Nov. 6, 2011, 8:08 a.m.
Shattered Memories: Breakdown
M - Words: 5,732 - Last Updated: Nov 06, 2011 Story: Closed - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Sep 30, 2011 - Updated: Nov 06, 2011 299 0 1 0 0
Blaine turned to look at him, his smile faltering. Another thing that Kurt couldn’t remember. He looked at his wrist for a few moments before turning back with a forced smile. “I haven’t taken it off since it was given to me.”
Kurt beckoned him to come closer. When Blaine had walked around the bed to sit at his side, he pulled his arm to inspect it more closely. He traced the pattern of string around Blaine’s wrist until he reached the initials.
He could feel arms around him and a comforting scent filled his nose. He heard distant voices that seemed familiar to him. “Thank you…” he heard himself say. “For what?” the other voice replied. “For being here with me.” He turned to look up into the stranger’s face, but there were no features. “I’m always going to be here. For whatever you need.”
Kurt’s eyes were unfocused. He hadn’t noticed that he had gotten quiet until Blaine put his hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
He felt a wave of familiarity wash over him as he heard those words, but just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “just thought I might have…seen something.” He turned the bracelet over and over, fumbling with it as if he didn’t quite want to lose contact with it yet. There was something calling him to it. “Who gave it to you?”
“Someone very special to me,” Blaine replied, looking directly into Kurt’s eyes.
“Who?” Kurt asked.
Blaine hesitated momentarily and then, trying to keep his voice steady, he said “…My boyfriend.”
“Oh…” Kurt muttered, an emptiness settling in his stomach. He let go of Blaine’s hand rather quickly. He didn’t know what had caused this sudden reaction; he felt his throat go dry and the heat rising in his cheeks. “Do I know him?”
He felt his legs move before he could even register the words. His feet were carrying him away, every step that he took heavier than the next. The air was quickly leaving the room, He heard distant voices in the background, but the deafening sound of those words echoed over and over in his mind. He could feel his throat constricting and his cheeks growing hotter. Just when he reached the door, the same voice snapped him back to reality.
“…Where are you going?” Kurt asked in a hoarse voice.
Blaine turned to look at him, his eyes burning with the longing to let the tears fall. He looked at Rachel who was just as surprised about Blaine’s sudden actions. He swallowed, trying to steady his voice. “I’m going to get the doctors and let them know you’re awake. And I have to call your dad and update him on how you’re doing.” He could hear himself as if he were standing from a distance. His voice was monotone and his face was expressionless – but it was the best he could do. Rachel shot him a pleading glance, but he simply forced a smile at them and left.
He went to the reception desk, asking for Kurt’s doctor. His lips were moving automatically, every one of his movements almost mechanical. He felt like he’d left a part of himself in the room; as if his consciousness had split apart from him and it was watching from a distance. He felt himself walk towards the approaching doctor; heard himself explain the situation in the same monotone voice. It wasn’t until he had taken out his cell phone and was dialing some number by memory that he snapped back to his senses.
“Blaine? Is something wrong? Did something happen at the hospital?” Burt’s worried voice could barely be heard over the sound of the machinery.
For a moment, Blaine felt like he’d lost the function of his mouth. He strained his vocal chords to work. “He just woke up.” His voice had come out as a rasp.
“God…” He could hear the relief in Burt’s voice. “Blaine, could you do me a huge favor? The boys at the shop have been working on my truck and I have no other way to get there –”
“I can pick you up Mr. Hummel.” Blaine croaked out.
“Thank you, kid. I’ll be waiting right outside.”
His body maneuvered itself down the elevator and out of the hospital. The heavy scent of rubbing alcohol and cleaning supplies followed him past the revolving doors and in search of his navigator. He climbed into the driver’s seat, but didn’t start his car. His fingers drummed nervously on the steering wheel, and his eyes gazed straight ahead, unfocused.
Blaine turned his head in surprise. Both he and Kurt had been silently studying in Kurt’s room, until the taller boy stood up and broke the silence.
“I honestly don’t know what I did to find someone like you.” Kurt said, as he approached Blaine who was sitting on the bed. Blaine could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks.
“Why the sudden sentimentality?” He asked, trying to hide his embarrassed smile.
“I just don’t think I’ve told you nearly enough how wonderful you’ve been to me. I’m so glad you came into my life. I lo–” He caught himself before the word was fully out of his mouth. He felt his cheeks reddening, but he quickly mumbled the cover-up. “ –like you. I really care about you…and I honestly think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Both Blaine and Kurt were blushing intensely. A heavy silence followed. Kurt began to walk away, mentally reprimanding himself for almost letting the L-word slip, but Blaine pulled him back. He had noticed the mishap in his boyfriend’s sentences, but showed no sign of acknowledgement. He simply stood up, grasped Kurt’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.
“You have no idea what you’ve done for me Kurt.”
Blaine tightened his grip on the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He shook his head, trying to get rid of the memory that had seeped into his mind. With a decisive breath, he started his car and pulled out of the parking lot.
His drive to the shop was a quick one. His limbs moved on automatic; there was no reasoning or conscious effort put into any of his actions. When he finally reached the parking lot outside Burt Hummel’s shop, he realized he’d spent most of his drive outside of himself. He didn’t even notice when Burt came running towards his car, still wearing his navy jumpsuit full of grease stains and oil splatters. He climbed wordlessly into the car, and Blaine pulled away.
No words were shared on the drive back. Burt could sense that Blaine was not himself, and Blaine was far too busy caught in his own mind to think of anything to say. They drove on in a tense silence. Blaine’s face was drained of color, his usually rosy cheeks had worn out to white. The veins on his arms were popping out, and it was taking every ounce of his will power to keep his hands from shaking. The first week that Kurt had been comatose, Blaine had taken off from school. Though his parents had argued with him, he refused to go when all he could do was waste his days worrying. He had considered stopping by McKinley to see the Glee club, maybe get a few of Kurt’s things from his locker – but he couldn’t bring himself to. Yet finally, on the day he managed to drag himself over, not only had he had an encounter with Karofsky – he’d been forced to go see Kurt only to have every piece that was left of him broken. He bit his lip to keep a whimper from escaping. It wasn’t until they were pulling back into the hospital that Blaine realized he should probably inform Burt of his son’s conditions.
“Mr. Hummel, there’s something I haven’t told you yet…” Blaine said softly as he put the car in park.
Burt turned to look at him, concern filling his eyes again.
“…Ku—” Blaine started, but cut himself off. Saying his name caused a pang in his heart. “He…I think he has amnesia.”
Burt took off his cap and twisted it in his hands. “What do you mean…you think?” He asked hoarsely.
“When he woke up, he asked me—” Blaine took another shuddering breath. “He asked me who I was.” He didn’t turn to meet Burt’s gaze. He didn’t need to look to know he was being stared at with pity. “But…Rachel was in the room with me and he didn’t ask about her—so I don’t think you need to worry…”
“Well, we better get up to talk to the doctor and see what’s going on.” Burt said decisively, and opened his car door.
“I think I’m just going to go home.” Blaine said before Burt could walk away.
“Nonsense. You’re coming up with me.” Burt said, and he walked around the car to open Blaine’s door for him.
“Mr. Hummel,” Blaine muttered, “he doesn’t remember me.” His voice had cracked midway through the sentence. He bit his lip again, willing himself not to let the tears fall. He had to be strong, he couldn’t fall apart again.
Burt kneeled down next to the driver’s seat and put his hand on Blaine’s which were still fidgeting in his lap. “Listen, kid, he just woke up. Things are going to be hazy for a while, but he’s going to remember you. You’re the one person who’s been by his side no matter what – he’s never going to be able to forget you. Yeah, maybe the memories are lost right now, but he’ll find them. What you need to do though, is come up so we can listen to what the doctor has to say. But you’re not gonna give up on my son, got it?”
Blaine managed a small smile and nodded.
“He seems to be suffering from post-traumatic amnesia.” Dr. Locke said. When his statement was met by very confused stares from Rachel, Blaine and Burt, he continued. “Post-traumatic amnesia often occurs after the patient has had a head injury; such as in the case of your son. Typically, this type of amnesia is transient. The amount of recovery time depends on the severity of the injury, but as his injury was light, it left no damage to his brain. Everything seems to be in order; he reacts to all stimuli and his central nervous system is fine.”
“How long do you think it’ll be before he can remember?” Burt asked.
“Well, as I said, his injury was minimal. However, the time span is variable to each patient. Your son is suffering from retrograde amnesia, which means that he’s forgotten parts of his life before his accident. While it is very likely that he will be able to recover his memories, there is always the possibility that the memories may just be gone.” When he saw the stony expression that had settled on Blaine’s face however, he cleared his throat. “I do have high hopes for him. I’m assuming it should take anywhere from a few weeks to 3 months to recover his memory completely. It’s only an estimate, but considering the lack of damage that was caused, it’s quite probable. There are people who have suffered worse injuries than your son and have still managed to recover their memories.”
“I understand.” Burt said.
“Before you guys go in to see him though, there are things you will need to know about handling the amnesia. It’s best to let nature take its course. Do not, under any circumstance, pressure him into remembering something – it will only blur the images in his mind and make it harder for him. This is a process that he has to go through on his own. You should not reference anything or disagree with things that he claims to remember. It could get very messy. If someone suggests an idea that isn’t true, it will be nearly impossible to correct it because it will simply confuse the boy. For now, the best thing to do is just try to pinpoint where on the timeline his amnesia started and try to talk about moments before that. If he asks questions, which he most certainly will, it’s okay to answer them, but try to make the responses simple. You will be allowed to explain his accident briefly to him, but you’ll have to leave out all the details. He must fill those in for himself. It’s also very likely that he will get frustrated, but you must let him understand that you cannot fill in his memory for him. I know you will feel powerless, but feeding him information will definitely impair the process.”
Rachel glanced at Blaine apprehensively. He didn’t meet her eyes. He simply gave a nod to show that he understood the conditions.
“Alright, you can step in now.” Dr. Locke said with a smile, and he walked off. Blaine stared after him, wondering how someone could be so nonchalant; so indifferent to the situation. He stayed rooted to his spot, unsure if he was ready to face his fear. But Rachel tugged him, and the two followed Burt into Kurt’s hospital room.
“Hey kiddo…” Burt said, taking a seat next to Kurt and grabbing hold of his hand. “How’re you feeling?”
Blaine stood in the farthest corner of the room, allowing Rachel to step forward and sit on Kurt’s other side. “I have a headache.” He said softly.
“Yeah, you hit your head pretty hard, kid. Lucky for us, you’re so hard-headed to begin with, it didn’t do anything to you.” He smiled at his son, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Kurt gave a cordial smile back.
“…Dad, how did I hit my head?”
Burt’s eyes flickered to Rachel, who understood. She put her hand on top of Kurt’s, making him shift his attention. “There was an accident Kurt. We were at Puck’s party and you fell down the stairs and hit your head.”
“How long has it been?” Kurt asked, suddenly wide-eyed. “Have I been in a coma? Has it been like 6 months or something—”
Blaine felt the corner of his lip twitch in an almost-smile.
“No, no, kiddo. Calm down— I think you’ve been watching one too many soap operas.” Burt chuckled. “It’s just been a week.”
“Oh…” Kurt mumbled, his features relaxing.
Just then, Finn came rushing through the door. Everyone’s head turned in alarm at the sudden interruption. “Kurt! You’re awake!” A smile broke out on his face and he passed Rachel so he could lean down and give Kurt a hug. When he pulled away, Kurt looked stunned and confused. “Sorry I couldn’t make it earlier, I just read your text,” he told Rachel, putting his arm around her. “I grabbed a couple of Kurt’s things from home just in case.” He used his thumb to signal the backpack he was carrying.
“Thanks, kid—”
“Wait, what’s going on?” Kurt asked, trying to sit up straighter.
Burt turned back in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Why is Finn here? Finn hates me. And what does he mean he brought some of my stuff from home—what’s going on?” Kurt said, rushing his words together. Everyone in the room got quiet. Blaine shifted uneasily in his spot; he hadn’t expected his amnesia to hit so far back.
“Kurt, kiddo, what year do you think it is?” Burt whispered.
“It’s 2009, isn’t it?” Kurt asked, confusion clouding his face.
Everyone shared an apprehensive glance. Kurt looked around the room, his eyebrows knitted together. He lifted his hand to the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “It’s not 2009, is it?” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“It’s 2011, buddy…” Burt said, squeezing his free hand.
“Dad, I thought you told me I had only been unconscious for a week! How is it that I wake up and somehow it’s two years later?” Kurt hissed.
“Look at me.” Burt said, staring into Kurt’s eyes. “I know this might be difficult to hear, but you’re suffering from – what was it the doctor said?”
“Post-traumatic retrograde amnesia.” Rachel supplied.
“Yeah, that. Now, what those fancy words mean is that you hit your head and you seem to have forgotten everything that happened between 2009 up until now.” Kurt opened his mouth in horror, but Burt continued. “Don’t worry, though. The doctor says that there’s a high probability your memories will come back within a few weeks—”
“—or months” Rachel quipped. Everyone turned to glare at her.
“—yeah, at the most 3 months. But you’ll get them back kiddo. Just don’t push yourself too hard, okay? I know this is really overwhelming for you, but we’ll get you up to speed.”
Kurt laid back down, pressing his palms to his forehead in concentration. After a few long minutes of tense silence, he spoke again. “So, let me get this straight. I went to a party, fell down some stairs, hit my head, and now I have amnesia?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry kiddo.”
“I still don’t get what Finn is doing here.” Kurt said, shifting his hands away from his face to look at Finn.
“Kurt…you’re my brother now.” Finn said softly.
“What?” He said in disbelief.
“Finn, let me explain.” Burt cut in. “Kurt, you introduced me to Finn’s mom, Carole and we got married. We’ve all been living together for a long time. I know this is going to be hard for you to register, but I promise it’ll get easier.”
Kurt stayed quiet.
“I know two years is a very big gap, but we’ll help you Kurt. It’s only the first day. The memories will come back, I know they will.” Rachel said reassuringly.
“When did you stop being so arrogant and start being so nice to me?” Kurt asked.
“Kurt!” Burt said.
“No, it’s alright, Mr. Hummel. Well, we’ve both been better friends since the start of this school year Kurt. And if you’d like to know, I’m dating Finn now.”
Kurt looked at the two of them. He had a million questions to ask and a million thoughts racing through his mind. Finn was his brother and his dad had gotten remarried and everything had all happened so fast and he couldn’t remember any of it.
“Maybe we should let him rest for a while.” Everyone turned their faces in surprise – they had forgotten Blaine was still there. “He must be confused. We should just let him be for now. He can ask more questions another time.”
“Who are you?” Kurt asked apologetically.
Everyone’s eyes were on Blaine. He could feel them, burning in to his skin. Just as he could feel the emptiness consuming him again as those words were repeated. He took a few steps towards the door and opened it.
“It’s not important.” He said softly, and he flashed a smile. “Just get your rest.” And with that last statement, he was gone. The room was left with silence. Rachel immediately plucked Finn’s arm off of her and ran out of the room after Blaine.
“Did I say something…?” Kurt asked, confusion evident in his features once again.
“It’s alright, kid. You didn’t do anything. Just get your rest alright? I’ll be right outside if you need anything. You better get home, Finn. Cook some dinner for your mom before she gets home; she’s gonna wanna come here straightaway. But make sure she eats.” Burt said, squeezing Kurt’s hand one last time and standing up to pat Finn on the shoulder. He smiled at his son and left the room with Finn.
Blaine’s legs had already carried him into the elevator, down to the lobby and to the parking lot. White noise buzzed in his ears. Every step he took was marked by a painful stitch in his side. He could feel the nausea settling at the pit of his stomach. He felt as though he was being consumed by both numbness and a feeling of overwhelming pain.
“Blaine!” Rachel yelled, running towards him. “Blaine, wait!”
He chose to ignore her. His feet kept moving automatically.
“Blaine – don’t be upset, he’s going to remember—”
“DON’T!” Blaine shouted, turning around. He felt the sudden rage rushing through his veins. “Don’t even–” His voice shook as he pointed a finger at her. “You have no idea – just leave me alone, alright?” And with that, he got into his car, slammed the door shut, and drove off.
“Hey, man – are you okay?”
Blaine looked up from his seat. Sam was standing next to his table, a fresh cup of coffee held in his hand. He had been sitting, quietly playing with the lid to his coffee cup, head pressed carefully against his fist. He didn’t know why he had gone to the Lima Bean, but he had driven there automatically. His mind was far too chaotic to make any conscious decisions.
Sam took a seat next to Blaine when the other boy didn’t respond. “I know we haven’t talked much, dude, but…if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
Blaine gave an appreciative smile.
“How’s Kurt doing?” Sam asked. “I was hoping to show up tomorrow to visit.”
“I don’t know if you wanna do that.” Blaine said bitterly.
“Why not?”
“Because he won’t remember who you are.”
“Whoa, what?”
“Lucky for us, he’s forgotten everything that’s happened in the last two years. So, he doesn’t know who we are…” He said, his face growing hotter. And with that, he excused himself and left the store. He couldn’t handle breaking down; he had to keep being strong.
Blaine was on his way to the hospital. He had not been there in a week; he had been unable to go back and face Kurt. He wasn’t sure whether he had the strength. But he couldn’t hide away forever. He stopped at a red light and looked at the text Mercedes had sent him again.
“I just saw Karofsky walking out of Kurt’s hospital room. Thought you might want to know.”
He bit his lip and tightened his grip on the steering wheel. Whatever Karofsky was doing there, he knew it couldn’t be good. After what Santana had done, Karofsky had vowed to get revenge – and even though Blaine wanted to shut himself inside his dorm room and never come back out, he couldn’t leave Kurt alone, especially with Karofsky.
When he finally reached the hospital, he rushed up the stairs and went directly to Kurt’s room. Mercedes was just walking out.
“What happened? Did he tell you?” Blaine asked with desperation.
Mercedes pursed her lips together. “You’re not going to like it.”
“But why—why did they let him in? Kurt doesn’t even know who he is supposedly, why was he allowed to visit?”
“Because Kurt felt bad that he couldn’t remember you…so when he got a visitor that he couldn’t remember, he just told the nurse to let him through. He’s …fine though. He didn’t do anything to torment him or hurt him, if that’s what you think.” She said softly.
“Then what—you said I wasn’t going to like it—”
“You have to hear it from him, Blaine. Go in there and talk to him. I have to go.” Mercedes patted his arm and left. Blaine let out an exasperated sigh and walked into the room. He saw Kurt sitting up with a book in his hands. When he entered, Kurt looked up and smiled.
“Hey, stranger.” He said.
Blaine felt his heart break again. “Hey…”
“I’m sorry…” Kurt said, as Blaine took a seat beside him. “I know I should remember you, but I can’t. Would you mind introducing yourself to me?”
“My name is Blaine Anderson. I’m your—” Blaine swallowed, took a deep breath, and continued. “I’m your best friend.”
“I thought David was my best friend…”
Blaine grimaced. “H-he is. But I am too.”
Kurt looked at the ceiling in confusion. “I wish I could remember. I feel like there’s so much missing from my life. I don’t even know how I got a boyfriend…”
“What?” Blaine said immediately.
“Yeah, I know… When he told me he was my boyfriend, I couldn’t believe it. I feel really bad that I don’t remember anything. Must hurt him a lot…”
“Wait, who?” Blaine sputtered, throat getting drier by the second.
“David.” Kurt said simply.
Blaine could feel his heart dropping. All the air left his lungs and his stomach twisted in knots. This couldn’t be happening. It was impossible. He clenched his fist, digging his nails into his palm.
“Shouldn’t you already know that?” Kurt asked.
Blaine opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He felt like he was falling; he could feel the nausea overwhelming him again. “I—yeah…I know that.” He stammered. A silence fell over the room. Blaine could hear nothing but the pounding of his heart in his ears. He wanted to scream, wanted to burst out right then and there and tell Kurt that he had everything wrong; but he couldn’t.
“The good thing is that I get to go home today though.” Kurt said with a smile.
“What?” Blaine muttered, completely taken aback.
“Yeah, actually there’s my dad and Finn with my clothes.” He said, pointing towards the door.
Blaine stood up quickly as he saw the two walk in. “Can I talk to the two of you for a second?” He said with a strained voice. He walked towards them and pulled them out of the room, closing the door behind him.
“What’s wrong, kid?” Burt said, following Blaine.
“Get Dr. Locke – we need to go to his office or somewhere private. Right now.” Blaine said, refusing to explain.
“I’ll get him…” Finn said, and went to the reception desk to ask for the doctor. A nurse led them to Locke’s office after a few minutes, and they sat down, watching Blaine pace around.
“What seems to be the problem?” Dr. Locke said as he stepped in the room and closed the door behind him.
“He’s been lied to!” Blaine said aggressively.
“Whoa, what do you mean?” Burt asked, leaning forward in his chair.
“Karofsky! He was here today. He’s gone and told Kurt that he’s his boyfriend. What the hell are we supposed to do? We can’t let him believe that!” Blaine shouted.
“What?!” Burt yelled standing up. “Karofsky?”
“Please, sit down Mr. Hummel, Mr. Anderson – can you explain to me who this Karofsky person is?”
“That kid bullied my son all last school year for being gay and now he’s gone and told my son he’s his boyfriend? This is outrageous! We can’t let him believe that – we have to do something—” He said, moving towards the door.
“I’m afraid we can’t, Mr. Hummel.” Dr. Locke said loudly. “What’s done is done.”
“You can’t be serious.” Burt breathed, his voice bordering on threatening.
“If this kid has already told your son this piece of information; we can’t undo it. Telling him it isn’t the truth will only confuse him even more and could affect his recovery time. I’m very sorry to say you’re going to have to play along with the game. If everyone runs into his room right now yelling at him about what’s true and what’s a lie, the poor boy will be even more confused than he already is. You have to understand, he’s lost two years of his life – that’s not easy to handle. He’s in constant confusion; I cannot allow you to further the damage. You’re going to have to play the game. I don’t know how this person slipped into Kurt’s room when no one was noticing, but he’ll be going home today so you won’t have to worry. However, playing the game means that you cannot bar this kid out of Kurt’s life. If he’s told him that he’s his boyfriend, you can’t simply shun him. He’s going to have to remain an active part of his life until Kurt comes to his senses. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear – but there’s nothing else we can do.”
“DAMMIT!” Burt yelled, pounding his fist against the wooden door.
“You should have a talk with that kid. See what he has to say. If he’s a bully as you say he is, you might want to keep an eye on him. But for the sake of the recovery of your son, you’re going to have to let things be.”
Blaine pressed his back against the wall, stunned. He let himself slowly slide down to his knees. He couldn’t believe it. After everything, after all that boy had done to Kurt – he’d managed to steal him away one last time.
“Blaine…” Finn said, moving to crouch down next to him.
“Give me your house keys, Finn.” He croaked out.
“Give you my—what?”
“Your house keys. I need them.” His voice was hollow. He didn’t bother looking up; his gaze was fixed on the opposite wall.
“What for?”
“I need to get to your house before Kurt does so I can take down all of my pictures from his wall and desk.” He muttered.
“I—“ Finn started, clearly showing reluctance.
“Finn, give him the keys. Don’t make this harder than it already is.” Burt said.
He glanced helplessly at Burt, and reached into his pockets. He pulled out his keys and placed them softly in Blaine’s hand. “I’m sorry, man…” He whispered. Blaine stood up and walked out of the room without saying a word.
He ran. He ran as fast as his legs would take him. He paid no heed to the orders not to run in the middle of the hospital. He just needed to leave. Needed to escape the space that was closing in around him. He took the stairs instead of the elevator; he couldn’t stand around to wait. His heart was drumming against his chest and the overpowering white noise was buzzing in his ears. He could feel himself falling and there was no floor to crash into this time.
He ran into the parking lot, fumbled with his keys and got into his car. He didn’t know why he had been overcome by a sense of urgency – but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt like he was racing the clock; or maybe he was just trying to escape the suffocating reality that was slowly swallowing him whole. He pulled out of the parking lot and sped towards Kurt’s house. All of the functions in his body seemed to have switched to automatic. His mind had shut down. Nothing made sense to him.
It wasn’t until he’d reached the Hummel home that the urgency melted away and he could no longer run from reality. He parked his car, but didn’t get out. He knew he wouldn’t make it past the door without falling apart. He had been strong for two weeks. He had not allowed himself to cry, to lose hope – but there was no holding back anymore.
He let out a shuddering breath and stepped out of the car. His feet carried him to the front door of their own accord. He did not feel himself testing the keys on the door, did not acknowledge the long walk down the hallway and down the stairs to Kurt’s basement room. He did not feel himself moving any limb – he was completely numb.
A soft melody reached his ears though, and he snapped back. His eyes turned to Kurt’s iPod in its dock. Finn must have left it on as he was looking for some of Kurt’s things to take to the hospital.
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads
And breaking yourself up.
Blaine slowly made his way to Kurt’s desk. With a shaking hand, he reached out and plucked the very first picture frame he saw. He could feel his cheeks burning as he stared; it was the picture of the two of them at prom. He threw it to the floor.
If it’s a broken arm then brace it.
If it’s a broken heart then face it.
And hold your own, know your name,
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name,
And go your own way.
And everything will be fine.
He followed suit with the next four pictures, throwing them all down to the floor with anger. He felt the tears piling up, ready to spill.
Help is on the way.
Stay strong,
I’m doing everything.
Hold your own, know your name,
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name,
And go your own way.
And everything,
Everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine.
He opened Kurt’s drawer, knowing that his shoebox of keepsakes was in there. He grabbed it and went to sit down on the bed. He rummaged through it, his eyes falling on small tidbits of their time together. A note passed in class; a few receipts from The Lima Bean; a yellow feather; movie stubs from their first official date. He shut the box again and threw it down to the ground with a scream. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore. The hot, angry tears left burning trails down his cheeks – he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around his stomach as if to keep himself together. The uncontrollable sobs wracked his body, left him devoid of air.
Are the things that make you panic,
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow,
Hell, no reason, go on and scream.
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.
Everything will be fine.
Everything, in no time at all.
Everything.
He had lost Kurt. He had lost him, for good. He was forgotten; not even a memory. And what was worse was that he had lost him to that monstrosity. There was no reason to keep going.
And go your own way.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)
Hold your own, know your name,
And go your own way.
Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own)
Are the things that make you panic (Know your name)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine? (Go your own way)
Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own)
Hell, no reason, go on and scream (Know your name)
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing
Everything will be fine.
Everything, in no time at all.
Hearts will hold.
He let his fingers run over the scars on his stomach; let himself remember how they got there. Slowly, his shaky fingers reached for the keys in his pocket. He poised his left wrist out in front of him, the horizontal scar that was there calling out to him once again. He suppressed his sobs as he tried to stabilize his right hand over his wrist. But he couldn’t. The keys fell to the floor.
Comments
NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIX IT!!!!!!!!!! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. KURT NEEDS TO REMEMBER.BLAINE RIGHT NOW. AND KAROFSKY NEEDS TO GET HIT BY A TRAIN. god, i'm like, crying. update this soon, and PLEASE put some good news in!