Chapter 9

(FINN'S POV in New York City)

[Three weeks later]

"How's the job hunting going?" Burt asks over the phone.

"Good, good. I just had an interview a couple of days ago for a job as a, uh, sales assistant?"

"How'd it go?"

"Great, I think."

"Are you even qualified for a job like that?"

"Yeah, I mean, I took care of a lot of that kind of stuff at the shop, so..." It's not like I lied or anything... At least, I don't think so... Does it count as being a 'sales assistant' if that wasn't what your job was actually called but you still did the some of the stuff that job includes?

"Well, alright. You know, I'm proud of you Finn. You're doing well."

"Thanks. I mean, at least for a while I am. Maybe later I can try to work my way up to some other kind of job that pays more."

"Rachel's working too, isn't she?"

"Well yeah, but, only when gets a role... I mean, she's a pretty big name in the off-Broadway world, so, any day now she'll get her big break..."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed..." Burt says and I smile. "So, um, how's your brother doin'?"

"Kurt? He's fine." Why does he always sound so weird whenever he talks about Kurt?

"He's finding work too? Doin' his fair share?" Burt asks seriously.

"He's looking. Hasn't found anything yet."

Burt scoffs at this. "Right... um, Finn?"

"What?" I ask, confused at his tone.

"Listen... If he starts bothering you guys or causing any trouble, just let me know."

"What kind of trouble?"

"I'll let you be the judge. He's a little... slower than everybody else when it comes to being an adult and stuff and I don't want him holding you and Rachel back."

"... He's not, but okay." Kurt isn't holding us back, right? I mean, Blaine's here, and Rachel and I aren't even married so kids are out of the question for a while...

Speaking of marriage, I wonder how I should propose to Rachel... Her birthday's coming up, maybe I could try to get her alone at the end of the night and ask her... Something romantic... Like with candles and vegan chocolate or something...

"Good. It better stay that way... Oh! Your mom just walked in the front door. Hey, Carole, Finn's already got a job interview!" I hear him tell her excitedly.

"Wow!" She exclaims. "Let me talk to him!" There's a bit of static as the phone gets passed between them. Man, I miss my mom so much. Especially her cooking. I think I'd kill for one of her homemade meals right about now...

"Hey, honey. That's wonderful news." Mom greets me, sounding happy.

"Thank you." I grin widely.

"So, how are you? Everything good?"

"Yeah, everything's awesome... But I just started thinking about your cooking and now I'm super hungry..."

"Everything makes you hungry, Finn." Mom laughs.

"Not everything, Mom." I mutter. While I do still have an appetite, I'm not a teenage boy anymore...

"I'm teasing, sweetie." Regardless, I walk out of my room to head to the kitchen to make a ham and cheese sandwich. It'll have to do.

We talk for a while, and I ask her about the hospital ("I've got to cover for so many people now after all the layoffs!").

Soon enough, Kurt gets up off the couch and walks up to me in the kitchen.

"Hey, can you make me one?" Kurt asks, looking pointedly at the ingredients laid out on the counter.

"No, dude, make your own." I tell him, picking up my sandwich and taking a step back to give my brother access to the supplies. Grumbling, Kurt picks up a slice of bread.

(CAROLE'S POV in Lima, Ohio)

"Don't see why you can't just make one more, I mean, all the stuff is already out..." I hear someone say on the other line. My heart aches for a moment.

Kurt.

I've just... never been able to figure that poor kid out.

He's always so unhappy, so quiet. I feel like a lot of that is my fault. If I'd just reached out to him or tried harder when he was still a teenager, maybe he wouldn't be so closed off... I've just never known how to connect with him, which angle I could use to bond with him... I've known him for over ten years and I yet still feel like he's a mystery... No hobbies, no opinions of his own...

Burt never really talks about him unless it's to complain. I've tried to talk about their rocky relationship many times but he'll never open up to me about it. He just acts stubborn and closed off. I've never been one for confrontation so this like a brick wall I just can't climb over. I feel like it's driving our family apart though I have no idea if anyone else agrees or even cares enough to do something about it.

Sooner or later it's gonna come to a head and I just hope I'll be able to pick up the pieces.

"Hey is that Kurt? Can I talk to him?" I ask. I wonder if Burt called him yet?

"Yeah, sure. Hold on... Hey, Kurt, Mom wants to talk to you." I hear Finn say.

"She does?" Kurt asks. Why does he sound so surprised?

"Yeah." I heard my son respond.

"Why?" My heart falls to my stomach. Why does he feel like there has to be a reason for me to want to talk to him?

"I don't know." Finn mumbles before I hear the muffled sound of the phone being exchanged.

"Hello?" Kurt asks hesitantly.

"Hi sweetie." I tell him.

There's a long bout of awkward silence.

"So, are you settled okay? I'm sorry I haven't called yet, I just..." -- don't know what to say to you-- "... I've just taken on so many shifts at the hospital that I've barely had a minute to myself. I figured Burt would call and tell me, but he hasn't mentioned anything yet..."

(KURT'S POV)

That's because he hasn't called yet.

"O-Oh, yeah? I guess he just... hasn't had the time..."

"I guess so." Carole responds hesitantly

"Is he there now? Is he home?" I ask nervously.

"He's just in the next room. Do you want to talk to him, or...?"

"No. No, that's okay." I look at the door Finn just closed behind himself. "Was, um... Was Finn speaking to him earlier?"

"Yeah, they were talking before I got home." She says delicately.

Why hasn't my Dad called me yet? I'm his son and I moved across the country-- why hasn't he checked up on me? Why hasn't he called me? Why has he called Finn TWICE already and not me? Why?

I feel sick to my stomach.

"Carole, I'm not so feeling so good."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, so, I think I gotta go. Unless there's something you wanted to talk to me about...?"

"N-Not specifically, I just... wanted to see how things were going..."

"Fine. Things are going fine." It's been five weeks since I moved, thanks waiting this long to ask.

"Well, good... You know, we miss you around here." She says lightly. Yeah right. "I miss you." All of a sudden my throat constricts.

"Really?"

"Really."

"I... I miss you too." In some weird way, I suppose I do miss Carole, if no one else.

After another beat of silence, she says, "Well, I'll let you go... I hope you feel better."

"Thanks." I hope I do too.

I hear keys jingling in the front door and look up to see Blaine enter the apartment.

"Bye, Kurt."

"Bye, Carole." I say into the phone before clicking it off.

"Hey." Blaine greets.

"Hey." I say absentmindedly.

I put the phone back into the dock and leaned against the counter for a moment.

"Everything okay?" He asks.

I meet his gaze for a moment before letting my eyes wander all over his face. There's a hint of stubble along his jawline but I try not to stare too long in case he notices and runs to shave it off. I've noticed that Blaine seems to have this obsession with keeping his face shiny smooth but I like it when the stubble grows out at least every once in a while. He's wearing a beanie to fight the cold; however, the loose hair it isn't covering is currently curling up around the edges of the fabric in the cutest--

No. Not cute. Men aren't cute so don't think about them that way.

Fuck, what was his question?

"What'd you say?" I ask.

"I said 'is everything okay?'"

"Oh. Um..." I almost say yes. Almost. Just to make things easier. But for some reason I just don't. "No. Actually... It isn't."

He looks concerned in a way that makes my heart beat faster.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Uh-oh. Don't think I'm ready for that yet.

I shake my head gently, once again rejecting his is to talk thing out. My eyes never leave his nor the tiny snow particles still clinging to his eyelashes.

But as I pass him on the way to the couch, he grabs my arm. To both of our surprises, I don't flinch this time.

"Look, Kurt, it's been like, almost a month since, you know, Scandals..." He says lowly. My eyes widen. I don't like where this conversation is going. "And we haven't talked about that, either."

"I-I don't see why you always wanna discuss everything-- I've gone most of my life without doing that and I'm fi--"

"Don't say fine. The more you repeat that word the less I'm starting to believe it. You already know that that night wouldn't have happened if you were fine."

I swallow and say nothing. I have no better argument now than I did the first time he had said something along those lines.

"I know that I can't make you do anything, but when you are ready-- which I hope is really soon-- please know that I'm here and that I want to talk. I really do."

His gaze is so intense that I have to look away. My eyes fall to his hand still grasping my upper arm. Suddenly I can't stop staring at it. His hand is so warm and it's been so chilly lately. It's nice.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly. Why do I keep apologizing to him? Why can't I make any progress?

"Seriously, Kurt, there's no need to be sorry." He says earnestly.

"Okay. Thank you, by the way."

Next thing I know, Finn comes barreling out of his room. Blaine drops his arm as we turn to face him.

"So guys-- you know how Rachel's birthday is in a few weeks?"

Blaine nods. I didn't know until this very second, but I pretend to agree anyway.

"Well, they're doing a revival of Wicked on Broadway and I was thinking of getting tickets for her."

Blaine face splits into a smile, all seriousness gone. Mine doesn't.

"They are? Can I go?" But then Blaine looks uncertain. "Well-- I mean-- I guess I should probably go on a different day if you were planning on making it a date, I'm sure Nick or Jeff would go with me--"

"Naw, dude. I'm telling you because I think you should come with us. Isn't Wicked like a thing between you two? She'd be devastated if her best friend didn't go."

"Well thanks, man, she's gonna love this." Blaine looks so happy, like a puppy with a new chew toy.

"And, Kurt? I mean I know you don't like musicals or whatever but I was thinking this could a fun thing we'd all do together. You know, for Rachel's sake."

Yeah, 'cause the last time we all went out it went so well.

I grab the back of my neck and avoid their gazes.

Wicked. Just the name of that musical brings back that awful memory. I start to fidget uncomfortably, pulling on the hem of my jacket.

"I-I don't know, Finn. It's just--" I stutter helplessly.

"Oh, please? It's Wicked, you've just gotta come." Blaine says, not knowing that the fact that it's Wicked is the exact reason I don't wanna come.

God dammit. He has such a hopeful look in his eye and he's already bouncing with excitement. How can I deny that face?

I sigh softly.

"O-Okay." I give in.

It's just a song, Kurt. There's nothing scary about a song. Dad is miles away and that song is just a bunch of words and notes on a piece of paper. You won't be singing it, someone else will be. You've got nothing to worry about. Nothing.

Blaine claps his hands together once.

"Alright, this is gonna be fun!" He says.

Finn nods with a smile.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Blaine announces.

We all part ways. I turn to stare at my wardrobe for a long while, contemplating.

I'm not gonna wear a graphic tee to a Broadway musical and I am most certainly not borrowing any more shirts.

A thrilling, yet terrifying thought pops into my head.

It looks like I'll have to get some new clothes...