March 28, 2013, 2:20 p.m.
Conflicted: But It's Just The Price I Pay
T - Words: 1,212 - Last Updated: Mar 28, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 11/11 - Created: Mar 28, 2013 - Updated: Mar 28, 2013 155 0 0 0 0
Blaine heard someone else talking and then he heard the door open. A tall, blonde guy stepped out and walked away, not noticing Blaine. That must be the guy Kurt is seeing, Blaine thought bitterly. Now Blaine was left with a choice. Should he go in and see Kurt? Should he turn around now and just go home? Nothing was helping him. Of course, he loved Kurt but this just wasn't going to work out. Blaine was about to turn around and go home when he heard the door open and Kurt ran out.
"Adam, wait!" But Kurt ran straight into Blaine. They ended up crashing on the floor. "B-BLAINE?" Kurt yelled out in surprise and shock.
"Yeah, it's me." Blaine said quietly. Kurt noticed that he was on top of Blaine and got up, straightening out his outfit. Blaine stood up as well.
"W-what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Ohio?"
Blaine looked down, unable to meet Kurt's eyes and said, "Yeah. But I got a text from Santana, saying you needed me and I came out right away. I should've known something was up when it wasn't Rachel who texted me. I was just leaving."
Blaine turned away and was about to walk down the stairs when he heard Kurt's soft voice behind him. "Did you hear anything?"
Blaine sighed and whispered, "You still love me." Blaine felt his heart break as he took a step away from Kurt and started walking down the stairs. Blaine yelled at himself, mentally. What was he doing? He came all the way here just to check on his ex-boyfriend, only to hear him confess that he still loved him. And it wasn't helping Blaine understand where they were at all. Blaine reached the first landing when he heard footsteps behind him and a hand grabbed his shoulder.
"Blaine, please don't leave."
"Kurt, don't do this. I have to get back home." Blaine wanted to be anywhere but here. He couldn't hope. He couldn't believe that they can get back together. It would hurt too much when it fell apart.
"Blaine, please don't leave me." Blaine could feel the heartbreak and hurt in Kurt's soft voice. Damn my stupid heart, Blaine thought as he turned around and wrapped Kurt up in a hug. Blaine cursed himself for falling in love with this beautiful boy who knew how to play at his heartstrings in the perfect way to make Blaine putty in his hands.
Kurt held on tightly and pulled Blaine closer. "Blaine, I don't understand half of what I'm feeling right now but could you please come back up? I need to talk to you." Kurt pulled away, biting his lip.
Blaine wanted to say no. He wanted to tell Kurt that he couldn't do this anymore. That it was better if they called off the whole thing. But he couldn't. He would never walk away from Kurt, no matter how much it hurt staying with him. So Blaine nodded, not trusting his voice. Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's and Blaine enjoyed the fact that their hands fit together perfectly. Like puzzle pieces.
Kurt led Blaine up to his apartment and they sat together on the couch, their knees slightly touching and the air between them thick with words unsaid. "Blaine..." Kurt started, looking at Blaine with a scared expression. "Blaine, I need to be honest with you." Blaine nodded. "I said at the wedding that this didn't mean anything but you saw right through me. You knew that it meant so much more than some random hookup. And then this week, we were snowed in and Adam, Rachel, Santana and I watched Moulin Rogue and you know how that's our movie?"
Blaine nodded, remembering all the times they watched it together and sang "Come What May." Blaine always liked to think of it as their second song. Their first song was "Teenage Dream", of course.
"Well, I was watching it and I thought of you. And then tonight, Adam took me out for a dinner and to see Rent." Kurt shook his head and put his face in his hands. "I thought about you the whole time. I couldn't stop thinking that I wanted you by my side. That I wanted you holding my hand. I kept remembering that time we went to go see Rent. Do you remember that?" Blaine nodded. Every moment he ever had with Kurt was engraved in his memory. He would never forget this beautiful, inspiring enigma next to him. "I'm not sure what was going on with me. Then Adam wanted me to kiss him and I just couldn't, Blaine. I just couldn't." Kurt didn't notice the little flinch Blaine did. Kurt stood up and walked around the living room in frustration. "I want to get over you, Blaine. I really do. But I see you, sitting there and I just can't help the way my heart beats faster. I can't help thinking about you every minute of every day, wondering what you're doing and if you're thinking about me. And I just...I don't want to feel like this anymore, Blaine. I don't want to be at war with myself anymore. What am I supposed to do, Blaine?" Kurt ended up sitting next to Blaine again, looking at him with sad eyes. Blaine sighed and ignored his own feelings for the moment. Kurt needed Blaine, his best friend. Not Blaine, his ex-boyfriend.
"Well, Kurt, I think you have to figure out what you want. And not what you think you should want. But what you really want. What do you think will make you happy? I think you deserve to be happy. Then figure out a way to make it happen. If you really want something, you're gonna have to work for it." Blaine took Kurt's hand and looked into his eyes. "Stop fighting with your emotions, Kurt. I can see it in your eyes. You're so conflicted that it's making me frustrated. Stop thinking so much about it and just go with what feels right. Don't think about anyone else's opinion. Just go with what feels right."
Kurt sighed and looked at Blaine with a wistful smile. "Thank you, Blaine." Kurt reached over and pulled Blaine into a hug. Blaine held Kurt tightly in his arms, feeling the warmth of his body wash over him. When they pulled away, their faces were dangerously close and Kurt thought for a second to lean forward but Blaine was already pulling away and standing up.
Blaine looked at his watch and said, "Well, Kurt, I have to go home now. It's late and I think your apartment is too full without me in it." Kurt nodded and walked Blaine to the door.
Before he said goodbye to Blaine though, Blaine turned around and said, "Thanks for talking to me, Kurt. I appreciate it."
Kurt nodded and whispered, "Good night, Blaine."
"Goodnight, Kurt." Blaine looked at Kurt for a second and walked down the stairs. Kurt leaned against the door for a long while after Blaine left, still feeling confused but a little more hopeful.