"Kurt?" Blaine held his hand to his cheek, his eyes fixed on Kurt, full of pain and confusion.

Kurt was shaking, his breaths coming in little gasps, the fingers of one hand stinging. What did I do? He thought. This isn't me. But Blaine hadn't been being himself either. But that didn't give Kurt the right to act crazy.

The inside of Kurt's head was a mess. Half of him wanted to lash out again; the other half wanted to throw his arms around Blaine and never let go. He stayed frozen, wide eyes latched onto Blaine's face, hurt evident in his expression.

And I put that hurt there, Kurt thought.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked again.

"Finn told Rachel. That's what she wanted to talk to me about." Kurt said, by way of explanation. The confusion melted off Blaine's face, he lowered his hand, and took a step towards Kurt. "No, don't," Kurt said, edging backwards. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Blaine exhaled sharply through his nose, raising his arms briefly out to the side. "How could I? After everything you've been through, with your mum, then your dad, and with my eye-"

"Don't make this about me," Kurt shook his head. "It doesn't matter what's happened to me before, what matters is what's happening to you right now. How could you-… why would you let yourself-… were you ever going to tell me?"

"Yes," Blaine nodded his head vigorously. "Honestly, I was. I was going to tell you today, right after you got back from Rachel's. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure I actually had it."

"You told Finn," Kurt's jaw clenched. He lowered his eyes, focussing hard on the carpet, willing himself not to cry. It wasn't fair. Blaine was too young, too good.

It was the car ride that had done it – the time between finding out and seeing Blaine. Kurt imagined a different scenario, in which he was back in the auditorium, listening to Blaine sing Cough Syrup, and this time, when the song ended, Blaine had told the truth. No matter how hard it would've been to hear that, Kurt knew it would be better than what he was feeling now, because they could've held on to each other. They could've been together at the hospital when Blaine got the news. They could've helped each other through it.

But Blaine had known for over a week, and Kurt had been forced to catch up in minutes.

Kurt blinked a few times, then looked up. Blaine's cheek was reddening, and Kurt thought about how he may have hurt Blaine, but Blaine had hurt him first.

Not that that made him feel any better.

"I didn't mean to, I ran into him at the hospital and I couldn't-"

"But Finn." Kurt interrupted, old feelings resurfacing. "I thought you understood how hard it was for me to have a dad who went to Finn first, but now my boyfriend, too?"

"What? Kurt, that's completely unfair!"

"Blaine, none of this is fair! It's not fair that I found out from Rachel. It's not fair that this happened to you. And it's not fair that everything was so perfect and now it's so imperfect. I'm sorry, Blaine, I have to go," Kurt said, his voice catching and breaking as he reached for the front door.

"Kurt. Kurt, wait-"

The door closed before Blaine could catch it. He rested his head and his open hands against the door, and let his eyes fall shut.

"Dammit," he hit his palm hard against the door.

This wasn't how it was meant to happen. He was meant to sit Kurt down and tell him gently, and they could talk it out together. The hardest part was supposed to be over by now.

He thought about how cough syrup may stop you from coughing, but coughing isn't the problem: The problem is the infection. Just like telling Kurt hadn't fixed anything, because telling him was never the issue, he'd just been focusing on that to distract from what was really bothering him.

Kurt stopped his car just out of sight of Blaine's house and wiped his cheeks dry. He leant back and breathed deeply, trying to plan his next move.

He couldn't go back to Blaine's just yet. He couldn't go home, because Finn was there. He didn't think he could stand to see Rachel either, or anyone else for that matter. Not Mercedes. Not Tina. Not Puck.

He steadily ruled people out, coming swiftly to the conclusion that no one would be able to make him feel better right now. Except Blaine, the voice in his head reminded him. But he couldn't face Blaine just yet, he felt too terrible, to messed up. He knew his red handprint would probably still be set on Blaine's cheek, and he couldn't bear to think about that. Nor could he bring himself to think about the ca-

He couldn't see anyone. He couldn't think about anything. Rather quickly, Kurt found himself inching closer and closer towards violating his one rule – no alcohol. Then he could forget, just for one night.

The car rolled forwards, gently at first, then picking up pace as Kurt kept thinking why not, all the way to Scandals.

Kurt perched on a stool at the bar, straight backed, head turning occasionally, on full alert.Maybe this isn't such a good idea, he thought. He was alone, far away from home, set on lowering his inhibitions. Crazy.

But then again, it had been a crazy day.

The bar tender ambled over, his tight black t-shirt leaving little to the imagination. Kurt barely looked at him, just for the half second it took to order a tequila – the first thing that popped into his head – then snapped back around, eyes scanning the room.

It was dark, the flashing lights not offering much in the way visibility. And loud. So loud that Kurt didn't hear his phone ringing in his pocket.

"Hey, it's me… Blaine. I'm at your house, but you aren't. I'm looking for you everywhere Kurt, where are you? No-one's seen you since Rachel-… Please, just, call me back, okay?"

"You got ID, kid?"

"Oh, um," Kurt patted down his pockets, at a loss of what to do, when someone appeared behind him, reaching over his shoulder with an ID.

"He's with me. Two beers, please."

Kurt turned and found himself face to face with Sebastian.

"Kurt… Kurt, I'm so sorry. I screwed up. I know I should've told you. There wasn't a moment when I thought I was doing the right thing, and I'm sorry I didn't just man up and tell you but I-… I can't change that now. Argh, this is so hard. You know… this is the first relationship I've been in and… and now this is our first fight and I think it's a pretty big one but I don't… I don't know what to do. Please just… just tell me how to fix this, Kurt? How do I fix this?"

The bartender glanced from the fake ID, to Kurt, and back again. Eventually, he shrugged, said, "My shift's nearly over, what's it matter?" and grabbed two glasses from a shelf behind him.

Kurt stayed silent while Sebastian paid and picked up the drinks, then the two of them headed away from the bar.

"What are you doing here? I don't usually see you." Sebastian said as they slid into a booth.

"Rough day," Kurt sighed, putting his head in his hands. Sebastian pushed a beer towards Kurt.

"Kurt, I thought… I thought telling you would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. I just kept imagining your face when you heard the news and I couldn't… I don't know, I just… But that's not even the difficult bit. The difficult bit is now. The truth is, Kurt… I'm terrified. I didn't think I was but now I'm not focussed on telling you it's all I can think about. I'm not ready for this… dammit, now I'm crying… Kurt, I can't handle it, not on my own, I-… I need you. Please, come home."

Kurt glanced uneasily at the drink for a second. Oh, what the hell, he thought, and drank.