's like, and if someone as close as we are had said something to me back then, I would have...ugh. I don't even know! I just, I hate myself for doing that."
"Blaine, it's okay. You're forgiven." Kurt stroked Blaine's cheek softly and kissed his forehead. "But, what do you mean by that? Back then and I know what it's like?"
Blaine took Kurt's hand and led them to the sofa. Kurt rested his head on Blaine's shoulder and smiled softly as Blaine began stroking his hair. "At the Saide Hawkins Dance. I told you they beat the living crap out of us, right?" He felt Kurt nod against him and continued. "Well, one of them took a bat to my head. I completely lost all recollection of everything after I was 8. I had to be home schooled for 6 months until I could remember, and my Dad. He kept...He kept saying I was faking it. He kept saying I should try harder to remember. So when I said that to you, I just. I saw myself in him. I saw myself turning into him. I remembered how hard it felt coming from someone I hated, and I kept imagining what it would have been like to hear someone who I loved say it. It made me feel awful, and that's how I made you feel. I'm so sorry. That's why I've been trying to let you go at your own speed and not pressure you. But obviously I messed that up. I'm so fucking sorry, Kurt. I truly am." Blaine kissed Kurt's hair, then his forehead, then nose, and then mouth. His lips we're trembling as he did so because of the tears he was holding back.
"Why didn't you tell me this before, love? I know how sorry you are. I can see it blatantly written all over your face and I've forgiven you, so stop apologising. You're not your Dad. He meant it in a mean way, you were just upset because it means so much to you. You're too good of a man to ever be your father, so don't say you are. I love you so much. I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"I love you too, Kurt. I always will." Blaine leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Kurt's.
"Blaine?" Kurt asked quietly.
"Yes, honey?"
"Well, you've only got one class a week left of school and you did it yesterday, and they said you could email in work. So, could we maybe go to Lima? Everything you said upset you that I couldn't remember, maybe if we actually visit those places, it would help."
Blaine literally jumped about ten feet in the air and ran to his laptop yelling "KURT YOU'RE A GENIUS! LIMA, OHIO HERE WE COME!"
Comments
Awwwh sad chapter :'( But all is forgiven yay yay yay! I love this story <333 But I think I might have mentioned that before :)
:D :D: :D
awww :)))) <3 im all smiles!
Ok so I just sat and read this whole thing in one sitting. I LOVE IT! OMG DAJSDJ
OMG..I love this story so much! I cant stop reading it for whole night. Please update more..nice and amazing!