When we got to the mall, Kurt nearly fell out of the SUV because it was higher from the ground than he remembered. Blaine caught him quickly and they both blushed. Normally that kind of romance would make me sick to my stomach, but for some reason, it was cute coming from them.

We were supposed to just be there for a headband, but we all ended up wanting to get other things as well. Kurt looked so excited to be shopping. I could tell that there were so many things going on in his head, but he kept them to himself. He walked a bit slower than the rest of us, taking everything in. I think it might have been his first time in this mall because when we told him about there being three floors, he looked as if he would faint. He, also, was trying really hard to keep his distance from us. He looked so uncomfortable when we squeezed on the elevator together. We weren’t even touching, but I think that if I had touched him, he might have had a heart attack or something. It was so strange; his eyes were filled with such fear.

It was definitely Jeff’s personal mission to get us kicked out of every store we went to. We were a bunch of guys looking for a headband so, we needed a female worker to help us out with this. Who knew there were so many different types of headbands? Jeff, of course, hit on every single one thus getting us kicked out of various stores. Yeah, Jeff is and has always been my best friend for as long as I can remember, but, sometimes, he’s an idiot. His pick-up lines ranged from “Your dad must be an amazing baker, because your buns look delicious” to the classic “Hey, it’s hot in here; that must be you, baby.” Honestly, if I were those girls, I would have call security and slapped him in the face, not just the latter.

After the 9th store, we were all getting pretty irritated. “Really, Jeff?” Blaine asked. “Is it necessary to hit on everyone? What could you possibly see in every single one of those women?”

“Blaine,” Jeff answered, “your gayness will never let you understand the beauty of breasts. They’re just so wonderful.”

“Is he serious?” Blaine asked me.

“Unfortunately, yes,” I answered, “yes, he is.”

“Where’s Kurt?” Blaine said. I whipped my head around looking for the small boy. He was staring through the window of some place we recently passed.

We all walked over to Kurt who looked happy. He was smiling at the mannequin while his eyes traced its clothes from the loose button up shirt down to the shoes. “These pants are Alexander McQueen cargo wool trousers with a light grey coloring. The attachment of brown suspenders goes perfectly with the white shirt. I think this is from his fall and winter collection of 2009,” he let out a sigh. “And they’re here in this store.”

“I see that you kind of like fashion,” I teased getting him out of his trans.

“Um, yeah, I do,” he answered looking down.

David was eying a mannequin further down and then looking at Blaine and then back at the mannequin. “Hey, Blaine,” he asked, “are you a fan of this McQueen guy too?”

“Yes,” Blaine scoffed, “I’m ‘a fan of this McQueen guy.’ Of course, you wouldn’t know who he is. Why do you ask?”

“’Cause this model wears his pants like you,” David answered. “You know how you do that thing where you roll your pants up a bit to show your ankles, or wear pants that are just too short for you?”

“Oh my gosh,” Wes said, “you’re right! This thing looks just like you, Blaine”

“Yeah,” Blaine said, “he’s why I do it. Plus, it shows off my killer socks and sexy ankles.”

Jeff had his hand on his chin in deep thought staring at another mannequin. “I don’t think I trust this McQueen guy. I mean look at this mannequin. He looks like that sketch I drew of Mr. Hyde for English. Remember the one about how I pictured Hyde looking right before he flogged the hell out of somebody?” I had to agree with him there. The mannequin was wearing an all black suit. It had a hat, a bow tie, a suit jacket, buttoned all the way up, that reached just above his knees and slim fitting slacks. To complete the look it was wearing black leather gloves, and they had placed a cane in its hand.

“Yeah, this one is pretty creepy,” Wes agreed walking back over to David.

“I don’t remember the before sketches, but I do remember the ones you drew of him flogging people,” I answered and Jeff smiled.

“Oh, yeah,” David said. “I’m pretty sure Ms. Hardwick will be scarred for life. Weren’t the beatings in the form of a flip book of some sorts?”

“Yes, they were. If she didn’t want to be shocked, then she shouldn’t have offered me extra credit in the form of art,” Jeff said proudly.

The boys started to walk away, but Kurt still stood in front of the glass smiling at the mannequins. “Hey, guys,” I said. “Why don’t you guys continue to look for a headband while I head in here with Kurt? I need a new dress shirt for that scholarship brunch I have coming up. I’m sure Kurt could help me find something to make me look good.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said, “I forgot about that. Kurt get him some pants, too, and a tie.”

Kurt smiled and said “Sure.”

Blaine opened his mouth to say something but was cut off when Jeff put his arm around him dragging him in the other direction. “We’ll meet up later at the food court. See ya later!” David yelled.

I opened the door, looking at Kurt. “After you,” I said, holding out my hand like a proper gentleman. I’m sure Kurt was used to it. Sure, he could probably take care of himself, but he was so pale and tiny. He looked so lost sometimes and unsure. I understood that feeling of not knowing if you could trust anyone around you so, maybe, I could help Kurt. Looking at him just reminded me of the old me.

“Sir, how may we be of assistance?” a brunette woman asked, standing next to a red head.

I turned to Kurt. “Um, Kurt, what do you—”

Kurt turned to the brunette. “He’ll need a pair slim fitting grey slacks with well-defined creases that stop short just above his shoes, which shouldn’t be too hard to find for someone of his height. Also, he will need a pastel pink button up or something of a light pistachio green to bring out the bits of green in his eyes. A vest would be an interesting combination as well, as long as it matches. While you two look for that, I’ll work on finding a tie for him.”

I was very shocked at how fast Kurt was speaking. He wasn’t even looking at me. Had he pictured dressing me before or something? No, that’d be weird. He must really be into fashion design. I can’t believe he knows my eye color either. When did he have the time to notice that? I’m starting to think that I bit off more than I can chew with this whole letting him dress me thing.

I gave the girls my measurements, and they quickly started digging through the racks of clothing searching for Kurt’s detailed requests. I followed Kurt over to the ties, and he had several different ones picked out already. “You know, Kurt,” I said, “you should try on something too.”

He smiled still looking at the ties. “It’d only be torture. I’d never be able to afford any of this stuff.”

“So?” I asked. “Just do it for fun. Plus, I know you’d like to try on something from the McQueen collection.”

Before Kurt could reply, the two workers returned with the clothes: two pairs of grey slacks, a pink shirt, a green shirt, and a vest. “Here, you are, sir,” the red head said handing me the clothes. “Now, will there be anything for you as well, sir?” she asked Kurt.

“Yes,” I answered for him, “he’ll try those wool grey cargo pants in the window.”

“Alright,” the brunette smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

“Well, now you have to try them on,” I grinned at him. “I’ll be in the fitting rooms. I’ll show you everything when you get back there.”

There were so many fitting rooms, and the mirrors at the end of the hallway aided in my indecisiveness to pick a room. I ended up picking one near the entry way, so I could escape quickly in case of a fire or something. I know my logic for picking that room was completely fucked up, but I like to be prepared for the absolute worst. Things usually go in that direction when I’m involved so I can’t be too careful.

I changed into the grey slacks and the green shirt. I looked in the mirror while tracing the scars on my stomach; the ones that the old me had left. I always say that these scars are remnants of the old me, but they’re not. No, I haven’t changed much at all. Yeah, it’s been a long time since I actually cut myself, but I think about it all the time lately, just taking razor to my flesh and slicing it open. It’s so hard not to. Jeff always said I should just talk to him about it, but I don’t want to talk to him or anyone. He thinks it’s just all the stress I’m constantly under, but it’s not. It’s more than that. I hated and still hate getting up, going to classes, and going to meetings and brunches about scholarships. I wish I could just lay there in bed all damned day and night until I rotted to death, but I couldn’t. It would kill Jeff to see me that way, and I owe him so much. But I don’t think I can keep pretending I’m okay. I need something to make me stronger and I think that if I started cutting again, I would be okay. Somehow, it gave me confidence to go out and face the world. Made me feel invincible some days. It sounds silly, but it did. It wasn’t even the pain that was the best part. It was the fact that when I did do it, blood would just come rushing out, flowing down my skin. I was human and like every other human, I bled. I used to feel so worthless some days, like I wasn’t a part of the human race. I was just some hideous thing sucking up air and wasting space. Cutting reminded me that I belonged and whether I felt like it or not, I was a person so I must matter.

I looked away from the mirror closing my eyes and sighing. I buttoned up my shirt covering up my thoughts. I threw on the vest and started fumbling with the buttons, or maybe I was supposed to zip it first. I heard a door close and assumed it was Kurt. I walked down the hall trying to find his room. “Hey, Kurt,” I yelled into a door. “Is that you in there?”

“Yeah!” he yelled back.

“Cool,” I said as I opened the door. “I was wondering if you could help me with this vest. I’m not sure if it zips first or buttons first or if the buttons even button. Maybe they...” As the door snapped shut behind, Kurt gasped and turned around. He grabbed a shirt pulling it over his head as fast as he could, but I had already seen what he was trying to hide. He had this grotesque bruise on his shoulder, along with bite marks. I don’t know if the bruise was just that horrible or if the bite was becoming infected, but it was so purple and black. It overtook his entire shoulder and part of his collar bone.

“Please, don’t tell anyone,” Kurt begged in a whisper. “Please?”

My eyes snapped up from his covered shoulder to his eyes. They were full of fear and pain. Was he really that afraid that I’d tell someone? His eyes started to fill with tears. I know that terrified, pleading look. It was like looking at my reflection.

Flashback

The smell of Scotch filled my nostrils as I entered the house. Maybe if I’m quiet, he won’t find me, or notice that I’m here. I slowly took off my shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs. I felt something hit me in the back my head. I slipped, falling down the few steps I had managed to climb. I heard glass crunching under me as I fell. He must have thrown his glass at me. I landed on my stomach. I started to get up while looking up seeing my father, still in his suit from work.

“Where have you been?” he slurred.

“I was studying at Jeff’s house,” I said weakly as I stood back up, looking down.

“You’re always over there!” he yelled. “What? You don’t like my house? Come home more.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.

“You know what today is,” he asked me while taking a sip from the bottle that was in his hand. “It’s our anniversary, me and your mom’s. We can’t celebrate it together though. Do you know why?”

I kept my eyes on the floor not saying a word. “Answer me!” he yelled swinging his fist into my jaw.

“I don’t know,” I said, letting the blood run down the side of my mouth.

He punched me in the stomach, and I fell to my knees. “Because you killed her! You murdered my beautiful wife. I loved her,” he cried.

“I loved her, too,” I whispered. He bent down in my face, and the smell was awful. I looked at him and I saw tears. He looked so sad, then, he stood back up slowly. I looked up at him and he kicked me hard in the stomach.

“You didn’t even know her!” he shouted adding another kick. “The doctor told me that my wife didn’t make it, and, then, he just handed me you like that made it all better. Here ya go! Here’s your worthless kid.”

He kicked me in the chest over and over again. “I’m sorry,” I pleaded. “Please, stop. Please!” I couldn’t breathe properly anymore. I was wheezing.

End Flashback

“NICK!” Kurt shouted, shaking me. I was on the floor, on my knees.

“What happened?” I asked looking at Kurt.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “You looked off into space and, then you fell asking me to stop. What were you talking about?”

“Oh,” I said, “nothing just…nothing.”

We stood staring at each other. “So,” I said, “how did you get that bruise?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he replied.

“If it was that Finn guy, you have to tell somebody,” I said looking at Kurt concerned.

“Finn would never hurt me,” Kurt said shocked.

“Look, Kurt, I know you might love him or whatever, but you can’t let your boyfriend do that stuff to you,” I said shaking my head.

“Boyfriend?” Kurt asked, confused. “Finn’s my brother! He saved me from him! The guy who…”

“Oh,” I said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I’m sorry that someone did that to you. Did you know him well?”

Kurt looked away from me. “No, not really, he went to my old school. He used to bully me a lot. What about you? Who did you think I was when you were asking me to stop?”

I let out a sigh and looked away from Kurt. “My dad.” Kurt looked at me completely worried. “Don’t worry, it’s over now, Kurt. Um, Kurt your shoulder looks like it might be getting infected or something. You should go and get it looked it at.”

He just looked down and shook his head. “Okay,” I said, “but if it gets any worse you have to go to the doctor or at least let me know so we can figure something out. I would hate for you to lose your arm.”

He laughed. “Only if you promise not to tell.”

I smiled. “Deal. I think those pants look good on you.”

“I like the pants and the shirt you have on,” Kurt said, “but not the vest. I think they will do with just a simple tie.”

“Thanks,” I said smiling. “Now let’s get dressed and check out.”

We both got done getting dressed about the same time. The workers asked what we wanted to be put back, and I saw Kurt about to give them those cargo pants he so desperately wanted. “No, don’t take those. He’s getting them.” She smiled and took them to the register along with my new outfit.

“Just put it all together,” I said while pulling out my wallet.

“Nick, what are you doing?” Kurt whispered. I sshed him while I paid. I got a text from Jeff that said they were at the food court, but it was from a while ago. I hurried out of the store with Kurt.

“Nick, why’d you buy those for me?” Kurt asked.

“I had to buy you an apology gift,” I said handing Kurt his bag. “You know, for walking in on you like that. Oh, and, um, could you keep my little meltdown a secret? I don’t want anyone to worry. Plus, I wouldn’t want Blaine getting all jealous on me.”

“Why would Blaine be jealous?” Kurt asked.

“Because I got to see you half naked before him,” I replied smiling. Kurt stopped walking and blushed. I guess that meant that Kurt probably liked Blaine, too. I’m glad. Kurt needs a good guy like him. I really hoped Kurt would keep my secret though, and I think he is equally worried that I won’t keep his. I really hope I can trust him.

Jeff’s POV

It took forever for Nick and Kurt to get the food court, and they both announced that they weren’t hungry. I thought that was strange because we didn’t have breakfast before we got here. We decided to grab some Chinese food because they were so persistence about passing out those little samples of sweet and sour chicken on a toothpick. Plus, I was under the impression that they would have never let us leave the booth without following us and asking why we didn’t want their food.

I found my way back to our table. I noticed that the two boys looked so nervous and in deep thought about something. Just what exactly happened between those two in that store? I sat close to Nick. I reached my hand up and touched his shoulder whispering, “Hey, are you alright, Nick?”

He shook my hand off his shoulder and replied, “I’m fine, just fine.”

I knew that was complete bullshit, but I left it alone, for now. Nick hadn’t acted like that since we were younger. I remember him showing up my door step out of breath quite often. My dad would always let him stay over, no questions asked. It was like they shared this knowing look every time. Nick never let me in, even though he claimed we were best friends. I’d always ask how he was and he would lie, telling me he was fine. It wasn’t until much later that Nick told me about the beatings. I was furious. I loved Nick like a younger brother. I hated that I never came to the conclusion on my own. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it had become. Even after he got out of that house with his dad and moved in with his grandmother, he was still so distant from me. He wouldn’t even come outside to play some days, saying things about how he didn’t deserve friends and he wasn’t worth it. He started cutting himself. The more he came outside, the more cuts he had. My dad told me that I spent too much time worrying about Nick and not myself. It worried him, but I just wanted Nick to be happy. I wanted him to feel like a normal kid. So, I made myself a promise that I’d never let that happen to my best friend again. I started paying more attention to him and help him get through everything. He stopped cutting and we made a pact to tell each other everything that was bothering us because I didn’t want Nick to go back to the way he was. From that day on we were like brothers. He was finally okay in a way. We decided to just come here to Dalton, to get away from all those bad memories. Seeing Nick like this made me worry.

I was going to push and ask what happened with those two in that store, but Wes, David, and Blaine showed up. Blaine noticed Kurt’s distress, so he sat next to him placing his hand on top of Kurt’s rubbing it gently. Kurt snatched his hand from Blaine’s grasp in such a panic that he banged his hand on the table. Instead of rubbing his hand that was clearly in pain, his other hand reached up to rub his shoulder lightly. It was so strange. I turned to Nick who let out a sigh, looking at Kurt with worried eyes. Just what had happened between those two?

“So, what kind of headband did you guys get, Jeff?” Kurt asked to break the awkward silence.

I looked back to him and showed him the thing that Wes and Blaine had convinced me was a headband. “I don’t know what this thing is,” I confessed. “I thought it was an elastic version of those choker necklaces girls wear, but they say it’s not.”

Kurt giggled a bit. I was glad to see he had relaxed some and let go of his shoulder. “Here,” Kurt said as he held his hand to take the thing from me. “You put it over your head, around your neck. Then you take it and stretch it over your face, like so, pushing your bangs back with it.”

He took it off and handed it back to me. “Holy, crap,” I said, “it is a headband.” Everyone laughed except Nick who was staring off into the distance thinking hard about something.

As we headed to the car, Kurt got a phone call from that Finn guy that stayed with him last night, much to Blaine’s displeasure. The poor kid looked heartbroken, so I could only assume that Finn was Kurt’s boyfriend or something. “Hey, Kurt,” Nick said looking at Blaine while he got into the car, “did your brother get home okay?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, “that was him, now. He’s fine. Although I’m surprised he didn’t crash with his bad driving skills.”

“Wait,” Blaine interrupted. “Finn is your brother?”

“Yeah,” Kurt said. “Did everyone think he was my boyfriend?”

“Yes!” We all said simultaneously as I started the car.

Kurt laughed. “Well, just in case you were wondering I’m single, unfortunately.” Blaine smiled so brightly. Geez, did he really have to be that obvious?

“Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. “Everyone in this car is single except Wes and David. But it’s not like they’re getting any either. Their girlfriends are super Christian.”

“Yup,” David said, “we go to church every Sunday.”

“And what do you get out of that?” I asked. “They probably just let you kiss them on the cheek and hold their hand.”

“Pretty much,” David said sadly. We laughed. Poor guy.

We got back to Dalton and everyone went their separate ways. I tried to get Nick to talk to me when we got to our room but he claimed he had a paper to write and threw on his headphones before I could protest. I knew that Nick couldn’t possibly have any homework that wouldn’t take him an hour or two to do. He usually doesn’t even worry about it. I mean Nick is like a super genius. That’s why we’re juniors but he’s already getting college scholarship offers. I let it go though. He would tell me soon just not today, I guess. I hoped he was okay and Kurt too.

I eventually started on my own homework because at Dalton that’s how single guys spend their Friday nights. Writing my paper didn’t interest me neither did calculus, so I drew instead. I sketched out a beach house with a wave crashing along the side of it. The sand was studded with shells and crabs. I even added a sandcastle and two kids. They looked so happy playing in the sand together. I envied the happiness I gave them along with their vacation, so I made it storm. I sighed checking the time. Nick had been in the shower for a while. I wondered if he had cut again, but it had been three years. I needed to trust that he wouldn’t cut anymore, and I needed to stop worrying so much.. I mean he’s fine now and everything is great. Our grades are good and, we’re happy, most of the time, which is good enough for me. I think I need to stop worrying about Nick so much.